Well...
I think I'm going to join in on Octsober. But I'm not going to totally quit (maybe save that challenge for next year), I'm just going to to lower my intake to about 0.5g of H a day. :]
With that being said...Here's my "story"
When I was smaller, ( ages 3-8 ), I watched my dad shoot dope up to twelve times a day. He'd been using for a long time before that too, just not as much, plus it was a secret. That being said, no one ever told me it wasn't OK. He said it was OK, and my mom didn't say anything.
Anyways, watching my dad put the needle in his arm was comforting, I'm not sure why, but back then it was comfort watching him nod off infront of the television on the couch. I was small and didn't understand why he did it or what he was doing, I only just understood why he did it so much and I guess I've found my own reasons to do it...
I've been dancing for fifteen years, basically my whole life, I love to dance. I love ballet. But ballet is a bitch on the feet, until you can get used to it. At the age of 8, I had my first "opiate", it was about 5mgs of oxy crushed up and dissolved in orange juice. My dad said that it was OK, and of course, I trusted him, BUT I got really sick from it. I didn't understand why, but he said that next time, it would help. Of course, I trusted him again. Back then I used to dance for two hours four times a week, it was horrible on my feet, but I was in the stage of perfection and it made me feel good, because I was doing something with my life. My dad gave me the crushed up oxys about twice a week. And it was OK, because I trusted him. It was a secret that we had kept from my mom until one day she found out that he wasn't giving me Tylenol. She was furious, but I told her that it was OK, because it made my feet feel better, I remember that day so well, she started to cry, and she told me to go to my room. They had this huge argument about it. That's what made them get divorced..
By the time I was nine, my parents were divorced and my mom got custody of me, because of my dad's addiction. The judge said that once he was clean, he'd be allowed visiting hours, but until then, he was allowed no contact. My dad never did get clean. I don't know where he is, and the last time I saw him, was the day that the judge ordered that he couldn't see me anymore. I was devastated, because we had a secret, and I didn't know who's fault it was..
Later that year, my mom got re-married...she got re-married to a fucking ATM machine. My step-dad is great, but he tries to be my dad way too much. Anyways, he adopted me when I was ten. I used to dream about my real dad sticking needles in his arm, and that made it kind of OK. It was comforting. Who knew that I'd become a "junky" just like him?
Anyways, in Grade Eight (13-14 year old), I started smoking weed, and it was great! I loved it. But after six months of smoking everyday if not every other day. I was so bored. So some of my friends suggested we do other stuff, so they got the 'script stuff out. And I liked it. I really fucking liked it.
When I was fourteen, I guess you could say that I had a problem with all the oxys and vikes. The oxys reminded me of when my dad used to give them to me, and that made it OK. That was comforting. I used to take 3 10mg a day, one with every meal, and that was OK. It made me feel like I had a part of him still with me. That was comforting for a while...when I had turned fifteen, some of my friends (who were all of course, older than me), asked if I wanted to try to shoot some dope, I asked what it was, and of course, it reminded me of my dad (my role model, no one had ever said what he was doing was bad), so I said yes. Even though it made me extremely sick I still liked it. It felt like I had a little bit of him inside of me. I started shooting dope on weekends and railing it sometimes after school. And it made me feel OK.
Close to when I turned sixteen, it had become a "habit", I was shooting dope everyday, it made me feel normal. I guess that's when I realized, I was a clone of my dad. I knew (and still know) that this has to stay a secret because my mom will abandon me just like she did with my dad and I won't be able to dance.
Anyways, I'm almost seventeen, and I am shooting about a gram a day. And taking a lot of prescription pills (especially on the days that I do go to school, because who knows what will happen if I shoot at school). Ocassionally, I will shoot a speedball, but we don't get good coke here.
I'm not ready to quit yet...It's a process that I'm going to take slowly, but I think that my goal is that by the time I turn 18, I will not be shooting dope anymore.
