Noob here

[KittysHavingAHardTime]

I’ve used this site for info for years but finally decided today that I’d like to make an account.

Bit about me:

D.O.C was opiates. I.V . Mainly H due to availability. Occasional uppers but those never Took over my life and mind the way opiates did.

I would get sober and then trip over the same rock a year or more later(shocker)

I collapsed and had a series of GM/ TC seizures, went to hospital for a few weeks. Diagnosed with epilepsy. It was possibly/probably brought out due to my drug use. Shortly after leaving the hospital I decided to go into MMT. Haven’t had a seizure in 2-3 years or so, very well controlled.

I got sober with the help of methadone and even though it gets a bad name for It’s obvious downsides, it saved my life and has been good to me thus far, even through titration.

this year around holidays I had a relapse and I’ve been having issues with that. Lost touch with all my old dealers so I know it won’t turn into a faceplant unless I go find a new one. it was just Some pills left over that I had been saving in my house for the last few Years.

So many things got better in my life when I got sober. I started getting into art again and Developed some skill, I no longer have to do the things I had to support my habit, I’m no longer terrified of going to jail and kicking, I have my own little place all to myself, I got a motorcycle recently, I have a kitty that is everything to me...why Is the void still there? Idk, but it is.

ive been titrating from the methadone for the last 2 years or so and I go down VERY slowly, Just 2mg a month. I was at 100mg and I am now down to 39mg, have Personally had no withdrawals whatsoever so far.

Getting off of my antidepressant has been another story. that has been difficult because I realized that even After years of various therapies, hard and painful emotional work clearing out old wounds and attempting to sort through all the childhood trauma, I discover that I still have not truly healed anything, the same old wounds keep opening back up and I have reached a point where I am Currently too tired to continue closing them. so I am emotionally idle at the moment.


Enough about me, How is everyone/anyone who happens to see this? Tell me About yourself, your stories, how your holidays were, good or bad. Any engagement is appreciated.

hugs

I’ll attach some pics of my art in case anyone wants to see it.

 

[G_Chem]

Welcome to BL,

I know the feeling of being too exhausted to fix the issues at hand that are causing the addiction in the first place. Feel like I’m there right now... Just so fucking tired. I’m more susceptible now to falling back in than ever since “quitting” (suboxone) 10yrs back.

Similar situation though, haven’t touched a proper opiate in many years until this morning when I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I tell myself I’ll stop when this shit is all said and done, but will I?

You know what you gotta do, do everything in your power to resist walking down to the corner. When all else fails, remember how bad the fent is in both dope and fake pharmaceuticals right now. Fucked up to say but better than using, it’s kept me from at least going back for a long time.

Remember too the things you lose, for me it’s music and dance, for you it’s art. Don’t let all the potential get drowned out by the needle. I’ll try and do the same.

Sorry today’s been a day.. Happy holidays everyone lol.

-GC

 

[KittysHavingAHardTime]

Welcome to BL,

I know the feeling of being too exhausted to fix the issues at hand that are causing the addiction in the first place. Feel like I’m there right now... Just so fucking tired. I’m more susceptible now to falling back in than ever since “quitting” (suboxone) 10yrs back.

Similar situation though, haven’t touched a proper opiate in many years until this morning when I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I tell myself I’ll stop when this shit is all said and done, but will I?

You know what you gotta do, do everything in your power to resist walking down to the corner. When all else fails, remember how bad the fent is in both dope and fake pharmaceuticals right now. Fucked up to say but better than using, it’s kept me from at least going back for a long time.

Remember too the things you lose, for me it’s music and dance, for you it’s art. Don’t let all the potential get drowned out by the needle. I’ll try and do the same.

Sorry today’s been a day.. Happy holidays everyone lol.

-GC

Thanks man, I appreciate your response. I’m sorry you've been struggling with a similar situation. Do you recognize what it was that caused you to slip back? Did something happen to you recently? or did it seem to come out of nowhere?

 

[Zonxx]

great art work, opiates are ... hell to get off of, im a heavy user for medical reasons but trying to cut down. Which has led somehow to me Iving, stay strong, its easier to stay away when you don't have the withdrawal thats hell on earth so remember the wd, that outta be a good enough reason to stay away
Welcome to BL

~Zonxx

 

[G_Chem]

Thanks man, I appreciate your response. I’m sorry you've been struggling with a similar situation. Do you recognize what it was that caused you to slip back? Did something happen to you recently? or did it seem to come out of nowhere?

For me it’s alot of things... I was just diagnosed with cancer a few weeks back which has left me in a lot of pain but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve been ripe for some sort of relapse this past year.

