Depression Not sure what to do

[abefourth]

I'm not sure how to proceed with what I'm feeling.

I've been extremely depressed lately and I'm trying not to hurt anyone but it's feeling harder than ever to go on. I'm tired of causing other people problems and I just want it all to end. I want to end it all as soon as possible so nobody else gets hurt. I just don't know what to do to make it stop. I think ending it all would be for the best.

 

[Ki3ly]

Feeling badly doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been strong for so long !!!
We always have really bad days and tomorrow can be so much better !

It gets really terrible at times once in a while and an even worse day at times.

And you always do so well otherwise so it can be alright. Just know you will be just fine.

You're capable of recovery and your life can move forward.
We DO recovery and we DO heal! Keep getting Better Broh !!! Keep going.

Try to focus on happy things so we can all feel that way together.

Take Care. Think strong thoughts and be the strength that you can. Alright !

 

[Asclepius]

I'm not sure how to proceed with what I'm feeling.

I've been extremely depressed lately and I'm trying not to hurt anyone but it's feeling harder than ever to go on. I'm tired of causing other people problems and I just want it all to end. I want to end it all as soon as possible so nobody else gets hurt. I just don't know what to do to make it stop. I think ending it all would be for the best.

Anger & Rage are normal emotions - most feel them, just not talked about.

So, how to not hurt yourself or, anyone else - escaping in music is a start - sometimes there is nowhere to validate how we feel- feeling enraged, frustrated, etc..is normal - id recommend checking out "the metal thread" on here - where many, like you, feel thwarted by how oppressed they feel.

Now, in saying that, there is a limit one needs to impose on isolation & anger, so - as catharsis - indulge in outlet...then come back to base- where you can reason, process & control your feelings.

Ending yourself, is just an impulsive thought; to deal with the (real) pain you're feeling now (it's awful, love, been there too!) You are way stronger than that illusion - just give yourself a break! Obviously you've been under way too much pressure - please, for you're & my sake, release it a wee bit, you deserve it

 

[Ki3ly]

Try to focus on happiness and healing so that you don't have to feel like you are suffering. K !!!

If you feel stressed just wait until you feel resolved and stay calm as possible. Breath Deep
Stay together. As you can. You can do this too !!

 

[Ki3ly]

Hello

I'm not sure how to proceed with what I'm feeling.

I've been extremely depressed lately and I'm trying not to hurt anyone but it's feeling harder than ever to go on. I'm tired of causing other people problems and I just want it all to end. I want to end it all as soon as possible so nobody else gets hurt. I just don't know what to do to make it stop. I think ending it all would be for the best.

 

[chippermonk]

I'm sorry to hear that. I get a lot of depression and thoughts of self harm. Not saying my such feelings are like yours at all. I try to acknowledge the things that do make me happy. I try to get exercise and eat well. I try to get enough sleep ( hard to do) and sun when I can ( ain't doing that much lately).
All I'm saying is, I don't seem to be able to THINK myself out of depression, but sometimes I can control mechanical things that help me. In the past I saw a therapist and took prozac. That was a mixed bag but helped some.
Sorry I don't have anything better to say but hang in there and please feel free to discuss things with us if you feel like it.

 

[Ki3ly]

I'm sorry to hear that..

Thank you for saying that all. And, Yes, therapy helps too.

 

[Jnowhere]

I'm not sure how to proceed with what I'm feeling.

I've been extremely depressed lately and I'm trying not to hurt anyone but it's feeling harder than ever to go on. I'm tired of causing other people problems and I just want it all to end. I want to end it all as soon as possible so nobody else gets hurt. I just don't know what to do to make it stop. I think ending it all would be for the best.

What is going on that makes you feel that way?

 

[abefourth]

What is going on that makes you feel that way?

I've been having mental health crises and had to go to a mental hospital a few months back. It hurts my dad when I have to go to the hospital because of my suicidal ideation and I don't want to worry or hurt him but it does.

Awhile back (2018) my mom died and if I had done more she'd still be alive. I let her down, I waited too long to get her help, and she died. She was abused for awhile and she got hurt and had to go to the hospital. They were negligent there and she was mistreated and died. I'd give anything to have stepped in and helped her sooner and maybe she wouldn't have been assaulted, leading to her death.

In high school a girl was groped and I didn't report it and I should have. She was a friend of mine, and I'd give anything to be able to go back and help her. She has a great life now and it seems like it didn't hurt her too bad.

I've hurt a lot of people and I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I just think the best way to make it all stop is if I died.

