(9:28:14 AM) thou: What is wrong with me?
(9:31:23 AM) thou: I'm really interested in hearing a bit of insight from a reasonable, objective standpoint on the way my family treats me. I've dealt with it forevor and just repressed it to an ENORmous degree, but some of these things I've been taping. Just extraordinary.
(9:40:20 AM) thou: What kidn of horrible culture teaches children to grow up to be parents like that? I can't even tell her i love her, unprovoked, and the minute I start what seems to me a ratoinal conversation I get scolded initially, then an oppurtunity for a ten minute tirade about how all of her actions are to serve the happiness of others, which is a far-fetched projection serving only to give here a reason to keep doing whatever it is she does with impunity, kind of a self preservation psychological anamoly and not only that but I understand mental issues failry well and I know she's had less luck than I've had (If not just slightly)? She paints me into a corner where I am expected to respond after these grievances are aired, but each time I do respond its met with even worse anger. I'v etried not responding, responding, crying (sincerely), leaving, nothing works. I love her and if anything the most I feel is frustrated in the quite real possibility that she will never find happiness, even in terms of attachment and materialism (mind you. I don't condemn anyone for their vices, I'm quite the hedonist myself and woudl serve only as an abhorrid hypicrate if I had the gall to tell anyone that they're "living the wrong way." Its terribly sad and frustrating, and the fact that I notice it primarily when shes noticing fluctuations in her own psyche and thus has to stand gaurd and surpress any negative emotion that comes out.
Was a text that never was, now it's a few quick observations I've made before having run some monotonous errands.
Thou
P.S.
I'm currently up for adoption so anyone in need of a submissive third party to reintroduce some excitement to the monatony of Heavenily 'Gridlock."
I refuse to lose at cribbage, you'll have to deal with it for free indentured servituted.
After arriving home found these delightful insights:
(1:51:14 PM) Miriah: I'm down to give you an opinion. I think we all have issues. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just certain things to work on. But from what I'
(1:51:15 PM) Miriah: ve gathered so far, I think your mom is ducking wack
(4:35:22 PM) thou: my moms conditioned.
(4:36:03 PM) thou: I reailize that now.
(4:36:10 PM) thou: I didn't think you had recieved those txts tbh.
(4:37:10 PM) thou: I was just lashing out at a lot things in that peice, quite a bit of it included my own selfishness and hedonism.
(4:43:42 PM) thou: Interestingly enoughy, she was adamanemt about my staying home as I've had only a few hours rest. She has preconcieved of some strange ilk, saying I was high etc ad nauseaum.
(4:44:31 PM) thou: I'm far from high in terms of anything, I halved my clonazepam dose straight away, and packed the extra 45 away in a safe plae for emergencies.
(4:45:06 PM) thou: She just deosn't like me, which if fine. I say this with not one touch of angst.
(4:45:57 PM) thou: We can't chose who we bare, anymore than we could predict the outcome of a game that didn't exist.
(4:47:55 PM) thou: I love her, but not in any way like the way she loves. me. I guess you really have to get into the objective conisderations of love at some point or another, and realize just because She's a shit and we've nothing in common, is by no means any reason to love her any less. Keep in mind this reasoning goes for my enemies as well.
(4:48:45 PM) thou: Back to the topic of her trying to woo me back to sleep.
(4:49:33 PM) thou: I got up under quite a bit scrutinization speaking clearly and mmore concisely than i'd had in months. I think Sarah came to me in dream.
(4:49:57 PM) thou: Went to the laundromat (My intended destination), and got a job.
(4:54:32 PM) thou: Isn't life peculiar.
(9:31:23 AM) thou: I'm really interested in hearing a bit of insight from a reasonable, objective standpoint on the way my family treats me. I've dealt with it forevor and just repressed it to an ENORmous degree, but some of these things I've been taping. Just extraordinary.
(9:40:20 AM) thou: What kidn of horrible culture teaches children to grow up to be parents like that? I can't even tell her i love her, unprovoked, and the minute I start what seems to me a ratoinal conversation I get scolded initially, then an oppurtunity for a ten minute tirade about how all of her actions are to serve the happiness of others, which is a far-fetched projection serving only to give here a reason to keep doing whatever it is she does with impunity, kind of a self preservation psychological anamoly and not only that but I understand mental issues failry well and I know she's had less luck than I've had (If not just slightly)? She paints me into a corner where I am expected to respond after these grievances are aired, but each time I do respond its met with even worse anger. I'v etried not responding, responding, crying (sincerely), leaving, nothing works. I love her and if anything the most I feel is frustrated in the quite real possibility that she will never find happiness, even in terms of attachment and materialism (mind you. I don't condemn anyone for their vices, I'm quite the hedonist myself and woudl serve only as an abhorrid hypicrate if I had the gall to tell anyone that they're "living the wrong way." Its terribly sad and frustrating, and the fact that I notice it primarily when shes noticing fluctuations in her own psyche and thus has to stand gaurd and surpress any negative emotion that comes out.
Was a text that never was, now it's a few quick observations I've made before having run some monotonous errands.
Thou
P.S.
I'm currently up for adoption so anyone in need of a submissive third party to reintroduce some excitement to the monatony of Heavenily 'Gridlock."
I refuse to lose at cribbage, you'll have to deal with it for free indentured servituted.
After arriving home found these delightful insights:
(1:51:14 PM) Miriah: I'm down to give you an opinion. I think we all have issues. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just certain things to work on. But from what I'
(1:51:15 PM) Miriah: ve gathered so far, I think your mom is ducking wack
(4:35:22 PM) thou: my moms conditioned.
(4:36:03 PM) thou: I reailize that now.
(4:36:10 PM) thou: I didn't think you had recieved those txts tbh.
(4:37:10 PM) thou: I was just lashing out at a lot things in that peice, quite a bit of it included my own selfishness and hedonism.
(4:43:42 PM) thou: Interestingly enoughy, she was adamanemt about my staying home as I've had only a few hours rest. She has preconcieved of some strange ilk, saying I was high etc ad nauseaum.
(4:44:31 PM) thou: I'm far from high in terms of anything, I halved my clonazepam dose straight away, and packed the extra 45 away in a safe plae for emergencies.
(4:45:06 PM) thou: She just deosn't like me, which if fine. I say this with not one touch of angst.
(4:45:57 PM) thou: We can't chose who we bare, anymore than we could predict the outcome of a game that didn't exist.
(4:47:55 PM) thou: I love her, but not in any way like the way she loves. me. I guess you really have to get into the objective conisderations of love at some point or another, and realize just because She's a shit and we've nothing in common, is by no means any reason to love her any less. Keep in mind this reasoning goes for my enemies as well.
(4:48:45 PM) thou: Back to the topic of her trying to woo me back to sleep.
(4:49:33 PM) thou: I got up under quite a bit scrutinization speaking clearly and mmore concisely than i'd had in months. I think Sarah came to me in dream.
(4:49:57 PM) thou: Went to the laundromat (My intended destination), and got a job.
(4:54:32 PM) thou: Isn't life peculiar.