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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Old drug buddy terminal

Fuck it, huh. It's ALL fent. There is no smack. That's what I tell myself. Pill seeking the doctors don't work no more. It doesn't exist.
I hate booze so much it's not such an issue for me. I'm sorry the bottle got it's hooks in. I know if I drink again I'm screwed. Just about holding on. I don't pretend I'm good with people drinking around me. It can't be around me. End of. I'm not going out on booze.
 
...last I heard he was cracked out of his mind. Heard nothing since.
I'm sticking to the weed, but it's just too tough. There are no street options which aren't fent, but to be frank I'm caring less and less.
 
Audiobook said:
You honestly need to put yourself first as hard as it is.

Men like him will drag you down with them and they will blame everyone else. They are highly unlikely to take any responsibility at all for their actions.

Especially women I notice. They seem to have ways of manipulating women into doing their dirty work so their lives can be easier. Which is BS to me.
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You are absolutely right. I've just known him for so long and I do care. But it is dragging me down. I used to look after him to be honest. Can't do that any longer. Really struggling to stay clean.
 
Audiobook said:
The way I see it is that he does not give a shit about you. At least now that he is on a ton of drugs.

He could possibly be this way when he is not on drugs, impossible to know now tho.

In any case, it is not wrong to cut someone out of your life and not let you take them down with you.

Some people can have all the help offered to them in the world and they will still kill themselves with drugs/alcohol. My father was like this with alcohol.
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I've known him sober, and known him when we were using together, high together, drunk together. He is worse high, of course, but a bit like this anyway.
I'm a long way away from him physically. I'm trying to give what I can without it taking me down too.
He's decided he wants to die. It's hard to watch.
 
Audiobook said:
Well I can’t say I know how exactly you feel.

But what I can say is that if he makes the choice to die that is his decision.

You’ll feel sad but honestly there is not that much you can do. People make choices.
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I call for welfare checks, try to persuade him into rehab. Pay for Ubers to the clinic for him. I've known him my entire adult life..
 
Audiobook said:
Well you are doing what you can.

It’s gonna be hard but he has to make the choice to be sober.

But since you are in a shelter with a kid (read your other posts) honestly what I would do is focus on yourself financially. Like think if you can REALLY afford to be paying for Uber’s for someone who does not want to get better.
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I know. I also know he wouldn't do the same for me. If course it's his choice whether or not to live or get sober, but I am who I am, and can't just leave him to it. If he doesn't want to be called out on his bullshit, he doesn't have to call me.
I can afford what I'm doing for him - but that is all I can do. I'm 40s now, I've known him since I was 21.i know I'm dumb, but I can't just walk away totally.
 
Audiobook said:
Well, just know you did what you could!!
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Thanks. I can't live with him, I had to leave. I just hope he doesn't continue to suffer. Ild much rather that meant rehab, but accept it's not my choice. He's actually shocked me how bad he got so fast. Crack, man...does not suit him.
 
Audiobook said:
Crack is just bad…like I looked up photos of crack dens and god…it’s just not good.
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It's really disturbing. His crack buddies are evil. He gets all sly and slimy on crack. Like pennywise ...On crack..I was begging him to go back to just meth...which is not something I usually advocate, but man....he doesn't care about anything other than drugs and booze. At his worst he always he always had a heart and a soul, now....He shoots preloaded rigs (meth, fent whatever he can get) some have blood in them where a person missed, shot ruined and so pass it to him...I mean ...fuck. I'm dirt, but even in grossed out.
 
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