 

[WellTram]

U need to process all of this ugly things that happened to you and finaly find the balance again.
In my opinion atypical antidepressants like mirtazapine would help you, you can take even 2 but according to your suicidal ideations i would start with mirtazapine + as needed stress reliever ( probably benzos ).
Once you get front 15,to 30 to 45mgs od mirtazapine work on your mindset and after achieving 45 mg u can stay on it, reduce it or add other medication.
For now, sleep and rest are your best friends. And time for nonmedical healing of your mind.

 

[chippermonk]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate there! I think we all have regrets about things we have and haven't done in the past. We are all very imperfect and all guilty, but we can learn and try to do better going forward. We can have a second chance at many things.
For what it's worth, I am certain there are people who would miss you if you were gone. Your dad would be sad. It sounds like you are loved by him and needed by him and you are of value in his life.
Have you tried calling a hotline to talk to someone about these feelings you are having? Do you have any outpatient connections with therapists or psychiatrists? Nothing wrong with seeking help

 

[Jnowhere]

I thought about this for awhile. We, both have things we regret, or should regret.
I don't want to get into all things I should have done, but didn't.

Way too long of a list. I realized that dwelling on past; is a very unproductive and a very depressing thing, for most.

However, there are lessons to be learned in our mistakes. No, I am not going to say some nonsense about what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. That is too much of a generalization.

You seem broken, over things you can't change. I am similar in that way, but suicide was Never, a real option.

My whole immediate family died from various causes. I think, what if I had just....then I realize it wasn't my fault and thinking about what I could've done, is pointless.

I look at this way. I never killed or caused a death. Should I have done more? Hard to say, but honestly no. Even if I could have done more, I didn't. I also am not to blame.


However, trying to think of ways to blame yourself, will only drive you insane. I have wasted so much time pondering the, What if's, in my life.

What I should have possibly done; and what I should be doing now, are two very different things.

I am not sure what country you are from.
(So, I won't use that expression). Basically, don't look back at the past and dwell on, what you believe are mistakes.

Learn and depending on the situation, mourn. Look at the situation, and grieve. If there are lessons to be learned, do just that.( learn from your past).

We all make mistakes, but how we deal with them can be an extremely important part of life.

Killing yourself will not bring anyone back, or undo past situations.

Killing yourself will only bring misery to those that care about you. Those that care and love you.

Do you relly want to tranfer your guilty feelings to those, who love and care about you?
----------
We should have done more. We should have done something. We should have been more supportive, ect........

Do you want that on others?

Or do you want to be someone who has accepted that life ain't easy; or do you want to cause similar pain and regret to those around you?( suicide is devastating to people)( I am still pissed about that being listed as my little sister's cause of death)
---------
Don't let let your regrets define who you are. Don't dwell on the past. Learn and live.

This is a corrupt, evil and broken World. So many, have lives worse and harder, than you. The overwhelming vast majority, don't take "The easy way out."

If you want pain to go away; then try not to "hurt others". Become someone, better. You can't erase past mistakes, but you can become someone who helps others or at the very least, don't kill yourself. That will just cause much more pain, to others.

The Good Lord forgives.

You can't even forgive yourself, for past mistakes.

Don't let regrets define you, but learn and live. Don't let your feelings destroy you or; let the past ruin your future, or prevent you from moving forward.

 

[KurtAurelius]

I'm not sure how to proceed with what I'm feeling.

I've been extremely depressed lately and I'm trying not to hurt anyone but it's feeling harder than ever to go on. I'm tired of causing other people problems and I just want it all to end. I want to end it all as soon as possible so nobody else gets hurt. I just don't know what to do to make it stop. I think ending it all would be for the best.

I’m sorry your feeling like this, I relate to all of the words you’ve said in my own experience, but I can sit here and really hear what your saying, even from just text on my phone.

So much of your concern is about other people and that’s touching, but I’d ask whether you have had the time for yourself.

It’s easier said than done and little meanings I make for myself to not go into to the Forrest and take a poly drug overdose fade again and again, but everytime I’ve held out and found something a little more.

None of us asked for this, and when it is like the way you describe why would you wish to suffer for another day?

I’ve suffered for the days I’ve had good, where I’ve had the opportunity to have my own agency whether it is a delusion or not. The feeling of the sun on my skin and my guitar in my hand that gives me one opportunity to express myself in a meanginless pile of mush is something.

That’s specific to me, but there is something for someone as caring and kind as yourself, a gift you could offer and a enrichment to this earth.

my cliche good message deteriorates now as I tell you my biased opinion- that other people are getting you down and on their bullshit.

If you had some time on your own to properly take care of yourself, to immerse yourself into nature and connection to both your own body, soul and the earth, you’d be able to enjoy instead of suffer somewhat.