Financial struggles, slumlord, relationship issues, and trying to hide my health problems from others cuz I’m supposed to be rock for my family. The day I told my family I was really sick they didn’t take it well, I even got scolded as if it was my fault for getting this shit lol. To be fair they eventually accepted it.

When I was younger my reason for shooting dope was my dis functional family, all I had to do was leave. I can’t run from my issues this time.

Right now it’s all culminating to a moment of “fuck it, I’m in agony, I could die now or in 5-10yrs, why not use the one thing that I know which can take all the pain away.” Thing is, this ain’t me anymore and I’m already feeling guilty as hell.

But enough of my venting.. Apologies for that, this ain’t my thread. What keeps you coming back? If you wanna share on that of course. You out of those pills or are they still causing ya some problems? The fact you held onto them for years shows you got more self control than most.

-GC

 

[Jabberwocky]

Great intro @KittysHavingAHardTime!

Welcome to Bluelight.

Maybe check out Health and Recovery to help stay sober

Me? 2020 is going to be awesome. I get off probation and my case gets dismissed, my sister is getting married, and just 1 year more of wisdom!

We are always here to talk if you need someone. BL is a very supportive place. We gotchu.

Peace.

 

[Twilight222]

To the OP: welcome to BL, and rad art! Nice work on the methadone taper. You are doing it right! I worked in a methadone clinic and those who succeed with a taper did it just as you are - slow and steady really does win the race, as opposed to eating your bones and begging for an increase. I’d even suggeat slowing to the taper to a mg a month once you hit 15 mg mark, as the law of fractions dictates that you may have more symptoms tapering once you hit lower doses. Don’t beat yourself up over a slip and stay connected on BL, and to your heart.
check out some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) videos on YouTube to help identify and circumvent your triggers. Check out Richard Grannon and emotional literacy exercises on IG and YouTube - you don’t have to relive trauma to heal it.
Keep fighting - you are worth it, and we are here for you

 

[cosmic charlie]

Love the Artwork it's beautiful, good plan going on maintenance it pulled me out of the shit to. Did it with Buprenorphine this time but I spent some years on Methadone off and on. With all the Fent out there it's a death wish to shoot street drugs these days. Forget all that for good and hang out with us on Bluelight everyday, that's my plan. Have a great day and keep painting :D

 

[Marji]

I’ve used this site for info for years but finally decided today that I’d like to make an account.

Bit about me:

D.O.C was opiates. I.V . Mainly H due to availability. Occasional uppers but those never Took over my life and mind the way opiates did.

I would get sober and then trip over the same rock a year or more later(shocker)

I collapsed and had a series of GM/ TC seizures, went to hospital for a few weeks. Diagnosed with epilepsy. It was possibly/probably brought out due to my drug use. Shortly after leaving the hospital I decided to go into MMT. Haven’t had a seizure in 2-3 years or so, very well controlled.

I got sober with the help of methadone and even though it gets a bad name for It’s obvious downsides, it saved my life and has been good to me thus far, even through titration.

this year around holidays I had a relapse and I’ve been having issues with that. Lost touch with all my old dealers so I know it won’t turn into a faceplant unless I go find a new one. it was just Some pills left over that I had been saving in my house for the last few Years.

So many things got better in my life when I got sober. I started getting into art again and Developed some skill, I no longer have to do the things I had to support my habit, I’m no longer terrified of going to jail and kicking, I have my own little place all to myself, I got a motorcycle recently, I have a kitty that is everything to me...why Is the void still there? Idk, but it is.

ive been titrating from the methadone for the last 2 years or so and I go down VERY slowly, Just 2mg a month. I was at 100mg and I am now down to 39mg, have Personally had no withdrawals whatsoever so far.

Getting off of my antidepressant has been another story. that has been difficult because I realized that even After years of various therapies, hard and painful emotional work clearing out old wounds and attempting to sort through all the childhood trauma, I discover that I still have not truly healed anything, the same old wounds keep opening back up and I have reached a point where I am Currently too tired to continue closing them. so I am emotionally idle at the moment.


Enough about me, How is everyone/anyone who happens to see this? Tell me About yourself, your stories, how your holidays were, good or bad. Any engagement is appreciated.

hugs

I’ll attach some pics of my art in case anyone wants to see it.

Hey I’m new just as 5 min ago as well. I know we can’t measure no ones pain but I feel you with the relapse. Same boat here. I just jumped back into NA and building a network of women with good clean time for support. They say chase our recovery like we chased our drugs. I wish you the best of luck!