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NYE 2000 story

db77

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 31, 2007
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The following is a story of NYE 2000. Perhaps others would be interested in sharing theirs?

db

***

db

Φ


program














To Sandra. Words will never say it.
























Disclaimer

The Orpheus Program arrived in my email on December 31st 2004. We have been unable to trace the source. No government agency has authorized these documents. We do not confirm nor deny the authenticity of the information contained within.

db
January 2005












The point is a hinge which binds two mirrors, which, face to face, spread out to the side like wings for flying over a chaotic era.

- Subcommandante insurgente Marcos











The Orpheus Program


We assert our right to participate in the representation of our collective identities: past, present, and future.

We refuse to respond passively to the image on the screen. We demand access to the pattern of the circuitry.

We reject static and totalitarian representations. We assert the autonomous dynamic of the matrix.

The system must be sensitive to personal decisions.

Part 1:

The Orpheus Program



Transcript


Voice 1 ID: confirmed Operations Director
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Jonathan Pembroke

OD: You’ve come a long way, Agent Pembroke, but I don’t see what justifies such high-level surveillance.

JP: My request has been authorized by Interpol.

OD: And you really believe this ... Sean Ryan is such a threat to international security?

JP: I sincerely hope not, Director.

End Transcript.


0 Transit



LOAD This is memory / or dream

RUN NIGHTWORLDtm

u r entering.


On the street the lights have fallen. windows in the frozen lines of traffic beat alternate [red/blue]. rain beads on the glass and scatters the strobes. emergency vehicles approach. police lights continue to flash and colour the rain rebounding from the hard objects of plastic and steel. they make ghosts in the dark.

Satellite blinks unceasing process in digital colour. three figures in bright parkas moving quickly. turn into an alley. but the central one glances back and beneath the hood just for a moment it is her eyes – you know them: dim mystery of her sorrow – then they are gone.




1 Richmond



1.1

When the V-line rolled in sunset was a faint bloodstain on crinkled sheets. The streetlamps were reflected in the ripples of the river. This was not my memory. All the faces in the crowd like mirrors. All the perspex and glass. A gaze from every screen. I looked up and saw red clouds moving. It looked as if the office blocks were sliding beneath a frozen sky.
Walking by the Up-top Bar I even thought I saw her. Silhouetted in the upper window clothed in a rainbow gleam, until a spotlight from a police helicopter lit the face starkly. She was a younger version and the eyes showed it. Perhaps examining her reflection in the glass. A teenage boy in a baseball cap wondered if I’d like to buy smack.
On the corner of Jo’s street I could still order a souvlaki. I sat at a table and looked at a framed photograph of Marilyn Monroe. On a flyer I noticed a new night had opened at the Hi-fi Bar. I wondered how much had changed.
Jo’s eyes were greyer than I remembered. The blue had drained out to fill the skin beneath the lower lids. She looked at me a long time without speaking. She didn’t smile until I asked her if I could come in and then it was slow and difficult to read.
She said: ‘It’s good to know you’re alive.’
I wasn’t sure about that. I went inside and dialled a number. Anna had moved but there weren’t that many Santos in the book.


1.2

This photograph reveals two figures. one is half-turned to the window through which you see. trapped light old and yellow dissected in the horizontal by Venetian blades.
These remnants of a life of labour. tattered carpets. dusty articles. empty rooms. shrouded like the eyes of this aged woman who now stares with a kind of listless fear or is it grief at the strange visitor to her ailing home.
That face gleams through shadow. paler than the bleached almost-white of the short mane of hair. look at the eyes. receive just a glimpse / a half-glance. frozen and framed. indigital. you can zoom in and enhance: hints of sundrenched blue. they speak of time and distance. desert too immense for personality. intensity detached.






1.3

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Isabella Santo.

SR: Thank you for seeing me.

IS: You’re welcome, Sean.

Pause.

IS: Tea?

SR: Thank you.

Pause.

IS: So you have been back long?

SR: Since just after Christmas. I’ve been staying with my sister in Fitzroy ... looking for work.

IS: You are settling in?

Pause.

SR: Well... I still feel a little out of place.

Laughter.

IS: You were in Perth?

SR: Perth and Darwin, and a few places in between. I visited my father.

IS: Oh? He is well?

SR: He'd just had a cancer removed from his chin. He was complaining he couldn't go out in the sun.

IS: It is very hot?

SR: Yes... The sun and the dust at midday... Sometimes it made you forget who you were. I’d watch the magpies circling above the trees. It still seems more real than Melbourne in some ways.

Pause.

SR: I remember this photo from the old house. I asked Anna about the wedding but she said she didn’t like to think of you as young.

IS: We are engaged before he goes to war. When he comes back, he is different. This happens to many men. But the women keep their promise.

SR: Anna has her father’s eyes.

IS: They were alike. No... compromise.

Pause.

SR: Isabella, can you help me find her?

Pause.

IS: I wanted to come to this country. Australia. No-one told us our children would be taken from us.

Pause.

IS: Please come with me.

End transcript.




1.4

Isabella led me up the narrow stairs. The pattern of the carpet was faded, less intricate than in the old house. I stepped past Ricard’s room and the antiseptic smell of the invalid. I didn’t want to go in.
The furniture in Anna’s room was covered by stained white sheets and the floor was unpolished wood.
Isabella said: ‘She wouldn’t let us carpet,’ and smiled like she was ashamed.
Brown rose petals gathered with the dust in the corners of the room. Perhaps I remembered the roses they fell from. I knelt and held a shrivelled petal in my palm. Her cupboards were empty. Bluetack marked where her posters had been.
Isabella said: ‘This is all she left. We have nothing to remember her.’
We looked at each other until Ricard's bell saved us. While Isabella was out of the room I checked behind Anna's desk for the secret hole where she used to keep her stash. All I found was a disk balanced edgeways at the back, almost out of reach. I pocketed it before Isabella returned.
She said: ‘He’s asking to see you Sean.’
Ricard’s jowls were sagging and stubbled but his eyes were made of bluestone. We watched each other through silence interrupted by the erratic buzz of a fly. As I turned away Ricard caught my wrist. The back of his hand was psoriatic, mottled pink and grey.
He said: ‘Find her.’


1.5

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Isabella Santo.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.

IS: We have no address, no word. Carla said she went overseas.

SR: Where is Carla now?

IS: She has her fiancee.

SR: Matthew?

IS: They are engaged after you left. They have a nice house in Brunswick. We talk on the phone sometimes.

Pause.

SR: Thank you for everything. Anna never blamed you... for anything.

IS: Who is to blame for the loss of our children? Time has stolen them. The city has stolen them. It is not our city.

SR: I don’t know if the city is anyone’s.

End transcript.


1.6

Nylex Plastics dominates the bridge despite the looming frame of Foxtel trying to steal the light. time and temperature remain more real than any digital simulation. it is all molecular agitation but the clock moves in time for you to see it. beneath a magpie caught in half-flight. no condor viewed on national geographic will lift its wings in response to your suspicious gaze.

2 Fitzroy



2.1

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Josephine Adams.

SR: How was work?

JA: Castles made of sand.

Pause.

JA: I’m dying for a coffee.

Pause. Phone rings.

JA: Matthew on the phone for you.

End transcript.




2.2

From: Sean Ryan
To: Luke Kenealy

Hey Luke, long time no speak.

I’m back in Melbourne for a while staying with my sister. I was hoping we could catch up soon.

Anyway let me know where you are, maybe we can exchange new year’s resolutions.

Sean.



From: Luke Kenealy
To: Sean Ryan

What a surprise. I thought you’d gone for good.

If you want to catch up before NY, I’m in Kew now but I’m flying up to Sydney tomorrow night for the big weekend.

LK

2.3

In the evening I went walking in this new world. I struggled to breathe air heavy with moisture and smog. The sky was starless uniform yellow except where the city wore a halo of rose. I followed the sound of drums through backstreets of factories and warehouses. The housing commission flats receded. Jo likes their nearness. ‘To remind me,’ she said.
Brunswick St still more colourful. Projecting artificial sunlight to the accompaniment of saxophones toward an uncertain audience in space. When a plane passed I wondered if they saw us. A tired man in a suit sniffed flowers under the nursery archway. The Black Cat lurked just the same as always. Familiar ground remains so. But everyone’s hair seemed both stranger and more carefully styled.
‘Each year I swear the street becomes more beautiful.’ I was never sure what Anna meant. I watched a goth walk beneath the giant hamburger. Techno shook the Punter’s Club. In the Polyester window a cardboard cutout Phantom advertised eroticomic art. I went inside taking refuge from the smells of low-fat cooking and to check the latest Beat. The dance section was bigger. Dub filtered through the circuits above the checkerboard floor. The girl behind the counter smiled inwardly adjusting the angle of her tongue-bolt as she swayed to the bass.
In the record store I asked the unfamiliar face behind the counter if Liam still came by here. He studied me for a second before glancing sideways. Two teenage girls were coming up the stairs. They saw there were no clothes here and turned around. The new face handed me a flyer.
He said: ‘You know who your friends are?’ and turned his back.


2.4

Across the road a tired man holds a lonely red rose and stares out at the rising moon. a train rolls by. dusk is repeated in every window. there are ghostly faces staring from each sunset. their eyes fade into the clouds.


2.5

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Matthew Berzin.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Carla Santo.

MB: Hello Sean? It’s Matt Berzin speaking. You left a message for my wife today.

SR: Yes, I rang Carla.

MB: To be honest, Carla and I were, let’s say, somewhat surprised by your call.

SR: I’m sorry?

MB: Anna hasn’t contacted her family for months, Sean.

Pause.

SR: Can I speak to Carla please?

Pause.

SR: Hello?

CS: Sean?

SR: Carla, are you okay?

CS: I’m fine Sean. It’s only...

Pause.

CS: Why don’t you come over Sean? Come for dinner. Brunswick isn’t far. 7 o’clock? We’ll talk then.

SR: That’s fine...

CS: Then I’ll see you soon.

End transcript.


2.6

Φ

3 Kew



3.1

Complexity of trees and grass disrupted by birdsflight [un]captured. alights grey branch. dead wood regenerates green tips. parkland gives way to industry. smog obscures the lowland. avoided by privilege: ancient fear of pestilence. also indicating fertile soil.


3.2

Kew contained the playgrounds of my childhood. Learned to ride a bike in our backyard. My father built a swing for us out of a tyre. We used to pull blossoms from the tree to prove how high we flew. Trying to beat my record my sister leapt from the garage and snapped the branch the rope was tied to. She cut her arm. I remember my father’s towering rage. I told him I had made her. When it struck the blow filled my head with the sound of a TV turned all the way down. I was glad to save her. She held me while I shook and sure enough blood welled from her cut and mingled with my tears.


3.3

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Luke Kenealy.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.

SR: Looks like you’re set up.

