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Now what, seriously.

THE_REAL_OBLIVION

THE_REAL_OBLIVION

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 17, 2005
Messages
3,183
Location
Burning down Doug Ford's house
My room's a complete mess, I haven't done laundry in 3 weeks. I'm replacing my weed "addiction" with alcohol. I'm sick of everything else, even opiates, they dont help me, they make me fine with being stuck.

2mg clonazepam + alcohol everyday, I have to move by june 1th, I have no motivation, I have no job, a degree in chemistry, but I have too much mental illnesses. I do not possess a laundry machine, fridge, or anything like that. I live in student housing, all the other rooms are empty (it's just 5 rooms). I still live there cos I got always paid the rent and asked if i could keep my room and they said yes. (for a while...)

But now they hate me and want me out, so I gotta leave, I'm on welfare, a big 592$ a month 8) . Afraid to ask parents for help, they all say I should be working now that I have my degree and I think they stopped caring now. Been 2 years and half of doing nothing but getting fucked up.

I feel like I should move out of here yes, but I don't have the resources. I think I'd be better off in a mental hospital...
 
Could you expand on your mental illnesses? Are there factors other then the lack of motivation and and the need to get high?
 
That's some awesome advice man.

Seriously, I just want to get in an apartment of my own and think things out and maybe put that degree into work you know ? I just don't have the will to do anything right now, I wish I'd teleport all my stuff in such an apartment.
 
Start small.
Get to work cleaning up that place.
You will feel more positive and motivated if your troubles where so visible and in your face first thing when you wake up in the morning.
 
TRO: this ultimately depends on your relationship with your parents BUT what about this.

Go talk to your mom and dad, and see if they are willing to help you. But you will NEED to be ready to do some serious footwork to keep them off your back. I mean an all out showdown, tell them you have been depressed, suicidal, and just need to stablize, maybe even get into a 28 day program.
You NEED to get off the alcohol, don't lose your mind about Klonopin, its not a bad drug imo. I think alcohol will create a lot more havoc than Klonnies.

Orrrr, try getting into an AA/NA meeting, share, tell people you have mental illness (who doesn't in AA/NA?) and see if you can maybe network or meet some people who can help you through this. You REALLY need some sort of social network, because doing it alone doesn't always work like we want it to, plus it will help make you feel soooo much better.
And MOST OF ALL, STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
 
THE_REAL_OBLIVION said:
i don't know, something around the lines of borderline/anti-social personality disorder/extreme anxiety.
Click to expand...

If that is all true, which I have trouble believing, you are going to have an extremely difficult time accomplishing much in life. Antisocial personality disorder is also known as psychopathy and modern treatment techniques have little benefit, if any, to people who have this personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder is extremely difficult to treat, but recently new therapeutic techniques have been developed that are offering new hope for people who have the disorder. Anxiety disorders are not the end of the world.

Are these official diagnoses? When is the last time you saw a psychiatrist? Are you seeing one now? Are you seeing a therapist in addition to the psychiatrist? If not, you need to start doing that as soon as possible. You should also reach out to your family. You are in a bad way and you need help. You really can't do this on your own.

So long as you seek treatment and stick with it you might get your life in order and find yourself happy down the line. I have lived through a lot of crazy shit because I have bipolar disorder, but I've been doing just fine for a few years. All it took was for me to accept that I had to change my life around to accomplish things and stay healthy. If I can do it, you can do it. I have to admit, though, that if you really are properly diagnosed as having antisocial personality disorder and/or borderline personality disorder things are going to be pretty tough for you, but you can still do it.

Best of luck to you.
 
Pillthrill said:
Start small.
Get to work cleaning up that place.
You will feel more positive and motivated if your troubles where so visible and in your face first thing when you wake up in the morning.
Click to expand...

Bojangles69 said:
TRO: this ultimately depends on your relationship with your parents BUT what about this.

Go talk to your mom and dad, and see if they are willing to help you. But you will NEED to be ready to do some serious footwork to keep them off your back. I mean an all out showdown, tell them you have been depressed, suicidal, and just need to stablize, maybe even get into a 28 day program.
You NEED to get off the alcohol, don't lose your mind about Klonopin, its not a bad drug imo. I think alcohol will create a lot more havoc than Klonnies.

Orrrr, try getting into an AA/NA meeting, share, tell people you have mental illness (who doesn't in AA/NA?) and see if you can maybe network or meet some people who can help you through this. You REALLY need some sort of social network, because doing it alone doesn't always work like we want it to, plus it will help make you feel soooo much better.
And MOST OF ALL, STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
Click to expand...

Thanks.

And to the poster above me, I think it's loneliness that's doing this to me, I wasn't born this way for sure.
 
I don't know anything about your diagnosis, I'm not familiar with the details of those disorders except depression and anxiety.

I'm on klonopin, the same dose as you and I think it's good for some people, if I were you I'd cut out the alcohol. I used to smoke weed everyday, and immediately became an alcoholic when I quit weed. It's hard to see the effect alcohol has when you drink daily/nightly, I was amazed at how much better I felt when I finally quit drinking.

Everyone else has good advice, I don't know how you react to stimulants but if you really just need some short term motivation some sort of ADD drug can do wonders as long as you don't binge on them and eat and sleep regularly.

Maybe an antidepressant would work well, but after my experiences with them I'm trying to avoid them if at all possible, but everyone reacts differently and Wellbutrin really helped pull me out of a deep depression until it gave me a seizure. See a mental health professional, they can really help.
 
first off, i know its hard to tell from the limited information but i would bet money that you do not have antisocial personality disorder. antisocials arn't people who simply can't or don't have an interest in socializing with others; theyre more on line with sociopaths or psychopaths. think Tony Soprano.

second, i know its tough coming out of school and entering the real world, and motivation issues are tough to overcome too. but you can definitely do this. you were able to make it through school, obtain a degree, and live on campus. you can definitely pull yourself out of this rut

See if you can cut out completely, or if not, cut down, on the alcohol. Clean up that mess of an apartment. Throw away old clothes you dont need and shit you don't use. Start fresh. Start exercising or doing something productive to take your mind off of your problems, which - no offense - do not sound that bad.

Is the welfare money necessary? Surely you'd make more than $600 a month at a part-time job even. While it might not be a career job in your field you'll eventually get there. You have a degree; thats a big leg-up.

You have a lot of advantages and opportunities compared to a lot of people in the world right now. As shitty as it sounds, just fuckin man up and pull out of it. Start small, but start NOW.
 
get an easier job like a chem tech. start making money and get a nice place. its a slow process like everyone said start small
 
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