faithfully dangerous
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2002
- Messages
- 11,225
autumn took us all by suprise. individual moments did not exsist. instead, they characterized themselves as a continuous meshing of a solitary memory. each moment welded itself to the next, as if one could not remember a single moment by itself.
fallen leaves semi-circled and swept over untouched ground. new territory, fresh earth. i watched as thousands of leaves fought amongst each other, bickering about where they would end up the next morning. would they even be there the next morning to tell each other of their evenings' adventures?
one moment. one- one can make you, or break you. ...or just dramatically change you forever. this fall seemed to be one everlasting moment that broke me; however, it ultimately strengthened me.
i would like to title this past season as the autumn of ultimate realiziation.
people change. things change. opinions change. everything CHANGES. and what seemed to bother me the most was there was nothing i could do about all of these changes.
even though we all woke up to the same sunrise and slept under the same stars, we were changing. the realization everyone had to make was that nothing, no matter how hard we tried, would be the same- ever again. understanding that could be comparable to applying salt to an open wound- this was the epitome of pain.
making the two-and-a-half hour drive back to the place where i had learned the most about myself only to find that everything had been reset again was difficult. it was as though there were no memories. no moments in time that stood out. it was one moment that took up an entire lifetime. and now... it just takes too much effort to think about the past.
this fall hads come... and gone. the rest of my life will be just a memory to many as well. everything has changed, and is still changing. each passing moment is a new chance to make a change. spectators can do nothing but watch- whether they gape in awe, gasp with fright, or stare blankly- no matter what, there is nothing they can do about it. it's your own life. you are the only one behind the control panel.
last weekend, i was driving through a small town. it was a beautiful day- by far the most gorgeous autumn day i'd ever lived. the windows were down, the music was up- i was almost in heaven. my mind was clear of all the pollutants i had been filling it with over the past years. in a single instant, a lonesome leaf cascaded across my windsheilded and fastened itself to the blade of my windshield wiper. i could have chosen to slow down and stop, to prolong the innocent leaf's life. but something inside told me to speed up- take a risk and take the innocence and purity this leaf had brought with it along for the ride. as soon as i sped up, i lost the leaf. i don't remember what it even looked like, i just remember thinking to myself: that was one of those poetic moments my theatre insctructor had been trying to describe, only... it was indescribable. simple words could not describe it.
and then i remember thinking to myself about how each moment is not complete without another transcending moment. i could continue on forever with what happened next, and where i ended up that night. but what i really want to know is: where did that leaf end up the next morning? did it even survive the night?
the next morning, when i awoke, the ground was covered in frost.
fallen leaves semi-circled and swept over untouched ground. new territory, fresh earth. i watched as thousands of leaves fought amongst each other, bickering about where they would end up the next morning. would they even be there the next morning to tell each other of their evenings' adventures?
one moment. one- one can make you, or break you. ...or just dramatically change you forever. this fall seemed to be one everlasting moment that broke me; however, it ultimately strengthened me.
i would like to title this past season as the autumn of ultimate realiziation.
people change. things change. opinions change. everything CHANGES. and what seemed to bother me the most was there was nothing i could do about all of these changes.
even though we all woke up to the same sunrise and slept under the same stars, we were changing. the realization everyone had to make was that nothing, no matter how hard we tried, would be the same- ever again. understanding that could be comparable to applying salt to an open wound- this was the epitome of pain.
making the two-and-a-half hour drive back to the place where i had learned the most about myself only to find that everything had been reset again was difficult. it was as though there were no memories. no moments in time that stood out. it was one moment that took up an entire lifetime. and now... it just takes too much effort to think about the past.
this fall hads come... and gone. the rest of my life will be just a memory to many as well. everything has changed, and is still changing. each passing moment is a new chance to make a change. spectators can do nothing but watch- whether they gape in awe, gasp with fright, or stare blankly- no matter what, there is nothing they can do about it. it's your own life. you are the only one behind the control panel.
last weekend, i was driving through a small town. it was a beautiful day- by far the most gorgeous autumn day i'd ever lived. the windows were down, the music was up- i was almost in heaven. my mind was clear of all the pollutants i had been filling it with over the past years. in a single instant, a lonesome leaf cascaded across my windsheilded and fastened itself to the blade of my windshield wiper. i could have chosen to slow down and stop, to prolong the innocent leaf's life. but something inside told me to speed up- take a risk and take the innocence and purity this leaf had brought with it along for the ride. as soon as i sped up, i lost the leaf. i don't remember what it even looked like, i just remember thinking to myself: that was one of those poetic moments my theatre insctructor had been trying to describe, only... it was indescribable. simple words could not describe it.
and then i remember thinking to myself about how each moment is not complete without another transcending moment. i could continue on forever with what happened next, and where i ended up that night. but what i really want to know is: where did that leaf end up the next morning? did it even survive the night?
the next morning, when i awoke, the ground was covered in frost.
