Getting clean is giving me a sense of nostalgia.
It brings me back to how I felt before drugs took over my life- carefree and happy. I got addicted at 19 to opiates. But from about 14-18 I was so full of vigor, laughter, I was a FUN person to be around, I had so many friends, I was active with family, religion, going on random road trips... All of that stopped when I made drugs a priority. I became withdrawn, snappy, irritable, tired. I would make up excuses to skip out on activities associated with friends and religion. I did it to myself. I distanced myself from everyone. Now here I am, almost 1 week clean, and I feel like I didn't mature at all. I still want to be that carefree kid I was. I feel like I missed out on a part of my life. I'm so alone; my only real life friends are probably my cousin that I live with and his friend that he has over sometimes. Everyone else- I pushed away. I wish I could just pick up where I left off at 18; I barely even remember my drug clouded years anyway.
If I never did drugs my life would be so much different. All of my friends from that period in my life have obviously made other friends, graduated college, some have even gotten married! And here I am. A 21 (almost 22) year old with nothing to show for almost 3 years of my life.
Ill always miss how my life was before I started using, but I have to move on. I need to find peace with myself, accept who I have become, make new friends, and start a new chapter. It seems very daunting but it's necessary. Friends are a necessity and making them is something I very much struggle with because of anxiety.
I'm going through a lot of life changes; finishing chapters and starting new ones. It'll be a tough ride & it's even harder to face when I feel so alone, but I have faith that I can get through it.
It brings me back to how I felt before drugs took over my life- carefree and happy. I got addicted at 19 to opiates. But from about 14-18 I was so full of vigor, laughter, I was a FUN person to be around, I had so many friends, I was active with family, religion, going on random road trips... All of that stopped when I made drugs a priority. I became withdrawn, snappy, irritable, tired. I would make up excuses to skip out on activities associated with friends and religion. I did it to myself. I distanced myself from everyone. Now here I am, almost 1 week clean, and I feel like I didn't mature at all. I still want to be that carefree kid I was. I feel like I missed out on a part of my life. I'm so alone; my only real life friends are probably my cousin that I live with and his friend that he has over sometimes. Everyone else- I pushed away. I wish I could just pick up where I left off at 18; I barely even remember my drug clouded years anyway.
If I never did drugs my life would be so much different. All of my friends from that period in my life have obviously made other friends, graduated college, some have even gotten married! And here I am. A 21 (almost 22) year old with nothing to show for almost 3 years of my life.
Ill always miss how my life was before I started using, but I have to move on. I need to find peace with myself, accept who I have become, make new friends, and start a new chapter. It seems very daunting but it's necessary. Friends are a necessity and making them is something I very much struggle with because of anxiety.
I'm going through a lot of life changes; finishing chapters and starting new ones. It'll be a tough ride & it's even harder to face when I feel so alone, but I have faith that I can get through it.