DsOc: Prescription pills, H and coke (on occassion)
Cap'n Jay
I think I'm going to join in on Octsober. But I'm not going to totally quit (maybe save that challenge for next year), I'm just going to to lower my intake to about 0.5g of H a day. :]
With that being said...Here's my "story"
When I was smaller, ( ages 3-8 ), I watched my dad shoot dope up to twelve times a day. He'd been using for a long time before that too, just not as much, plus it was a secret. That being said, no one ever told me it wasn't OK. He said it was OK, and my mom didn't say anything.
Anyways, watching my dad put the needle in his arm was comforting, I'm not sure why, but back then it was comfort watching him nod off infront of the television on the couch. I was small and didn't understand why he did it or what he was doing, I only just understood why he did it so much and I guess I've found my own reasons to do it...
I've been dancing for fifteen years, basically my whole life, I love to dance. I love ballet. But ballet is a bitch on the feet, until you can get used to it. At the age of 8, I had my first "opiate", it was about 5mgs of oxy crushed up and dissolved in orange juice. My dad said that it was OK, and of course, I trusted him, BUT I got really sick from it. I didn't understand why, but he said that next time, it would help. Of course, I trusted him again. Back then I used to dance for two hours four times a week, it was horrible on my feet, but I was in the stage of perfection and it made me feel good, because I was doing something with my life. My dad gave me the crushed up oxys about twice a week. And it was OK, because I trusted him. It was a secret that we had kept from my mom until one day she found out that he wasn't giving me Tylenol. She was furious, but I told her that it was OK, because it made my feet feel better, I remember that day so well, she started to cry, and she told me to go to my room. They had this huge argument about it. That's what made them get divorced..
By the time I was nine, my parents were divorced and my mom got custody of me, because of my dad's addiction. The judge said that once he was clean, he'd be allowed visiting hours, but until then, he was allowed no contact. My dad never did get clean. I don't know where he is, and the last time I saw him, was the day that the judge ordered that he couldn't see me anymore. I was devastated, because we had a secret, and I didn't know who's fault it was..
Later that year, my mom got re-married...she got re-married to a fucking ATM machine. My step-dad is great, but he tries to be my dad way too much. Anyways, he adopted me when I was ten. I used to dream about my real dad sticking needles in his arm, and that made it kind of OK. It was comforting. Who knew that I'd become a "junky" just like him?
Anyways, in Grade Eight (13-14 year old), I started smoking weed, and it was great! I loved it. But after six months of smoking everyday if not every other day. I was so bored. So some of my friends suggested we do other stuff, so they got the 'script stuff out. And I liked it. I really fucking liked it.
When I was fourteen, I guess you could say that I had a problem with all the oxys and vikes. The oxys reminded me of when my dad used to give them to me, and that made it OK. That was comforting. I used to take 3 10mg a day, one with every meal, and that was OK. It made me feel like I had a part of him still with me. That was comforting for a while...when I had turned fifteen, some of my friends (who were all of course, older than me), asked if I wanted to try to shoot some dope, I asked what it was, and of course, it reminded me of my dad (my role model, no one had ever said what he was doing was bad), so I said yes. Even though it made me extremely sick I still liked it. It felt like I had a little bit of him inside of me. I started shooting dope on weekends and railing it sometimes after school. And it made me feel OK.
Close to when I turned sixteen, it had become a "habit", I was shooting dope everyday, it made me feel normal. I guess that's when I realized, I was a clone of my dad. I knew (and still know) that this has to stay a secret because my mom will abandon me just like she did with my dad and I won't be able to dance.
Anyways, I'm almost seventeen, and I am shooting about a gram a day. And taking a lot of prescription pills (especially on the days that I do go to school, because who knows what will happen if I shoot at school). Ocassionally, I will shoot a speedball, but we don't get good coke here.
I'm not ready to quit yet...It's a process that I'm going to take slowly, but I think that my goal is that by the time I turn 18, I will not be shooting dope anymore.
DsOc: Prescription pills, H and coke (on occassion)
Cap'n Jay