iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
On the coffee table lays a pair of shoes,
one still in the box, the other hasn't moved...
from the place I threw it when I walked in the door last night.
When I showed my roommate
what it was you bought me.
white sneaks with a red swoosh
they will look so cute
when I wear them with the new
red triple five soul shirt I bought.
But I just have one other thing to say
besides thank you....
my fucking birthday was 8 and 1/2 months ago.
Better late than never I guess.
So what's the meaning of this present?
A nice pair of running shoes.
Should I test them out to see how far I could go?
I should have tried without them before.
Or is it your way of saying
you won't walk all over me anymore?
You are passing them over
for me to do the stomping.
Cause I'll tell you now,
I won't stoop to your level.
I'd rather walk away
then walk all the fuck
over your heart.
Cause it really really hurts
when you leave your mark.
And I don't want to leave
any of me behind
when I go away.
I've decided today that we both
have one fucked up way
of showing love for another.
and anymore I don't want to bother,
because it just doesn't seem like
a good way to waste time.
And you know....
sometimes it really is ME.
Like, when i want to be alone
and you show up at my house,
which seems to annoy me.
And then I ask you to leave....
and what happens?
You start to insult me.
You tell me repetitively
I'm a bitch, I'm a whore
until I can't take it anymore
and I force you to leave
out that fucking door....
cause i just want to slam it shut.
So i can slide down it and sit there
pull my hair out as i say i've had enough.
And you'll ring the doorbell for an hour
half that time i'm in the shower
crying my fucking eyes out
hoping you'll leave.
but you've went around back.
you are screaming at the window
hoping that i will hear.
But i've heard enough, heard it all before.
how sorry you are....
and you didn't mean what you had said.
The last thing I hear is that you are leaving.
Can you get a face-to-face goodbye?
Sure, why not....
I walk downstairs
and open the door.
I hug you and say goodbye
and again you have to start a fight.
...telling me that in the last year
YOU have done NOTHING
to be treated this way.
then i think...
nothing? i repeat.
I remembered something
that someone had said to me.
don't let yourself break in front of him anymore.
he can't hurt you... if you don't let him.
I wasn't going to let myself break.
How dare you say
you have done nothing.
do you really believe that??
And all I can really do
is stand there and look at you.
Before my eyes fill up with fucking tears
once again, and i see nothing but a blur.
I swallow the lump in my throat
being extra carefully I don't blink
So that the stream
of tears don't start.
And then i whisper out the words
you make me feel..... like a piece of shit.
I feel lifeless, dead inside.
As I walk away.
I hear your voice change.
jen... come back here.... jen, jen
but I can't.
I can't hear anymore fucking lies from you
or truths that you'd like to tell.
I don't want to hear anything at all.
I would have done anything for you
in this last year.
Anything at all.
Now, I wonder why.
Cause where the fuck did it get me?
All I have are these memories....
of me sitting here
night after night
crying to myself
posting on bluelight....
and now, a pair of new shoes
suggesting that I run away.
one still in the box, the other hasn't moved...
from the place I threw it when I walked in the door last night.
When I showed my roommate
what it was you bought me.
white sneaks with a red swoosh
they will look so cute
when I wear them with the new
red triple five soul shirt I bought.
But I just have one other thing to say
besides thank you....
my fucking birthday was 8 and 1/2 months ago.
Better late than never I guess.
So what's the meaning of this present?
A nice pair of running shoes.
Should I test them out to see how far I could go?
I should have tried without them before.
Or is it your way of saying
you won't walk all over me anymore?
You are passing them over
for me to do the stomping.
Cause I'll tell you now,
I won't stoop to your level.
I'd rather walk away
then walk all the fuck
over your heart.
Cause it really really hurts
when you leave your mark.
And I don't want to leave
any of me behind
when I go away.
I've decided today that we both
have one fucked up way
of showing love for another.
and anymore I don't want to bother,
because it just doesn't seem like
a good way to waste time.
And you know....
sometimes it really is ME.
Like, when i want to be alone
and you show up at my house,
which seems to annoy me.
And then I ask you to leave....
and what happens?
You start to insult me.
You tell me repetitively
I'm a bitch, I'm a whore
until I can't take it anymore
and I force you to leave
out that fucking door....
cause i just want to slam it shut.
So i can slide down it and sit there
pull my hair out as i say i've had enough.
And you'll ring the doorbell for an hour
half that time i'm in the shower
crying my fucking eyes out
hoping you'll leave.
but you've went around back.
you are screaming at the window
hoping that i will hear.
But i've heard enough, heard it all before.
how sorry you are....
and you didn't mean what you had said.
The last thing I hear is that you are leaving.
Can you get a face-to-face goodbye?
Sure, why not....
I walk downstairs
and open the door.
I hug you and say goodbye
and again you have to start a fight.
...telling me that in the last year
YOU have done NOTHING
to be treated this way.
then i think...
nothing? i repeat.
I remembered something
that someone had said to me.
don't let yourself break in front of him anymore.
he can't hurt you... if you don't let him.
I wasn't going to let myself break.
How dare you say
you have done nothing.
do you really believe that??
And all I can really do
is stand there and look at you.
Before my eyes fill up with fucking tears
once again, and i see nothing but a blur.
I swallow the lump in my throat
being extra carefully I don't blink
So that the stream
of tears don't start.
And then i whisper out the words
you make me feel..... like a piece of shit.
I feel lifeless, dead inside.
As I walk away.
I hear your voice change.
jen... come back here.... jen, jen
but I can't.
I can't hear anymore fucking lies from you
or truths that you'd like to tell.
I don't want to hear anything at all.
I would have done anything for you
in this last year.
Anything at all.
Now, I wonder why.
Cause where the fuck did it get me?
All I have are these memories....
of me sitting here
night after night
crying to myself
posting on bluelight....
and now, a pair of new shoes
suggesting that I run away.
