November

Its been a fucked up month. Met NF which ended now as quickly as it kicked off. It was so good to feel something again, connect with a person in that way. Then I got sick and poof, he was gone. I suppose there may be more to it than that but I will never know his reasons for distancing himself from me. Irrespective it is done now.

Re my health, things are very much up in the air now and I am trying to take it day by day. In a weeks time I will know whether any progress has been made with the treatment and if not, whats next. I am extremely apprehensive atm and don't feel any better but trying to stay positive.

There is a lot going on atm and being forced to stay sober cause the meds for this damned illness is driving me up the wall. Especially with things ending with NF I just want to get fucked up but can't. Need to put my health first for a change and actually deal with my feelings which fucking sucks. Hate feeling shit.

Anyway thats enough of a rant for tonight, time to call it a day and try to finish Drive. Not quite sure why Ryan Gossling is considered so attractive, he does nothing for me but suppose taste is subjective.
 
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