Nobody ever seems to like me - advice appreciated

[Nozphexezora]

For the last two years, since the time I moved in to my last school to the time I graduated and the present, I've been absolutely hated by everybody I come across. At my final school I made two friends, one of which left me after seeking more friends in the first year and the other one stopped talking to me entirely in Grade 12 - despite his philosophical viewpoints which were similar to mine. I don't talk much, but whenever I do people seem to just hate me. I don't mean passively, I mean abuse me and downright become cruel to me because I don't always think everybody's beautiful or because of my drug use. I've never been in a relationship, as no women are interested in me. I told one girl how I felt about her and she never talked to me since. I'm tired of trying to make friends when it turns out that I just make enemies or no friends at all. But I'm tired of being neglected when I don't try and open myself to people. I seem to actually be losing my faith in humanity and I feel as though I'll end up nowhere in this entire generation which is so unlike me. I've gone to parties, only to make a fool of myself by taking too many drugs or alcohol, yelling at the people with me or just leaving the social group to sit in my car and listen to music by myself - like I did at my last party. I'd really appreciate some advice, because I feel as though there's nobody that really cares about me at all, and that nobody ever shares the same beliefs as I do. This whole social isolation and hate I get from others is seriously killing me inside (as it did in the social mess which is High school) and it's leading me to a potentially serious, growing addiction. So shoot if you have anything to say which could help me find the right people for me in the future. Thanks.

 

[MyFinalRest]

Shit man. IDK, but, people give up a lot of themselves to try to fit in and win the companionship of others. The self is not a creature that exists only unto itself, and maybe you are more resistant to common personality influences that affect young people so greatly. Well, don't give up yet, don't make an ass of yourself by taking too many drugs etc., and don't yell at people if you can help it. Some of those people who seem like they've got lots of friends and go on many dates are really lonely inside and the rest is just something that looks good on the surface.

You may have to adjust yourself some to mesh with people better or try finding different people. You may not want to go to colege because it can be more of that same shitty fake social scene shit. I always found better relationships through people I worked with, and many of them didn't go to college. But, remember in real life, don't be a total ass to people you like, and try not to get too pissed when they do or say shit you don't like. Not talking much is no crime, but being obnoxious or rude really can be.

 

[GenericMind]

Quit doing drugs.

 

[llama112]

How old are you?
If you're talking high school - unfortunately, high school can be pretty brutal. I had few friends in high school and it was not fun at all. I found so many more friends after high school. People become less judgmental after, at least as far as I have experienced.
If you're meaning like college or university, there should be a lot more people there, and the population is usually more diverse. Unless it's like, a super religious school, or a private school, then it would be more difficult. But with thousands of different people and not one of them will talk to you?? How are you approaching things? Just talking to people but they outright ignore you?

 

[Nozphexezora]

I'm 17 and recently graduated from highschool. I'll be attending a Catholic University starting the 20th of February to study Philosophy and Literature (Bachelor of arts), but I have a feeling that it will all be the same where people show no respect for me and care about themselves the entire time. For the last year of school, when my last friend abandoned me, I sat during lunch with my head in my arms and my grades went downhill. It was exceedingly painful, and I don't think anybody from that school ever understood that maybe I wanted a friend; but people were too caught up in that concept of being 'cool', and I'm still not sure what the big deal is with being 'cool'. Sometimes I just wished somebody was genuine. Unfortunately, nobody at that school was - and now I'm starting to get the same crap at work. If I ever talked to somebody then I'd have nothing to talk about because of my social anxiety, and even if I did they'd just stop talking to me eventually. It happened in primary school, and three times in Highschool.

 

[psychoblast]

1. Don't take anything anyone ever does or says personally. Everyone is dealing with their own shit, it is not about you. If a person walks by and does not stop and say, "Hey, lets be frends." that is not rejection.

2. Let's start with you being a person. Nothing more, nothing less. Does not matter if you are male, female, old, young, fat, skinny, stupid, smart, legless, athletic. You are a person. That has value. Score one point for you.