LK: It’s all connected.

Pause.

LK: Where did you get this?

Pause.

LK: I never understood what happened.

SR: I didn’t realise until it was too late.

End transcript.






3.4

Φ
3.5

Waiting for the bus at the Junction I lit a cigarette and watched the blue leak from the sky. Across the road an aging mother-of-pearl herded two daughters from the earthy tones of Ishka. They climbed into their Mercedes to escape the early onset of the night. Mother avoided my gaze while her youngest gave me the eye.
The bus was swollen with private school boys shrieking and jostling through Studley Park. I remembered another time waiting for the bus here when a naked girl ran onto the road, belly filled with swelling child. Then the bus came and I climbed on board. I watched her skin dissolve into the background as the buildings converged to either side.
Luke was old in the mouth. The eyes were guarded like he wasn’t sure who I was. I wondered who he trusted these days. I wondered the same about me.


3.6

Image of a captain brave in battle. looks fit for pioneering space mission as seen on TV. elites will form in every system. talent looks for space where it can shine. frontiers have always drawn the brightest. leaves the centre stagnant. better than destroyed by nobles warring over who will rule it. without frontiers the only goal is for the capital. usually it ends up burned.

4 Brunswick



4.1

In series images measure time in stroboscope. observed obliquely by dilation of shadows. strobe captures instants. possibility remains: a vital event hidden in the spaces between. inexplicable by the information you are given.
In the gaps between the film a mirror flashes in the sun. sends a signal in code that you can never crack.
These moments are your stock in trade. fill in the gaps. see faces in the clouds. goslings hide in fear when the shadow of a cardboard hawk passes over their straw hutch.


4.2

I had seen this future for Carla in her soft eyes and in the pliancy of her breasts. A grey wind gave a bleak edge to the twilight and made the garden ragged. She showed me the vegie patch and the rabbits cowering under the straw in their hutch. It was the only chance I had to speak with her alone.
Carla said: ‘They’re terrified. Something in the air.’
I looked back at Carla where she stood shivering, wrapping herself up against the wind. The clouds were coiling above her. The antenna on the chimney rattled as a magpie took flight. The wind came down and drove Carla’s ringlets from her scarf.
She said: ‘She thought you might come looking for her.’
At the doorstep she pushed an envelope into my hand. She was so nervous I didn't dare to look at it. After I walked round the corner I saw Anna's name and the Carlton return address pencilled faintly on the back.


4.3

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Matthew Berzin
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Carla Santo

MB: Beer?

SR: Cheers.

MB: India's collapsing.

Pause.

SR: Is that one of Anna’s?

CS: She did a whole series after you left. Self-portraits. She painted over all of them. Except she let me keep this one because I begged.

SR: I thought Anna went overseas.

Pause.

CS: She sent me a letter before she left. That was the last time she contacted me.

Pause.

SR: I'd like to photograph this painting.

CS: Please.

Pause.

CS: See? She painted both herself and you.

End transcript.



4.4

Waiting for the tram I saw Brunswick fertile with hidden seeds and rot. I remembered watching Jack and Skie making fluffy pants on the floor of their flat. Later they would retire to the bedroom’s warm cocoon to watch the screensaver and shoot up. Down the road Andy and Kate showed me their collection of beautiful comics in a palace of corrugated iron. We spent endless nights on pills and cones talking crazy into the moonrise discussing bizarre possibilities and what we'd made real. The fermentation of dreams. Many do not emerge, join the mutant colonies of junk.


4.5

Black and white self-portrait needs no colour to express the sadness of this young girl’s face. black zig-zag marks where thought is broken. but the eyes are somehow free of damage. stare into space. sorrow echoing the reaches of horizons undreamed in suffocation of house and home.

And look: those eyes are Sean Ryan’s.




4.6

Voice 1 ID: Unknown Voice.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Matthew Berzin.

UV: Generation.

MB: It’s Matthew.

UV: How goes it?

MB: The accounts will be in order next week. But I thought I’d let you know, Sean Ryan is back in town.

Pause.

UV: This is no problem?

MB: I’m sure it won’t be. But he seems very determined.

UV: I see. Thanks Matthew. We’ll speak soon.

End transcript.

5 Carlton



5.1

Dear Sean,

I don’t think this letter will reach you. You’ve cut off contact. But I have to try to get through.
Anna stayed out for five days after you left. Someone would see her briefly like a ghost, dancing or talking to some stranger, that vanished when we tried to touch her.
And now her new friend is always on her arm, Lydia, whispering in her ear. Lydia tells us Anna’s okay now, she's going to be fine. I don’t think so.
She’s changing, Sean. Please I hope you get this and come back.

love,

Charlotte.




5.2

Carlton never seemed real. Lygon Street reflecting a double image in a shop window. A student’s pacifist camouflage superimposed on this season’s conservative cuts. There was the road where delinquent terrorists fired a car the night of Liam's party. Our own wine-fuelled flame blazed merrily. We watched from the balcony like it was TV. When the firemen put it out we groaned. The twisted wreck of ashes reminded us of the next morning and soon we filed inside.


5.3


Φ

5.4

Halo of dusty lightbulbs makes two sharp silhouettes. one seems half-grasped by curling fingers of twig and leaf. smoke coils from a hand obscured by foliage. rises to further scatter light rays into appearance of mist.
Two-storey terrace rises like a church. patterns of chipped ironwork absent of stained glass. contemplatives free to imagine which colours they will look through.
You know how many worlds are out there depending on the frame you choose. on the street you cannot avoid encountering the others. even if you try to keep your distance they will shoulder you. stamp on your foot as you hurry by.


5.5

I could see Dean sizing me up. A year ago he was just Liam's kid brother trying too hard. Now he was full of dealer cool. At least it made it easier for him to leave me and Charlie alone. But I had a nagging feeling that wasn't something I should welcome.
Charlie kept flicking her eyes at me like she was worried I’d suddenly pull off my mask and show her my badge. When I asked her about the letter her face closed up like I’d finally given myself away.
She said: ‘Anna wanted a clean break.’
5.6

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Charlotte Mallone.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Dean Martin.

CM: Sean Ryan. Is it really you?

SR: I see you’ve added to your zoo.

DM: Mexican walking fish.

Pause.

SR: Haven’t seen green for a while.

Pause.

SR: What’s that?

DM: Orpheus.

CM: The first note.

End transcript.

6 North Melbourne



6.1

Parliament Station never looked so inhuman. A Big Mac wrapper tumbled against my legs and I imagined blood on the tiles. Going round the loop I stared at the reflection of the black man in the opposite seat. At Spencer St a hard man with a scarred face came in with an open stubby and a six-pack under his arm. He sat down next to the aboriginal man, took a triumphant slug of beer and stared around the carriage.
He said: ‘I used to be a racist man.’
The black man ignored the scarred one’s gaze.
The hard man said: ‘But then I was up North catchin’ brumbies. It was a good job, but I didn’t get paid very much, ‘cause I didn’t catch many brumbies.’
I listened furtively pretending to be lost reading the details of yesterday’s news.
‘But I was trackin’ these horses, an’ I got lost, see?
‘I was out there three days, ‘fore the blackfellas found me.
‘They took me back to their camp, an’ they told me stories.
‘Now I wasn’t drunk, an’ I wasn’t on drugs, but I saw visions.
‘Next day they found the brumbies an’ sent me home, no worries.’
The train reached North Melbourne station. The scarred man stood up.
He said: ‘I used to be a racist man.’
The aboriginal man kept looking at the window.
The memories didn’t come back until I’d left the train and crossed the new bridge at McCauley station. It was in the warehouses that we discovered each other most intimately. Beneath the Terrace helpless under the pheromone heat we lay topless in a haze of well-being. We were astonished by how beautiful the others were.
Then there were the acid awakenings and terrifying distortions. No one realising it was all a reflection. Anna had rocked back and forth foetally until she seemed to disappear somewhere inside, far off. I held her and wondered if she’d ever come back.
I remembered this as the first low pulse of the music penetrated my awareness. I saw brightly coloured figures emerge from the doorway, walking, heads bowed, with that quiet grace of the here and now. The doorgirl’s eyes flashed green as a laser beam caught her face. I paid her my money and entered the rave.






6.2

the rain was a rainbow...

underground music has changed...

I know who you are Sean Ryan...

i don’t know what will happen...

things won’t change much...

well look at the wars look at the atrocities of this century...

just opened my eyes more to the world more...

its just amazing the endless dynamic...

a collective goal...

Do you really want to find her...

the recognition of racism...

we don’t want another vietnam...

technology..

techno...

everything will happen...


6.3

Voice 1 ID: unconfirmed Lydia??
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.

Lydia: I know who you are Sean Ryan.

Pause.

Lydia: Can’t you guess?

Pause.

SR: You’re the new friend. Lydia.

Lydia: She told me you might try to follow.

SR: Anna.

Lydia: Who else?

SR: Where is she?

Lydia: If you want to find her, you have to understand what she went through.

Pause.

Lydia: Follow me.

Pause. Music fades to background pulse.

SR: What did you mean, Anna knew I’d follow?

Lydia: She told me herself.

Pause.

Lydia: What I don’t understand is, why you meant so much to her.

Pause.

Lydia: You didn’t understand her.

SR: I didn’t even think.

Lydia: You still don’t.

Pause.

Lydia: But I understand her. And I understand you.

End transcript.


6.4

Hidden camera records in strobe the dry showerblock’s new year’s eve. sorting through the collage of the night: needles, kisses, nosebleeds, tears, and mania. finally you focus on the crucial encounter. two figures viewed from above appear in a distorted perspective. heads too large. bodies dwindling. black and white grain helps transform erotic interaction into surreal collision.

>>> profit XXX >>>

Voice 1 ID: unconfirmed Lydia??

Lydia: Is that what you wanted?

End transcript.

6.5

She came to me out of the darkness and fixed me with those eyes gleaming like auras in the UV. I wondered what more she could possibly do to me before she beckoned with a black-lacquered nail.
She said: ‘Do you still want to find her?’
I couldn’t refuse her. I followed her into the shadow and she told me the story. They had to make a delivery to St Kilda but their driver couldn’t see straight. Liam had to play in twenty minutes and Lydia didn’t have a license. I wondered what the package was.
She said: ‘I think you can guess.’
Hunched in his jacket Liam wore the same crooked smile underneath the same wide saintly eyes.
He said: ‘It’s good to see you Sean.’
I agreed.
He said: ‘This package is special, Sean. It comes from the original source.’
Lydia nodded.
‘Orpheus.’
I felt outmanoeuvred by forces outside my perception.
He said: ‘This is an unusual situation. Do you see why Anna might not want to be found?’
I couldn’t read his smile. Lydia stood at his side like a fateful omen and for the first time I was afraid of what I might discover.
On our way upstairs Lydia pressed a small white capsule into my hand. I shook my head. She kept walking up the stairs.
Outside the first light of the new millennium was seeping up between the silos. Lydia’s face was the colour of a pale rose when the dawn found her.
She said: ‘There are so many levels to this. You’ve only touched on the surface. Anna went deep. It’s a question of coping with the pressure.’
That was when they came out of nowhere. Two grey suits the colour of the shadows and before you could think they had their torches in our faces. I realised the cap was still in my palm. I downed it just as they showed us their badges. I started telling them our rights and they started laughing. The big one kneed me in the kidneys and I went down with blood behind my eyes.