It doesn’t remove the problems merely the perspective- this is not me saying your just looking it the wrong way. Fuck no, your mind and body are telling you something from your environment.

But to me anyway, the fact you’re so concerned about others is telling. I know how hard it is to stop attacking yourself, but just taking care of yourself first has always been the step that stops me from walking into a Forrest and seeing how many Valium and Oxycodone I can eat at once.

From made up words on pixels on screens- as best it can represent this-

Much love brother, we are hurting out here and it’s a confusing strange world.

 

[jasperkent]

I used to suffer from severe depression & I've contemplated suicide since I was a child. A couple of times I came very close to killing myself & had the means to do it. I don't know why I didn't go through with it but I've always been extremely glad that I didn't.

Talk about how you feel to someone you trust. If you have nobody to talk to, call a suicide hotline or visit your nearest hospital.
Help is available.

Best wishes to you.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Reading all of the different responses to your OP. Look how many people genuinely care about you. If you are prescribed medication, take as directed. Alert your mental health team about how you feel. if medication is not working as expected let your provider know, it may need tweaking. Good advice from @jasperkent call suicide prevention hotline or visit local hospital..

 

[Ki3ly]

All those crisis's we go through everyday. It's not what we were meant to do. Yeah sometimes you can't hold it all inside.

You're in survival mode. Keep on surviving Please. When everything gets amplified. When everything seems to get overwhelming again.

In the past I am sure that you did everything to the best of your ability. And that is all that we can do to try.

Because.

You really can't control other people at all and what they are going through and what they will do. They are trying to do the best that they can do, to survive Also.

Just help them feel better, to start. And you did.

Of course you don't want to end up in prison because in prison they don't just grope. They bust the orbital bone in your eye, smash your nose in, and they will break your jaw and knock your teeth out, all because .... they feel like it. That is why some of Them belong in There.

So sometimes the risk really doesn't outweigh the benefit. So groping might not be that bad. Believe me, I have seen it happen.

You don't really want to be put away in the clinic, or in ... the room strapped in a white jacket because you knocked all of someone's teeth
out because they groped. ..... However, you never know when and also that, somebody can and will .....

Just Snap. And they are out there.

--- Sorry I wrote so much. I am trying to break that Habit too. ---


I guess, You Though. At the least just try not to be Impulsive. But do stay calm.

Just be grounded by being calm. Try to stay in a quiet place. Lay down where it is quiet and not too much brightness.
Be in a Safe place where you are alone once in a while and get rest. Put some Ice cubes on a cloth. That can help tremendously.

The best is then ... To breathe. We can all do this. (( Breath in for Four and Out for Six. Repeat for 10 times. )) This will help so much and tremendously.

The Shrine was tough too. But I am glad you keep trying and really are doing better. As best as you can and you always do. You can practice different Pathways

or you will be stuck in the same Pattern. And you don't want to go on feeling that bad. You didn't do anything wrong ! And you have to realize when you continually try to keep doing everything better

that things will be better for all of us or everyone around. Just keep trying and do it better each time. You always seem to do this and you have got through it all so well already. Just Keep Going.

K

 

[Ki3ly]

Sounds like... Your dad would be sad. It sounds like you are loved by him and needed by him and you are of value in his life.

Hey @chippermonk I hope that you are feeling better from your head cold. I bet it was awful. The winter season got hit
really Fierce this year.
There was definitely some bad stuff going around. I got hit with something that felt like toxic poisoning maybe there was
something toxic in the air.
I hope that you feel better too !

Bye.

 

[macaumacau]

Meth let me overthink

 

[washingtonbound]

I'm not sure how to proceed with what I'm feeling.

I've been extremely depressed lately and I'm trying not to hurt anyone but it's feeling harder than ever to go on. I'm tired of causing other people problems and I just want it all to end. I want to end it all as soon as possible so nobody else gets hurt. I just don't know what to do to make it stop. I think ending it all would be for the best.

I’ve been in this state of mind plenty and the best thing to do is take the focus off yourself and consider the point of view of people close to you, such as family. I don’t have friends but I am close to my mom who has already been divorced and I know that any type of self harm I exhibit is very unsettling to her.

I realize that suicide would be incredibly selfish because those who are close to you often take a certain amount of blame for it, similar to the survivors guilt concept.

Although I’m not religious, I see valid points in the argument that if reincarnation exists, which is possible, you would likely get dealt a bad hand in a different life by taking the easy way out, which many religions warn of one way or another.

This reframing of my thoughts has helped me personally, getting away from the self and thinking of the big picture.