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OCD fears and coping

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jake99

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Besides anxiety i also have OCD real bad. I have trouble making simple decisions such as what to wear, and anxiety about any uncertainty.
So my question is if i have a compulsion like it bothers me that i dont wear a new hat because they get annoying to wear do i wear it anyway to fight the compulsion or not?
or things in my pockets such as wallet cigs etc, do i do it even if it drives me nuts ?
or with uncertainty right now im in a long term rehab and i dont know if i can go home when i get done so im real scared of that plus my grandmom is 89 so i fear what if she got sick while i was away?
or something as simple as not getting a reply to an email and assuming something bad could come back is hard
basically feeling if everything isnt perfect i cant be ok
 
I don't consider myself to have a disorder perse, but i certainly have an obsessive personality.
I can totally relate to the obsessive pocket organization and deciding what clothes to wear. The clothing planning has nothing to do with the social aspect of it, I simply strive to maximize the efficiency of the use of my clothing throughout the week. I also try to wear contrasting colours as much as possible. ie. blue with brown/red/orange, green/yellow with purple/burgundy. Not because of any opinion besides my own, I just feel that contrasting colours are aesthetic perfection. And perfection is what I strive for.

OCD is a kind of anxiety disorder so your self-diagnosis does make sense OP.
 
So ... after a quick look, it seems like you have intense anxiety. This is almost invariably related to an unstable family situation and/or unease with the opposite sex and/or confusion about the intrinsic meaning of life. Which of those is it? It would help to narrow down the cause.
 
That is a pretty big claim. But I can't think of any situations in which it obviously wouldn't apply. In my case it's the last aspect.

To the OP - you need to fight your compulsions. But this becomes counter-productive if you begin to fight them obsessively or compulsively. My OCD usually revolves around a fear that I've hurt my head or damaged my brain. To try to reassure myself I often repeat some particular action over and over again. In this case the thing I obviously need to fight is the compulsion to do the repeated acts, not just the obsession.

I find that it's helpful to ask - 'what would a normal or reasonable person in this position do?'. I know it sounds a bit legalistic but usually, even when we are subjectively convinced of the reasonableness of our fears, we have some notion of their objective illegitimacy - whatever that means. So try to latch onto that idea - which presumably led you here - that your behaviour is not in the fullest sense reasonable. You need to build up a repertoire of instances of successfully refusing to engage with the obsessions - that way when a new obsession arises you can go 'well last time I just ignored it and I was ok'.
 
yeah its so hard especially missing family and not knowing where im going to live when i leave this place in 3 months
 
jake99 said:
yeah its so hard especially missing family and not knowing where im going to live when i leave this place in 3 months
Click to expand...

jake, that's three months from now. Why are you worrying about it today?

Sometimes we gotta break things down as simple as possible for ourselves and eliminate the variables that are completely irrelevant to the matter at hand.

In this case, where you are going to live is an additional concern that doesn't need to be immediately addressed at the moment. The facility you are at most likely has an aftercare program and that very well may include a halfway house or a recovery house in addition to intensive outpatient therapy.

Basically, there will be a time when you will need to think about where you'll be living but it isn't something that you should allow as a variable in fucking up your day today. You can't do anything about it right now so just focus on what needs to be done right now which is:

  • staying the fuck clean
  • staying strong until the obsession to get high leaves
  • not fucking with yourself (you've done that for long enough)
Things tend to work themselves out in their proper time. Three months from now is 90 days away. Keep the focus on what needs to be done today
 
It is understandable to miss your family but it can also be a good opportunity to build more confidence in your ability to be independent.
 
concerta always makes me OCD for 12 hours. even with benzo's. Concerta is horrible for anxiety. Celexa is usually used to treat anxiety and depression but for me it gave me worsened anxiety so i was taken off of it
 
Stay.Blazed.420 said:
concerta always makes me OCD for 12 hours. even with benzo's. Concerta is horrible for anxiety. Celexa is usually used to treat anxiety and depression but for me it gave me worsened anxiety so i was taken off of it
Click to expand...
i have only been on celexa for a week but feel the same way. i'm going to give it time and hope that it's just temporary but my anxiety the last week has been terrible and my sleeplessness has gotten worse also.
 
^are you communicating with the on-site doctor who is managing your case?
 
Well bro just a couple months ago you were on opiates and benzos... my question is what are you on now besides risperdal?
Did rehab take you off opiates/benzos? If so wouldn't you think the anxiety is from being taken off those meds?