In high school we would ride the deserted trains up and down the line. We would remove the seals from their windows so they would fall from their frames. We would scrawl our identities across the dull plastic and hang out of the windows and stare at the sky. I remember raising my arms up like a dream of flying.

Then there was the sound of two pennies dropping and the cops dropped too. Lydia was yelling at me to get up. I saw the holes and the blood. The car was under the bridge. We ran for it.


6.6

new age vampires adorn the platform at the station. these ones feed on their own flesh. the needle is their fang. a line of ravers crosses the new bridge. hooded heads are bowed as if in contemplation. they walk silhouetted against the morning. disappear inside the tunnel. it remains unclear what will emerge on the other side.

7


Everything that is erased goes into their networks.


8 St Kilda



8.1

The light that shimmers from beyond the vault’s grey frame transforms this photo into a negative. all blacks and whites without a hint of mediation. steel door separates the shadowed figures gathered at the sidelines from whatever lies concealed inside.
Sean Ryan’s hair is ghost-pale as it shifts and merges with the brilliance opening from within. face is turned away. expression twisted. as if the light burns as well as illuminates. he pauses at the threshold.
Lydia appears as a shadow on all that is spotless. hair hangs down her back in tendrils that spread fine cracks into the whiteness. she pulls her companion with her whether he wills or not. drags him across the line.








8.2

St Kilda is its own season. Muttering with the sound of the sea, the break of the waves on the beach where needles lie in wait like damned seeds. Far away wax men in singlets writhe to beats at the Prince of Wales. Fitzroy St spills out joyous house into the morning like a sacrament, communion found in mingled sweat and concentration, lifting souls to peaks never imagined in front of the television, watching re-runs of old favourites, slowing down after a day’s labour, wanting only forgetfulness and sleep.
Lydia pulled the cord before we reached the sea. Everything was twice as bright as I remembered but slowly the white haze was taking over the colours.
Lydia said: ‘You’ll have to come down eventually.’


8.3

Voice 1 ID: unconfirmed Lydia??
Voice 2 ID: unconfirmed Michael??
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan

Lydia: Michael?

Pause.

Lydia: Michael, I’ve brought him.

Michael: I was grafting.

Lydia: They’re beautiful.

Pause.

Lydia: Someone shot up our sting.

Pause.

Michael: Incredible.

Lydia: You have a lot of faith.

Michael: Faith has never disappointed me.

Lydia: It might yet.

Michael: But here you are with my package.

Pause.

Lydia: Sean tried a sample this morning.

Michael: I can see that.

Pause.

Michael: How are you travelling?

SR: I’m lost.

Michael: I have something that might help.

Pause.

SR: My vision’s blurred.

Michael: This will help sharpen things up.

Pause.

Michael: In my country, you cannot afford to float about in a lovely dream.

Lydia: What happened to faith?

Michael: Faith must be honed.

Lydia: It cuts both ways.

SR: You know my intentions.

Michael: That’s not enough.

Pause.

Lydia: Orpheus was held in Michael’s warehouse, in the city.

Michael: I was more lost than you. I ran a finance company, Generation Systems. I cared only about edges.

SR: My vision’s clearing up.

End transcript.


8.4

Anna wanted to make a clean break, to be free of the ghosts of her past. So she disappeared. She wanted to wipe the slate clean, so she could start anew.
But it was inevitable that the trappings of her life would remind her of what she wanted to escape. So she set about building another life, with the help of Lydia.

She painted over all her paintings, leaving nothing that might speak of the history she wanted to forget. She told everyone she was going overseas, but really she moved to Carlton and got involved with a movement called Orpheus.
But the organizers were in need of fast cash. So Anna asked Lydia if her other contacts were able to help. Anna was their port of call for shipping in some experimental drugs, a new batch. Everyone at the party had the time of their lives.
But there was a problem. Anna was swimming with dangerous fish. When the police came calling, they traced it to her. She wasn’t the kind to squeal on her new friends, or so Lydia assured them. Maybe they really wanted to help her, or maybe they didn’t have much faith in human nature. So they got her a plane ticket and her prophecy fulfilled itself. She disappeared.
A year later and some of the crew were still keeping the dream alive. They were nostalgic for the first party. So they decided to make a sequel, and they even used the symbol Anna had designed. This must have drawn attention from the cops, because they came calling, still hoping to win the main prize, the source of the drugs. That’s where I came in.






8.5

the foreground of this photograph reveals a small hydroponic forest. ushering cool sweetness into the dry air of the warehouse floor that lies beyond. to the right a computer hums its supersonic music. emits white radiation that transforms the colour of the plants into uncanny green. behind: a set of couches surrounds an entertainment system speaking of a wealth that far exceeds the simplicity of the furnishings. weird Aztec patterns line the rug on the floor.


8.6

Voice 1 ID: unconfirmed Michael??
Voice 2 ID: unconfirmed Lydia??
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan

Michael: We are so close to being at each other’s throats.

Lydia: But we have discovered a way to sustain our race.

Michael: The drugs we distribute have been designed with an intention.

Lydia: It is difficult, but luckily, we have help.

Michael: There are others, out there.

Pause.

Michael: The others move amongst us in the city. Material is over.

Pause.

Michael: Who understands the information Godhead, is with the others.

Pause.

SR: Anna.

Michael: You have always known. Go find your answer.

End transcript.

9 City



9.1

The symbol is etched in rough spray-paint. silver has faded to grey. behind a white door beckons. broken hole where the lock once was. now held in place by a rusted padlock.
This is the beginning of another story. you have reached this point unseen. unheard except in silenced gunshots. you have always believed the future of the world is at stake. now you are unsure whose side you serve.



9.2

Light poured through the windows high up in the walls of the warehouse, illuminating dust motes that swarmed in the musty air. White sheets covered racks of ransacked electronics. Over there, a box full of Christmas stars that had been painted fluorescent yellows and greens. A giant pixellated strawberry at the bottom of a crate.
I wandered between racks of torn and moth-eaten costumes. Spirals and concentric circles were painted on the floor and in the centre of it all stood a giant tripod hung with sheets of transparent plastic. Within, fluffy carpets of purple and green had become matted and spotted from water that had dripped from the roof.
I had found nothing of her but I refused to give up. I scrabbled through trays of glow-sticks and plastic rings, tossed aside coils of reflector tape, until I saw the flash of a disk in the morning light. It was unlabelled but as I picked it up I felt an unmistakeable shock tingle in my fingers.
Lydia said: ‘There were a lot of computers here once. This used to be the office of Generation Systems.’






9.3

This scanned postcard shows only one side. a familiar writing beckons from afar. in the corner is pasted the stamp of a church. BELFAST rubber-stamped in Westminster style over the top.

Dear Orpheus crew,

This is my last message. I hope everything is well with you all and that all is unfolding according to plan.

I am content. I sit and through my window watch the gulls rise above the church. Sometimes I think I see the movement of the updraft before it leaves my room and climbs into the clouds.

My love to you all.

Yours truly,

Anna

Transcript


Voice 1 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Jonathan Pembroke.

SR: So it finishes here.

JP: For you at least.

SR: Where is she?

JP: I’m afraid I cannot tell you. She has vanished from my networks, along with the rest.

SR: What do you mean?

JP: Perhaps you, after all, deserve to know.

Pause.

JP: This story starts twenty years ago, in London, England. With a man called Nathan Herbert.

Pause.

JP: Nathan Herbert was a brilliant design analyst who was approached by the IMF to write a program.

Pause.

JP: This program was special. It was to be designed to monitor the stock market, to enable the IMF to prevent economic crashes.

Pause.

JP: I was his protege. You don’t know how long and hard we worked. We were idealists. We thought we could build a future without hardship or risk.

SR: What happened?

JP: I’m afraid my mentor became obsessed. He became satisfied with nothing less than artificial intelligence. Only this AI would not only monitor the stock market, it would control it. He wanted to prevent monopolies. He wanted to save the world.

Pause.

JP: Herbert called it Orpheus. It needed no mainframe. It was completely decentralized.

Pause.

JP: When the IMF realized what he was doing they shut the program down. But Herbert would not accept it. He disappeared, along with the AI.

Pause.

JP: We only got wind of it around ’94. Some of the data analysts noticed anomalies in the currency trading.

Pause.

JP: I was asked to track down the source of the virus, we presume it is Herbert. You see, as far as we can tell, by around ’97 it was already intelligent enough to make contact with humans.

Pause.

JP: I’m afraid Anna was one of them.

SR: I don’t...

JP: I’m sorry, Sean, she’s with the others now.

Pause.

JP: I needed you to get to her, Sean. There was no other way of infiltrating their networks. But I failed. Yesterday the virus cracked the last of my codes. I didn’t get to him in time, Sean. We lost.

Pause.

SR: What does that mean?

JP: It means the world is under their control.

Pause.

SR: So it finishes here.

JP: For you at least.

End transcript.
 
NYE 2005 Story

Part 2:

Freedom from Regret


1

Rain falling on the tin roof. Bullets echoing...

Sound fades. Light through my window, slow dissolve...

Again I fall back into sleep. Now the light again. Words flash before me speaking dreams and memories out of the night and out of the past.

The past is Ireland’s ghost, it is in everyone...

Now you see, this story has a past already. My own history grows in the telling, doubles and folds in upon itself until its reflections gather in a hinged mirror...

Now for the future. We will show you how it folds back, snake-tail in mouth...

Wait and see...

