JamtasticX
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 3, 2010
- Messages
- 916
So basically my life just sucks right now, part of this text is drug help related, some is depressing sucide related, was not sure where to post it so I apologize in advance for both if I ramble on, and if this is in the wrong section.
So for the last year my life has been a living hell, I got kicked out of my house once for over 6 months and was living cough to cough. I lived with my girlfreind for a while until her abusive dad took a bat to me. Then my grand parents for a while until m grandfather broke his back. I finally got back to my house, but m\not the main house, a room connected to the house, with no access to the house, rules are:
Anyway, shit sucks, we all know that, this is where the drug help stuff comes in. I go to a sub dr that also allows me benzos, this week I got 3 weeks of benzos and a week of sub. I also got in a car accident in my girls car (her parents hate me, i have no insurance, my life SUCKS besides the point). To make a long story short, I lost all my pills somehow.
I already told my Dr I lost my benzos once, so that wont work. I get drug test and I need benzos+sub to show up and no opiates. I have been so depressed I did heroinb yesterday and today, so now I have to m0ve my apoibntments (drug test sch tues, dr wed) So I can pass, but even if I move them what should i do?
Can I go to the hospital with my pill bottles and accident report, say that I lost them, think I lost them in commotion of accident, bottle we open. My dr wont give me refils, until HIS refil date. Im going to be so sick, and my sub Dr doesnt care, if I do get mopre benzos it wont be for 2 more weeks, no ands ifs or buts. Also hospitals wont give me any suboxone they dont have sub Drs. If this is the only time ive gone to the hospital like this will they think im drug seeking, what if I bring multiple bottles? And the hospital cant tell my sub Dr right? Im thinking the hospital will be the best bet, I also have wrist injuries so it will look like Im going for more than just pills. Ive never done this before with a hospital, and am not tryying to dr shop or whatever, but the program was the only thing keeping me going. This Dr will kick me out no question if I dont get something done before then, and even if I find a Dr that takes my insurance most wont prescibe benzos, which I need badly.
I feel the hospital idea is the only option right now, and if it doesnt work I cant see a point in living. Ive just been crying all day. I wrote like a 3 post long depressed suicide thing on my facebook because my birthday was a week ago and I sat at home alone, I try so hard to have a fraction of a good life again, and its like I dont exist, the only people who care are peoplke online.
Hell even m girlfreind treats me like shit. She let me drive her car(technically her moms, now they r going to press charges sayibng I stole it) and wants me to pay for it , i have no money. Then tonight I got all the money for the dope, and she keeps saying I want more more, has no depth perception, and I got none, she was so wrecked she got pulled over driving, FUCK HER, FUCK LIFE. Damn, I already have a suicide letter in my pocket I carry around, I spend hours just crying wishing it would end, I lost 2 bottles of schelduled pills Im screwed
So for the last year my life has been a living hell, I got kicked out of my house once for over 6 months and was living cough to cough. I lived with my girlfreind for a while until her abusive dad took a bat to me. Then my grand parents for a while until m grandfather broke his back. I finally got back to my house, but m\not the main house, a room connected to the house, with no access to the house, rules are:
- have to call and ask permission to use bathroom
- Eating is a privlidge, if there is food and someone wants to give it to me, have to call and ask , no food after 8:30
- No entering the house, ever
Anyway, shit sucks, we all know that, this is where the drug help stuff comes in. I go to a sub dr that also allows me benzos, this week I got 3 weeks of benzos and a week of sub. I also got in a car accident in my girls car (her parents hate me, i have no insurance, my life SUCKS besides the point). To make a long story short, I lost all my pills somehow.
I already told my Dr I lost my benzos once, so that wont work. I get drug test and I need benzos+sub to show up and no opiates. I have been so depressed I did heroinb yesterday and today, so now I have to m0ve my apoibntments (drug test sch tues, dr wed) So I can pass, but even if I move them what should i do?
Can I go to the hospital with my pill bottles and accident report, say that I lost them, think I lost them in commotion of accident, bottle we open. My dr wont give me refils, until HIS refil date. Im going to be so sick, and my sub Dr doesnt care, if I do get mopre benzos it wont be for 2 more weeks, no ands ifs or buts. Also hospitals wont give me any suboxone they dont have sub Drs. If this is the only time ive gone to the hospital like this will they think im drug seeking, what if I bring multiple bottles? And the hospital cant tell my sub Dr right? Im thinking the hospital will be the best bet, I also have wrist injuries so it will look like Im going for more than just pills. Ive never done this before with a hospital, and am not tryying to dr shop or whatever, but the program was the only thing keeping me going. This Dr will kick me out no question if I dont get something done before then, and even if I find a Dr that takes my insurance most wont prescibe benzos, which I need badly.
I feel the hospital idea is the only option right now, and if it doesnt work I cant see a point in living. Ive just been crying all day. I wrote like a 3 post long depressed suicide thing on my facebook because my birthday was a week ago and I sat at home alone, I try so hard to have a fraction of a good life again, and its like I dont exist, the only people who care are peoplke online.
Hell even m girlfreind treats me like shit. She let me drive her car(technically her moms, now they r going to press charges sayibng I stole it) and wants me to pay for it , i have no money. Then tonight I got all the money for the dope, and she keeps saying I want more more, has no depth perception, and I got none, she was so wrecked she got pulled over driving, FUCK HER, FUCK LIFE. Damn, I already have a suicide letter in my pocket I carry around, I spend hours just crying wishing it would end, I lost 2 bottles of schelduled pills Im screwed