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OctSOBER - Getting/Staying Clean Thread

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^ good to hear you got yourself right back on track after your relapse :).

That's awesome about your GF <3 I hope she takes in the information they have to offer there. One thing I wish I did while in rehab was being more open to what people were saying. It would have saved me a lot of headache.

<3 Congrats!
 
It's bikoten at this end in the alphisothend. Wtfe mystery incorporated plus a christmas story and I'm back in the middle. I blew it.

It will happen on occasion.

I still love you guys. weird thing is that I lasted so long and I was okay so long as I didn't have to ask myself hey am I ok? I don't know what happened. I feel so ashamed. it's just alcohol and dxm but man it might as well be the thing that's going to make everything else irrelevant
 
Yes, so I did screw up. Went out trick or treating with the kids. Hanging out with the other moms and dads; we'd brought to-go cups and a big bottle of lambrusco to enjoy the night along w/ the kids... I'd been dealing with a nasty flu-like bug... Stopped by a pharmacy on the way home and picked up a 148ml bottle of dxm polistirex. I was feeling pretty good by the time we got home, and after putting my kids to bed, I thought to myself, it's only a small bottle, wth?

Damn it. Weakness got me. I'm paying the price of it. Right now. I'm all out of sorts, and I'm not enjoying it at all. What ordinarily could be turned into something I used to call awesome is really nothing more than a bad decisions effects waiting to subside. I'm going to shower, clean myself up. Make sure I at least look good in the morning, even if I won't necessarily feel good. It's potent, too, especially mixed w/ the wine. Bad decision. I know it. Damn it!

Goodnight, my friends.
 
<3 Aww JAG <3 Well I hate to say it's a good thing you had a negative experience (I hate to say it because negative experiences suck--especially the ones you just want to be over), but I think you'll be able to walk away from this one with some wisdom about yourself and about your addiction and how to better handle the situation if/when it arises next time.

Don't beat yourself up <3, seriously, you sound a bit upset and I can understand losing your days but you gained an experience (not a drug experience but an experience about yourself and your drug use), and it will help you in the long run, I know it. Try to get yourself feeling comfortable, try not to be too upset with yourself, try to find the positive in the situation and that is that you learned something about yourself and your use that will hopefully help you in the future.

I hope you feel better soon! <3 Those days weren't for nothing either. They were a test of your mental endurance and you got hella far.

Take care of yourself tonight <3. Love ya bud!
 
Good Morning Folks last day of the month here=D​

NSFW:
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Happy Haloween
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Just A Guy said:
Yes, so I did screw up. Went out trick or treating with the kids. Hanging out with the other moms and dads; we'd brought to-go cups and a big bottle of lambrusco to enjoy the night along w/ the kids... I'd been dealing with a nasty flu-like bug... Stopped by a pharmacy on the way home and picked up a 148ml bottle of dxm polistirex. I was feeling pretty good by the time we got home, and after putting my kids to bed, I thought to myself, it's only a small bottle, wth?

Damn it. Weakness got me. I'm paying the price of it. Right now. I'm all out of sorts, and I'm not enjoying it at all. What ordinarily could be turned into something I used to call awesome is really nothing more than a bad decisions effects waiting to subside. I'm going to shower, clean myself up. Make sure I at least look good in the morning, even if I won't necessarily feel good. It's potent, too, especially mixed w/ the wine. Bad decision. I know it. Damn it!

Goodnight, my friends.
Click to expand...
no guilt no shame JAG<3.. They never are how we remember them being.. They were never really like that, that idea we have of how they make us feel really good is just a snapshot from along time ago. a picture of a second of time.. its just a fantasy and in reality we feel allot better almost all the time sober than we felt using.. all waked out and soulless is what I say to myself if lady addiction starts whispering her nonsense in my ear.
 
bring on November!

I remember last year at this time is when I started to go B-A-N-A-N-A-S w/ dope; I was blasting away day after day. I was out of work due to medical problems and getting my weekly checking and spending it all and then some on dope; I wasnt able to cover my full rent, had my PHONE TURNED OFF at one point (blows my mind thinking that) and could barely get by. it didnt stop in November either, I ran HARD like that till mid Summer before ANOTHER OD came and I finally realized what I needed to do.. STOP USING!

I've been clean sine.. w/ the help of Sobox, but still clean to me! Living life a way I never thought I'd see it again.
 
BostonBrownTown said:
bring on November!

I remember last year at this time is when I started to go B-A-N-A-N-A-S w/ dope; I was blasting away day after day. I was out of work due to medical problems and getting my weekly checking and spending it all and then some on dope; I wasnt able to cover my full rent, had my PHONE TURNED OFF at one point (blows my mind thinking that) and could barely get by. it didnt stop in November either, I ran HARD like that till mid Summer before ANOTHER OD came and I finally realized what I needed to do.. STOP USING!

I've been clean sine.. w/ the help of Sobox, but still clean to me! Living life a way I never thought I'd see it again.
Click to expand...