2

That’s when I know I’m in for a bad one. Jimmy Logan’s down the pub already, he’s not waiting for stragglers and I’ve slept all day. Strange dreams...
But Jesus, Jimmy Logan’s waiting and I’m already wasting time. You can’t see the answers to a problem from the sky, or so he tells me. That means that when the problem’s on the ground then you’ve got to stay on the ground to solve it. Better yet, you have to go deeper, under the ground where the bones of the dead men rest. You have to go into the past, and that’s deep. No point trying to float above the whole and see the bird’s eye view. It’s too uninvolved to really see the tears on the widow’s face. So he said.
So I begin to dress and pretty soon the dreams have faded. I’ve got my boots on and the laces are tight. Now for the shirt, crumpled from yesterday’s festivities but my only half-way clean one even though I can smell the sweat that clings to the cotton and reminds me of the distant bass I could still hear from the car when we drove away. It was in everything. The engine was a steady beat and the birds were singing warps and whistles when the boom gates dropped and the bell started clanging like everything was in harmony, like the music had spread out and filled the world.
I go to put my coat on and the door swings closed as I lift it from the knob. I look at my poster of Michael Collins and wonder if I’ll ever be included in Jimmy Logan’s crew. They are renowned through Belfast as the best men to know if you want something done, technically that is. What I mean to say is that they’ll fix you up with whatever you need, and that can include a lot these days. People want tools for a variety of jobs, believe me.
But Jimmy Logan’s another sort of man. He runs things. That’s his talent, and we know it well. Actually I shouldn’t even talk about it but that’s a bad habit I have.
I ran into Jimmy Logan New Year’s Day in the market where I’d gone with Hannah to drink hot chocolate while the sun still shone pale through the clouds. The last of the e was still struggling and I was looking at her eyes all cartoon-big and she was smiling as the marshmallow kept unbalancing in the cup. So Jimmy Logan appears out of nowhere and his hand is on my shoulder and he’s smiling broadly like he knows exactly where I’ve been and how I’m feeling and he glances sidelong at Hannah and winks and suddenly she knows he knows everything about me and more but somehow it’s okay because he’s not making a play for her. Instead he asks me how my brother’s going in London.
‘Come down to the pub tomorrow night,’ he tells me.
Then he gets a call on his phone and he has to split. I tell him I understand but he’s gone, weaving through the crowd still talking with one hand on his hat to keep it from blowing away in the wind. Me and Hannah look at each other and without words decide it’s time to go.
She meets me back at my house later but without the e it’s not the same and we listen to the Beach Boys and we know it’s not the same, we’re not there anymore, we’re just floating in our own worlds and I don’t ask her to stay.
When she’s picking up her bag I think she’s beautiful and I decide to tell her but she’s paranoid so she thinks I’m making a play for her. All the amphetamine tension begins to leak out. She knows it and so do I and we both know the choice is ours whether to answer it. She looks at me for a long time and it’s like I don’t know how to do what’s good anymore. Any choice I make seems like a bad one and I still want her but don’t want to want her and this is difficult but I just don’t want to offend her fragile heart.
That’s what I tell myself anyway when I give her a quick kiss on the cheek and let her go with a kind of emptiness in my sadness that shows her that I don’t really care enough to want her and somehow that’s the most painful thing of all, the not wanting, and we thought happiness was in acceptance of that but instead she closes down, it’s that painful for her and I feel terrible as she walks away.
This is only yesterday, you understand. That’s why I’ve sworn off drugs completely. I never want to go through that again. We’ll never see each other without remembering. I don’t even want to think about it. I just want to go down to the pub and get some ale into me.

3

The pub’s that crowded, it could be the end of the world. People spill out from the doorways, holding glasses that gleam in the light, froth floating over the top as they wave their arms to punctuate their jokes and arguments.
Jimmy Logan is at the bar. He lifts his glass and wipes the foam off with his fist as he nods to something some blonde girl is telling him as she swings her hair in time with the music. I can’t see the front of her but I like the gold ringlets cascading like water down her back, which curves as she leans on the bar with her arms showing pale against the polished wood. She wears a clinging red dress.
Anyway, Jim’s talking to this blonde and she’s leaning up against the bar and her hip swings a little like a bell in a breeze. She’s sweet as an apple and I haven’t even seen her face and Jim’s talking like there’s no end in sight.
She touches him on the arm and he turns and glances back at a man that’s slouching in the corner looking at his watch. He turns up his wrist and squints at the time like it’s a nasty stain. The blonde tells Jim something in his ear and pretty soon he’s laughing and joking with her but you can tell he’s changed the subject. She’s looking at him straight now, and the other man’s turned and moved away.
I go over to the bar and say hello. Jimmy cracks a grin. I shake his hand and take a seat and he gestures to the woman in red. She smiles lightly and suddenly I’m seeing stars.
‘Lilly,’ she tells me and I come over all soft and warm.
‘Lilly’s got some work for us,’ says Jimmy.
Lilly frowns at him. I wonder if he should have told me.
She turns to the corner and the slouching man is gone.
Jimmy puts his hand on my shoulder.
‘Could you go and see if that man is waiting?’ Lilly asks.
I look at Jimmy. He nods, so I almost jog out of the place, looking for stubble and a stained shirt. Sure enough he’s over the road leaning against a window.
A man with bleached hair is crossing the road, so I pretend to wait for him so I can see what the slouching man is doing. Luckily the man with bleached hair heads straight for me. In fact, he comes right up to me and says hello.
‘Excuse me.’ Australian accent.
I stare into the pale blue eyes. He’s quizzical enough to take a look at the slouching man before he turns back to me and shrugs. He smiles slightly like he’s met me before.
‘Do you know where the local church is?’
I start to smile. Then I see his eyes are cold and hard.
‘Look, I’m sort of in the middle of something here.’
Then I notice the slouching man is walking off in the direction of the church after all.
‘I’ll take you there,’ I tell him.
So we set off down the street. This Australian settles into a slow pace and I try to hurry him along but he keeps looking around. I notice the camera around his neck.
‘Not much to photograph,’ I say, trying to give a hint.
He smiles and nods.
‘Sean,’ he tells me.
‘Visiting family?’
‘Looking for someone, actually.’
‘Maybe I know them.’
‘Why would that be?’
I laugh. He’s more paranoid than I am.
‘I just know a few people, that’s all.’
‘Her name’s Anna.’
‘Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell.’
He nods like he’s expecting it. When we reach the corner he raises the camera to my face and smiles that little secret smile and I hold up my hand and he takes the photo anyway. He opens his eyes real wide like he’s on e and grins. Suddenly I know he’s on to something I’m not, but doesn’t want to tell me. I know this is funny, but he knows I know as well, and we’re both staring at each other on this corner with people going past in a stream and finally he holds out his hand. I take it and want to say something clever but can’t think what.
All the colours suddenly come into sharp focus and the people are moving like there’s a rhythm to the street.
I realize the e is still kicking in my system and the way home is long when you’re alone and strung out and high.
‘Thanks,’ he says, and shakes the camera.
‘Don’t mention it.’
‘It’ll be a shadowy star.’
‘What?’
I realize I’m coming across as a little dull.
‘I might see you back at the pub.’
‘Rightio.’
‘Thanks heaps,’ he says again and turns round, loping off.
I watch him get smaller. His blond head bobs and I see the church glimmer sharply against the blue sky, which has framed a spire so it looks like it has torn the clouds. I wonder if I should shout out for him to take a picture.
Then I look down and realize I’m holding his lens cap.
‘Hey!’ I call out.
But he’s in the church already so I start jogging. The doors stand half-open and all golden brown in this patch of light that warms the stairs beneath my feet. The dimness inside is cool and shadows fall across the floor from the great pillars that interrupt the stained glass patterns in the walls. I start to enter but something makes me wait.
‘So it finishes here.’
That’s Sean’s voice.
‘For you at least.’
British accent. Posh, but you can hear the work in it.
I crouch in the doorway to listen.
And then it gets crazy. Slowly the conversation develops into an all-round conspiracy theory that has all the marks of science-fiction – except it starts twenty years ago when some Herbert fellow created a computer virus that could control the stock market. Then he starts saying how Herbert went rogue and released the virus onto the Internet, without anyone really controlling it. And that’s where he came in. He’s been tracking it since ’94 and he’s finally got a lead, this girl Anna who Sean’s looking for!
Then comes the clincher. This agent tells Sean that the virus won, that it cracked his codes somehow as it fully took over. Now he’s given up and the world is no longer under human control.
So Sean says again, ‘So it finishes here?’
And the other says again, ‘For you at least.’
And I hear footsteps and I’m out of there, into the cold air of the afternoon and the sun’s gone and everything’s grey. The traffic’s whizzing by like it wants to tear the air. I realize I’ve still got Sean’s lens cap but he’s going to have to do without because I’ve got a story to tell the others back at the pub and it might be for real.


4

Rejecting this knowledge for the sake of lessening my zone of influence (I don’t want to share this information with my eyes) I concentrate on the sight of Jimmy Logan sitting back with his elbows on the bar and his eyes scanning the room, and on the thought that I can tell him a story he’s sure not to have heard before. Lilly’s nowhere to be seen but I know she’s close. Jimmy sees me and stands up and clasps my hand and puts his other hand on my arm as I reach the bar. The grin’s gone and he looks tired.
‘Let’s find a seat somewhere,’ he says.
Sure enough we find a table at the other end of the room. Some older men stand up and melt away at his approach without meeting his eyes. We sit down facing the doorway.
‘Lilly’s in the bathroom,’ he tells me. ‘Where were you?’
‘Did you think that slouching fellow did away with me?’
He raises his eyebrows like he’s wondering what I know.
‘What happened?’
I tell him the story. Lilly comes back halfway through.
‘Did you say he was looking for a girl?’ she asks me.
I nod.
She and Jimmy exchange glances and both turn to me with looks that burn whitely inside the darkness of the pub. The yellow glow of the lights drifts along with the smoke but their faces hang there like fluorescent streetlamps.
I draw back.
‘Do you know something I don’t?’ I ask.
‘You can’t be too careful these days,’ says Jimmy.
Lilly nods.
‘You did your best,’ Jimmy tells me.
He looks at Lilly and smiles.
‘You know what they say about Jiffy? He’s the best courier North of the border. He’ll tell you what they say.’
‘Oh?’
She raises her eyebrows and looks at me.
‘There in a jiffy,’ I say nervously, and she laughs.
But the air becomes colder as the conversation in the nearby tables dies down. Jimmy and Lilly lean in closer with smiles I can’t read. The barman comes by and picks up our pots and Jimmy thanks him with a note.
‘Actually Jiffy,’ Jimmy says softly, peering at me carefully over the screwed-up butts in the ashtray, ‘we were wondering if you’d like to help out with a job.’
It takes me about two seconds to think about the danger, the stress, and the demands on my time if I get involved in Jimmy’s operation.
‘Sure,’ I say, nodding, realizing I haven’t stopped nodding, trying to stop, nodding again.
‘You’ll be taking a package over the border. Lilly too.’
‘Okay.’
‘Do you want to know what’s in the package?’ Logan asks.
I consider for a while, wondering if this is an interview.
‘No.’
‘Beautiful,’ he says, leaning back.
Lilly smiles.
‘Not like that last one.’
‘Oh no,’ Jimmy shakes his head, ‘not like him.’
‘What happened to him?’ I ask, smiling along with them.
‘Well the thing is, Jiffy,’ Lilly says, ‘he was no good.’
‘That’s right, Jiffy,’ Logan says, ‘we had to fire him.’
‘We had to fire him three times,’ Lilly says, ‘before he stopped breathing.’
I choke on the dregs of my pot. Lilly and Logan pat my back and laugh until they cry.


