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Non-Negotiables: What are yours?

addictivepersona said:
Curious to know what you consider "educated" though. Do you mean you would turn somebody down unless they attained all A's in their studied subject, or just that they're knowledgeable and can carry on an intellectual conversation despite having only graduated high school with B's?
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Lysis, as usual, has nailed it. The school of hard knocks often produces winners and the Ivy League often produces losers. I consider someone educated when they made the effort either to learn and perfect a trade or went to a fancy paper-pushing school. I went to a state university that isn't exactly hot shit and I would never exclude a guy without a degree. Everyone's life path is different. I definitely need someone knowledgeable who is capable of and eager to carry on an intellectual conversation. I switched a relationship to 'just friends' (we actually are friends and see each other often) because unfortunately, the guy I was seeing wasn't all there up top. Our friendship is better than our relationship, he's a great smoke buddy but I couldn't live with the fact that he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Smart guys go to the front of the line with me.
 
Lysis said:
^ "educated" to me (and I think this is what she is getting at) is someone with higher than a high school diploma or has the life experience to talk about something as an expert. Someone who graduates college usually has some kind of motivation to do something with himself/herself even if it isn't in their area of study. Of course, I have a roommate sitting at my house who passed the bar and has decided to do nothing with himself, but I'm pretty sure he's an exception to the rule. lol

There is definitely a huge difference in mannerisms, vocabulary and overall demeanor between someone who has spent years in school (grad students...real university mind you..not devry) and someone who just kinda skates through life with whatever low-end job he can find. Even my bum roommate can have an educated conversation, and he has very conservative mannerisms.

If she's saying what I think she's saying, I know what she's talking about. College kids can be kids in their 20s, but when they hit 30s, you can see a difference between an educated person and the guy who just does whatever to skate by. It doesn't really have much to do with grades. Everything is relative with grades. You can get straight A's in some schools, but do those same classes at Princeton and it's another story.
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Mariposa said:
Lysis, as usual, has nailed it. The school of hard knocks often produces winners and the Ivy League often produces losers. I consider someone educated when they made the effort either to learn and perfect a trade or went to a fancy paper-pushing school. I went to a state university that isn't exactly hot shit and I would never exclude a guy without a degree. Everyone's life path is different. I definitely need someone knowledgeable who is capable of and eager to carry on an intellectual conversation. I switched a relationship to 'just friends' (we actually are friends and see each other often) because unfortunately, the guy I was seeing wasn't all there up top. Our friendship is better than our relationship, he's a great smoke buddy but I couldn't live with the fact that he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Smart guys go to the front of the line with me.
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Thanks for the clarification, guys gals. :)

I'll reply more when I'm coherent. ;)
 
He has to make me laugh; we have to have a lot of stuff in common; physical attraction of course; and possibly most importantly, he can't be one of those people who always thinks he's right and doesn't respect other's opinions because I can't stand that.
 
(1). Similar culture and values to my own [family, etc]
(2). Doesn't mind me taking drugs [within reason]
(3). Accepts that I have a seperate relationship with my Xbox
(4). Accepts that I've been watching football longer than we will ever be together.
(5). Isn't clingy
(6). Has an opinion.
(7). Trustworthy
(8). Likes good food.

Me and my current missues have a lot of common ground but it's our differences that have kept us together for this long. Gonna be two years come Halloween. You should agree on the important stuff but, for example, we have two completley different views on politics. I like that we can get angry at eachother for some stuff, then get angry together AT stuff, if that makes sense.
 
Could never be with a person who believes in spanking/beating children for punishment.

Does not use guilt and pity as emotional manipulation.

Won't try and tell me how she wants me to change my physical appearance.

Not a homebody; has to want to travel with me.

The older I get, the more I also realize that life's too short to not be with a compatible sex partner. So I need a girl who's not boring/narrow-minded in bed.
 
