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Nobody ever seems to like me - advice appreciated

I'm not even gonna try to give people all-out reshape your personality advice like everyone else in the world who thinks they've got it all figured out when they probably don't either. OP you probably ain't as bad as you think and I'm not gonna talk about this new age stuff like "having positve energy" to attract people and "the four agreements." I had no idea Ancient Toltecs were Californian "soccer moms." It's okay not to like everyone in the world, it's okay not to be some shining ball of submissive happiness, and it's even okay to tell your siblings off when they act like they don't give a fuck about something as awesome as a Roger Waters concert.

Your problems if anything may be a result of trying to over-psychologize your own life. Psychology is the path to doubt and suffering.
 
No one said that we had everything sorted ^ we are here to help though. He obviously overanalyzes, but fuck man, don't diss people who try and make other people fulfill their potential and actually be happy, because you're not. Totally unhelpful dude.
 
This is probably bad and unproductive advice, but I really wish you'd keep doing what you're doing, whatever it is you're doing. Take drugs at parties and make a fool of yourself. Talk about your opinions, though they piss people off. I like people like you a lot. You've managed to go through all these years without picking up all these horrible social mores that have brainwashed the others. You're pure. Also, I really don't think it has to do with our generation.
(Don't listen to me, though. I'm someone your age who dropped out his first year of college, who goes through most classes without talking, who ends up telling girls I'd like to have sex with them when I'm tired. :D)
 
Yeah, that is more a confession than advice.

It can be difficult to like yourself and others when you are unhappy, especially when you know not the cause.

Being judgemental might be more a projection of your own insecurities and general unease with yourself and life--as it is right now.

Being embroiled in a constant tug of war between yourself, and the standards you believe others should rise to must be a real drag.

Negativity begets more negativity.

Our mindset and often our moods color our perception of the world. Sometimes that mood is more like a dark stromcloud rolling ominously overhead.

Try to remember that cloud will pass, letting the sun shine free and bright. Right now, it seems that you are running under and a little ahead of that cloud without an umbrella.

And you wonder why you are feeling cold, wet, and alone?

:)
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
No one said that we had everything sorted ^ we are here to help though. He obviously overanalyzes, but fuck man, don't diss people who try and make other people fulfill their potential and actually be happy, because you're not. Totally unhelpful dude.
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Hey now, I'm not dissing anybody in particular, just the culture. Who says I'm not happy? I'm happy enough even though some circumstances aren't so good in my life, and the only reason I'm happy anyway is because I avoid this self-analyzation, psychological stuff, and fraudulent New Age advice writers who became famous on Oprah. Really, one of my sisters had a subscription to this mag called Psychology Today, and like anything in the house, even cereal boxes, I pick it up and read it. I had never felt so miserable about myself any other time other than after reading them.

Of course there are things people can do to improve themselves, but the answer is never as simple as go seek counseling, read the "four agreements" etc. In fact, I think that kind of stuff can make things worse. I feel bad for the OP because everyone putting this all on him 100%, as if he's that miserable "dark cloud" who bums everyone out. I've never met you OP, so I'm not going to make such a low judgement call about you. From what he has described about people he knows and his brother, it clearly sounds like they have some major problems too. It usually goes both ways. You don't just adopt some attitude and then everything in life works out.
 
MyFinalRest said:
I've never met you OP, so I'm not going to make such a low judgement call about you.
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but that doesn't stop you doing it to others (in this thread and in others).
MyFinalRest said:
Of course there are things people can do to improve themselves, but the answer is never as simple as go seek counseling, read the "four agreements" etc.
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i don't think anybody is saying that. it's not clear why you are so quick to mischaracterise and belittle the contribution of others but it speaks.

i think that pointing people who are struggling to resources which might help them self-analyse can be very helpful because it gives them some insight into the thing they have the most control over - themselves and their choices.

