Not sure what is going on..

[vividXX]

I made the stupid horrible mistake of taking about 300 mg of molly exactly one week after I had taken 600 mg. Before that I had only rolled once with actual pills. About 3 years before that. I had been warned not to because it could be dangerous but at least 10 + other people I know were taking it over and over again with no consequence.

The day after the second dose which was on September 12th. I was with some friends and we smoked a blunt. When I was high I had this overwhelmingly terrible panic attack. Every since then I just haven't been myself. It has improved since then but it is about to make a month in about 4 days and I really don't feel back to normal yet.

I also had a similar experience when I was put on the birth control patch and Acutane when I was 14 and it honestly took about a year to go back to 'normal' or at least...well I still say I am 'scared for life' because I never TRULY felt normal again. I was just to the point where I could function normally and enjoy life again.

But this is much different. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine. But other times I am overwhelmed with depression. I just go through these random mood swings. Also the anxiety, sometimes I will feel a constantly painful pressure in my chest. My heart rate will speed up and my breathing becomes heavy. Some days are bad. Other days are normal, most of them aren't. In the past month I lost about 6 lbs because I had lost my appetite. One of the signs of improvement is I have had my appetite back for about a week or so. But another thing which doesn't really make since is since my depression has slightly lessened and so did the anxiety my sleep problems worsened.

This is my main problem now, I can go to sleep fine but anyway from 2-5 hours after falling asleep I awaken in the middle of the night. Sometimes I can go back to sleep most times I can't. And when I do go back to sleep it is no longer than an hour. I feel if I can manage to get my sleeping back to normal the little bit of anxiety and depression will fade because I am to the point now where if I even think about sleep I start to worry.

Things I have tried:
-I bought some melatonin pills. They seem to have helped a tiny bit as now I am getting about 5 hours of sleep a night as apposed to the two or three I was getting previously. I also have been drinking 'dranks' and spraying my pillow and blankets with the sleep mist.
-I have been taking fish oil pills.
-I have been drinking a lot of milk (I read somewhere that it helps the body naturally produce serotonin or something)
-I took some 5-htp pills but I don't understand, is this suppose to be an immediate thing or is it like other anti depressants that you will notice days/weeks in advance.) I stopped taking them after 3 days because I felt NO different.

Other than that I was thinking of taking St. John's Wart but I am kind of skeptical because it said insomnia may be a side effect. The last thing I need to do is make that worse.

Oh, and a doctor and therapist is out of the question because I do not have health insurance and don't exactly have thousands of dollars laying around to pay for everything.

Thanks for reading and sorry it was so long.

 

[mdmaftw!]

my advice which is prolly shitty since i have never had panic attacks or anything of this sort is this : find a dealer with benzos and try to get some for your panic attacks. Otherwise contact your parents and tell them youve been having panic attacks(dont tell them why) and maybe they will help with getting you precribed some anti depressants or anti anxiety(benzos) meds

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

i honestly think its all in your head
.9g of molly isnt gonna be enough to completely fuck your brain up beyond repair

 

[Mr Filth]

I'm not an experienced user like most here and I don't know what your going through but I'm sure I know what most will say. YOU ABUSED MDMA!

MDMA is a beautiful drug but IF you abuse it it's the complete opposite. It seems like you have a seratonin issue and it's going to take sometime before your brain recovers by it's self.

My suggestion is to obviously take a long break from using MDMA. Start taking 5-htp as it does help produce more seratonin. Eat healthy and work out. Working out really does help get your body to function properly.

As far as your sleeping problems I would suggest some sleep meds. If you can get your hands on some ambien or even over the counter stuff like Tylenol PM. That should help.

It's going to take some time but you should fully recover. Once you do always remember not to abuse MDMA and space out your rolls.

It also sounds like you have tolerance issues because 600mg sound like an Insane amount.