3. What else do you value? What you value adds value to you. You say you don't think everyone's beautiful, so you are getting "hated" on for being too negative? Honesty is good. But if an honest person is being negative, what does that mean? They are seeking out things they do not like, they are being around people they don't like. Don't do that. Go where you think you will find things you DO like. And then your honesty will turn to postiivity. And if you make a mistake and go somewhere thinking you will like it, but you wind up not liking it, you've learned something. Learning adds value. Trying new things adds character. Two points right there if you are fortunate enough to try something you think you'll like and it turns out you don't like it. (And if you do like, it, score even more points because you are on the right track and being more positive.)

4. Your not a butterfly. People have this fucked up notion that they can just sit around, work on themselves and magically they'll tranform from slimy, worm-like caterpillar to butterfly. Well, maybe you can. Hell, sure you can. But that's just one way, and probably not the smartest way, to transform yourself, since it involves cocooning yourself off from people for a good long time. Another way is to try a process of personal evolution. Just start trying to do things you like to do. Do you dream of rock climbing but you weigh 500 pounds? Don't just think you'll work off the weight and one day scale a mountain. Go for a walk up a mountain, even if you weigh 500 lbs. Walk as far as you can up that mountain, even if it is inoly 10 feet. Go back again, and go 15 feet. The weight comes off when you start doing what you feel you want to and were meant to be doing. If weight is not your issue but something else is, this should still serve as an analogy.

5. Forgive everyone. You think people have wronged you. Everyone gets wronged. Everyone has wronged some one else. No one is perfect. We are all following some inner urges that take us on paths that sometimes conflict with the paths others are taking and some one (or both) get hurt. It happens. We've been on both sides of that. Let it go.

Well, that's for starters.

And shower daily, watch your hygiene. brush your teeth. I once broke up with a beautiful girl because she had funky breath and I couldn't figure out a way to tell her and I was young. People get used to their own smells and stop noticing them. Go over your entire hygiene routine top to bottom and make sure that's not an issue, from the hair on your yead to your toes and everything in between. Don't think you should just cover up with colognes or crap like that, the combination of good smels and funky smells is still funky. You want to be clean and nearly fragrance free, and then natural human body odor is fine, with maybe a bit of deoderant or whatever. But start with something basic like maybe everyone you know does not know how to say something simple like, "you smell bad" and it is easier to hang out with other people.

~psychoblast~

 

[secret_lurker]

Quit doing drugs.

This. Nozphexezora, it sounds like drugs are your means of escaping your social and emotional shortcomings. I know this, because I've been there. You should try interacting with people in a genuine way, without drugs and with all your previous negative preconceptions of others thrown out.

When you're extremely negative about others, when it seems like like 'everyone hates me', then you also enact your thoughts. Your behavior gives away that you're at the very least not having fun or maybe you even hate or fear the people in your immediate surroundings.

Sorry if this sounded harsh, but at least some of this is from personal experience. But it sounds like you're done with high school now. So, with that in mind, why don't you pick up some new hobbies and meet people in new, interesting ways? You should feel a bit liberated now. So work with it!

 

[Lysis]

Nozphexezora, I'm so sorry. Everyone needs friends, IMO. I'm sorry you're going through this.

My personal experience with drug users is they can get really argumentative about drugs. It's almost like they are the ones high strung and pushy, and it can sometimes weigh on your own stress levels. I would evaluate if people are avoiding you because you are drugged up all the time or perhaps you center your 'fun' around drugs. If that's the case, you'll never really fit in with non-drug users.

Are you shy? I'm shy IRL and pretty much keep to myself. All of the friends I've made have been outgoing, and we just clicked. They later told me that they thought I hated them, and I guess I give off this vibe that I am quiet and like to be left alone. lol It's crazy, because that's the opposite of me! I kinda took it to heart and I'm more talkative and make an effort not to be so standoffish.