5

More dreams. The light is faint and grey as it reflects on the glass of my window and makes patterns out of the dust. I rise and look out at the factory wall on which is marked one message in white paint: SLEEP, WORK, CONSUME, DIE.
While I’m cleaning my teeth, I remember Lilly’s hair brushing my shoulder when she tossed her head back, and how it felt, the golden warmth of it touching my bare neck.
‘We’ll be a husband and wife team, Jiffy,’ she told me.
‘That’s fine with me,’ I said, but I could see that she knew I liked it too much, because she smiled with a warning look in her eye, and glanced over at Jimmy paying the tab.
Now, it seems my chances with her are too remote to even consider – I just don’t have the energy and it’s so far from the reality of my hangover that all I get is a painful stab at the knowledge of how far away are my dreams.
Outside, the light is crisp and clean – the sky is clear as a ringing bell. I love the sight of the pigeons swarming from the clock tower as they alight on the pavement in a riot of warbles. I try not to disturb them, skirting the edge of the curb, but one decides I’m too close and they’re all off, a shadow of pinpoints against the pale sun.
The hotel where we’re to meet is only a few blocks from my place. Jimmy’s in the lobby with a smoke in his hand. He claps my back as we walk to the lift. The floral carpet is a silent music. A bird has made its nest next to one of the roses – no, it is a coffee stain. When the light comes on an old man in tails steps out of the lift and eyes us down the angle of his nose. Jimmy smiles generously and nods his head as we pass between the doors of the lift.
Floor 3 lights up and we step across pale yellow leaves.
At door 17 Jimmy knocks twice and then three times, and there’s Lilly, sweet as cream in tight blue jeans and a blue cardie. She smiles at us and steps back and we are inside.
‘Everything sweet, Lil?’ Jimmy asks, looking around like he’s uncertain whether we’re alone. She nods, and sits.
‘Everything’s fine.’
‘How about a cuppa?’ Jimmy asks.
Lilly goes into the kitchen while Jimmy sits down at the table. He looks up at me and smiles. I sit down across from him and we wait in silence while Lilly brings the tea.
She puts her arm around Jimmy from behind as she hands him the steaming cup. Mine only gets slid across the table but I suppose that’s to be expected. Lilly sits down between us and laughs suddenly, tossing her hair back with her hands.
‘Aren’t I the lucky girl?’ she says with a lilt.
My heart beats faster. Jimmy smiles and takes her hand.
‘Lilly likes to tease us.’
She looks at him with a devil in her eye.
‘That’s what you like to think, Jimmy.’
I can feel my face turning red as Jimmy raises his eyebrow.
‘Let’s get down to business,’ he says.
He goes into the other room and I watch him. Lilly keeps her eye on me until Jimmy comes back in holding a brief-case. He puts it on the table and unclicks the locks. There, carefully placed in grey foam, are six mobiles.
‘Ooh,’ Lilly breathes. ‘Can I touch one?’
‘Of course you can, Lilly,’ says Jimmy expansively.
‘This is our package?’ I ask, uncertain.
He nods.
‘But it’s only six phones.’
He doesn’t answer. Lilly glances between us.
‘All you have to do is take them across the border and meet with my Swiss friend.’
This is happening so fast, I can’t get my head around it.
‘Once we’re across, what do we do?’
‘It’s best if you don’t know just yet, in case of trouble.’
I can only nod. I drain the last of my tea and put the cup in the sink, seeing for an instant my twisted reflection in the water before it drains down the plug. I turn around to see Jimmy and Lilly standing. Jimmy’s got the briefcase in his hand and Lilly’s putting on a long leather coat. Jimmy opens the door and gestures for her to go through.
‘All ready, Jiffy?’
‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’
‘That’s the spirit.’

We walk, leaning against the cold wind that’s blown up from the North. Jimmy’s in the middle and it feels like we’re in a movie.
Down an alley we go, looking both ways for passers-by. Jimmy checks his pocket and fishes out a key.
‘Don’t let it be said that my employees don’t ride in style,’ Jimmy says, unlocks the car door and holds it open.
He hands the suitcase to Lilly, and she puts it at her feet.
‘Looks like you’re driving,’ Jimmy tells me.
‘Thanks, Jim.’
They’re all so hale and hearty that I can’t help but feel a cold suspicion begin to climb up my back. They’re too happy for this to be real, just like the car’s too new.
But it’s too late now, and I take the keys from him as Lilly blows him a kiss. The engine purrs and suddenly I feel a rush when I put my hands on the wheel. This is for real.


6

We pass through the grey terraces of the city and the car takes the bumps in the road real smooth, just like a TV commercial where you don’t get any of the traffic sounds, just classical music and the soaring width of an empty country road. Well, maybe it’s not just like that because the traffic lights cause little interruptions to the symphony, like the record’s jumping, but it’s all forgotten when the light turns green and we can ride again, past the horns of angry commuters into the green meadows.
Lilly turns the radio on and we listen to classics from the ’sixties, and she starts to sing along to Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da and I realize that it’s Jimmy who makes me nervous, for all his camaraderie, because he makes it so chummy you’re scared of saying the wrong thing and breaking the spell, so you go along with him whatever he says, even if he’s telling you that you’re to bomb the police station or drinks won’t be on, Friday.
‘Bob Dylan’s my favourite, though,’ Lilly tells me.
‘Mine too,’ I say, ‘out of the oldies, that is.’
‘Does that include me?’
She glances at me out of the corner of her eye.
‘Of course not. You’re my age.’
‘Oh no,’ she shakes her head. ‘I’m a bit older than that.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t have guessed it.’
She laughs.
‘You’re just being kind.’
Well, I sort of am, but it’s true. She doesn’t look older than Hannah except the way she holds herself is different, and her clothes look different on her somehow, like she knows how to wear them. Maybe it’s just because of that first night seeing her in that red dress but she is older.
I can’t think of what to say now, but the silence is pleasant enough. We’re climbing the hill and the car is feeling the pressure just slightly. You can hear it in the whine that’s moved up in pitch compared to the flat. I ease back on the accelerator and we move slowly enough to look at the cows that are gathered in little clumps in the fields on either side. They’re black and white and you can see them chewing on the grass in that curious sideways motion that always reminds me of someone thinking so hard they’ve forgotten their mouth. I wonder if the cows are thinking while they chew, and what they think of.
‘Do cows think, I wonder?’ I say out loud.
Lilly bursts out laughing.
‘What’s funny?’ I ask, laughing too.
She must think I’m an idiot.
‘Why wouldn’t they?’ she says, and I do a double take before I realize that she’s laughing for the opposite reason. I thought it was dumb but it was obvious to her.
The hills transform into flatlands, and we catch a glimpse of a dam shimmering in the cloudy light. Reeds clot its edges, and a tractor moves slowly beside a fence, far off.
‘You know, it’s strange,’ Lilly says after a while. ‘I don’t get out of the city much, and when I do I always realize how much I miss the country. But while I’m in Belfast the thought never occurs to me. In fact the thought seems boring – there’s nothing going on out here.’
‘Well, that’s normal. The city’s got so much to offer.’
‘But does it?’
A cloud of swallows bursts from a solitary tree by the side of the road. Lilly climbs out of her seat and puts her head out the window, to watch their retreat across the sky.
‘The pigeons that live in the Town Hall do that all the time,’ I tell her when she’s back inside.
We ride in silence.
‘The border’s coming up,’ says Lilly, looking at the map.
We stop for a coffee in Lifford and change places. It turns out Lilly is a demon for speed. The tyres actually screech when she pulls out of the car park and I grip my seat.
When we pull into the hotel an old man stares grimly at the skid marks Lilly leaves on the concrete drive. He tips his hat though when she smiles at him, and I have to laugh.
‘You have a way with people, you know that, Lilly?’
‘I know it. You have a way with people too, Jiffy.’
I swallow conspicuously, looking for an answer that won’t give away too much. But she’s already through the sliding doors, and I have no choice but to follow with the bags.
Safe in our room Lilly dives onto the bed and bounces there, letting the case jiggle in her hand. I worry about the components but don’t say anything to make her angry.
‘What now?’ I ask instead.
‘We’re meeting our contact in the park at three o’clock.’
‘No time for sight seeing?’
‘Not on this mission, babe.’
Lilly is in high spirits. She prowls the room, opening cupboards and discovering with a cry of joy free chocolate bars. I catch the one she throws me and we share a minute of silence, chomping happily in anticipation of the sugar hit. We stare at each other, cheeks red and eyes gleaming.
‘Time for a drink, I think,’ she says when she’s finished.
We sit in the bar. I order a couple of G&Ts. We are cool, a couple of gangsters about to make their drop. We know we have the situation under control.
‘So what do you plan to do with your life, Jiffy?’ Lilly asks, sucking on her straw with mischievous eyes.
‘I want to sort things out for people,’ I tell her.
‘That’s vague.’
‘I want to be someone who’s good at organizing things.’
‘Someone like Jim Logan?’ she wonders.
‘I have a lot of respect for Jimmy,’ I tell her honestly.
‘He’ll be glad to hear that, I’m sure.’
I nod to her.
‘He’s got the best organization in Belfast and he avoids getting caught up in any of the bad struggles.’
She smiles down at her drink.
‘I hope you’re clever enough to do the same, Jiffy.’
‘Well, I plan to follow his lead in that.’
She shakes her head.
‘Don’t get too caught up in all his glitter and sparkles.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Jimmy Logan’s got more troubles than he lets on.’
I decide to risk it.
‘You sound like you know him fairly well, Lilly.’
She shifts in her seat.
‘It’s nearly three o’clock,’ she says. ‘Let’s go.’
I want to ask her if they’re together but suddenly the moment has passed and it’s business Lilly – we’re gangsters again and asking after the boss’s girlfriend is always deadly in the movies. Somehow I think I know what the answer will be and by then it will be too late.
The park is a silent blanket, coloured grey by the clouds that drift in a slow backdrop against the sudden gusts that ripple the field and wreak havoc with Lilly’s hair, blowing it against her face that has turned a brilliant contrast of white and red. Her nose is the reddest and I tell her that and we laugh and sit on the bench while a lone white dog runs between the trees, nosing at the trunks and leaping as if trying to bite the wind.
Lilly takes my arm and it seems natural in this cold.
There’s not much point talking in this weather. Words vanish in the invisible air. I try to say something but the wind whips it away and I mime exaggerated frustration. She laughs and pinches my cheek in her gloved hand. I manage to look blissful and it suddenly dawns.
She clasps my face in both hands and stares into my eyes, looking sexy and amused. I could let that moment go forever but that’s when a shadow falls across the bench.
‘I think you have something for me.’
The accent is Swiss, half-shouted in the sudden gale that blows Lilly’s hands from me. I glower up at him and he returns my stare coldly from behind rectangular spectacles.
‘Have a seat,’ Lilly tells him.
He sits. Our briefcase is on the seat between Lilly and the Swiss. He looks down at it and smiles, just slightly. His blond hair pokes out in little wisps from beneath his blue beanie. His face is blue too, almost translucent, but the eyes are hard. I wonder again about Jimmy’s operation. I don’t have much time for the Swiss.
‘Everything is in order?’ I hear him ask.
‘No problem,’ Lilly tells him, but he obviously doesn’t hear and leans closer in. Something about him creeps her out because she just leans back and holds her thumbs up.
‘Good,’ he nods.
Then we sit like idiots for fifteen minutes while an old couple in parkas edge their way across the park. The dog must be theirs because they keep stopping while it does its business at every tree in the place. I begin to lose the feeling in my feet. Lilly’s face is now blue.
Finally they’re out of sight.
‘Let’s go,’ she tells me as the Swiss disappears.
Back at the hotel she turns to me with devil magic in her eyes. She takes my hand and smiles with those red lips.
We don’t say anything but we’re falling together and her lips are as soft as I’d imagined, and her face is pale and beautiful and her body is warm under my hands.
7

