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Ok, so your stash gets found and someone helps themselves!!! What to do.

Divine Moments said:
If you aren't 100% sure I wouldn't risk damaging your relationship over such a small amount. Personally I'd either keep better track of what's in the stash in case it happens again (e.g. write down exactly what goes in and out when) or hide it better :)
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This. If you can't prove it you are opening up all sorts of grief if you confront him and are wrong. You just need to wise up and hide your gear better. You could just come out as a user and tell your son you were keen on sharing an evening on pills with him but unfortunately you don't have enough. Who knows he might even have better dealers than you
 
I have to agree with what JoshE said in the most recent post.


Also, I just feel like reiterating, rewording and replying again w/ the new information you supplied in your reply to my q's (etc):
I see how you'd be worried, considering it's your son, and it was a 'good pill' that could potentially be harmful to him. I'd talk to him about it. Maybe 'in general' and in a way that perhaps he'd bring it up and 'man up'. Is this a possibility? Or not... (?) My parents used to go snoop in my room when I was age 15-18 (I am 26 -- almost-- now) and if they found something, which they often did: caffeine pills, diet pills (ephedra, for example), alcohol (biiiig ass bottle of gin), razor blades... etc. : they'd take it and not say a word. I always (and still) wonder why they never confronted me. I think I could have used a good 'talk', benefited from a confrontation. I needed help back then and maybe your son is in a tough spot - OR he is in a confused and experimental stage and could use some knowledge/advice about something. Again, I'm not exactly sure what your relationship is like... so it's impossible to know/speculate.

Depending on what the pill was (and the other substances, etc) and how much it means to you that it was potentially taken by a family member - confront. Otherwise, wait and see if anything similar happens again. Maybe leave out a sugar pill and see if it 'goes missing'. Then, I don't condone entrapment. haha... I don't know. I wouldn't have liked that growing up. Shit, *throws hands in the air, surrenders*.
 
Childish response: find your sons stash and take the entire amount. leave calling card. wait for sheepish son to approach you for missing stash. explain that if it happens again that nude pictures of him as a kid will make appearances every time he has his mates overs. Tell him it ramps up from there.

adult response: take him out of the current environment, go to say a pub. buy him a drink (yes yes another drug) and have a open father and son conversation about drug use. Tell him you weren't happy that he took without asking and that although you might not feel its appropriate to share with him
 
Whilst it probably is your son, just wondering if anyone else has been in your home who could've taken it. E.g. a plumber or handyman.
Drugs are an easy steal for someone in that position because they know you won't place charges for something thats illegal and unlikely to seek retribution over such a small amount.

When approaching your son on the topic, perhaps open with some of your knowledge on drugs. Or even just letting him know that you have tried harder drugs then weed.
If HR is the point of this thread, being cautious is a good idea. You don't want him to think that you drugs often behind his back and then he might feel its okay for him to take more unless you reason with him and be honest.

Good luck, and update us if anything should happen.
 
the way I see it is you have 3 main issues
1) family member stealing from you
2) danger/uncertainty about his use of the pills/buds, (and/or future buys of them as you mentioned)
3) his knowledge of you using pills/buds

put that way it looks like an issue worth addressing or it may be a bit of an elephant in the room leaving some uncertainty in both parties. However if he didn't nab anything then you could walk into a minefield of your own creation. My opinion is that you should try to address it by steering a convo towards him having a pretty obvious opportunity to bring it up with hints but without first admitting or accusing anything, and if you are sure by reaction nothing is amiss you can back out as an educational chat or some shit. The odd bit of weed probably won't cause too much stir and a nice pill just once every 5 years on NYE or something wasn't it?

Anyway he has probably told his mates and his dad is now a legend because of it, if I remember correctly how I would have thought as a young adult, but dealt with correctly you can position yourself as responsible, caring and not an old fuddy duddy and someone who understands shit and can be talked to.
 
dude, it's time for the 'talk'. I think you need to make it clear you're aware he uses drugs. and that you use drugs. Massive rifts get created in families where drug-use isn't open - but everyone does it.

For example, my family all use drugs, we're all open about it and drug use isn't a problem.
My mates family all use drugs (they're basically my cousins) but they all hide which of the more sinister ones they use from time to time like it's demonic to do whip on a weekend here and there, but they're all doing it - then dobbing eachother in later when they have arguments like school children.

Which of these scenarios is preferable to you? You need to take the initiative to deal with your (i'm going to assume here) son. If you handle it right you'll have a new comrade to teach all your HR knowledge to, and you might even save a life or two without knowing it.
 