- has to love me for who I am
- has to wear dresses
- has to be able to cope being around my parents for short durations
 
well, let's just delve into THIS mess, shall we
i shall not tolerate:
-very short hair or proclivity to shave it off or something
-baggy clothes that dont fit
-hippie stuff, mandals included
-political beliefs different from mine
-an indifference or dislike toward animals
-inability to help or understand if i am sliding into a dark place and need some encouragement
-lack of understanding of or importance of science
-not well read , has bad taste in music, bad taste in films or can't even sit through one
-not intellectual
-shorter than i am
-fatter than i am
-doesn't like smoking, or thinks it's gross
-expects people to acquiesce to their own whims, too controlling, not considerate
-can't tolerate at least a little jealousy from me
-can't reassure and provide some support without feeling burdened
must have
-a similar background in pop culture tastes and regard music as very important
-a love for learning
-a strong distaste for ignorance, hatred, cruelty, bigotry, etc
-sensitive but also strong
-cynical about most things except wanting us to be a positive force with positive experiences
-able to relay thoughts and ideas with me in a challenging and productive way
-is not too sheltered or turned off by societal or cultural differences that can be "scary"
-has a good sense of humor and says things i think but out loud and in a clever way. makes me laugh
-can tolerate my awkward anxiety behaviors when needed, but call me out on shit that gets way too crazy. and knowing the difference
-accept that i can open up around them more than others while promoting healthy socializing without pushing it
-does not want to monopolize my time or change what i do unless it is a helpful suggestion. healthy time apart on different activities
-wants us both to improve and not stagnate
-holds my interest, is honest even when not couth as long as it doesn't hurt me too much
-understands my main interests and appreciates them
-has the ability to care for himself and also for me if i should happen to need it.
 
^ I had the same thoughts on yours as "smokey" did while reading someone elses...

SM0K3Y said:
These are deal breakers for you guys? Like Absolutely must haves or you won't date the person? These aren't your extreme wants - these are absolutely "Non-Negotiable" must haves that if the person doesn't have you can't date them. Are you saying that if your girls don't meet this criteria then it's absolutely a no go and you won't bend any of these rules?
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No offense meant, but, you seriously would not date somebody if they didn't meet all thirty criteria you listed?
 
you think too much jean-paul

enjoy being single for the rest of your adult life!

wish you were also here....

:D
 
Jean-Paul said:
well, let's just delve into THIS mess, shall we
i shall not tolerate:
-very short hair or proclivity to shave it off or something
-baggy clothes that dont fit
-hippie stuff, mandals included
-political beliefs different from mine
-an indifference or dislike toward animals
-inability to help or understand if i am sliding into a dark place and need some encouragement
-lack of understanding of or importance of science
-not well read , has bad taste in music, bad taste in films or can't even sit through one
-not intellectual
-shorter than i am
-fatter than i am
-doesn't like smoking, or thinks it's gross
-expects people to acquiesce to their own whims, too controlling, not considerate
-can't tolerate at least a little jealousy from me
-can't reassure and provide some support without feeling burdened
must have
-a similar background in pop culture tastes and regard music as very important
-a love for learning
-a strong distaste for ignorance, hatred, cruelty, bigotry, etc
-sensitive but also strong
-cynical about most things except wanting us to be a positive force with positive experiences
-able to relay thoughts and ideas with me in a challenging and productive way
-is not too sheltered or turned off by societal or cultural differences that can be "scary"
-has a good sense of humor and says things i think but out loud and in a clever way. makes me laugh
-can tolerate my awkward anxiety behaviors when needed, but call me out on shit that gets way too crazy. and knowing the difference
-accept that i can open up around them more than others while promoting healthy socializing without pushing it
-does not want to monopolize my time or change what i do unless it is a helpful suggestion. healthy time apart on different activities
-wants us both to improve and not stagnate
-holds my interest, is honest even when not couth as long as it doesn't hurt me too much
-understands my main interests and appreciates them
-has the ability to care for himself and also for me if i should happen to need it.
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Damn girl. I thought my standards were high. :D I have to admit though that some of these are on my list. Except smoking. I think it's gross. Sorry :D

-wants us both to improve and not stagnate
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I broke up with 2 people because of this. I think it happens a lot with people who get married too young.
 
