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Obsessed with benzos

Yeah I dont at all miss the days of picking up my 90 count bottle of 5mg diazepam and taking all of them at once. Amazing I never blacjed out doing that, and even moe amazing that when I did finally do simething stupid with benzos and black out on fake Xanax I didnt end up in the psych ward or getting arrested. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, Im seriously a really lucky guy. Take chefs words heart peoples, he aint kidding.
 
Yeah I wish I never opened this Pandora's box. I doubt kava would do much but make me want benzos. Even Etizolam doesn't affect me, only heavy benzos that fucking Clonazolam is what I get into. I am definitely going to rehab trying to get there now with my crappy insurance. And it's gonna suck. Maybe I can stay off this shit though. I mean growing up I fucked with every drug, made some habits and dropped all of them .alcohol was the last, I still drank but just got angry and physically ill. The benzos were my cure for this. I have no idea how I discovered Etizolam, but it worked like a charm for about two weeks. Then, nothing at all. I got that fucking Clonazolam and it was all over. This is the worst addiction I've ever dealt with, its because it's so similar to alcohol for me I think but eay better a feeling, until I see the havoc the morning brings. Fired , broke, house a shambles, just awful shit. I didn't realize how heavily these gaba drugs fuck your brains over.
 
Thanks toothpaste, I'm a cfu as well lol. I'm clean of them now for a little while, its a start. This drug class was just what I needed to end my long drug career, most of the others I could shake it off but these nope, I got a long term problem on my hands
 
I needed some relief last night. I hate smoking pot, but its always around. I made one pot caramel from a few little buds, boiled in butter. I guess I made it right. I ate the caramel, and had a nice body stone for the next ten hours, I guess the edible got rid of the anxiety. It had me nice and lethargic and comfortable all evening ..It was pretty damn good a replacement for a Benzo. I think I may have found a big help with this shit , I am not sure being completely 100% tee-total is ever gonna work for me. Pot is legal here, it seems like a safe non gaba alternative. It seemed to help with the depression too. Smoking pot makes me a paranoid mess, I was amazed this is a totally different thing.
 
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