Checking in, still not done anything yet. Been great to hear all the feedback. I need to have a good hard think about my next actions, plenty of great input from many different peeps. McWally-Ibis, your last two posts have me very mixed on what to do. I think either way it may be time to talk one way or another about the HR of drugs to the young fella.
 
MrIbis said:
dude, it's time for the 'talk'. I think you need to make it clear you're aware he uses drugs. and that you use drugs. Massive rifts get created in families where drug-use isn't open - but everyone does it.

For example, my family all use drugs, we're all open about it and drug use isn't a problem.
My mates family all use drugs (they're basically my cousins) but they all hide which of the more sinister ones they use from time to time like it's demonic to do whip on a weekend here and there, but they're all doing it - then dobbing eachother in later when they have arguments like school children.

Which of these scenarios is preferable to you? You need to take the initiative to deal with your (i'm going to assume here) son. If you handle it right you'll have a new comrade to teach all your HR knowledge to, and you might even save a life or two without knowing it.
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Lots of rifts in families where drug use IS open aswell. Presenting the two situations you did and asking him which one he prefers isn't very accurate, because there's so many variables. Get where you're coming from though.

I think I'd find it very hard to happily accept my child using drugs...not sure why, but I guess maybe because I've seen so much shit come from it all over the years. I don't have children yet but will one day, and I'm pretty sure I'd be upset with them.

It's not like you can stop them though...and I suppose it's better to talk about it in the end (like everything) I wouldn't just give him open access to your stash and it's good you removed the pills, the longer you can delay that the better and 20 is still pretty young - brain still developing. I don't really know what exact advise to give :P

My friend has a Dad that smokes pot, at around 16 we started grabbing a few nugs on the weekend...don't think he noticed. About a year later he found out his son/my mate was smoking bongs pretty regularly and just told him that it's fine so long as he kept up school/work, so he kept up smoking regularly, eventually becoming what I'd call a fully initiated bong head (eg: need a cone to feel normal) We got into experimenting with mdma/meth and had some great times, then got into opiates and both got pretty badly addicted, just last week he got on Bupe after a few years on heroin/oxys/methadone or whatever else he could get his hands on and stopped smoking weed the month before that after using it heavily from 16-23.

He's got a good job and works 9-5. Not sure how the above story helps you in any way :) lol but I guess it just made me think that no matter what his Dad said or did it probably would have turned out the same.
 
I don't think it makes any difference either way like you said. The good part of opening up is that you no longer have a feeling of guilt or unease toward something you've faced head on before.

If your child becomes are drug addict, shit happens. It's not fun but there was nothing you could do short of chaining your kid up in an attic.
 
Well after a weekend of mulling, have decided to have a quiet chat one night over the next couple of weeks. A general drug chat, not specific to the stash and if something has gone missing. Just feel it is worth clearing the subject of drugs in general and the old "if you want to chat ever, it comes without judgement"

When growing up, my parents were fairly liberal, my dad, almost a tea totaller, my mum had a bit of a problem with the driink for a while, almost to the level of alcoholism (if in fact she wasn't actually there for a while). They became aware of my older sister having a bit of a chuff and then shortly after me having a chuff. My dad pulled me aside one day after they found out, he said "just be careful, don't overdo it and if you drive while impaired, I will consider it just like drink and take your keys off you"
It was a simple chat, but the trust in me not to overdo it, the trust that he had brought me up well enough not to overdo it, seemed to be effective. It is important, I feel, to empower your children to make their own decisions, it is just as important that you educate them in the ways of life as they grow up, so that they use that empowerment wisely. At that point you can only hope that they make decisions that do not lead them into harms way.
 
Your nice enough to let somone into your home and there willing to go behind your back and snoop around your place to find stuff to steal off you!?!? i say defently confront him but make sure your %100 sure that he took them or you can open up a whole can of worms :p

Im 18 by the way :)
 
I don't have kids yet but if I did I would confront him/her if I was sure.

For many reasons I wouldn't want my child taking my drugs and using without asking for several reasons:

That pill could have been anything. Most likely MDMA from your story but what if it was a Ketamine pill or 2CB? Your son/daughter could have easily taken this pill without knowing the consequences..

Stealing

Dishonesty

I plan on having a drugs talk with my children at around 16 or 17 depending on the child. I remember growing up friends going raving at 15 and 16, taking drugs and their parents had no idea what they were up to.

Also I wouldn't want my child to only believe what the school system told them about drugs. They should have a honest and realistic view of drugs.

That said I wouldn't want my children taking drugs until they were at least 20 but thats not realistic.
 
