not sure what this should be called or where it should be...

[ihatepipes]

What do you do when you see someone post all kinds of things about what problems they have and their life is so terrible, they have to deal with this or that, but never want to acknowledge that the root cause of their situation is the result of a choice/choices that have been made by them?

I don't say anything. Not a single word. I really want to but then I feel it is not my place. How do other people feel about this? Do you just call someone on their shit with a post that seems like a flame but every part of it is true (from what you have read on an internet forum)?

I get the feeling that I would like to do it in a friendly manner and that I almost have a right to post my opinion... I mean this is a forum where people post their thoughts and responses to other people's thoughts. Right?

So the question that I would like an answer from anyone who is willing to respond (feel free to elaborate as little or as much as you want):

When someone posts all kinds of shit on a drug message board about HARM REDUCTION, about the harms those drugs have caused/ are causing, and there may or may not be kids involved that are getting fucked up in the process too:

Do you call the person on their shit tell them how you see it and hope that you have done it in a friendly enough way that they may even listen to some of what you told them?

Do you just look the other way and put said person on ignore while cringing about the possible things that are going to continue to go on?

You could give a shit less about anything?

It is none of my fucking business even though it is basically public information?

MODS: Feel free to delete this and direct me towards a thread about this topic that already exists (sorry I DID utfse). delete it if it is not thread worthy. If you think it would be better reworded that is fine too, and if you think it is poll worthy throw one of those on it too. I just feel like this is an important question based on the fact that this board is aimed at harm reduction, and I see the scenario I described every so often just different circumstances. I am sure other people have thought about this and have feelings about it so I am interested in hearing what others have to say.

 

[tokenname]

What I do is just try to remember that whatever problems I have at the moment
are generally a direct result of my own choices also.
And then tell myself there's something to be learned from everybody,
even if it's just that I don't want to be like them.

Beyond that, if you feel strongly about something, and are coming from a
non-judgmental place, I'm sure you could find a way to say what you think
w/o flaming.

I think you're right..I bet lots of members have felt the exact same way you do.

token

 

[ihatepipes]

Thank you so much for your response. I have made lots of shitty choices myself and I strive today to only make good choices. The first thing I think is about how terrible of a situation it is to be in because, well, I have been there. Literally crying in a corner calling people on the phone nobody wants to talk to me because I have fucked them over so horribly every chance I got.

I mean the only reason I would say anything is because I care. The bottom line is I have been there and done that myself and I take responsibility for every wrong I have ever done. Alot of times you see people blame this that or the other thing they rarely want to accept responsibility for their situation when that is the key to setting everything right.

I don't know maybe this is more of a vent than anything else. I am glad I posted this here instead of telling someone the hard truth and having them resent/tell me I am full of shit anyway.

thanks for your response again you reiterated the importance of compassion even if it is hard to come by.

 

[tokenname]

thanks for your response again you reiterated the importance of compassion even if it is hard to come by.

Wow! Is that what I did? I thought I was just totally talking out of my a$$ again..%)
I did understand and relate to what you were saying ..I bet alot of ppl did..
sometimes, it's just way too easy to forget where we've been, ourselves.
Mostly, I think we all come to the realization that we cause alot of our own problems.
It just takes some of us longer than others.
I'm really glad that you picked up on what exactly I was trying to say.
Sometimes, I don't know how to put into words what I'm thinking.
token

 

[alasdairm]

homeless -> p&s

alasdair

 

[webbykevin]

I think this is a great thread, I have a heap to say on the subject, Just how do you give someone NOT the advice that they want but the advice that they NEED.

It seems to be taboo these days in the world of political correctness gone mad to tell someone when they are being an idiot, when they are being a drain on their families and friends, when their destructive and selfish behavior has just gone too far and has to stop before too many more people are hurt by it.

If someone committing suicide prevents them going on causing misery and chaos in the lives around them would it have been good harm reduction to have advised them "yes you are right, go ahead and kill yourself".

I have known a couple of people in my life who's suicide was a blessing in disguise, who's leaving a situation permanently caused huge sighs of secret relief from many people, but to say so is Taboo, why ?

It's all very noble to want to prevent harm, but never forget it is a judgment and an assumption you are making that you know what's best for everyone, when that could be far from the truth, it's completely subjective.

 

[tokenname]

I think this is a great thread, I have a heap to say on the subject, Just how do you give someone NOT the advice that they want but the advice that they NEED.

It seems to be taboo these days in the world of political correctness gone mad to tell someone when they are being an idiot, when they are being a drain on their families and friends, when their destructive and selfish behavior has just gone too far and has to stop before too many more people are hurt by it.

If someone committing suicide prevents them going on causing misery and chaos in the lives around them would it have been good harm reduction to have advised them "yes you are right, go ahead and kill yourself".

I have known a couple of people in my life who's suicide was a blessing in disguise, who's leaving a situation permanently caused huge sighs of secret relief from many people, but to say so is Taboo, why ?

It's all very noble to want to prevent harm, but never forget it is a judgment and an assumption you are making that you know what's best for everyone, when that could be far from the truth, it's completely subjective.

Well, speaking personally, I don't try to give anyone the advice that they want,
I just try to contribute if I'm able. Sometimes, all I can contribute it an obnoxious joke.
I think the issue I have here is, I realize my inadequacies.
I've messed up. I've pissed people off. I've hurt people that love me.
(Well, they say they love me.) I've done some lying.
I also figured out what I was doing and stopped it.
I'm not one of those people that goes around thinking everyone's dumber than me.
I like to believe most of us can turn things around when we're screwing up.
I'm not a better person than anybody else here.
Besides that, we all only know what we're "told". I don't know anybody's life or situation or pressures.
I didn't come here to tell people they're an idiot..or to judge them.
Now, there are a couple things I would speak up on.
I read a post earlier about somebody who knows they're HIV+,
but went around saying the exact opposite, and having unprotected sex.
That's fucked up, and I'm okay with saying so.

Why is it taboo to say that someone commiting suicide was a relief and for the best?
Because I tried my hardest to kill myself when I was younger.
The thought of somebody saying that about me and my life is more than
I can handle.
That's why I find it taboo.

token

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Like token, I dont tell people what they want to hear either...I tell my opinion regardless of whether its right or wrong..I sometimes need to go back and edit as my response has not been Harm Reduction at all!!
But you are ok to have this way of thinking. This forum is here for the cold hard truth and not some fairy flossed up place of sugar and spice and all things nice..Its got to be a place of brutal honesty and real opinions or it wont work at all..
You ask blatant stupid questions and you get shot down in flames here..Rightly so...These guys have buried too many of their mates to fluff it up for others..
Truth and respect are what makes this place so great!

 

[Pale Rider]

I agree, even though i am pretty new around here...

 

[max_]

I almost never advice anybody here. Not because I don't want to but because I usually don't know how. That being said, whenever I ask for advice, I would really, really appreciate it if someone totally flamed me for my shit and put me on my place. That's what everyone needs most of the times, right?

 

[SpinOutOfControl]

Inability to think consciously. And not understanding the way their actions ahve a direct impact on things happening around them. Not being very aware. Most people will grow out of this when they get older. Its part of growing up and being a kid kind of.

And if they are your friend then you should tell them to pay more attention and be more accountable.

Accountability!