blahblahblah
Bluelighter
My freedom is clentched in my hand, my thoughts flow through the pen and are encrypted into the pages of my life, in the last hour I have been patching thoughts, images, and feelings together here. On the following pages I will weave them together in a tale of the thoughts of a teenage kid.
I wish I was back in New Hampshire on a warm fall afternoon. The sun would be shining through the colorful trees casting golden sunbeams on my deeply tanned skin. I am sitting at the edge of Mitchell's pond, my girlfriend next to me. We have a fishing pole in the water even though we haven't had a nibble in over an hour, but thats the way I like it. I intentionally come down to Mitchell's pond for that reason, I don't really like the process of catching a phish because I feel like I am hurting it. I mainly just like the aspect of whittling away the time sitting by the pond dangling my pole in the water and thinking.
My life has been superb lately me and Julie are driving down to Boston to catch the Boston Philharmonic Orcestras rendition of the Nutcracker, its live at Seaside park, they are having it coriagraphed (sp?) with fireworks. We should have a good time. We sit back and turn the volume up on the transistor radio just a touch, "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" comes on. I suddenly get a rush of nostalgia I suddenly feel in touch with the Vietnam era kinda like I lived through Forest Gump and Apocalypse Now melted down into one. The feeling passes as I cross my legs, julie rubs my thigh and starts talking about the feeling she gets when reminiscing about her teenage years. How she spent them in a happy haze travelling the country with a bunch of her friends. She is talking bout when they left her hometown of Cherry Blossom, Oregon in one of her friends parents 1983 Econoline Cargovan, how free and adventurous she felt setting off on the road. The sun is back lighting her making her glow with a golden aura.
Her voice starts to trail off as my thoughts take me elsewhere, my whole life I have lived on and off in a dream reality, daydreaming, thinking of things that might have happened, things that might have been. Why do I think of such random thoughts? Is there meaning behind these images and thoughts that dance through my lost brain? Why do I remember only certain dreams? Why does the song of a bird put me in a trance and at othertimes annoy me.
God, how I wish I could be a kid again, watching videos while the smell of evenings supper waifs through the air. My Mother asks me how school was today, dads out cutting the grass, and the smell of burning leaves mingle with dinner. The feeling is so comforting, back then I had no worries, I was involved with the lifes og TV families as there dramas unfolded, maybee I was so un-entertained with my daily predictable life of: School, first kisses, trick-or-treating, kick the can, ghost in the grave yard, flashlight tag, baseball and all of the other elementary things one goes through. At such a young age you don't appreciate life to much it just kinda slides by you unnoticed, as your life progresses you start to get interested in why am I here, who put me here and why, what will happen? Then for me when I hit my twenties it was a time of reminiscing and remembering all the good times, I wonder what my thirties will be like
...A tugging on my pole brings me back to reality, those phish must be playing tricks on me again, but thats OK I don't mind phatining them up. Julie is still talking about the feeling of oneness she felt when one night, one very late, cold winter nite when she happened to ingest some Lsd, she was on her floor in a thick blanket, she was seeing and hearing techno wha-wha's, she feels the cold crisp air sting her skin. Julie glanced at her digital clock and it stares back at her in a prismish gaze, she wonders about the concept of time and why it exists, weird mathematical formulas, heiroglphyics, and words like: space time continuum, she pulls the blanket over her eyes and enters another world. A world that seems vaguely familiar reminiscent of Lando Calresian of Cloud City from Star Wars, she starts to shoot through the seams of her tent feeling a electronic pulse zig-zag its way through a network of wires.
I suddenly remember we were supposed to leave for Boston hours ago, Whoops. Now I guess were not going, from here its a 3 hour ride to Boston. Its 5:00 pm no way will we make it in time, Oh Well. We gather up our stuff and walk over to the Range Rover hand in hand, listening to the melodic music relax us and gazing upon the magnificent sight provided by God a hazy sunset that is picture perfect. A image that I don't need a camera for its permantly engrained into my memory. The sun is reflecting up onto the clouds producing pinks and purples that fade into a deep blue. In the air hangs the sweet smell of evergreen trees, lilac blossoms.
The birds are chirping as my eyes open, as I glance briefly at the roof of my tent I felt as if it was going to be another boring day. I quickly shut my eyes in hope of being able to drift back into an unconscious state in order to pass a few hours, the heat was building up in my tent as the morning sun grew higher in the sky as I rise up and sit indian style I thank god for being alive and glance out the mesh windows right into a bright sunbeam, it seems rather humid, I see big bumblebees buzzing the flowers, the sun is glistening of the morning dew, it looks so peaceful, I smoke some blonde hashish until my tent is filled with a smokey haze, then I sit back and think the thoughts I always think back on what I have done with my life, I wish I would have done many things different but I am here now and thats that. I get out of my tent and pack up my tent and load it onto my backpack. My stomach growls as I come out of the bushes, I have to duck down so I can get under the viaduct. I scramble down the steep incline, till my feet hit the sidewalk. I forget exactly where I am it was getting dark and I needed to set-up camp because I was in a bad neighborhood. I thought to myself as I hopped the cracked up sidewalk, it is Tuesday and I am making my way to a major intersection so I can get my bearings and figure out my location, when I bumped into a old scraggly black man. He introduced himself as Leyroy, as I met him I glanced up at the street sign it was bent and rusted almost falling off it read: Grenshaw. Leyroy was telling me how he needed to get $5 to get down town to take a cab to a homeless shelter , his ramblings ons just float through one ear and out the other...
