mini sari
Bluelighter
Her frigid fingers blending a single packet of sweet'n'low into her 16 ounces off coffee and a tablespoon of non fat french vanilla creamer, 50 calories is still her biggest fear. Her mother sits back at the kitchen table and watches her daughter slowly melt away before her eyes. Sarah tips back her cup of steaming splendor to that first body warming sip, Though both at the table are aware that she will be punishing herself for the carbohydrate content that she hadn't specified when calculating today's grueling 450 calories diet.
She heads to the top of the refrigerator and grabs down a bowl of vitamin bottles, Pulls out the potassium pills and grabs a glass of water, 4 ounces so is not to add weight when she checks on her ounce to ounce digital sale that awaits her in the cold room. She reaches the cold room ad strips down to a tiny bluish body, Exposing herself every physical detail to a body length that rests upon the door. She turns the lock shut, Switches on the bathroom fan so her mother is not to hear the chaos that is about to escape from her mouth and into a herself in thrown.
Steps on the scale to see a mysterious added pound, Not thinking that it has anything do with water weight. No, It's time for punishment, She's fat. Snap of a finger on bended knees, She releases every worry, Every stress, She vomits her own broken heart. Too tough to swallow and leave be, She dwells upon moments that she can no longer touch, She can no longer attempt to move on.
As she returns to her toes with a pounding heart, She knows this feeling, She's been here before.
Stresses released are no longer important, New ones are born upon the flush of the toilet. She tosses back a potassium pill into her throat with a pray of hope, That an electrolyte imbalance wont occurs yet again. Takes two ounces of her water to wash it down whole, Though she feels she will regret that extra weight.
She steps on her scale that no longer gives accurate readings, It no longer properly calibrates because she has used it more in 4 months than most would find use in ten years. Only 14 ounces gone, And without a single thought rolls back over to her spot. Not satisfied until every ounce upon two others is gone.
The potassium rolls back out and she chokes.
"What am I doing?"
she asks herself in the lowest voice.
"God, I think we need to have a talk."
Upon her final words to God, She exhales the rest of her tiny precious breath, And collapses into a floor that seems bottomless. Her loving mother, From the kitchen table, Can hear a muffled clash and takes it upon herself to check. She goes to the cold room and knocks, No answer. Again, No movement.
She's been here before, Her husband knocks down the cold door, Only to land on Sarah's frozen back. Blue to the face, This isn't what she dreamed to accomplish fro this, She simply wanted to fill the hole of emptiness inside. Her mother grabs her lifeless hand, Calosed and bleeding from the savage attempt at upping a single serving of creamer, Not a breath existing in her frail body.
With the call of an ambulance, Her mother scrams. Tha ambulance ride was the longest of her daughters short lived life. A lifeless body is shocked with two paddles upon arrival to the sene, And death is nearly called. Sarah is stronger, Sarah can fight this. A faint beat appears on a monitor and she is hooked to a set of iv's, Loaded with nutrients that her brain is starving for. A tube inserted in this erroaded throat, She begins to vomit on her side and a large amount creaps down into her stomach. "Liquid calories", As she had rememberedit from the first time.
Upon arrival to the psych unit on the fourth floor, She looks out her window, And to God she says "If thisis a challange, Please take it. I may have been strong enough in body to survive this one, This time. But my heart has been crushed long ago.".
She heads to the top of the refrigerator and grabs down a bowl of vitamin bottles, Pulls out the potassium pills and grabs a glass of water, 4 ounces so is not to add weight when she checks on her ounce to ounce digital sale that awaits her in the cold room. She reaches the cold room ad strips down to a tiny bluish body, Exposing herself every physical detail to a body length that rests upon the door. She turns the lock shut, Switches on the bathroom fan so her mother is not to hear the chaos that is about to escape from her mouth and into a herself in thrown.
Steps on the scale to see a mysterious added pound, Not thinking that it has anything do with water weight. No, It's time for punishment, She's fat. Snap of a finger on bended knees, She releases every worry, Every stress, She vomits her own broken heart. Too tough to swallow and leave be, She dwells upon moments that she can no longer touch, She can no longer attempt to move on.
As she returns to her toes with a pounding heart, She knows this feeling, She's been here before.
Stresses released are no longer important, New ones are born upon the flush of the toilet. She tosses back a potassium pill into her throat with a pray of hope, That an electrolyte imbalance wont occurs yet again. Takes two ounces of her water to wash it down whole, Though she feels she will regret that extra weight.
She steps on her scale that no longer gives accurate readings, It no longer properly calibrates because she has used it more in 4 months than most would find use in ten years. Only 14 ounces gone, And without a single thought rolls back over to her spot. Not satisfied until every ounce upon two others is gone.
The potassium rolls back out and she chokes.
"What am I doing?"
she asks herself in the lowest voice.
"God, I think we need to have a talk."
Upon her final words to God, She exhales the rest of her tiny precious breath, And collapses into a floor that seems bottomless. Her loving mother, From the kitchen table, Can hear a muffled clash and takes it upon herself to check. She goes to the cold room and knocks, No answer. Again, No movement.
She's been here before, Her husband knocks down the cold door, Only to land on Sarah's frozen back. Blue to the face, This isn't what she dreamed to accomplish fro this, She simply wanted to fill the hole of emptiness inside. Her mother grabs her lifeless hand, Calosed and bleeding from the savage attempt at upping a single serving of creamer, Not a breath existing in her frail body.
With the call of an ambulance, Her mother scrams. Tha ambulance ride was the longest of her daughters short lived life. A lifeless body is shocked with two paddles upon arrival to the sene, And death is nearly called. Sarah is stronger, Sarah can fight this. A faint beat appears on a monitor and she is hooked to a set of iv's, Loaded with nutrients that her brain is starving for. A tube inserted in this erroaded throat, She begins to vomit on her side and a large amount creaps down into her stomach. "Liquid calories", As she had rememberedit from the first time.
Upon arrival to the psych unit on the fourth floor, She looks out her window, And to God she says "If thisis a challange, Please take it. I may have been strong enough in body to survive this one, This time. But my heart has been crushed long ago.".
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Thanks for the feedback, So far. xoxo.
