Not Sure What Happened To Me

[ch33sy]

Now take in mind that the only times I've ever rolled, which have been a few times before, have been alone.

I honestly have no idea why I waited so long to try it out with my best friend last weekend because it was quite a mind blowing experience when I was with someone I was really close to.

Some things to keep in mind when reading this:

1. I have a girlfriend
2. My best friend is a girl, who is not my girlfriend
3. I love my girlfriend
4. My best friend has a boyfriend and she loves him dearly as well

I managed to convince her we'd be safe (and we were) because I took the extra precaution of post/pre loading up on lots of antioxidants and vitamins and we pretty much had no comedown whatsoever even though I'm pretty sure I accidentally gave us a heavy dose because we were rolling hard for like a good 6 hours.

Anyway about an hour after peaking we both get really touchy-feely and we start cuddling on my bed and just start pouring our hearts out about our current relationships. Everything we said were good things. We talked endlessly about our lovers but in a weird way it felt the more we talked about the relationships we were in, the closer we bonded to each other. And we started massaging each other and cuddling and giving each other eskimo kisses and whatnot, but nothing that's really too serious. We held hands everywhere we went so the other person wouldn't fall down since it was kind of hard to walk and when we went outside it was extremely dark and hard to see and we ended up getting lost which was pretty damn amazing and fun because we were just right down the street from my house. Anyway that's besides the point. We didn't kiss or anything like that. It was just what any two close friends would do I guess, on drugs. I mean even though I was pouring my heart out about my girlfriend I'm pretty sure we both had the urge to kiss each other at one point to see what it was like because we were so horny (in-a-not-so-sexual way). But we didn't, which is good.

I just don't know why I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think of her romantically or anything like that? It's just that I've never bonded with someone this much before and I know it was probably just the drugs speaking for me or whatever but at the time it felt so intimate and magical and it felt like that spark in our friendship we really needed because we hadn't really been good friends to each other for a while until afterwards. It's been about 4 days since we did it, so these feelings might pass. I'm just really confused right now. We plan on doing it again with her boyfriend sometime in December and I'm really close to her boyfriend too, we're all like best buds so I think it'd be awesome because we know we're all just good friends and have nothing to be afraid of and we can all cuddle and stuff and he wouldn't get jealous or anything like that (I ended up telling him about what happened with us because she took her shirt off at one point because it was getting too hot and he was completely cool with it.)

I just don't know what I'm feeling right now. I know it's not romantic feelings. But I feel like I really just want to try to work on our friendship again and be as close as we used to be when we first started talking. And I don't know why I'm started to feel less for my own girlfriend (who is absolutely opposed to the idea of drugs) even though I said all these amazing things about her when under the influence. I love her, I really do. I just don't know what's going on right now and how I could feel this way all of a sudden like wtf

 

[Clocktower]

Sounds exactly like how I feel when I roll with female friends. MDMA can be a magical, intimate bonding experience. After rolling with a couple of my girlfriend's friends I've developed deeply affectionate feelings for them. My girlfriend has had the same thing happen to her, after one night of rolling she told me she felt strongly attracted to my brother.

My girlfriend and I have talked about these feelings and determined that our own relationship is completely safe. I've chosen to maintain my affection for her friends, simply because it makes me feel good and I don't love her any less. If I'd wanted or needed too, I could just have easily have let those feelings fade.

Just give yourself a little time and your relationship / feelings will go back to normal. Feeling this way after using MDMA is completely natural.

 

[Desohigh]

MDMA and the only positive effect of it.. You love everyone, even you hate someone a lot.
Just let things flow naturally. I understand that she effected you a lot (believe its %100 drugs)
If you're curious about how she feels, roll with her alone again.
Something goes wrong? Blame drugs

 

[Smugglerr]

Yeah I know exactly how you're feeling, but probably not as intense as it has occurred for you. I'm not one to get attached to people anymore in the sense of romance, but friendship wise I've bonded with my closest friends over MDMA. The intensity of care that we have for each other is crazy now, and we barely ever do MDMA so it became something that occurs sober now. I love it.

 

[Zalo]

MDMA causes the release of serotonin, which causes the release of oxytocin, the "bonding" hormone. I've become aware of the bonding effects and find it quite amusing when I feel a connection, or "M connection" as I'd like to call it, with someone.

Those feelings will dissipate and you'll continue loving your girlfriend, but the strength of the emotional bond that you've established with your friend will remain. That's something I absolutely love about MDMA, but it's understandable when you develop unwanted feelings for someone, it is considered a "negative" side effect.

Don't worry too much about it. Your experience and less-than-baseline level of serotonin is probably making you more worried than you actually are. I'm assuming you also feel guilty for having these feelings, but understand that it was the drug. Also, understand that those feelings of guilt are potentiated due to low levels of serotonin, ie. depression, which is accompanied by feelings of guilt.

Be patient, give it time.