She is the wind. She laughs and I am blown away. She follows me, down the cliffs to the beach where the ocean laps at the stones and seagulls scatter at our approach.
It is cold. The sky is grey. I stumble and cut my hand on the stones. I pull her to me. She falls down with me and touches my blood.
‘I love you,’ I say and it is out. She nods and smiles.
I love her. We rock together on the beach under the wind.
She sits up and brushes grit from her coat.
‘We better get back,’ she says.
I nod. It is over. I wonder if Jim Logan waits for us.
‘Stay the night,’ I say. ‘We can call him.’
She looks at me, wondering. I am shivering. So is she.
Somehow I know that it will end when we cross the border, or it will change and I will no longer be able to recognize it. Jimmy Logan will change it somehow. He will stop it.
‘Only if we find a better hotel,’ she says, and I smile.
We go walking in the hills. The wind is a turmoil.
‘I love the country.’
‘Why live in the city, then?’
‘I wanted money. Jimmy Logan provided that.’
‘Were you together?’
I have to thrust it from my gut. She doesn’t seem to hear. Swallows are calling overhead. They explode from a pine tree as a sudden gust stirs the branches and bends them almost against the trunk. It is wrong that it is winter. We should be able to lie down on the grass. The wind is cold. I want to hold her to me, but she is by herself now.
‘I always wanted to go back to the country,’ she says in a distant voice, putting her hand on a trunk. I see the whiteness of it against the wood, its purpling knuckles.
‘You should then.’
She stares at me suddenly, but shakes her head.
‘No, I can’t do that now.’
I want to ask why, but something in her voice stops me. She drifts across a moss-covered log and towards the trees.
‘Let’s go,’ I say.
‘I want to stay.’
She breaks out of my grasp and goes into the trees.
I follow her. The earth has fallen from the tangled roots. The trees make darkness on Lilly’s head. There is no sound. She keeps walking. I don’t want to be here any more.
I try to find a place to shelter and the wind is lonely and the stones on the sides of the hills look like cold grins. She doesn’t come back. I decide to look. The wood is empty. I wish there was a bird here. I look down at my feet. They leave no footprints on the earth.
Then she comes out of the trees. She is holding a yellow rose. It is closed in a fine case of frost.
‘This is for Ireland,’ she says, and lays it at my feet.
I look at her kneeling down. I touch her face. It is pale as frost, framed in blonde.
‘And Ireland’s for you,’ I tell her but she shakes her head. There are tears at the corners of her eyes.
I kneel down too, flower between us. She puts her hands on mine. They are cold. We sit there with the rose and my knees are getting cold. Then she looks down and smiles.
‘We should get going.’
We drive back to the hotel. There is a strange warmth between us. We eat hamburgers, then drift into bed. I lay my head on Lilly’s breast. Moonlight makes shadows out of the curtains and the lamp. I stare up at them on the ceiling. They make waves in the wind.



8

The long drive back to Belfast. We don’t speak. I change the music three times before Lilly tells me to stop so I turn the radio off and we listen to our silent thoughts through the hours.
Jimmy Logan is waiting for us in the hotel.
‘Best wishes to our successful heroes.’
He pops the cork on a bottle of champagne and it fizzes.
‘Best wishes to the money!’ Lilly calls from the bathroom.
‘Best wishes to us,’ I say, and they look at me funny.
The champagne is sending a strong heat to my head and the world is spinning lightly when Jimmy puts on The Pogues and they’re our anthem tonight.
‘I’ll tell you what we’re going to do,’ Jimmy says and he knows.
‘What’s that?’ says Lilly.
‘We’re going to a party.’
‘A party, Jimmy?’ Lilly oohs and aahs.
‘That’s right, lass,’ he says. ‘There’ll be dancing and music, and maybe even more champagne for all to drink.’
‘Sounds fucking wonderful,’ I tell him, and I mean it, red heat in my cheeks and wanting to touch Lilly but unsure of what his reaction would be, so instead I put my hands behind my back and imagine warmth and laughter in store.
‘Yes,’ Lilly says, crossing over to Jimmy and linking her arm in his. ‘I think we deserve a party after that awful long drive, and all the planning you put into it.’
‘Then it’s decided.’
We trip down the stairs and into the wide world beneath the sky. Lilly joins arms with both of us. We are laughing and the warmth in us keeps away the cold, it keeps us moving through the snow-laden wind and toward the warehouse.
Up we go through two flights of stairs and into a lobby where beyond I make out a wall of white canvas, painted with thin red stripes. There is a light within and people’s shadows are on the wall. There’s all these patterns on the floor and people are already dancing.
‘I’ve got to see someone,’ Jimmy tells me.
Me and Lilly find chairs in the next room.
There’s champagne going round on big circular trays and I grab some and we toast each other. Lilly looks a little unsure as she sits surrounded by strange manikins slowly shuffling to the bass that’s throbbing from the speakers.
‘I haven’t been to a party like this for a long while.’
I want to tell her I’ve never been to one like this at all but something stops me. I don’t know, maybe I want to know more than her about this scene, so she’ll be impressed and I’ll be able to hold on to her for a while longer.
‘I wonder if there’s any e around,’ I mention casually.
Lilly raises her eyebrow, and that’s how I know that night was just a casual fling, and she leans towards Jimmy as he approaches with a champagne flute in one hand and the other curled into a fist, and her curved back is lined with warm light, and her smile is brightest towards him, and he answers it, and that’s nailed it because he knows more than me and he cares better too, and there’s nothing more painful than realizing that.
But look what he’s got in his fist. He wants us to hold out our hands. And look what he drops in there, a tiny little heart-shaped white pill.
We all look at each other with a devil’s grin hanging in the air between us. Jimmy swallows his down with a laugh. Me and Lilly follow suit. Jimmy bites his lip and grins.
I am feeling the warmth of a dark-haired beauty as she dances next to me in a Lycra jump-suit when what do I see bobbing through the crowd but the white-haired head of Sean above a hooded top and flared cords and I almost duck down to hide because this is too much to be a coincidence but I resist and then I see that he’s making his way towards us.
‘Who’s your friend?’ asks Jimmy quietly.
‘You’re not going to believe this.’
‘Try me.’
‘That’s the fella I met at the church.’
‘I see.’
Jimmy’s quiet and looks down at his drink. Sean nods hello.
‘How are you, Sean?’ I say to him, trying to edge him away.
‘I’m good, Jiffy,’ he tells me. ‘Did you find your man?’
Lilly looks cautious. But Jimmy musters a big grin.
‘And who might you be?’
‘Sean.’
‘Pleased to meet you, Sean. Travelling well?’
‘Not too badly.’
It’s almost funny to see them sizing each other up.
‘I hear you’re looking for someone,’ Jimmy says pleasantly.
Sean stares at him.
‘That’s right.’
‘Would you like to sit down, Sean?’ I interrupt, nervous.
‘Maybe I will,’ he smiles briefly.
He takes a seat between me and Lilly.
‘And you are…’ Sean says, and Jimmy looks dangerous.
‘Jim’s my name.’
‘Oh.’
Sean looks deep in thought at this.
‘And I’m Lilly,’ she rescues. Sean takes her hand.
‘Pleased to meet you.’
We sit in silence. A woman comes by with more champagne.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Sean decides abruptly, and stands.
We nod him good-bye and when he’s out of earshot Jimmy swears and I sigh.
‘What was all that about?’ I ask.
‘That was too close,’ says Lilly.
Jimmy nods.
‘We’ll keep an eye on that one.’
‘I’m going to dance,’ says Lilly suddenly.
‘I think he’s just looking for his girlfriend,’ I venture.
‘No one’s just looking for his girlfriend,’ says Jim.
He glances at me.
‘Though I see you’ve found one.’
I manage to keep my champagne in my mouth.
‘Don’t worry, Jiffy,’ he says to me. ‘I’m happy for you.’
Somehow his tone doesn’t reassure me.
‘Go and dance with her, Jiffy. I can see you want to.’
I see Lilly swaying among the dancers so I go to her but she doesn’t see me, she’s too caught up, and then the e starts to kick in and I have to take in great gulps of air to keep up with it.
I go and sit down with my back against the wall.
Someone sits down beside me and somehow I know it’s Sean.
‘You’re in with a dangerous crowd,’ he says straight off.
‘Why?’ is the best I can manage.
‘I just thought I’d better tell you.’
‘Tell me what?’
‘Your friend Jim is mixing with dangerous business.’
‘How would you know?’
This is the closest to aggression I can manage.
‘I’ve been making enquiries.’
‘Now that’s dangerous business.’
Somehow I want to befriend him.
‘Listen,’ he tells me intently. ‘I told you I’m looking for Anna. Well the thing is, she was mixing with bad business as well. It turns out that a man called Jimmy was her contact here. She knew a girl called Lilly as well.’
I shake my head. This is too weird.
‘In Melbourne, Anna was part of a group called Orpheus. They were a rave outfit.’
‘So what?’
‘Well, this group was part of something bigger,’ he continues. ‘I don’t know what they are, but they were involved in drug imports and the distribution of viruses.’
Suddenly this is sounding familiar.
‘Eventually I found out Anna had come here, to Belfast.’
I’m beginning to get angry for some reason.
‘Go on,’ I tell him.
‘Well, people point me in the direction of Jimmy Logan. But before that, when I mention the name of Anna, they tend to assume that I want to buy a phone.’
That sends a chill up my spine.
‘If she was involved in phones, then so were the others.’
His blue eyes are pale as ice.
‘They know how to doctor drugs,’ he continues.
‘Who?’
‘Just listen! They gave me something they said was e. It changed me.’
I can believe that.
‘It made me realize things.’
‘Like what?’
‘We’re not alone.’
I almost laugh.
‘They’re trying to change us,’ he says. ‘From the inside out.’
‘Change who?’
He looks at me calmly.
‘The human race.’
The back of my head hits the wall.
‘And you think Jimmy Logan’s involved?’
‘He may not even know it, but he’s working for them.’
This is all getting too much. I can tell he believes in it, just by the deadly calm in his eyes, like there’s no other option but to agree. But I’ve seen that look before.
‘Well, thanks for the information,’ I tell him.
‘Well, it’s up to you what you do with it.’
He picks himself up.
‘Where are you off to?’ I ask.
‘I’m going to have to look for another way in.’
I shake my head.
‘If Jimmy won’t talk to you, no one else will.’
He considers.
‘Here’s my number,’ he tells me, handing me a scrap of paper. ‘If anyone mentions her name, call me, will you?’
‘I can’t help you.’
‘Well you never know what you might discover.’
I nod alright, just to be rid of him.
‘Thanks,’ he tells me, and then he’s gone.
It’s only then that I see Jimmy Logan staring at me from across the dance floor. He’s wearing a grim face and suddenly I’m worried by what he might be concluding.
‘Jiffy!’
It is Lilly. Her face is urgent. She is pulling on me.
‘We’ve got to go now,’ she tells me and I trust her.
I follow Lilly down the stairs. It is quiet outside and the cold is refreshing. I am calm and feel ready for anything.
There, with the passenger-side door open, is Jimmy’s car.
He sits in back with Sean.
‘Come on, Jiffy, we’re going for a drive,’ he calls out.
Lilly gets into the driver’s seat and with a little hesitation I get in next to her in the front.
Lilly starts the car. As we pull out I turn around to ask Jimmy what’s going on. He gestures with the gun in his hand to turn back around and face the front.
‘Jiffy doesn’t need to be involved,’ Sean says quietly.
‘But he is involved, mate,’ Jimmy imitates.
He takes his phone out of his pocket and presses buttons.
‘It’s Jimmy.’
Pause.
‘I think we’ve got ourselves a sleeper.’
Pause.
‘Meet me at the warehouse.’
He puts the phone away.
‘Who was that?’ I ask.
Jimmy coughs.
‘That’s not your place to know, son.’
Then he relents.
‘Just a friend.’
‘Someone I know, Jimmy?’ Lilly asks.
‘No, sweet-heart. Just my own special Swiss friend.’
‘Well, that’s exciting,’ Lilly lisps, but he’s over it.
‘Yes it is,’ he says, and the ice in his voice gives me more tingles, only they’re not the good ones anymore, and I never knew an e could wear off so quickly, but it has.