Its about 3:30 on a hazy Thursday afternoon, semi overcast I know it will clear up a little later. I just got home from the Green Grocery store and I am unloading the bags, when the dogs start barking. I sense somebody outside, I disregard the thought as dog play. I put down the groceries and walk out the front door. The sun peaks through the clouds and flood the yard in a orange glow. My eyes meet hers and I feel a huge sense of relief, my emotions flow through my body like electricity, it brings tears to my eyes, its Autumn and the nostalgic aroma of burning leaves fill the air, I close my eyes and I am transported back into time. Back to sophomore year of high school 1991.
Almost instantly I am pushed back further, my Grandpa is sitting on the green bench in our backyard, I am a small kid with a bowl cut and brown corduroy pants, I am rolling and hiding in the leaves. Having phun my Grandpa is throwing more leaves on me, the smell of burning leafs catches my nose. Little do I know but this aroma will be with me the rest of my life triggering memories and good times. I feel like crying Its now 5:00pm Friday night sometime in 1992, my Mom is giving me a ride to Kemnoids house, as I walk into the front yard I see my Dad sitting back drinking an Old Style. He yells to me, "WHere are you going?" "Kris's house" I yell back, the conversation ends there, the smell hits me again, fragrant winds lap against my face, oh these days brought me fufilling feelings, Lynn was also on my mind as she is almost 12 years later. I hop into the blue Cadillac with my Mom, we listen to Led Zeppelin on the ride over, we pull in his driveway I jump out and say "See you later Mom". I open the front door of the massive house and yell "Kris?", "Upstairs" is the reply. I open the door to his room, the sun leaves a slit pattern on the wall as the sun sinks down. I sit down and flip through a Thrasher skateboarding mag, Lynn and Lauren should be here soon. We chat for awhile, drink a Fuzzy navel, then the little turquoise Suzuki samurai pulls up, Soup Dragons blaring on the tape deck. Me and Kris jump in back and we pull out of Persimmon Drive the sun is shining and I feel fine.
Those were the days...
I wish I was back in New Hampshire on a warm fall afternoon. The sun would be shining through the colorful trees casting golden sunbeams on my deeply tanned skin. I am sitting at the edge of Mitchell's pond, my girlfriend next to me. We have a fishing pole in the water even though we haven't had a nibble in over an hour, but thats the way I like it. I intentionally come down to Mitchell's pond for that reason, I don't really like the process of catching a phish because I feel like I am hurting it. I mainly just like the aspect of whittling away the time sitting by the pond dangling my pole in the water and thinking.
My life has been superb lately me and Julie are driving down to Boston to catch the Boston Philharmonic Orcestras rendition of the Nutcracker, its live at Seaside park, they are having it coriagraphed (sp?) with fireworks. We should have a good time. We sit back and turn the volume up on the transistor radio just a touch, "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" comes on. I suddenly get a rush of nostalgia I suddenly feel in touch with the Vietnam era kinda like I lived through Forest Gump and Apocalypse Now melted down into one. The feeling passes as I cross my legs, julie rubs my thigh and starts talking about the feeling she gets when reminiscing about her teenage years. How she spent them in a happy haze travelling the country with a bunch of her friends. She is talking bout when they left her hometown of Cherry Blossom, Oregon in one of her friends parents 1983 Econoline Cargovan, how free and adventurous she felt setting off on the road. The sun is back lighting her making her glow with a golden aura.
Her voice starts to trail off as my thoughts take me elsewhere, my whole life I have lived on and off in a dream reality, daydreaming, thinking of things that might have happened, things that might have been. Why do I think of such random thoughts? Is there meaning behind these images and thoughts that dance through my lost brain? Why do I remember only certain dreams? Why does the song of a bird put me in a trance and at othertimes annoy me.
