• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Not sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel

S

soma_Aaron

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 2, 2012
Messages
5
hi guys,
So i don't know where to post this but I thought this section was the best for it.. I've used bluelight here and there, to research drugs once upon a time but now I am sober coming up on my 6th week looking for some different perspectives on my issues.

it's a pretty long story but I guess I just want some of your opinions on it.

I'm 18, i should have my diploma now after 4 months from grad night. I blame marijuana since I decided to get blazed right before my lastfinal, a math final, after spending the last 48 hours without sleep just to catch up on all of my work in order to graduate. (currently working on making up the half a credit). I spent my entire senior year heavily using. I used it to be more social since practically everyone i was surrounded by smoked. I used it to escape; from my relationship issues (bad idea, didnt help at all.) and from my issues with my dad. The issues with my dad became so bad combined with my marijuana habits and his alcohol abuse, i was kicked out and am now rooming with a coworker. My family blocked my number.

Life is pretty hard, I decided to quit because i felt that i needed to rediscover myself and clear up my head. Ive got general anxiety over everything. Things have fallen apart for me, my truck broke down, i lost my job and just got another one the other day. Broke until my next paycheck. I'm clear headed but i cant kick the emptiness I feel inside me its like I don't know who i am anymore. I have no real desire to become anyone, i just want to be able to live comfortably because Im tired of this paycheck to paycheck bullshit. I used to enjoy video games, drawing, reading, skateboarding, shit like that but i have no desire anymore. I do work out though and like it. i honestly thought that quitting would help me find myself again. and on top of this, my friends dont really agree with me quitting. they dont see why, they tell me good job and all that but now that i dont smoke.. Ive grown apart from them. They dont hit me up. This lonely shit is affecting my confidence too and there happens to be this beautiful girl at work lol.. Im feeling low while trying to make positive changes to my life. :\

Anyway I don't think I've made my points very clear, but I've been dealing with these issues in my life over the course of the last 6 weeks. As it stands right now I just want to get my diploma and enlist in some branch of military. I guess I'm posting this because I want to hear you guys' opinions on this, on my relationship with my father, if anyone else feels emptiness or antyhing they have done to help find themselves again.. Any input is appreciated. 8(
 
Hi Aaron, I'm glad you found Bluelight. It sucks that your dad turned his back on you. But remember he is an alcoholic and has his own demons. Your relationship with your family right now is sad but it doesn't have to be this way forever. It's understandable that you feel out of sorts since you had this falling out, started a new job and quit smoking weed.

You might feel like you don't know what direction you're going in. The way I see it, you're doing all the right things. You have a place to live, and a job, almost graduated plus quit getting high. The friends who don't hit you up anymore were not your real friends to begin with. They were your "getting high" buddies. So now you have the chance to start a new sober life. You will meet new people, give it some time. You have a lot to be proud of! <3
 
Hey soma<3,, welcome to Blue Light=D

Sorry you have temporary found yourself in this spot.. and I'm sorry you find yourself temporarily alienated from your family<3

but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel<3

Light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel.jpg


Captain.Heroin said:
There's always light at the end of the tunnel. Be strong and >persistent,< you too will make it through this.
Click to expand...
QFT and added too
 
Last edited:
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."

If you are feeling this way then you have to make some lifestyle changes in order to feel better. You will have to do more than just put down the substance. You have to figure out what steps you need to take to live a more fulfilling life, and then take the steps to make that happen.
 
Hey, I'm glad I saw your thread. I am also currently 6 weeks or so sober, from a pretty devastating addiction. If you're able to, id suggest any kind of inpatient treatment or even intensive outpatient. anything you can do. If that's not an option at all, hit some meetings. NA, AA, etc. theyre all great for support and for having tons of ppl to talk to that have gone thru this exact same thing. I know how you feel about there not being a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, we stopped using, we stopped the problem, things should go back to "normal" good life right? Well, first off, life will never be easy ya kno? There will always be bad days, no matter how long we stay sober. And what's happening, to me at least and I think you as well, is that after all this time of using we're finally getting our emotions back. Except theyre coming back in full force, it's overwhelming. It's gonna take a while to get a clear perspective. We can't really expect to use for 5 years and then in 5 weeks have our lives back to normal. They (NA, AA,...) have a few sayings: 1. All you have to change is EVERYTHING. 2. Progress not perfection. and 3. One day at a time (very cliche i know but it works).

Don't spend time worrying about the future. I also have anxiety disorder on top of use, panic attacks etc. But being the way I am, with high anxiety and such, i am very good at overcomplicating issues that shouldn't be overthought. So i understand that you may feel like you're not moving forward, lifes not getting better, you're losing your friends, etc. but really none of that matters. All that needs to be worried about is right now. Just keep yourself sober however you have to do that, and make sure you make the best decisions at every fork in the road, minute by minute, and it will all work out. Don't worry about tomorrow, it'll be here soon enough, it will just keep you from enjoying, living, and learning in the present.

Get back into doing the things you loved. If you don't have any motivation to do them, force yourself to and you'll either fall back in love with them and realize why you loved them, or you'll find out you don't really love those things anymore. Theres nothing wrong with that, people change, you'll find new things that give you that sense of gratification and satisfaction that drugs gave you. That's very important, finding healthy and natural ways to get high on life. And remember to enjoy the little things: the sunshine on your face, the breeze blowing over you, a dog barking, the smell of food, the feel of grass on your bare feet, etc...thats what is giving me the joy of being alive again.

I hope that helped a little, feel free to PM me anytime because I'm in the same place you are

Peace, Love, and Light <3
 
Last edited:
Thanks everyone I really appreciate it. For some reason I even felt better after just posting it haha, but after reading the replies I feel even better. The support is awesome, and I like the quote "nothing changes if nothing changes." This makes a lot of sense. And also to enjoy the little things and not worry about tomorrow, just make the good choices today.

Thanks again guys, much love and keep up the good work ;) <3
 
nuttynutskin said:
If you have general anxiety you may want to reconsider joining the military.
Click to expand...

Yeah, iirc the military won't consider you if you're on controlled drug scripts. At least that's what the recruiter who I spoke with told me because I've always wanted to join the USMC.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top