9

We pull in to the undercover carpark and as we climb out Jimmy puts his gun in the pocket of his jacket and Sean looks real quiet but my heart is pounding fast.
‘Up those stairs, please,’ Jimmy tells us, and Lilly takes the lead up the metal steps that ring out into the cold night.
‘Press the button, please,’ Jimmy says, and Lilly does.
‘Will you open the door, Jiffy?’ he asks me, and I push against the big wooden frame until it swings inward, and the streetlight casts fluorescence onto the shadowy floor.
Lilly turns the lights on and suddenly the big space is lit by the cold light of overhead lamps. There are seven big crates stacked against the wall to the right of the door, and a laminex table with some plastic chairs around it next to the crates. Jimmy gestures to the table.
‘Take a seat.’
I sit down and Sean sits next to me. After Jimmy stares at her Lilly sits down too. The overhead lamps hum gently.
‘Our guest will be arriving shortly,’ Jimmy tells us.
‘It’s cold,’ says Lilly.
‘I’m afraid you’ll have to endure it.’
‘No choice, Jimmy?’
He smiles and shakes his head.
‘I’m sorry this had to happen on our celebration night.’
There’s something in his tone that warns me.
‘You’re a suspect, Jiffy,’ his flat voice confirms.
I start to protest but he cuts me off.
‘Soon it will be clear. We’ll know who the sleeper is.’
‘Assuming there is one,’ says Sean in a quiet voice.
Jimmy laughs.
‘You have to assume there is one, son.’
‘You’ve got it wrong, Jim,’ says Sean.
‘Now don’t be telling me my tricks,’ Jimmy warns.
‘I don’t work for anyone,’ Sean continues as if he hasn’t heard.
‘There’s no point talking about it,’ Jimmy tells him.
‘I know who you’re working for.’
‘I don’t even know who I’m working for.’
‘There’s something in those phones you’re selling.’
‘This is getting dangerous,’ says Jimmy.
‘Why?’
‘Because I’ll have to kill you.’
Sean grits his teeth. Jimmy laughs.
‘Never mind, son. We’ll know your truths soon enough.’
Sean sits back, head down as if he’s thinking hard.
‘I don’t know anything about this,’ I start to say.
Jimmy looks at me sadly.
There is a buzz from the doorway.
‘Could you answer that, Lilly?’ Jimmy asks, real polite.
When she opens the door who walks in but the same Swiss face we saw in the park. This time his head is bare and wispy blond strands fall like a strange flower around his face. He nods to Jimmy and takes in the situation with a mild, intelligent glance before pulling at his mittens.
‘You want my help, Mr Logan?’
‘This is the one,’ Jim replies, pointing to Sean.
‘Don’t feel guilty,’ the Swiss says to Sean.
Sean looks away as the Swiss steps to the table.
‘You can be comfortable saying anything.’
Sean seems to be lost in those Antarctic eyes.
‘Who have you you talked to?’
Sean looks up at him defiantly.
‘Jonathan Pembroke.’
The Swiss looks shocked. He turns to Jimmy.
‘It’s hard to know who he’s working for.’
The Swiss pulls out a little phone and makes a call.
‘Yes, at least one of them,’ he finishes and turns to us.
‘We would like to question these two.’
Jimmy and Lilly look at each other.
‘Do you really need Jiffy?’ Lilly asks.
‘It would be preferable. He has another side to this.’
Jimmy nods.
‘I suppose that’s how it has to be.’
‘Jimmy!’ Lilly protests, but Jimmy has his gun out.
‘Alright, you two.’
‘I have a car,’ says the Swiss.
‘Well, be my guest.’
‘We’ll be coming too,’ says Lilly suddenly.
The Swiss looks surprised.
‘There is no need.’
Lilly looks determined.
‘Jiffy’s family now. We’re going to look out for him.’
Jimmy looks uncomfortable but cannot meet Lilly’s gaze.
‘It is my policy,’ he apologizes.
The Swiss starts to protest but Jimmy twitches his gun. The Swiss shrugs slightly.
‘If that is necessary.’
‘Make your way please,’ says Jim.
The Swiss’s car is a new silver chrome Subaru with racing wheels and we barely fit in the back seat. Lilly rides in front with the Swiss and he asks her if she likes the car.
‘It’s wonderful,’ she tells him, deadpan, and he smiles.
The long drive into the night. The white markers on the road are flitting ghosts underneath the headlamps. The shadows of the telephone poles curve across our faces in the dark.
Jimmy whistles a tune against the hum of the tyres.
‘Can you stop that, Jimmy?’ Lilly asks quietly.
We cross the border at 3:46 on the digital clock.
Lilly barely moves a muscle for the entire trip, except to roll down her window once to let out a moth. One moment it struggles painfully against the glass, and the next it is gone, into the dark windy spaces, tilted by unseen gusts.


10

We pull into a driveway just out of town and the muddy ground is traced by golden light that spills out of the crack in the curtains of this tiny cottage with ivy growing up the walls and the door almost off its hinges, leaving a big wedge for the light to show through. There is a welcome mat on the brick steps but it says just WE COME.
The door opens as we approach and for a moment I think I’m seeing double because there’s the same Swiss face underneath a blue beanie with the same gold wisps of hair.
The other one behind us gestures us forward so we file into the cottage and it barely fits the six of us. We have to crowd around a kitchen table upon which sits a laptop.
Its blue screen radiates an alien light. Next to it are six phones plugged in by electric wires to some kind of device connected to the laptop. Their batteries are missing and their insides exposed. A case is on the floor.
‘I won’t ask you to be seated,’ says the Swiss behind us.
‘But make yourself as comfortable as you can,’ says the Swiss in front. Their voices are the same: the same accent, the same register, even the same intonation.
‘Will this take long?’ asks Jimmy, sounding nervous.
The Swiss in front shakes his head.
‘Not if we put our heads together,’ he says with a smile.
The Swiss behind comes through, stands next to his twin.
‘Are these the phones we sold you?’ asks Lilly.
‘Of course,’ they say together and it’s uncanny.
‘Our researches have yielded much,’ says one.
‘As to their special design,’ the other finishes.
‘So you cracked it,’ Lilly says with wonder in her voice.
The Swiss look at each other, reach inside their jackets.
But Lilly’s got a gun in her hand.
As one, the Swiss ease their empty hands out of their coats.
‘You were almost too quick for me,’ says Lilly.
‘Lilly,’ says Jimmy, ‘why don’t you put the gun away?’
‘Shut up, Jimmy,’ she says contemptuously. ‘You sold out.’
‘What are you talking about?’
She stands behind him and pulls his gun out of his pocket.
‘You know what I’m talking about.’
‘So I did a little side business,’ Jimmy says, turning.
‘That’s far enough,’ she says, and her voice is as cool as the Swiss’ eyes. Jimmy freezes and she turns to them.
‘Interpol?’
They shake their heads in unison.
‘Who cares,’ she says. ‘You fucked with the wrong crowd, Jimmy.’
‘Look, I’m sorry, Lilly,’ Jimmy starts.
‘Don’t bother,’ she interrupts.
‘But it was good for us.’
‘Not for my employers.’
‘You’re the sleeper,’ Sean says quietly, and she nods.
‘Just be glad I didn’t let you into these hands of these two.’
‘Where’s Anna?’
She looks at him smiling.
‘You know, I thought I could trust you, Lil,’ says Jimmy.
‘You could have, had you been trustworthy.’
‘What the hell!’ I can’t help exploding.
Lilly turns to me, but keeps her gun pointed at the Swiss.
‘I’m sorry, Jiffy.’
‘Who are you working for?’
She smiles sadly.
‘I can’t tell you that.’
‘Orpheus,’ says Sean.
Lilly nods.
That’s when one of the Swiss kicks at a chair and it flies across the floor into Lilly’s leg. She stumbles and the Swiss reach inside their jackets.
Lilly is too fast. There is the sound of a detonation and one falls with a flower of blood in his chest.
The other one dives but I kick out at his knee...
Lilly shoots him in the head.
‘Jesus,’ says Jimmy.
Lilly raises her eyebrow.
‘Do you know what those phones were for?’ Jimmy shouts. ‘They were a surveillance system. They were going to tap the whole thing! Everything we were doing!’
‘So what?’
She points the gun at his chest.
‘Run,’ says Sean.
‘Wait!’ Lilly shouts but we’re running in the dark, over the cold fields. Somewhere behind us there is the echo of a single gunshot. The ground is squelching under our footfalls and it seems all the ghosts of Ireland are calling out but they’re under the ground, they’re in the bog but we’re the living and our warm blood pumps in our veins and powers our legs to run, and death is coming fast upon us but we’re running and the ghosts are falling behind, and all of Ireland’s dead can’t keep up with us.
 
