.. why not waste time, right? well, I am off to see my Dr. today. we'll be lowering my bupe dosage to 12MG/daily. although, I am recently coming from 8MG and staying way ahead of schedule; so this downgrade is no worry to me. I plan to stay far ahead as far as bupe dosing; the higher dosing helped at first to kill the edge/need but now after 6 months and only 2 slips the confidence and power is there so the bupe is no needed in the large dosing, but is needed to kick any WD's. I WANT to be off this shit within the next 6 months but let's see how that plays out.
what else? well, nothing. I still smoke a lot of weed; I'll do a benzo here and there and thats about it. I have sleeping pills scripted but trying to do away w/ all pills so not taking those; weed more than enough. still have a Celexa 10MG pill taking w/ morning bupe; would like to DROP that but last few times I felt OFF so been keeping the habit going. I am going to try and go every OTHER day w/ it and see what happens.
do I think I need these pills to live on!? NO! do I want to be on a drug the rest of my life and have a daily dosage!? NO! so what do I do!? well, its up to me, right?
was a good post I read on this board recently and some guy just going off about how WE MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES; there is NO 12 STEPS and NO ADDICTION; it's totally up to that person; and I honestly and truly agree. I've always seen it that way; was there a physical addiction? yes. I did withdraw. but could the mental addiction ALWAYS be beat if truly NEEDED/WANTED!? YES! 100%. if you told a DOPE FIEND not to touch dope or you will kill their MOTHER, I wonder what percentage would commit 100%!? crazy to think like that. hell, even to say that to me right now I'd be scared but I'd have to do it, right? you cant slip up. you are always full aware of what is happening. you just make up your own stories as to why you need to do it, right? or lie to yourself as to why? right? dont you!? I always did.
OK, I am rambling and some sick, twisted, weird writing happening as I listen to Mad Season live in Seattle 12/31/94. the sound of Layne's voice gives me twisted thoughts alone.
what else? well, nothing. I still smoke a lot of weed; I'll do a benzo here and there and thats about it. I have sleeping pills scripted but trying to do away w/ all pills so not taking those; weed more than enough. still have a Celexa 10MG pill taking w/ morning bupe; would like to DROP that but last few times I felt OFF so been keeping the habit going. I am going to try and go every OTHER day w/ it and see what happens.
do I think I need these pills to live on!? NO! do I want to be on a drug the rest of my life and have a daily dosage!? NO! so what do I do!? well, its up to me, right?
was a good post I read on this board recently and some guy just going off about how WE MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES; there is NO 12 STEPS and NO ADDICTION; it's totally up to that person; and I honestly and truly agree. I've always seen it that way; was there a physical addiction? yes. I did withdraw. but could the mental addiction ALWAYS be beat if truly NEEDED/WANTED!? YES! 100%. if you told a DOPE FIEND not to touch dope or you will kill their MOTHER, I wonder what percentage would commit 100%!? crazy to think like that. hell, even to say that to me right now I'd be scared but I'd have to do it, right? you cant slip up. you are always full aware of what is happening. you just make up your own stories as to why you need to do it, right? or lie to yourself as to why? right? dont you!? I always did.
OK, I am rambling and some sick, twisted, weird writing happening as I listen to Mad Season live in Seattle 12/31/94. the sound of Layne's voice gives me twisted thoughts alone.
