ethnobot781
Bluelighter
Day 11 of Octsober just done with and day 12 creeping in to being. Still no psychedelics, no benzos, no booze and no opiates except those administered for pain relief under the supervision of a doctor, in the hospital. Despite having made it by own self-imposed standard for a full third of the month though I'm not returning to this thread to pat myself on the back. The rest of you who've made this far, even those who have stumbled and got back up, dusted yourselves off and started again I pat on the back. In fact I salute you, you're all making a truly admirable effort and are an inspiration.
No, I'm returning to this thread because I'm feeling weak and in need of the encouragement and community spirit which this thread provides and which inspired me to take up this challenge in the first place. You see, despite having arranged adequate protection for my stomach lining to take Naproxen for the remainder of the post-op pain and not continue to need opioids for an extended period, and despite everything going smoothly with my recovery from a physical standpoint, there is an additional problem stemming from the fact that I'm not long out of spinal surgery that I didn't forsee.
The problem is that although I'm allowed a short walk and a little time sitting up each day, for the remaining 22 hours + I'm stuck in bed. I've been reading, writing, watching movies, surfing the net, listening to music, even composing some music in my head although I have no means of playing it. None of this it seems can quite alleviate the cabin fever of a busy person suddenly caged. The temptation to use just to get through the day, the sheer pathetic psychological craving for substances just for the hell of abusing them is immense. This is compounded by sheer ease of access there is at least 900mgs of dihydrocodeine in the medicine cabinet unopened from my hospital discharge meds. A straightforward phone call to my doctor would furnish further opiates. The battle between will power and tedium is titanic. It is also balanced on a knife edge.
So I'm crawling back in to this thread on my knees to beg for some support and encouragement because even one encouraging reply from a fellow addict who understands that the psychological side is nine tenths of the battle, just telling me that this effort really means something or that this truly is an achievement worth extending to reach my stated goals might be exactly the tiny weight that tips the balance between staying clean and getting high. It could be something you say that makes the difference between me abandoning Octsober in total ignominy and making through to the end and planning to go further and quit smoking next month (NOvember if you like *groan*). Please, I know I'm on a pathetic external validation trip right now but if that's what it takes I'm not too proud to beg!
Peace, Ethnobot
No, I'm returning to this thread because I'm feeling weak and in need of the encouragement and community spirit which this thread provides and which inspired me to take up this challenge in the first place. You see, despite having arranged adequate protection for my stomach lining to take Naproxen for the remainder of the post-op pain and not continue to need opioids for an extended period, and despite everything going smoothly with my recovery from a physical standpoint, there is an additional problem stemming from the fact that I'm not long out of spinal surgery that I didn't forsee.
The problem is that although I'm allowed a short walk and a little time sitting up each day, for the remaining 22 hours + I'm stuck in bed. I've been reading, writing, watching movies, surfing the net, listening to music, even composing some music in my head although I have no means of playing it. None of this it seems can quite alleviate the cabin fever of a busy person suddenly caged. The temptation to use just to get through the day, the sheer pathetic psychological craving for substances just for the hell of abusing them is immense. This is compounded by sheer ease of access there is at least 900mgs of dihydrocodeine in the medicine cabinet unopened from my hospital discharge meds. A straightforward phone call to my doctor would furnish further opiates. The battle between will power and tedium is titanic. It is also balanced on a knife edge.
So I'm crawling back in to this thread on my knees to beg for some support and encouragement because even one encouraging reply from a fellow addict who understands that the psychological side is nine tenths of the battle, just telling me that this effort really means something or that this truly is an achievement worth extending to reach my stated goals might be exactly the tiny weight that tips the balance between staying clean and getting high. It could be something you say that makes the difference between me abandoning Octsober in total ignominy and making through to the end and planning to go further and quit smoking next month (NOvember if you like *groan*). Please, I know I'm on a pathetic external validation trip right now but if that's what it takes I'm not too proud to beg!
Peace, Ethnobot
arghhhhhhh
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
)