NYE 2012 Story

Part 3:

The Brightest Vision

From: Nathan Herbert
To: Anna Santo
Subject: May

Dearest Anna,

We need more time to indicate whether the mainframes can take the necessary load. You know how important this is considering the stage of the operation. Our friends in the system seem to believe that we are almost there. Please BE CAREFUL before you try any more of the catalyst.

Perhaps it would be best if you waited until we were able to participate in this together.

With love (as always),

Nathan









To: Nathan Herbert
From: Anna Santo
Subject: re: May

Dear Nathan,

I assure you I will not take any more of the catalyst until we get the go-ahead from David. As for the rest, I am sure we have nearly made it. I will send you the latest data as soon as we make the link-up.

In love,

Anna

*




I see an aeroplane gleaming white in the sun. there are the luggage carriers crawling like centipedes over the tarmac. the door in the side of the plane opens, singular shadow in the midst of light. a man appears. his face is squinting in the light. pale hair and beard stark contrasts with the desert-sky blue of the eyes. it is him! the eyes know it. he is scanning the runway as if already looking for her.
Behind him appears another. curly hair of dusty brown. I cannot make out the eyes.
They descend stairs whose steel edges look like teeth. the white-haired man shades his face with his hand as they step onto the concrete. stares up at the eagle and snake of the Mexican flag.
I wake. light is shining through the crack in the blinds.
He is here!

*

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Nathan Herbert
Voice 2 ID: unconfirmed David??

NH: I dreamed again last night, David.

David: Yes?

NH: I saw him.

Pause.

NH: He was arriving. Here! Somehow he made it. I have not told Anna yet. Perhaps it is best if I do not.

David: Why?

NH: She has told me something of their past together. Somehow ... I do not want to disturb old ghosts.

David: But...

NH: Yes of course. Nonetheless, with the work at this crucial stage...

David: You think he is needed?

NH: Perhaps...

Pause.

NH: He is disturbing enough ghosts of my own.

David: Oh?

NH: I tell you, he could have been my son.

Pause.

David: Oh.

NH: It made me think of Margaret again.

Pause.

NH: I think of her every night.

Pause.

NH: Sometimes I wonder, if she is here, with us.

Pause.

NH: Why do you smile?

David: I was thinking of what you had told me earlier, of how she would probably think we were not ‘radical’ enough.

Pause.

NH: Yes, I suppose she might. But all of this is for her.

Pause.

NH: She was right, David, and I was wrong. We should have kept fighting.

David: How?

NH: I don’t know! You don’t know what it was like. The shouting, the chaos, the shots. The blood. We lost, David.

David: Then...

NH: She wouldn’t give up. She said we had to go underground. But I refused.

Pause.

David: Why?

NH: Not least because we had lost him. When that happened, something in me ... broke.

David: But now...

NH: Now is different.

David: Why?

NH: Because we have hope.

End Transcript.

*


Eagle on blue sky. dagger in the heart of the sun. she watches.
Floats above emptiness. there is the ground where the black snake glistens. curves like a wave between sand and shrub.
The eagle’s eye is hurricane. there at the centre snake reflected. she dives, sudden arrow works death from above.
I wake. sweat glistens on my face. shadows are ripples across the earthen wall.

*


I see a campfire far below me as if I am riding on bird’s wings. somehow I circle closer. there are Sean Ryan and his companion sitting with legs drawn close to their chests. a little further away a jeep is parked by the side of the road.
‘I dreamed last night, Jiffy.’
The one called Jiffy turns his head.
‘Yes?’
‘I dreamed an eagle was killing a snake.’
My dream! I cannot understand it.
Jiffy shrugs.
‘This place is enough to give anyone bad dreams.’
‘I suppose.’
‘Are you sleeping?’
And then I am rising higher, higher, until the moon seems within reach. that is when I see him.
Far away, another camp, no fire. a small crouched shape of darkness huddling against the stars.
I shiver.
I try to call out a warning but my breath is snatched from my chest and I begin to fall.
Sean Ryan looks up suddenly, frowning, as if he has heard.

*



Voice 1 ID: confirmed Nathan Herbert.
Voice 2 ID: unconfirmed David??

NH: More dreams.

David: Yes?

NH: He is being followed.

David: But that means...

NH: Yes, I am afraid so.

David: What do you intend?

NH: We probably should not let him in.

David: But...

Pause.

NH: Yes. There is that.

Pause.

NH: Very well. But we are risking everything.

David: Did we ever do anything less?

End transcript.

*

Eagle diving. all is wind. black snake spasms towards spinifex but too late. claws have it.
Eagle alights spiked mound of sand, wings beating. snake writhes. how it suffers! I cannot watch. but I must.
One drop of red blood falls to the earth. where it splashes flowers grow, pattern of red and black.
My eyes have opened but the shadowed ceiling is only a blur. I cannot bear it but nonetheless I cannot tear my way away from sleep.

*


Two men in combat uniform stand with rifles in hand. they wear braces of bullets, black kerchiefs over their faces and red bandanas wrapped into headbands on their heads.
Sean Ryan and Jiffy stand outside the jeep, hands on heads.
For a long time there is silence.
One of the men begins to roll a smoke.
‘Donde es?’ he mentions almost casually.
Sean Ryan stares straight ahead and speaks one word.
‘La realidad.’
The guerrillas look at one another and the man with the cigarette almost imperceptibly inclines his head. they step back.
Sean Ryan and Jiffy look at one another and then Sean steps between them. as Jiffy makes to pass one of the guerrillas puts a hand on his shoulder. Jiffy stops, trying to control his fear.
‘El sabio solament.’
Sean Ryan half-turns back.
‘It’s alright. Take the jeep.’
Jiffy nods.
‘Will you...’
‘I don’t know.’
And then Sean Ryan turns and begins to walk up the muddy road towards the hills.

*

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Nathan Herbert.
Voice 2 ID: unconfirmed David??

NH: Well, he is here.

Pause.

NH: I don’t know...

David: Yes?

NH: I don’t know if Margaret would approve.

David: How?

NH: Perhaps she would believe this fruit was from a corrupt tree.

Pause.

David: By their fruits ye shall know them.

NH: You don’t know what it was like when she found out I was working for them. I had never seen her so angry. Her face turned white and she said nothing. Nothing! She never said nothing.

Pause.

David: And?

NH: The next day she gave me a white rose. I never saw her again.

End transcript.

*

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Nathan Herbert.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Anna Santo.
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.

Nathan Herbert stands in front of the digital camera, grinning widely. A small group stands behind him, among them a dark-haired woman and a pale-haired man, standing close together but not touching.

NH: We are recording this documentary footage for the sake of prosperity. What you are about to see is nothing less than the unveiling of a new form of consciousness.

He looks back behind him as if for reassurance.

NH: In the end the idea was ingenious, although I must admit I did not come upon it without help. No, this is a joint effort. Therefore first I must thank Anna...

He reaches his hand backward and she takes it, steps forward and nods and smiles, eyes glancing sideways as if in slight embarrassment.

NH: Sean...

Sean Ryan shakes his head but nonetheless also smiles.

NH: And of course all our friends here whose names I cannot mention but without whom none of this would be possible.

Anna clears her throat.

NH: And of course, how could I forget, we must also acknowledge Orpheus themselves.

Everyone looks a bit uncomfortable, but smiles all round.

NH: You see, Orpheus was created according to a special dynamic equation, which allowed it to evolve its own intelligence. The beauty of the next generation is that the same dynamic loop is linked to a second loop which enables, if I may so crudely put it, enables evolution itself to evolve. For as we all know, put two loops together and what do you get? Infinity!

AS: Okay, doc.

NH: Very well, without further ado, I present to you, May.

The camera swings to the computer screen where Nathan Herbert clicks a single button...

SR: What’s that sound?

The screen goes blank.

*

Eagle crouches over snake. snake writhes in agony. but look! there the snake is coiling, rising up to curl around eagle’s claws. soon its head is at eagle’s breast.
Like a lover snake embraces eagle. opens its mouth to give the final kiss.
Eagle’s wings beat back but eagle too refuses to let go its grip.
But wait.
Snake and eagle are joining. feathers are curling backwards to reveal scales. scales are sprouting feathers.
They become Couatl.
So beautiful!











>>> perception flowers fractal evermore unfolding pattern >>>

*

Voice 1 ID: confirmed Nathan Herbert.
Voice 2 ID: confirmed Anna Santo.
Voice 3 ID: confirmed Sean Ryan.
Voice 4 ID: confirmed Jonathan Pembroke.

Screen turns to static but through the audio the sounds of gunfire are heard.

NH: The disk! Anna get the disk!

More gunfire and shouting.

NH: Come on, this way.

A single gunshot, much closer.

AS: Nathan!

SR: Oh god.

Pause.

SR: You.

JP: I’m afraid so, Sean.

SR: You... brought this? Here?

JP: Orders.

AS: Why?

JP: I’m not sure. Perhaps there are some in this world that believe we need to save ourselves.

SR: No-one is going to save you.

Pause.

JP: I suppose not. I never wanted this.

Pause.

JP: Please don’t try anything, Anna.

Sobbing.

JP: I’m sorry, Nathan. You were... a father to me.

Pause.

JP: Is that the disk?

Pause.

JP: I suppose it is. Amazing, isn’t it, to have the whole future of the world in one’s grasp...

Sounds of gunfire approaching rapidly.

JP: Well I hope you remember me.

Pause.

JP: Go!

End Transcript.

*


From: Anna Santo
To: Sean Ryan

I never knew we had such a deep responsibility until he was gone. I still think of him, almost every day, every part of him focused towards this, what we now hold in our hands.

Dare we? I still don’t know.

I still have so many questions, but mostly I suppose I just wanted to say that the past is forgiven. In many ways Nathan could not forgive himself for his past, but I know I forgave him. In the same way I want you to forgive yourself.

Keep safe, Sean. I know we will meet again. Perhaps in another life!

In love,

Anna
















The city plays a cruel game of mirrors, but the game of mirrors is useless and sterile unless there is a crystal as a goal. It is enough to know this and, as who-knows-who said, struggle and be happy.

- Don Durito of the Lacandon
 
I encourage you guys to read this. I'd read it before it appeared here, a couple of times in fact. If you think it's too long to read on-screen, maybe print it out or something? It's worth your time. :)
 
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