Nowhere to turn i

[$ublimaze]

I am so beat down now. I just want to be treated right. I want to have things. Basic things. Good clothes, proper food, transportation, a proper job, to not be sick anymore. I wish I had someone who cares about me who is actually in my life. I have 2 people who supposedly truly care about me an old friend and my mom, but none of them are here or help me on a day to day basis, so basically I am alone. I am so fucking ashamed of my life that I dont like to go out because I constantly feel like I am camping because I am so poor, and dont feel like I fit in with society at all. I am so ashamed of how old I am and how little I have to show for it. I am constantly sick or brain dead because I am on methadone and reducing my dose. I just want to feel clean and whole again. I dont even get a fucking welfare check now because I don't have an adress to collect one at, even though I have a room in a rooming house, but I guess that wont be for long now.

Im just so so sad. I broke up with my longterm girlfriend 2 months ago. Guess she didnt care about me as much as she made out... I dont even have a bad attitude. I have so much ambition just no means to actualize it from a combination of methadone, poverty, and low self esteem. I need help and nobody is there for me. Nobody who can actually help me in anyway at least. Sure there are people who care, but they are never here when I need them. I just want to do a bridging program and go to university and make something of my life, but I dont even have the money to get on the fucking bus.

I fucking hate poverty its not fucking fair. Just cuz I chose to learn about different things in my life early on I have to be alienated like this?

I cant work a normal 9-5 Im withdrawing my methadone which is exactly what I should be doing, but do I have to feel so dirty in the process

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I think that the way you feel is, at least in part, due to the fact that you're tapering on methadone.

Be proud of yourself for your success in tapering! It's not easy. I'm currently tapering off of buprenorphine and it's one of the most difficult things to do.

Reach out to people, you'll be surprised that there are others out there that feel the same way. There's always new friends to be had.

You can always send me a private message if you want to share anything 1 on 1.

 

[Cotillion]

I'm currently tapering off methadone too. It helped me so I have a hard time hating it, but over the last few months I noticed a numbness that I just chalked off as depression. What was your highest dose and where are you now? Perhaps slow down the tapering? You should be leveling out at each drop before you drop again.

 

[x2molly2amped]

I'm sure so many of us have felt what you are thinking. I know for me, I have been so low and never dreamed that I could get lower, yet still the problems came with no one to help. Please hang on. Even if it is just to make it into tomorrow. Something will come that you will be able to cling to, hope for, strive for. In all my many years of struggle, I never had a person to care for me. By some miricle I eventually stumbled upon that person. It really is true I think, that all you need is one person to truly believe and be proud of you for you to make it. Just keep hanging on man. Your miricle will come. Relief along with it. I believe it comes for everyone eventually.