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Obsessed with benzos

J

Jonnyboy369

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2015
Messages
59
I am about 4 months clean of benzos and alcohol. I was a wreck last year. I moved, got a new job, and have started putting my life in good order again. I can't however stop obsessing over benzodiazepines. I don't crave alcohol or anything else, just pills. I only seem to remember how awesome I felt on particularly clonazolam, it was my d.o.c. in the end. I ruined friendships, jobs, and nearly was homeless from using that particular Benzo RC. I wish I could stop thinking about it, I have a new job that keeps me so tired and busy I don't go to any meetings lately, I like AA however. Does anyone have any tips on stopping obsessing over drug use? I delude myself in this obsession I could just get a few and use it for fun when I'm not working. I couldn't do that though . The last time I had them I was eating them like candy. I know they will make my life suck again in a matter of days, but I still want them ...
 
Hey there I to am getting over drug abuse and addiction and the way I keep going is crowding out my destructive behavior with positive ones and knowing that I can't just use for fun the last time I tried to use for fun I ended up with an addiction again and being back at day one I'm never gonna make that mistake again plz feel free to message me
 
I'm not certain this will work for benzos, but since they're so similar to alcohol it may. Try getting the naltrexone shot (Vivitrol) for a few months. I was addicted to benzos (for 10 years) and alcohol (17+ years)and did two stints in rehab. After my last rehab stay I got the shot immediately after getting ou, and got it for the next 8 months. I got out of rehab two years ago, haven't had a craving yet. I feel like the addiction areas of my brain have been reset, so I no longer have the drive to drink or take pills.

If you can't get the shot consider Kava. I was going through a time where I was having issues sleeping and decided to get an organic extract (50mg kavalactones). I tried it one night and it was pharmaceuticals strong - literally knocked me on my ass. I know people take it during the day for anxiety as well, though I haven't tried it. I personally use it very sparingly as its so effective I don't want to risk building a tolerance. Kava may help get you through the cravings, as I've heard others describe it on this site as very similar feeling to a mild benzo, and I have to agree. I use liquid extract put out by Gaia herbs.

Other things that have helped me get past cravings is making sure I stay on a regular schedule, not letting myself get too hungery, and exercise. Good luck!
 
I'm going to treatment for the first time soon. I got more benzos and it went bad fast. I thank you guys for reading my post here, I just heard of naltrexone today at the waiting list to rehab meeting..I luckily still have my health and my girlfriend, job no more but that's okay I got insurance for treatment now which is more important at this point of my life. The obsession to use benzos is overpowering now, I'm going to rehab and stay there this has to end. I've been into drugs off and on twenty years, but nothing not even the heyday of alcohol and cocaine can compare to this to me. Again thank you all for replying.
 
i was addicted to benzos and the idea of having to take a benzo now scares me.

i dont know how long it will take but you will stop being obsessed with them eventually. the more you try to fight being obsessed with them the longer it will take, its paradoxical like that.

Just because you want them doesnt mean you are going to do them, you have a choice today over that.
for me, having options in my life, being able to make choices about what my day looks like is really valuable.

Talk it out as much as you need to but also make room for other new thoughts.

and get busy doing doing something. move a muscle, change a thought.


<3
 
Thanks, I've recently just been thinking how much havoc these benzos have caused me. I now call them "Friend and Job erasers". Lol. So, these things suck. I lost alot to them , and I'm still going to treatment ASAP. Its pretty humbling going to work at temp. services when you were making real $ before, and really what fun did I have from these benzos? I lost alot of good friends and good paying jobs.
 
Jonnyboy369 said:
Thanks, I've recently just been thinking how much havoc these benzos have caused me. I now call them "Friend and Job erasers". Lol. So, these things suck. I lost alot to them , and I'm still going to treatment ASAP. Its pretty humbling going to work at temp. services when you were making real $ before, and really what fun did I have from these benzos? I lost alot of good friends and good paying jobs.
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I'm really sorry to hear that you lost a lot from your benzo usage.

Best of luck.
 
