(Disclaimer... this is about no person in particular except me really. It's not a letter to me,
but it is FOR me.)
Sometimes I'll open a page and go any of a million places. Now and then I'll lay in a comatose state absorbed yet indifferent to the eye candy on the television screen. Often I'll sit in front of a monitor and talk to those who need me for a moment or any number of things to pass the time. I dream of saving lives, I work to ease pain...
And still I sit. There's a chill in the air tonight that reminds me I'm alive... good thing. Happiness is my currency, joy a place where I dwell... so tonight I will wallow in this misery and allow it to keep me company, simply because it is something different. Even laughter becomes boring to me once in a while.
It's a hard thing to need and not be needed. Right up there with loving and not being loved I suppose. You think you have me all figured out, and that makes you happy. Happy to know me, happy to be around me... it also means you no longer need to talk to me. You have me all pegged, so why should you? After all, I'm such a one-dimensional person, right? Your assumptions are your own, and I'm tired. Tired of caring about it, tired of worrying about it, exhausted from the inane logic behind it all.
You know... "it's okay". Isn't that my usual line? You can have it. You can hear those two words as often as you would like. And the more you convince yourself that they are true, the further apart we will get. Because no, it's not okay. No, I don't want to do it your way. No, your opinions aren't more important than mine. No, you don't come first in my life - I do.
I will let go of the melancholy as soon as I can get through an entire day without having to say... "It's okay". Twenty four hours without having to give up part of myself to make you feel better about your life.
Sometimes I'll open a page and go any of a million places. Now and then I'll lay in a comatose state absorbed yet indifferent to the eye candy on the television screen. Often I'll sit in front of a monitor and talk to those who need me for a moment or any number of things to pass the time. I dream of saving lives, I work to ease pain...
And still I sit. There's a chill in the air tonight that reminds me I'm alive... good thing. Happiness is my currency, joy a place where I dwell... so tonight I will wallow in this misery and allow it to keep me company, simply because it is something different. Even laughter becomes boring to me once in a while.
It's a hard thing to need and not be needed. Right up there with loving and not being loved I suppose. You think you have me all figured out, and that makes you happy. Happy to know me, happy to be around me... it also means you no longer need to talk to me. You have me all pegged, so why should you? After all, I'm such a one-dimensional person, right? Your assumptions are your own, and I'm tired. Tired of caring about it, tired of worrying about it, exhausted from the inane logic behind it all.
You know... "it's okay". Isn't that my usual line? You can have it. You can hear those two words as often as you would like. And the more you convince yourself that they are true, the further apart we will get. Because no, it's not okay. No, I don't want to do it your way. No, your opinions aren't more important than mine. No, you don't come first in my life - I do.
I will let go of the melancholy as soon as I can get through an entire day without having to say... "It's okay". Twenty four hours without having to give up part of myself to make you feel better about your life.