"life is 10% what happens to you. the other 90% is how you choose to deal with it"? well, the numbers are obviously arbitrary but i think there's so much truth to this. there are so many things that happen to us in life that we have absolutely no control over and, while we can change our circumstances to some degree, we're all going to have to deal with stuff as long as we live. one thing we have complete control over is our own response. you may feel this is a complete waste of time and you're free to tell op that obviously. i'm just as free to tell the op that it's one possible approach to what he's struggling with and to encourage him to investigate it as an option.

sometimes, just knowing that there are others who have struggled with these types of issues and have emerged from them, is the most helpful thing of all.

to me, providing some empathy and suggesting practical tools and resources may not be the silver bullet but it's a lot more likely to help than telling somebody who's struggling to (i'm paraphrasing) "just get over it". if somebody could just get over it, they would have. in my experience, "just get over it" is a what not a how and people who come here for help often know what they need, they just don't know how to make it happen...

myfinalrest, you love to bait me across forums and criticise me and belittle me and insult me. you seem to have decided that you know so much about me and you use these assumptions to label me and demean me and laugh at me. i don't know why you do this and i really don't care.

the truth is that you really know nothing about me. nothing. i'm not some abstract, new-age, touchy-feely hippie. in common with many bluelighters, i've dealt with some deep, dark shit in my time and, using a variety of tools, i've got through it. belittle that all you want for whatever reason you want but if i think it might help nozphexezora in the smallest way and help him see that things can get better, then i'm going to post it.

Nozphexezora said:
The kid kept posting sad faces on Facebook because his girlfriend was upset with him. Whenever I see the guy all he does is call his girlfriend a bitch and talk dirty shit about what he'd do to other women. All I said was 'boo-fucking-hoo' via Facebook and now he wants to 'kill me'. He was one of the many examples of people who I do not like in this area of Australia. FYI: He's usually crying on Facebook for sympathy because his girlfriend won't 'make him a sandwhich' or some remotely sexist and irrational bullshit.
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i echo B1tO'RoughJack - in a case like that, if you have nothing good to say, say nothing.

alasdair
 
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Thanks for the advice everybody. It's been like 2 days since I last took any PST or codeine, so I figure I'm just going to wait it out until the worst of it ends. Also, I can't exactly see a psychologist because I can't afford it. I did, however, go through 4 psychologists in 2010 (i think it was this year, I don't really remember), and it didn't help out much. Anyway, I agree with what a lot of you have to say, and I'll try and take it in.
 
Belisarius said:
If it's any consolation, being out of HS itself will help; that suffocating and puerile environment is no litmus test for society at large.
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Someone write this down, I actually sort of disagree with Bel for once. ;)

Certain social groups in the adult world are actually quite reminiscent of HS. If you're ever unlucky enough to find yourself in the 'singles scene' as a 20, 30 or 40-something adult, I think you'll find that schoolyard politics start to apply again with a couple added dimensions that involve income and baggage. Everything floods back. Popularity contests based on who is the best looking, hopping from one friend to another, trash talking behind people's backs, exclusive social invitations - and confidence is HUGE. Depressed people are avoided like they are diseased, and to the OP, drugs have a way of sapping your energy when you're sober. You might be surprised how people pick up on that.

I'm not even single. The only reason I came to find this out, is by getting involved in this volleyball club where there's a large group of cruisers and minglers. It took me a few months to get to know the people, but I couldn't make this up.. it's high school all over again. I couldn't believe it.
 
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sounds like your putting negative vibes out all the time and being harsh to people then expecting them to be nice back to you.

if you want respect you have to earn it by treating others the way you want to be treated. being all "poor me... blah blah blah" doesn't endear you to anyone. being moany and self absorbed and depressive will put people off so you need to change your thinking and mature your attitudes. the whole human race isn't your enemy and if you think it is, it will seep into you behaviour and turn people off you.

you find all types of people everywhere you go, nice ones, bland ones, arseholes and occasional gems. appreciate the good in your life and you may enjoy it more. get over yourself and stop being disappointed by the world around you, you could have been born in one of the violent wartimes of the past but you weren't you were born in relative luxury so shut it and pucker up.

i used to be whiny and depressed all the time but eventually i just got over thinking that every negative thing people did was in some way about me.

also watch out for opiates they can make you moody and irritable and you might not even see it properly
 
Vaportrails, it must something you do in real life that does this to you. I personally only have 111 friends at the moment and I feel that that number is quite alright. Most people have quite a bit more (300+ seems to be the median for social people).

However, some people use Facebook less, some more. But what I find strange is that you're actually having a hard time getting people to accept your friend requests. I've pretty much never had that happen to me. I've even added people I have never talked to, but who I have tons of mutual friends with - and they've accepted me as a friend easily.

If I were you, I'd stop focusing on the god damn number of friends you have. 132 friends is OKAY. It's not the end of the world. What matters more is what you get out of interacting with said people, not how many of them you have.
 
Younger people are fast to judge, try to stay open-minded about everything, and see the up-side of life. friends will follow
 
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