Now what....

[psyckokilla]

So after many many years im ready to get sober for real..Ive been going to therapy got on some medication which i don't really like but if i don't ill go insane Ive had Bipolar1 with depression and PTSD for most of my life..Annnnnnnnnnnnnnyway over the past 2-3 years ive been slowly weeding out my friends who don't bring much of anything positive in my life which has been a long painful process for many many reasons ending with me having only 1 or 2 questionable friends left and getting rid of a couple best friends who are in the process of moving out from next door because i happen to be dating the landlord and just couldn't deal with the drug drama crazy bullshit lies and twofacedness that comes with the scene most of the time..Its almost the scene that i need to break from. The drugs just keep me in it.

So now here i am not a friend to call mine except my bf who def is from the different side of the tracks so he doesn't get it but is there when i need him sorta..I don't have a job because of my fuckedupness or a license yet..im 25 years old with no high school diploma or GED (i failed it by 20 pts in math pff) I have severe anxiety and can't leave the house without being on meds or at night certain places..I can't handle any kind of stress right now to the point it causes angina from prolly drugs and being 70lbs over weight and just being completely fried my whole life even when i wasn't on drugs and being abused..

I've been on Welfare for years and now about to be declared disabled just so i can have money to get to appointments and to just be able to live..My bf is also unemployed with no pay..I've come a long way and even though i don't think ill make it sometimes now at least i see the light like i never have before. Shit is critical and i also believe i don't have to much time left the world is so fucked i want to die happy or at least like it all wasn't shit. Which is wasn't but you know what i mean.

Now that i got out of the scene and got rid of the people Im here alone finding myself but im at this limbo nothing is happening im to brain fucked still from the break through of waking up to reality im still not completely sober what do i do..Im have to much anxiety for AA i went once and had a nervous breakdown it was to intense i do feel like it would be a good thing though. I don't go to therapy enough because of gas money and its so far away. It seems to do nothing anyway but get me upset but i do love my therapist we just don't move on from anything though i repeat myself over and over again. So basically what did you do when you got to this point? More meds? AA? Out patient? Rehab?(which i dread) Im going nuts going sane! HELP ME!

 

[TINK]

I can relate. I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years. I finally kicked him out, then realized oh fuck I am all alone. I am living in this city where he wanted to live, I have no friends or family here. I kicked him out a year ago.

Last month I had a complete meltdown at work and had to go into this intensive outpatient therapy program. I don't leave the house unless I have to go to the doctor. I am getting temporary state disability. Yake a bus, ride a bike, do whatever you have to do to get to your therapist. Tell him/her that you do not feel like you are moving past your issues and that you would like to see more progress. Let me ask you this? Does your therapist give you homework after you see them? Do the give you specific things to work on between appointments?

And I do think you are right in purging the "bad" friends from your life. It just takes an adjustment period. You actually have to go through the greiving process when you lose someone in your life, even if it is not from death. And, remember it is a process and can take some time.

Good Luck