During high school I smoked marijuana regularly and was eventually prescribed klonopin as well for anxiety. To be honest not sure why I even got so attached to marijuana, as far as what some would call self medicating, this on the other hand often made me feel worst. As far as how it impacted me and my mental health, unfortunately it did nothing for me in the long run and added to my dilemma of handicapping anxiety. I will admit that its was a double edged sword, I had good times with marijuana for sure but the edge of the blade that cut the deepest was the sharp end of negative side effects.
Throughout the years of smoking weed, I was using the klonopin to also help cancel out the negative effects I was experiencing with the marijuana. With daily use of both, I am the first to admit that I was addicted(dependent) to both marijuana and klonopin. I eventually tapered off the klonopin and have yet to really fall back into the realm of benzodiapinies in years. I also stopped using marijuana, with a handful of occasional tokes after cleaning up, I am proud to say that its basically no longer a part of my life. In retrospect, using benzos and marijuana could quite possibly be one of my biggest regrets as far as how they impacted me.
I used other drugs, opiates like codeine, hydrocodone, and even oxycodone. Never got in way too deep to the point of significant high doses and physical dependence, but I dabbled. I would say as far as these drugs are concerned, use lasted up to a few days, ranging from once or twice a week on average but sometimes weekly, and then often spaced out with multiple week or monthly intervals of not using at all. So the main three drugs I experimented with consisted of mainly marijuana and a period of synthetic canabinoids as well, benzos, and opiates. All of this I could say was partly experimentation, maybe a partying phase as some would like to call it, maybe it was just curiosity and a love for drugs, some would call it self medicating and that may be it.
My mom had problems with drugs, been to detox and rehab a few times, she went on her last stint which was a few years ago and I decided to cut out all drug use. I was pretty much clean for six months, maybe more. I didn't really have a want or care, had a reason to stay away from it all. I now came back to the point where I dabble from time to time. I use hydrocodone and codeine for a few days at rather moderate doses in comparison to some, usually about anywhere between 240mg-480 of codeine or 60-120 mgs of hydrocodone in time released suspension. I will do this for a day or maybe a few, stop, and then do so again a few weeks or even months later.
I can drink with no problem, stop and cut it out and have no urge to do so again really, not a big fan of liquor. I say this to use in comparison to what I've been thinking about. Through the means I have to get these opiates, it often makes me feel guilty. Its not like where you can easily obtain it at all times like alcohol and its a little more difficult and maybe because of the social stigma it has lead to me possibly seeing it as something that is thought of in a more degrading manner and maybe thats just related to the media or legality of them I don't know. Is alcohol really any different in reality, is it any better or worst then opiates, they seem up to par?
Now I am dealing with the one more time complex. I do these opiates and I feel good, one of the few times I actually ever feel good and they give me relief from all life's issues. I tell myself, perhaps after this time I will stop, then you use and it feels good, you feel competent that you may not need to use again. Then you're back to baseline and eventually get back to the point where that want presents itself. The obsession and fascination, the drug and the culture, the scene which it is built upon. You get caught up in the light of it all, is this light blinding me? Am I addicted? I've had a past in drugs, overlooking the black and white of NA and addictive medicine guidelines to justify what is and is not an addict, what about the grey area? Its just not something that can be generalized, or is it really that simple to put the label on someone "ADDICT"?
I just don't know, I'm really not sure at this point especially, I've stopped certain drugs before and kept pretty much clean. Is it the degrading viewpoint of the general public and legality of these substance chastising enough to make even those without a legitimate drug problem feel as if it something to worry about. I think about these drugs, I want it from time to time, maybe I'd do them all the time if the opportunity arose, but probably not.
I was told from a doctor that addiction is based upon the impact it has on one's life. As far as my current use, I'd say its not of any major impact but maybe thats just now and not yet. I've had an overdose once, I learned from it though and this was years back, gotta dose appropiately and moderately. I had a weird incident where I nodded off on the computer and my hand fell asleep and lost nerve function resulting in temporary radial nerve palsy and lost of function in my hand, this is really just a rare incident but still. These really have not left an impression on me as any reason to want to stop.