Hey,
I’m 23 and I have a bit of first hand experience in this matter. From the son's point of view i'm afraid to say.

The first time I smoked weed it was "found" in my dad’s cupboard along with a small amount of white powder (upon reflection I reckon it would have been speed). I went back there about a week later and found the weed and a note to the effect: "I realise what you have done, I’m not mad and understand if you are experimenting. I'd prefer, if you are willing, to come and talk to me about it so that I can give you some facts to help keep you safe. If you don’t think you can talk to me John (was the schools nurse) is more than happy to have a confidential conversation with you. If you are going to keep taking drugs I'd prefer that you get them from a trusted source, but helping yourself will not be tolerated, we can work something out."

This worked like a charm; respect for dad went THROUGH THE ROOF. I talked to him; he was pretty damn cool about the whole thing. He had a couple of rules, e.g.: use at home or with trusted friends etc.

I ended up telling him that I was thinking about trying E and he got me a testing kit. I never stole from him again. And I guess in your situation if it wasn't your son then there is no need for the potentially relationship ending confrontation.

My advice, remember what it was like when you started out and had very little knowledge. Kids will be kids. All anyone can do is make it as safe as possible for them. They are going to grow up eventually.

Jeck.
 
Probably already been suggested, but investing in a small safe definitely can't hurt.
 
I am 19 years old, and i don't get to see my mum very often so when we do see each other we always have a good chat and about 2 years ago she asked me if i had done any drugs and i told her i smoked weed occasionally and a few other things and she said that it was fine cause she also did too. (i had known this for years anyway) So from that point on we would share the occasional pipe and what not. I think it's good we are completely open with each other i feel like i could tell her pretty much anything because of that. Only recently (few weeks ago) she had a 70's themed birthday party and told me they were getting an ecstasy pill each and asked if i wanted on, she was a bit apprehensive to ask but i told her i have done them many times before and that it would probabaly be an awesome experiance to share. We ended up getting the Tag Huer from S.A (i was very excited) and we had a great night, naturally we bonded and had awesome chats and i feel it brought us even closer.

Sorry if that is a bit of rambing but what i'm trying to say is that i really appreciate the fact my mum is so open with me but also still a mum and wants to make sure i'm safe if that makes sense. I think you should talk to him, let him know he doesn't have to take it from you but if he ever wanted some to go through you to make sure he is not getting harmful pills or ripped off.
 
ok... this is the convo i would have...

"hey son, some buds of mine and a nice pill i had stashed , well, i am not sure if i used them, or if , in fact , you may have found them, and used them, and anyway, it got me thinking that, hey, i have never really had this adult chat with you, about my using drugs... obviously i do, and well, you are an adult now, and i want you to know i am
cool with you wanting to experiment with drugs. so, whether you took them or not, doesnt matter at all. because i am sorry, that i didnt offer you to share some
times with me, and in fact, because i had never had this convo, you felt like you had to pinch them from me, if it was you, so any way son, i am sorry i havent
recognised your maturity and adult hood... so, if you want some pills or grass, maybe we can get some, and share .... responsibly, in moderation. that way, if my
stash seems like it is a little depleted, then i know for sure, that it is just my bad memory, and not you, and because, we have no need to steal from each other, because that just isnt on, instaed we can just ask each other. let me know if you find some nice acid some time." etc etc

ok, so i know that rambled.

but, this is a possible tact to take, and in fact would be how i approach the matter.

kids like to be trusted with the knowledge of what their parents do. esp with drugs.

a 20 year old is old enough to take drugs, and old enough to be trusted with the knowledge of parents use. and old enough to share drugs with. in moderation. best that they learn how to use drugs in moderation with you, than learn how to be irresponsible without you. now i am not saying that this will in fact save them from any acts of irresponsibilty, not at all. we all know that irresponsible drug use happens sometimes, and that those times are good lessons to learn. but, at least you will have taught him a mode of responsibilty, whereas some kids never get taught that and only learn irresponsibilty. you will also have taught him an adult mode of
communication, and trust.

it is this openess and trust that i feel is important. for it may be a possibilty that had this convo been had two years before or more, and it was in the open, than it would have been impossible for him to pinch some stash, and get away with it, with the chance that it would never be talked about.

there can only be positive things come from openess and trust.

good luck.
 
Like has been mentioned, this is about your personal property and this person helping themselves to it. No matter whether it's drugs, money, other property, etc... it needs to be addressed. This person is old enough to know better.

The drug aspect may need some talking about, in regards to how much he has done and how safely he is using.
 
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