Benzos, especially when purchased from illicit sources on the black market can be really really shady. Like potentially very bad, very, very bad indeed. . .
 
Yes, they can. Not to mention that addiction from legally purchased benzos are really difficult to cpe with. It's even worst than opiates as it messes up with you ways of thinking and emotional response.
 
Yeah, once you have intimate knowledge of the beast, you really know for sure in your heart why it is beast to stay away. They're a sure fire way to self-destruction.
 
It sure is man. I.got into them to slow my alcohol intake. It was and is the beast
In a week I didn't give a shit about alcohol anymore, just waiting on the mail to bring more Etizolam. Then that shit quit working fast..I discovered Clonazolam and before I finished the first bottle I had lost my best job I ever had, and two great friends .. Got up. hot another good job and went to work wasted on these pills. Lost that . moved to another city. Got a fantastic job this time. Just once won't hurt. Got the clonaz a whole bottle of liquid I must have drank all of it over 2 days. That jobs gone, stuck here waiting to go to rehab. One good thing, this last experience has showed me these are about the most destructive drugs I ever took. I think I'm pretty afraid of this beast. What made it really bad was they are legal , cheap, and I could get tons of them in a day or two. I thought nobody noticed me on them, everyone knew I was annihilated. I lost 3 jobs and went to the e.r. twice over about $100 worth of legal benzos. I was better off drinking for God's sake never get into RC benzos unless you wanna flish your whole life dowm the boel in about 48 hours. I couldn't do just a small amount either I was eating twenty 30 milligrams just unable to even walk. Jesus I'm glad today I'm off that shit
 
As in, I'm done with that shit..I have a thing about typoing now because of those drugs..I used to wake up and read shit I messaged and whatnot, it was garbled nonsense.
 
I am considering the kava if it really works, just something natural to take the edge off. I tried kava extracts several times but it didn't work, I heard you have to get the proper root and make the tea.
 
Jonnyboy369 said:
I am considering the kava if it really works, just something natural to take the edge off. I tried kava extracts several times but it didn't work, I heard you have to get the proper root and make the tea.
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I've found kava works well for me. I get an extra from Whole Foods and take it before bed - it knocks me out. It feel pretty similar to a benzo. I haven't found it to be addicting or tolerance building, though I only take it once or twice a week as needed.
 
I have lost so much do to my benzo abuse as well. In fact I was talking to a friend yesterday about benzo blackouts. Most times I had benzo blackouts I would wakeup days later in the psychward. Those were troubling times. I even had a seizure there and now I have a scar on my hairline from hitting my head on the desk because they would not give me my meds. I came in there after taking 400mg of diazepam, and before that I had been on xanax at high dosage for years.

I would highly suggest tapering down, getting on a good anti-depressant (zoloft works incredibly well to bring me back to a more normal baseline of anxiety), and then finding a decent rehab that will detox you off the last of the benzos.

I never got my xanax illicitly, but from what I heard there are a lot of fake xanax pressed bars going around. Considering it is extremely hard to get 2mg in each pill, there is alot of variance in the quality and the dosage. I have read somewhere that a few have been tested after cops seized them and found some only had .75mg of alprazolam in them, and others had 5mg+ of alprazolam in them. If you are benzo naive 5mg or more is enough to send you into a blackout, or at least believe you are sober while in fact you are acting like an asshole.

You are planning to go to rehab yes? I can't stress enough that this is a good idea. It may not be the best rehab, but it will give you a decent amount of time to be away from your contacts and your triggers.
 
of course just my opinion, but i doubt kava will help you stop obsessing over benzos. probably the opposite. if you have four months sober, try to stay sober. kava will touch that part of your brain, reduce your inhibitions, but not satisfy you. just make you want the real thing more.

not saying staying completely sober of gaba drugs is easy or the magic bullet. i recently slipped up after 2 years no alcohol and over a year no benzos. the alcohol was a single incident over a month ago, and was because i was on benzos. didn't do much more than remind me why i don't drink. but the benzos are up to every weekend now, you know just to give me a break and blah blah. insidiously addictive drug.
 
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