Well thanks for reading, let me know what you think.
Throughout the years of smoking weed, I was using the klonopin to also help cancel out the negative effects I was experiencing with the marijuana. With daily use of both, I am the first to admit that I was addicted(dependent) to both marijuana and klonopin. I eventually tapered off the klonopin and have yet to really fall back into the realm of benzodiapinies in years. I also stopped using marijuana, with a handful of occasional tokes after cleaning up, I am proud to say that its basically no longer a part of my life. In retrospect, using benzos and marijuana could quite possibly be one of my biggest regrets as far as how they impacted me.
I used other drugs, opiates like codeine, hydrocodone, and even oxycodone. Never got in way too deep to the point of significant high doses and physical dependence, but I dabbled. I would say as far as these drugs are concerned, use lasted up to a few days, ranging from once or twice a week on average but sometimes weekly, and then often spaced out with multiple week or monthly intervals of not using at all. So the main three drugs I experimented with consisted of mainly marijuana and a period of synthetic canabinoids as well, benzos, and opiates. All of this I could say was partly experimentation, maybe a partying phase as some would like to call it, maybe it was just curiosity and a love for drugs, some would call it self medicating and that may be it.
My mom had problems with drugs, been to detox and rehab a few times, she went on her last stint which was a few years ago and I decided to cut out all drug use. I was pretty much clean for six months, maybe more. I didn't really have a want or care, had a reason to stay away from it all. I now came back to the point where I dabble from time to time. I use hydrocodone and codeine for a few days at rather moderate doses in comparison to some, usually about anywhere between 240mg-480 of codeine or 60-120 mgs of hydrocodone in time released suspension. I will do this for a day or maybe a few, stop, and then do so again a few weeks or even months later.
I can drink with no problem, stop and cut it out and have no urge to do so again really, not a big fan of liquor. I say this to use in comparison to what I've been thinking about. Through the means I have to get these opiates, it often makes me feel guilty. Its not like where you can easily obtain it at all times like alcohol and its a little more difficult and maybe because of the social stigma it has lead to me possibly seeing it as something that is thought of in a more degrading manner and maybe thats just related to the media or legality of them I don't know. Is alcohol really any different in reality, is it any better or worst then opiates, they seem up to par?
Now I am dealing with the one more time complex. I do these opiates and I feel good, one of the few times I actually ever feel good and they give me relief from all life's issues. I tell myself, perhaps after this time I will stop, then you use and it feels good, you feel competent that you may not need to use again. Then you're back to baseline and eventually get back to the point where that want presents itself. The obsession and fascination, the drug and the culture, the scene which it is built upon. You get caught up in the light of it all, is this light blinding me? Am I addicted? I've had a past in drugs, overlooking the black and white of NA and addictive medicine guidelines to justify what is and is not an addict, what about the grey area? Its just not something that can be generalized, or is it really that simple to put the label on someone "ADDICT"?
I just don't know, I'm really not sure at this point especially, I've stopped certain drugs before and kept pretty much clean. Is it the degrading viewpoint of the general public and legality of these substance chastising enough to make even those without a legitimate drug problem feel as if it something to worry about. I think about these drugs, I want it from time to time, maybe I'd do them all the time if the opportunity arose, but probably not.
I was told from a doctor that addiction is based upon the impact it has on one's life. As far as my current use, I'd say its not of any major impact but maybe thats just now and not yet. I've had an overdose once, I learned from it though and this was years back, gotta dose appropiately and moderately. I had a weird incident where I nodded off on the computer and my hand fell asleep and lost nerve function resulting in temporary radial nerve palsy and lost of function in my hand, this is really just a rare incident but still. These really have not left an impression on me as any reason to want to stop.
Well thanks for reading, let me know what you think.
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