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel. And I've talked about this before but everyone I believe has OCD in one way or another. I mean everyone has things they obsess over and over about and its natural to allow these things to consume us.
In terms of what should you do I'll tell you what I do.
For instance after I shower at night, shave, I have an OCD ritual I go through where I get paper towels, and have to clean off every drop of water from the sink/wall so its completely dry/clean. And then I wipe the toilet down too for no reason just because when I see the sinks clean and the toilets dirty, then I have to clean the toilet. Then I have to put my shaving cream back so its in the corner, with the label facing forward. My toothbrushes all must face the same way and if ones off even the tiniest bit it gets me anxious as fuck.

Important thing is I do little things like this all day but never considered myself to have OCD. Humans are routine/ritual oriented creatures. The thing I don't like though is how anxious I get if somethings not completed the way I'm use to doing it.
BUT, a lot of times if I wind up readjusting my shaving cream 4-5 times, and the label still appears to not be facing straight, I get VERY anxious, which immediately turns into anger and I SHUTDOWN my anxiety by taking on the angry emotions, and leaving the shaving cream the fuck alone.
It does piss me off walking away from the shaving cream but I can easily tell when I'm running myself into OCD mode, and when it becomes too much, I just cut it off like that and stop what I'm doing. It feels akward yes, but not as akward as adjusting a fucking toothbrush 114 times.

Use you gut bro. Maybe if you have a little more confidence in yourself in general you'll start having more confidence in your decisions. And noone really gives a fuck about things being done a certain way but you. You control you. Sure I think little things are going to drive you mad everyday, but be AWARE of when its happening, and tell yourself "I'm not falling for that trap", then stop. DEAL with the anxiety because trust me it generally passes fast. The only way it won't pass is if you stay in front of whatever is triggering you (for me if I just stand there looking at my shaving cream) so I immediately hop into the shower and the water makes me forget about that anxiety.

So like I said bro trust yourself a bit more. And DO NOT worry where you're living in 3 months. If you need to drive up here in 3 months to sleep on my couch a bit its not a fucking problem at all bro. I'll watch out for you if your parents won't we both suffer from a lot of the same bs in life. And one thing I found great for burning out my OCD tendencies is a long day of work. As I basically get paid to obsess over shit (cashier) so by the time I get home, last thing I'm thinking about is my shaving cream or how my toothbrushes are facing. Its generally on the days I have off that its at its worst, so keep that in mind.

Most of all if your off opiates now dude I suggest staying away from that shit for good. That shit will cure your OCD and empty your bank at the same time. Definitely not a good thing. And also I wanted to mention the last text you got from me is no sign that we're still not friends. Even when I chew you out sometimes I will still be there the next day if you need anything. I told you that before shit happens to both of us but lifes too short to take shit like that personal. It just obviously dissappointment me a lot, but I know what it means to crave a drug so no harm no foul.

keep it real bro and relax, this is you time, focus on YOU.

-Rob
 
i am on celexa klonopin neurontin risperdal inderal and clonodine., and trazadone to sleep...........nuts rite
bo my panick has been so bad every day thinking about the future and my dad just telling me when i leave "choose a place besides jersey and find a job and i can get 1000 buks a month and thats it he wont help me plan stuff out. yea i know im 30 but this is still scary as hell. plus being in this place i cant stand away from all fam and friends is so rough . lately ive been feelin so bad that i feel like goin to a hospital since i feel like i can barely function . the ocd is real annoying because its just obsessing about stupid little things like not having right things in my pockets or right clothes on but the depression and anxiety are worse. Bo if i could come chill with you now i would !
 
Hi Jake.

I'm not going to pretend that I know you all that well, but from reading your posts I've really gotten the impression that you're fixated on your disorder(s). As in, you identify as them. I've gone through similar straits, and what I found really helped was breaking that association; I was not a depressive, I was someone who suffered from depression. It makes a surprisingly large difference. As well (again, from my own experience), I've found that the less time that I spend in my head the less time that I have to obsess over my problems. What is it that you do right now? You're in a treatment centre, right? Surely they must have activities, sports, exercise, arts and crafts, or what have you. Even reading a good book or just going for a walk can be a great way to step out of your head for a bit.
 
^Yes I think this is great advice. I do the same thing and it makes a big difference for me:

-I sometimes experience symptoms of anxiety
-I sometimes experience symptoms of ADD
-I sometimes go through periods of using drugs heavily

This is how I look at it. I don't consider myself to have any disorder and I don't think I ever will no matter how I feel. Often when people talk to me I just zone out and have trouble following. I could say damn this is my anxiety disorder kicking in! Or uh oh, here comes the ADD! Or, wow I'm such an addict that is self-centered and can only focus on my own thoughts! But it's just something that happens and that's all I let it be. It's not to try to diminish your symptoms or make it out as if they don't exist, just to look at them differently.

And really man I understand you are stressed about the family but if you're provided with enough money to live and start up a life on your own that's a great opportunity.
 
i hear u guys but im on 7 damn meds and still extremetly depressed and anxious. and cant let go of my worries.................
 
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