 

[rincewindrocks]

It also sounds like you have tolerance issues because 600mg sound like an Insane amount.

you didnt read the OP close enough...that was only her second time taking MDMA. but yes, 600 in one go is waaaaayyyy too much if you arent used to it


but LM&A is also correct. its not enough to seriously fuck up your brain. chances are you have a bit of seratonin depletion, which will fix itself in a couple weeks. continue taking the 5-HTP, its not an immediate effect, it doesnt introduce seratonin into the brain, it just helps your brain produce more of it. you will be fine. just keep telling yourself that, and you will be.

 

[georgewc2001]

^agree with that...600mg in one go on the second time? Are you sure it was even mdma? I can't believe it was because on a second go, that would have you puking it out before you got there IMO. Seriously, that doesn't sound like you had mdma or pure mdma. I have an insane tolerance and that would definitely fuck me up good. Was it spaced out over a couple days or something?

On another note, whatever you do, my advice is do not smoke any more weed. After years of mdma use and abuse, I can no longer smoke weed without a panic attack. It just triggers a paranoia that leads straight to the negative thought process that causes panic attacks.

Also, I have had panic attacks since ecstasy abuse. The first one landed me in the hospital, but now that I know what it is, I can sense it coming on and just re-arrange my thoughts to stop it from becoming full blown. Medication is unecessary IMO for panic attacks related to mdma use/abuse. You really should avoid the risk of becoming dependent on benzos if you can.

My theory is that becuase ecstasy causes a race of positive thoughts in your mind, the opposite can happen in withdrawl when your brain is basically in the opposite state. A flood of negative thoughts can occur, which can basically lead you into a full blown panic attack.

However, it's tough to believe that your brain is in that level of disarray from 3 times rolling. Keep taking the 5-htp, don't smoke any more weed and give it some time. Exercise regularly as it will release endorphins, which should relax you a bit.

 

[vividXX]

^agree with that...600mg in one go on the second time? Are you sure it was even mdma? I can't believe it was because on a second go, that would have you puking it out before you got there IMO. Seriously, that doesn't sound like you had mdma or pure mdma. I have an insane tolerance and that would definitely fuck me up good. Was it spaced out over a couple days or something?

On another note, whatever you do, my advice is do not smoke any more weed. After years of mdma use and abuse, I can no longer smoke weed without a panic attack. It just triggers a paranoia that leads straight to the negative thought process that causes panic attacks.

Also, I have had panic attacks since ecstasy abuse. The first one landed me in the hospital, but now that I know what it is, I can sense it coming on and just re-arrange my thoughts to stop it from becoming full blown. Medication is unecessary IMO for panic attacks related to mdma use/abuse. You really should avoid the risk of becoming dependent on benzos if you can.

My theory is that becuase ecstasy causes a race of positive thoughts in your mind, the opposite can happen in withdrawl when your brain is basically in the opposite state. A flood of negative thoughts can occur, which can basically lead you into a full blown panic attack.

However, it's tough to believe that your brain is in that level of disarray from 3 times rolling. Keep taking the 5-htp, don't smoke any more weed and give it some time. Exercise regularly as it will release endorphins, which should relax you a bit.

The first time I took it, was on a Friday night. I took 250 mg and then about an hour or so later I took another 250 mg and then finally about 2 more hours later I took another 100 mg. So throughout the whole night it equaled about 600 mg. I'm pretty sure it was MDMA the roll was a lot clean than the ex pills roll. My room mate had bought 2 ounces and sold to all our friends no one had any negative experiences besides me. But I have a low tolerance and a history of depression problems so it makes sense.

Then exactly one week later I took the rest that I had bought which was 300 mg. I rolled came down and was feeling normal, well, kinda crappy but that's expected. It was until like 10 oclock on Saturday night after I smoked that I freaked out.

 

[georgewc2001]

Your first roll ever, you took 250mg and another 250mg an hour after that with another 100mg 2 hours later?!

Please...what were the effects? I understand molly can be a cleaner roll, but she'll still fuck you up royally if you take anywhere close to that much. Are you male or female? How much do you weigh? Are you on any anti-depressants? Were you on any other meds when you rolled? Something isn't adding up.