Jean-Paul said:
well, let's just delve into THIS mess, shall we
-lack of understanding of or importance of science
-not intellectual
-doesn't like smoking, or thinks it's gross
-not considerate
-a love for learning
-a strong distaste for ignorance
-wants us both to improve and not stagnate
-has the ability to care for himself and also for me if i should happen to need it.
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The one in bold seems to be at odds with seven others on your list. :sus:

Personally, I would have qualified for the smoking one in the past. But I was 17, filled with hormones, and my GF was a goddess. But once I used my mind to learn about science, improved myself and my ability to care for myself, my partner, and other people, and not be stuck at 17, I developed a dislike of smoking and think it's gross. ;)
 
Jean-Paul said:
well, let's just delve into THIS mess, shall we
i shall not tolerate:
-not well read , has bad taste in music, bad taste in films or can't even sit through one [1]
-expects people to acquiesce to their own whims, too controlling, not considerate [2]
must have
-a strong distaste for ignorance, hatred, cruelty, bigotry, etc [3]
-cynical about most things except wanting us to be a positive force with positive experiences [4]
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1. How does your inability to appreciate something another party does put a negative connotation on their taste?
2. So you don't want someone to expect that you acquiesce to their whims, but you want them to acquiesce to yours? Are they supposed to be considerate of your differences in opinion, taste, interest, whilst you hold disdain for theirs?
3. A distaste for ignorance and bigotry? Really?
4. A cynic in a relationship with you..?

Good luck, though ;)
 
DeathDomokun said:
1. How does your inability to appreciate something another party does put a negative connotation on their taste?
2. So you don't want someone to expect that you acquiesce to their whims, but you want them to acquiesce to yours? Are they supposed to be considerate of your differences in opinion, taste, interest, whilst you hold disdain for theirs?
3. A distaste for ignorance and bigotry? Really?
4. A cynic in a relationship with you..?

Good luck, though ;)
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trust me. oh god, i know. i know i need help and lots of meds.

1. if i think they have bad taste, they have bad taste. that's it. i'm not going to love you JUST for having good taste, but putting in an ...i don't know...nickelback cd? kid rock? no. just no. not shitty techno, not shitty....anything. it relates to my heart and brain and therefore vagina. they turn on the tv to watch...what wheel of fortune? 700 club? god. fuck no. yes, taste matters

2. i don't care if my boyfriends eat meat they all have, and i'm a vegan. i am referring to some guy who doesn't like the way i hold my cigarette or the friends i have and so i can't hang with them, or needs to what i'm doing all the time, or thinks i'm not good enough and needs to change to suit him

3. yes, really. you might assume that's a given, but a lot of good kids from where i am come from families who are extremely racist and homophobic. someone here might not have such a problem with it outwardly, just because it's cool not to. another person might find it disgusting. there's a difference. i grew up with wrong shit, and it changed me. now i relate to people who care about it maybe a little too much too. better if they can just make jokes about it though, somtimes

4. obviously someone would have to be a cynic to be with me, only because they are cynical with me. that would be the first thing. what i meant was i like it when we can be positive with each other but still cynical about most things
 
1) Can't be an addict, I'm too close for comfort to becoming one and I don't need someone else to bring me down
2) Have to be fine with my drug use, at least with me doing mdma and psychedelics. Others I'm trying to give up anyway so if they aren't fine with the rest maybe that's a plus as well
3) Have to find them physically attractive
4) Have to be sexually open (willing to try new things really, last gf was sort of a prude :/ )
5) Can't be really clingy
6) No women with children, I'm still a student and not at a point where I'm ready to be dealing with them whatsoever. Plus I'm not really good with children
7) Can't have any crazy exs that may try to kill me :P
8 ) No really short hair/bald (If they are a gal). This fits in with the whole physically attractive one, as hair is one of the most attractive features on a person for me. Plus if they have short hair at this age then I know they'll be more likely to keep it that way as they get older.

It's kind of funny that the last one is the biggest deal-breaker for me, the others might have a little bit of leeway (but not much I hope). A person being financially dependent doesn't really phase me as I know there isn't any way I could support them right now and it'd probably be the case anyway with people I meet in and around college. One that almost makes the list though is a horror movie fan. Well not necessarily a fan but they have to at least be willing to watch them with me. Any other disparities in interests isn't really an issue.
 
my only non-negotiable was twizzler over redvine, but my girl doesnt even like licorice so i get all the twizzlers to myself.
 
I made my list months ago in this thread, and now when I go through it while looking at my current partner, he doesn't meet all of my requirements. But I don't care.

Maybe this list thing isn't so important? Sometimes you can end up being with someone who is really unlike you in some ways and you still learn to appreciate them.
 
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