Now that another season of American Gladiators has winded down it is time to look elsewhere for reasons to get drunk. I give you the Summer 2008 Beijing Olympics Drinking Game!
---Chinese Culture---
The Olympics are referred to as China’s/Beijing’s “coming-out party.”
A TV announcer refers to China’s “rising middle class.”
Bonus drink: If the rising middle class is referred to as “the awakening of the Chinese dragon.”
A TV announcer refers to the fact that the Chinese frequent fast food or coffee chains, “just like us!”
A TV announcer mentions the fact that the Chinese eat all sorts of crazy things, including dog leg, donkey meat, scorpion kebab, and yak penis, pretending to be because he wants to show that Chinese culture is different than ours, but really just to use the phrase “yak penis.”
The camera shows a Chinese guard riding on a Segway.
The camera shows a Chinese guard riding on a Segway on his way to brutally assault a bunch of pro-Tibet dissidents—five drinks!
An announcer mentions the intense Beijing air pollution.
The final heat of a competition featuring an American and a Chinese Olympian is billed as “a showdown between East and West.”
Alternate: “Yin meets yang...right after this commercial break!”
---Swimming / Michael Phelps---
A commentator mentions Michael Phelps’ hyperflexible size-14 feet, or his build, speed, agility, power, etc.
A commentator refers to how it takes Michael Phelps 20 minutes to squeeze into his Speedo LZR bodysuit.
A commentator mentions the controversy surrounding the Speedo LZR.
Michael Phelps is used in an NBC Olympics trailer/teaser.
Teenage girls are shown giggling while watching Michael Phelps (commercials count).
Someone from Team USA yells/screams in victory over an inferior country (that means any country).
---Cliché Phrases –
An announcer/commentator utters any of the following phrases:---
1) “Everyone in the stadium was a winner today.” (Or its inverse: “There are no losers here.”)
2) “This is what the Olympics are all about.”
3) “[Random obscure athlete who competes in an event you don’t care about] will remember this day for the rest of his life."
4) “[As athletes from rival countries shake hands after a match] This is truly what the Olympic Games are all about.”
5) “[He/she] has prepared [his/her] whole life for just this one moment.”
---Olympian Feats (Double drinks if it’s someone from Team USA—America fucking rocks!)---
A final (medal-awarding) race, event, match, etc. begins.
A world record or Olympic record is broken.
Bonus drink if it’s Michael Phelps!
Someone else breaks a record set by Michael Phelps.
The Chinese win any race, event, match, etc.
---Olympian Errors (Double drinks if it’s someone from Team USA—what shame!)---
A gymnast falls or goes out of bounds during their routine.
A swimmer crosses into someone else’s lane.
A swimmer goes in the water before the starting tone.
A volleyball player gets a spike to the head, eats sand, or gets hurt otherwise.
A volleyball player suffers a “wardrobe malfunction” – Drink five and cheer!
An Olympian’s injury or use of a banned substance results in them dropping out of the competition.