not sure i can do it alone

[cherub]

To many emotions
swimming around in my head
make it stop make it slow down
non of the meds do that,, just slow me down physically
my head still going what to do next
what to take care of,, who to take care of

you lay there motionless in your coffin,
you body does but your soul still remains here
guiding me and darla both, why we ask
then have to quickly turn the subject

I am still having moments of
why was i not here when she knocked on the door to check on him
she still regrets just not knowing
now we have to pass and just move on
but never to be forgot

that day still seems like a nightmare
that i am waiting to wake up
the pain in everyone eyes
and the determination of mine not to cry
to hold everyone together
deal with the officals
deal with the a grieving widow
who held on me to me for days

now we stand united strong in what we have to do
her partner gone and life is having to go on

and then there is me,,,, alone in this not dealing totally
just on auto-pilot
running through the motions carrying out request
and still making calls

right now i want to be held
i have held everyone else
but no one has held me,, i am ready now
ready to cry and grieve
ready to say goodbye
but not sure i can do it alone.....

alone which i have not felt in awhile
alone an emotion i wish to not have
but i i guess that is better then numb
where everyone thought i didn't care

i am just not sure i can do it alone!

 

[harraser]

love you cin

honey im not sure theres much i can say that will help... you know i wish i was there to hug you, and you know my thoughts are with you, so theres not much new i can add... but talk to the people around you honey, i know youve built up this persona there of the super strong woman who can cope with anything (even if you dont realise it) and it might be hard to show them that its not always that way, but talk to them, darla, JP, chris, they care about you and it cant always be one way. they are constantly coming to you when they need someone, just this once go to them babe. they care and theyll hold you if you let them.

hugs and much much love

-ant

 

[mr_fluffy]

right now i want to be held
i have held everyone else
but no one has held me,, i am ready now
ready to cry and grieve
ready to say goodbye
but not sure i can do it alone.....

perfect synthesis of the inner feeling at times like these. ultimately the base reason human beings cannot go through life totally dependent on themselves.

((huuuuuuuuugs)) piss poor virtuality i know, but it's a thought.

 

[plazma]

*hugs*

Heartfelt work mommabear.

Pull through!

-plaz out-

 

[neverwas]

now we stand united strong in what we have to do

i really dont know what to say...this was touching...specally this bit. you are never alone when you have friends...no matter how far away they are or the distance btwn u both. friendship is the best.

*hugs hun*

 

[Chalice]

words...

Words... definately something I'm looking for in my reading here.

anguish, afliction, sadness, sorrow, tribulation... heartache.
Very moving.

Always a friend here to listen

 

[E-girl]

you dont have to do it alone sweetie... you have all of us here.
email me if you need anything... i'm good at listening.

much luv,
E-girl