OK, so I flipped out. What to do next?

Its definately a social anxiety problem. I am pretty sure effexor is shit for that, but bumping up the dose even more does take time to kick in, but the increase in seroquel is instant. My anxiety in the mornings is lessened but increase in lethargy.

I had my appt with my shrink yesterday. I will continue to see him and my psychologist every week. He costs $287 per visit. I get $150 back.

Ive been off work for almost a month. During my flip out, I made some massive decisions that were my only option at the time. I was going back to Melbourne to party, taking drugs- meth and G, drinking, but when it came time to go, I was so sick I could not fly. I holed up at a hotel near the airport for the night. My friend Pais, who is almost 5 months pregnant rang and I told her where I was and she came and stayed with me. I told her how sick I was and how bad I felt about relapsing and told her how lonely I was.

She encouraged me to dump the louie I had in the loo.

I could barely see, my eyes were swollen shut.

We ordered room service and watched movies.

I resigned from my job and looked into rehab, again, found the one lifeline had said was the best for meth users in Australia.

Next day I rand my shrink and told him what happened. He said to see my gp and get eyes fixed first then he would place me in a psych unit.

This made me happy. I thought it was my only real chance of getting off this shit.

Flew back to Brisbane. Saw my gp, she was hesitant to do anything but give me antibiotics for my eyes and I could not see my shrink till the following week.

I rang the rehab centre and she said it would not be the place for me as I had detoxed myself, had spent almost 3 months off it on my own and main problems were social phobia and agoraphobia. This place had almost a couple hundred people all working closely together, mainly men, and I would be frightened.

Theres a couple other places for women, mainly for women with kids and some that are privately owned and expensive.

Thing is, I don't want to do drugs. I don't want meth. I have no cravings.

I havent felt like it at all, just as a coping mechanism twice during bad experiences with an ex, who I no longer give a shit about.

Im still scared to leave my home, dont know why. Maybe Im a freak or something.


In the meantime I am lucky to have met and spent time with my partner Ben.

I don't want this new relationship to be my saviour and I don't think it is at all, I wanted to be clean beforehand and was.

I think he came into my life at a God given time, but hes always been a presence since we started contacting each other.

I dont feel lonely. This love has opened me up also to other friends I work with too, I see the good in people.

I think if I continue to be clean and positive I'll be fine.

Ben and Pepe. My family

 

Don't expect too much too soon. You're doing well from the sound of it, but it still takes time to resolve stuff like that. I've had some pretty bad social anxiety, almost to the point of agoraphobia. To an outsider it doesn't seem so bad, but it is miserable knowing that you just can't go outside.

Best of luck with your therapy, both official and unofficial with you new beau. I'm very glad to hear that you're not just taking meds, and that despite your social anxiety you're still able to have this new relationship. Just reading the tone of your posts shows a shift in your state, and it's just great to see.

Stay the course, you're doing fine.

Ps. Everybody is a freak. If you ever met someone who was statistically average in every way (i.e. 'normal'), they would be among the strangest people of all. Celebrate your uniqueness!

 

I hate being a hipo.. but fuck meth is EVIL. Im an opiate addict so I cant really talk..but meth can do some evil stuff to human. I hope everything works out for yeah bro.