Yay November another month down :D and for others a NEW month to be clean. Now seriously guys, November 1st would be a fantastic day to going into as Day 2 so lets make today count!!!!!

That's an inspiring store BostonBrown <3 I glad to see you stuck around. <3


Lets make it count guys!
 
I don't feel ashamed, or guilty. If I had gone back to using stims or something that produces hedonia (my DOCs), then I'd feel pretty ashamed and disappointed.

I almost feel like last night happened by design. I feel like my subconscious had already determined that the sinus infection was possibly spreading to other parts of my body, and when the back of my head and neck started aching, I (slightly hypochrondiac) started thinking "meningitis?" I know that DXM has neuroprotective characteristics, so I think that seeds had been planted a couple days in advance, and they were just waiting for a chance to sprout. That's why I ended up drinking about 888mg of time-released DXM. (Easily enough to send a 175lb man to a third plateau.)

So my fellow Slivers, that paragraph, above--that's called denial. lol

It's pretty interesting how my mind immediately goes into a kind of rationalization mode, trying to distance myself from being accountable for the decision, projecting blame. We all know this all too well, don't we? Anyway, yep, I'd better man up here, dust myself off, and get back on my horse. I don't really feel all that bad about it, to be perfectly honest, because I don't feel any desire at all to repeat it, or to mess with anything else. Just take it in stride, and continue on working toward my objective, which is still ahead of me, and in sight.

Thanks for the great comments.

Happy Halloween folks!

a91120c5c7.jpg
 
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Just A Guy said:
I don't feel ashamed, or guilty. If I had gone back to using stims or something that produces hedonia (my DOCs), then I'd feel pretty ashamed and disappointed.

I almost feel like last night happened by design. I feel like my subconscious had already determined that the sinus infection was possibly spreading to other parts of my body, and when the back of my head and neck started aching, I (slightly hypochrondiac) started thinking "meningitis?" I know that DXM has neuroprotective characteristics, so I think that seeds had been planted a couple days in advance, and they were just waiting for a chance to sprout. That's why I ended up drinking about 888mg of time-released DXM. (Easily enough to send a 175lb man to a third plateau.)

So my fellow Slivers, that paragraph, above--that's called denial. lol

It's pretty interesting how my mind immediately goes into a kind of rationalization mode, trying to distance myself from being accountable for the decision, projecting blame. We all know this all too well, don't we? Anyway, yep, I'd better man up here, dust myself off, and get back on my horse. I don't really feel all that bad about it, to be perfectly honest, because I don't feel any desire at all to repeat it, or to mess with anything else. Just take it in stride, and continue on working toward my objective, which is still ahead of me, and in sight.

Thanks for the great comments.

Happy Halloween folks!

a91120c5c7.jpg
Click to expand...

"So my fellow Slivers, that paragraph, above--that's called denial. lol"

LOL that made me laugh! <3

Glad you're picking yourself back up where you left off <3.

Day 72 for me. Happy Halloween!
 
Hows it goin'?!

170 days sober! Currently on a bus headed to Santa Cruz to stay with my girlfriend for a few days. My 22nd Birthday is on Saturday!! :)

I'm stoked. Free Wifi on the Bus too, Hells yeah!

Keep it up everyone!! Have a happy, healthy, and Sober Halloween!! :) <3
 
I just want to share something.

I've never been so happy to be sober in my life.

Today something amazing happened that NEVER would have happened if I was using. It really put into perspective the positive changes that have happened in my life. I won't get into details because the details don't matter.

I'm looking back at the way I used to be.. my old life.. and I'm just so happy I could cry.

When you are a drug addict the rewards come instantly. In sobriety, when rewards don't come instantly, you think they will never happen. You think you will never be happy again. They come after days, weeks, months, years of hard work. When the reward finally happens it is so shocking and surprising and SO MUCH MORE SATISFYING!!

I was faced with adversity recently and the old me would have backed down, gone to my room, and drank myself to death. This time, I rose up, kept working, did the best I could, and was rewarded for it. What happened to me today would have never ever ever happened if I was still drinking.

Stay sober people. It's worth it in the end.
 
^^ That's so amazing. I'm so happy to hear that generic!!! It's a hard thing for an addict/alcoholic to grasp in the moment, but delayed gratification truly is so much more satisfying than instant gratification - which, when it comes down to it, isn't that what addiction is all about??? That and escaping?
Well If you work hard to accomplish things and immerse yourself in the experience of life one day you will find out just how rewarding it is. So glad you had this realization generic! I really am! :) <3


This doesn't mean that once the realization happens, everything is flowers and rainbows and perfect happiness - absolutely not. Don't get me wrong people. There will always be difficult days, bad times. Bad experiences. But the real gift is being able to experience life sober and everything that comes with that, and realizing that it's up to you to create situations for yourself which make you happy, as well as up to you to control your outlook upon the situations that you have no real control over.


Keep it up everyone!!!​
 
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