 

[rincewindrocks]

female...she said in the OP she was on birth control, and since they dont make that for guys...

 

[georgewc2001]

Yea, thought i read that somewhere but wasn't sure if was in this post or another. Skimmed through it again, but missed it.

Anyway, what she's describing is basically impossible. Molly must've been seriously chopped up. Might have just been filler, but must have been cut heavily if was in fact still molly.

Why I asked about effects. She would've been puking and completely laid out if she took that much pure molly on her first roll ever. Wouldn't have been able to function enough to take anymore. The first dose alone would have her retarded. Sorry, not possible.

 

[vividXX]

I realized how much I screwed up. The metric system fucks with my head. It was actually .6 of a gram. I just converted it wrong. I'll edit everything. But it wasn't my first roll ever. I took two ex pills when I was 17, so it was my second roll. So I have rolled a total of 3 times ever...Well, that's not counting the bunk pills we got that one time that just gave us a headache and made our stomachs hurt.

 

[crunchymilk]

I realized how much I screwed up. The metric system fucks with my head. It was actually .6 of a gram. I just converted it wrong. I'll edit everything. But it wasn't my first roll ever. I took two ex pills when I was 17, so it was my second roll. So I have rolled a total of 3 times ever...Well, that's not counting the bunk pills we got that one time that just gave us a headache and made our stomachs hurt.

0.6 of a gram is 600mg.

It sounds like you have depersonalization.

 

[vividXX]

Well, I was right then. I had asked my friends and they said it was .60 whatever, but yeah. depersonalization? Really? That sounds serious and depressing. I suppose I'll do some research on it. I hope it is something I can recover from.

But yeah, I really don't know shit about drugs but I have heard on average in an ex pill there is 100 mg of mdma. That's like taking 6 pills. I know people who pop ten packs like it is nothing. I had no idea it was that big of a deal. But I guess, I should take some money out of saving and go to the therapist before I end up blowing my brains out or something else extreme.

Your first roll ever, you took 250mg and another 250mg an hour after that with another 100mg 2 hours later?!

Please...what were the effects? I understand molly can be a cleaner roll, but she'll still fuck you up royally if you take anywhere close to that much. Are you male or female? How much do you weigh? Are you on any anti-depressants? Were you on any other meds when you rolled? Something isn't adding up.

No, no anti depressants, no other meds. I'm 5'2 and about 130 lbs. Maybe it was cut with something. But like I said at least 10 other people I know were taking it and nothing happened to them at all negatively I mean. My room mate took 500 mg at once AT SCHOOL and was just sitting in the student area rolling really hard. You all are right, something isn't adding up.

 

[georgewc2001]

The average x pill in the US does not contain 100mg mdma...not these days. I think the pokes, which are the some of the strongest out there now contain like 80mg or so. Perhaps the mints in chitown have a little more, but probably not much and that's the strongest pills out there.

Taking this into consideration, ask someone what the effects would be to take say 7 pokes or 7 mints within a 3 hour timespan...that is basically what you're suggesting in what you described as your molly dosage. Just look at pillreports.com under some of the stonger pokes on west coast or mints in IL. People are rolling HARD off like 2 pills...people who roll a lot.

What you had must've been chopped up. If you describe the effects you experienced like people do on pillreports, it would be easier to understand how strong the molly was.

As far as feeling better, I can't remember if you mentioned it in your OP, but try to get some exercise if you haven't. It should help with mood and sleep. And, remember, don't smoke any more pot.

 

[vividXX]

Yeah, weed does make things worse. Over the past 3 weeks or so weed has only helped me once. All 4 or 5 times I tried smoking only made the situation worse. But I have been taking my fish oil, 5 htp, and melatonin pills. I am trying to eat healthy and I got a good bit of exercise today. I am going to keep this up and if things dont seem to improve at all in a week or so I will try to make an appointment with the doctor.

 

[its.euphoric]

It could actually have something to do with the stress of the drugs on your body.. and not really so much with your mind.

Try going on a low fat raw diet. Consisting of mainly lots of fruits, lots of vegetables, and small amout of nuts. I eat rice and quinoa too, but only a little.