God, how I wish I could be a kid again, watching videos while the smell of evenings supper waifs through the air. My Mother asks me how school was today, dads out cutting the grass, and the smell of burning leaves mingle with dinner. The feeling is so comforting, back then I had no worries, I was involved with the lifes og TV families as there dramas unfolded, maybee I was so un-entertained with my daily predictable life of: School, first kisses, trick-or-treating, kick the can, ghost in the grave yard, flashlight tag, baseball and all of the other elementary things one goes through. At such a young age you don't appreciate life to much it just kinda slides by you unnoticed, as your life progresses you start to get interested in why am I here, who put me here and why, what will happen? Then for me when I hit my twenties it was a time of reminiscing and remembering all the good times, I wonder what my thirties will be like
...A tugging on my pole brings me back to reality, those phish must be playing tricks on me again, but thats OK I don't mind phatining them up. Julie is still talking about the feeling of oneness she felt when one night, one very late, cold winter nite when she happened to ingest some Lsd, she was on her floor in a thick blanket, she was seeing and hearing techno wha-wha's, she feels the cold crisp air sting her skin. Julie glanced at her digital clock and it stares back at her in a prismish gaze, she wonders about the concept of time and why it exists, weird mathematical formulas, heiroglphyics, and words like: space time continuum, she pulls the blanket over her eyes and enters another world. A world that seems vaguely familiar reminiscent of Lando Calresian of Cloud City from Star Wars, she starts to shoot through the seams of her tent feeling a electronic pulse zig-zag its way through a network of wires.
I suddenly remember we were supposed to leave for Boston hours ago, Whoops. Now I guess were not going, from here its a 3 hour ride to Boston. Its 5:00 pm no way will we make it in time, Oh Well. We gather up our stuff and walk over to the Range Rover hand in hand, listening to the melodic music relax us and gazing upon the magnificent sight provided by God a hazy sunset that is picture perfect. A image that I don't need a camera for its permantly engrained into my memory. The sun is reflecting up onto the clouds producing pinks and purples that fade into a deep blue. In the air hangs the sweet smell of evergreen trees, lilac blossoms.
The birds are chirping as my eyes open, as I glance briefly at the roof of my tent I felt as if it was going to be another boring day. I quickly shut my eyes in hope of being able to drift back into an unconscious state in order to pass a few hours, the heat was building up in my tent as the morning sun grew higher in the sky as I rise up and sit indian style I thank god for being alive and glance out the mesh windows right into a bright sunbeam, it seems rather humid, I see big bumblebees buzzing the flowers, the sun is glistening of the morning dew, it looks so peaceful, I smoke some blonde hashish until my tent is filled with a smokey haze, then I sit back and think the thoughts I always think back on what I have done with my life, I wish I would have done many things different but I am here now and thats that. I get out of my tent and pack up my tent and load it onto my backpack. My stomach growls as I come out of the bushes, I have to duck down so I can get under the viaduct. I scramble down the steep incline, till my feet hit the sidewalk. I forget exactly where I am it was getting dark and I needed to set-up camp because I was in a bad neighborhood. I thought to myself as I hopped the cracked up sidewalk, it is Tuesday and I am making my way to a major intersection so I can get my bearings and figure out my location, when I bumped into a old scraggly black man. He introduced himself as Leyroy, as I met him I glanced up at the street sign it was bent and rusted almost falling off it read: Grenshaw. Leyroy was telling me how he needed to get $5 to get down town to take a cab to a homeless shelter , his ramblings ons just float through one ear and out the other...
Its about 3:30 on a hazy Thursday afternoon, semi overcast I know it will clear up a little later. I just got home from the Green Grocery store and I am unloading the bags, when the dogs start barking. I sense somebody outside, I disregard the thought as dog play. I put down the groceries and walk out the front door. The sun peaks through the clouds and flood the yard in a orange glow. My eyes meet hers and I feel a huge sense of relief, my emotions flow through my body like electricity, it brings tears to my eyes, its Autumn and the nostalgic aroma of burning leaves fill the air, I close my eyes and I am transported back into time. Back to sophomore year of high school 1991.
Almost instantly I am pushed back further, my Grandpa is sitting on the green bench in our backyard, I am a small kid with a bowl cut and brown corduroy pants, I am rolling and hiding in the leaves. Having phun my Grandpa is throwing more leaves on me, the smell of burning leafs catches my nose. Little do I know but this aroma will be with me the rest of my life triggering memories and good times. I feel like crying Its now 5:00pm Friday night sometime in 1992, my Mom is giving me a ride to Kemnoids house, as I walk into the front yard I see my Dad sitting back drinking an Old Style. He yells to me, "WHere are you going?" "Kris's house" I yell back, the conversation ends there, the smell hits me again, fragrant winds lap against my face, oh these days brought me fufilling feelings, Lynn was also on my mind as she is almost 12 years later. I hop into the blue Cadillac with my Mom, we listen to Led Zeppelin on the ride over, we pull in his driveway I jump out and say "See you later Mom". I open the front door of the massive house and yell "Kris?", "Upstairs" is the reply. I open the door to his room, the sun leaves a slit pattern on the wall as the sun sinks down. I sit down and flip through a Thrasher skateboarding mag, Lynn and Lauren should be here soon. We chat for awhile, drink a Fuzzy navel, then the little turquoise Suzuki samurai pulls up, Soup Dragons blaring on the tape deck. Me and Kris jump in back and we pull out of Persimmon Drive the sun is shining and I feel fine.
Those were the days...
