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Ode to getting shot in the CBD

IXinX

Bluelighter
Joined
May 2, 2004
Messages
1,158
Location
Sydney
This was written yesterday after I got home from work, which was spent incessantly keeping up to date on the latest news feeds on websites.

Anyhow,
I walk in this pretty city, cold and bustling.
Not knowing when I saw her that it was not rustling,
The movement of that hand in her hair.
He was grabbing it, grabbing her hair.
He didn’t fire a shot into the air.

Instead he shot some people who tried to care.
And now he has runaway and is still out there somewhere.
The woman that was shot, was she dark or fair?
The man who did the shooting, what there?

What does this mean for the rest of us?
Who do we care for, who can we trust?
Or do we ignore everyone moreso now,
Because it’s not a question, it’s a must.

But what direction do we turn to now,
The coming election holds nothing in how
We choose to live our life day to day
of what we do and what we say.
Anyhow,
 
I don't like the second stanza... a few elements don't make much sense and the rhymes seem forced and rudimentary. But I really enjoy the poem as a whole and I like the inspiration that drove you to write the piece.

I think it's a great analysis of how violence in the news affects us. Why should we care and what does this reflect about us or our society? You raise a lot of profound, thought-provoking questions in the poem and I like the casual structure and the varied rhyme schemes. Good piece.
 
I really wish i could make my poems ryhme like that... none of my stuff ever seems to flow like i want it to (i think i say this all the time though) :-/

I liked it :)
 
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