I know you may think.. how would eating right help? But seriously.. just try it. The stresses of the drugs on you body, can be just enough to cause chaos in your body. Normally most people have some degree of inflammation and stress from the high fat, low fiber diets that is considered "normal". Even though it may be normal, it is highly toxic and bad on your body.. which is bad on your mind.

Over 60% of your immune system is in your gut, and that plays a HUGE roll in how you feel. And once in this state of stress.. it can be hard to get out. It creates a cycle.. stress causes leaky gut, leaky gut causes stress..

Just.. if you ever feel like you have no other option to try, try this.

 

[vividXX]

I have been trying to eat healthier. I have been eating a lot of fruit and drinking milk.

 

[molly897]

Yea, thought i read that somewhere but wasn't sure if was in this post or another. Skimmed through it again, but missed it.

Anyway, what she's describing is basically impossible. Molly must've been seriously chopped up. Might have just been filler, but must have been cut heavily if was in fact still molly. MDMA depletes your serotonin, to the poitn where you can't even produce it when you sleep. it doesn't have fatal effects. now, combine it with alcohol, or other uppers, and you are testing the waters.

Why I asked about effects. She would've been puking and completely laid out if she took that much pure molly on her first roll ever. Wouldn't have been able to function enough to take anymore. The first dose alone would have her retarded. Sorry, not possible.

I have eaten 1.4 grams of molly in the span of 12 hours. it is not impossible. pure molly is near impossible to OD on, but it gets metabolized as MDA, so three hours in, at a .5/gram dose, you begin to trip and hallucinate balls. YOU WILL THROW UP, yes. but you will survive, and have a great time. you will suffer immensely after, but you will survive.

OP, went through the same thing. me and my boyfriend would buy 3 gram bags and kill em in a night. you will be goign through this for some time. only time can help you, and benzos for the anxiety. don't sit around thinking how bad you fucked yourself, that is how your depression becomes clinical and permanent. you are on the right path with 5htp, but go to the psych and get a real SSRI. lexapro is good, i was prescribed that after i told my dr about my abuse. he told me straight up at the amount i consumed and how often that he had no idea if any dose or medicine would work in general

i've been suffering from the depersonalization since may, i'm alot better than i was. but i lost my job and schooling cuz of it. i consider myself disabled. no one thinks MDMA can fuck you up. i'm a poster child for mdma abuse.

i have lost 25lbs because of the permanent loss of appetite aswell

 

[georgewc2001]

Milk? That may not be so healthy if you're lactose intolerant or if you have any sinus issues as it will increase the thickness of your mucus. I have it in my cereal in the morning and in my coffee, but that's about it.

Also, eat green vegetables like brocolli, asparagus, etc. and watch out for things that are high in sodium. It's America's silent killer because not only has it been used for a long time in excess as seasoning, it's also used now very excessively in health foods that purport their healthiness by being low in fat and/or carbs.

If you can avoid too much salt, sugar and saturated fats, you'll feel way better. However, it can be very hard to discipline yourself to eat healthy without excersising. Once you exercise, you will crave those healthier foods, so they'll be easier to eat.

Finally, don't wait until you're starving to eat. It will make it harder to eat healthier food. The more and more hungry you get, the more the body will crave something heavy and unhealthy.

 

[molly897]

I have been trying to eat healthier. I have been eating a lot of fruit and drinking milk.

i developed acid reflux disease/gastroentinitus from not being able to eat. have you experienced heartburn and/or shortness of breath when you eat? it;'s a disease that physically won't let you ikeep food down. i became lactose intolerant as well, so above poster is right.

viv, people saying that it's not MDMA you took are wrong. it is possible. it's possible you took something else but it's not impossible and happens more often than you'd think.

i have to take prilosec to be remotely hungry, which is heartburn medicine. you're only supposed to take it for 14 days and one a day, but my doctor told me twice a day for two months. you can develop some pretty bad physical problems trying to deal with this on your own. i waited 2 months before i even went to a doctor.