You can't change who you are, but you can identify what it is that makes you socially awkward. It might just be the drugs and that's it. If it's the drugs, well, unfortunately you have to make a choice as with anything else related to drugs: you have to choose between drugs or your friends.

 

[MyFinalRest]

I'm 17 and recently graduated from highschool. I'll be attending a Catholic University...

Are you catholic? If so you will like this type of university better than large party-environment ones I think. You aren't the only young person with this pervasive social anxiety. Pretty much all the kids out there seem to have it, and I can't imagine why. Kids, you must find a way to break out of this cycle that is fucking everything up for everyone. Anxiety is a disease that spreads like a plague.

What are all of you afraid of?

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Quit doing drugs.

I'm 17 and recently graduated from highschool. I'll be attending a Catholic University starting the 20th of February to study Philosophy and Literature (Bachelor of arts), but I have a feeling that it will all be the same where people show no respect for me and care about themselves the entire time. .

I +1 the quit doing drugs - they're obviously not helping your social or mental development, especially at your age when your brain is still developing so much! Trust me when I speak from experience, if you don't quit now, until you're ready to use them properly, you will seriously retard your emotional and social development, more than it already has been.

High school in the USA I've heard pretty much fucking sucks most places. I feel sorry for you. Just get through it, and just try and be the best you that you can possibly be, positive, helpful (but not suck-up ass-kiss helpful), and passionate about what you're doing. Try and make friends outside of school that you just meet in the park, while you're writing/reading or whatever, or a public place where it's got nice chill vibes.

Also - change your attitude -you're almost wishing it is gonna be the same at university, with your use of language - correct your negative thoughts, even if you have to do it outloud. This is counter-conditioning, and it works.

Chin up, lad!! Peace (also, CATHOLIC UNI!?!? OUCH! )

 

[llama112]

Yeah ... are you Catholic? Are you at a Catholic high school?
I went to a Catholic high school. I did have some friends there but a lot of the people were super judgmental and into their beliefs and would not leave room for anyone "unique" or "different". There will be some people but it may be hard to find them.
University should be better. Why don't you go to a different university? Why don't you move away somewhere? Go further away. Then you can start in a completely new area, with new people, and a new perspective.

 

[alasdairm]

...which could help me find the right people for me in the future. Thanks.

our friends are a reflection of ourselves. if you want to meet the right people, you need to become the right person.

i echo the others who say to stop doing drugs. it doesn't sound like that's helping at all. based on your post, you don't seem to like yourself very much. perhaps you need to spend a little time working out what makes you happy and work on that?

for me, the move from high-school to college was eye-opening. i left behind a lot of petty, insecurity-fuelled drama and found people to be generally interested and interesting and far more mature in terms of interaction.

alasdair

 

[Nozphexezora]

Nozphexezora, I'm so sorry. Everyone needs friends, IMO. I'm sorry you're going through this.

My personal experience with drug users is they can get really argumentative about drugs. It's almost like they are the ones high strung and pushy, and it can sometimes weigh on your own stress levels. I would evaluate if people are avoiding you because you are drugged up all the time or perhaps you center your 'fun' around drugs. If that's the case, you'll never really fit in with non-drug users.

Are you shy? I'm shy IRL and pretty much keep to myself. All of the friends I've made have been outgoing, and we just clicked. They later told me that they thought I hated them, and I guess I give off this vibe that I am quiet and like to be left alone. lol It's crazy, because that's the opposite of me! I kinda took it to heart and I'm more talkative and make an effort not to be so standoffish.

You can't change who you are, but you can identify what it is that makes you socially awkward. It might just be the drugs and that's it. If it's the drugs, well, unfortunately you have to make a choice as with anything else related to drugs: you have to choose between drugs or your friends.

Yes, I'm extremely shy. I just give up, honestly. People hate me at work now because I told them to grow the fuck up when their girlfriend doesn't like them playing XBox all the time - which, by the way, compels them to post about how fucking sad they are on facebook so everybody can play the world's smallest violin for him. My brother is being so self-centered lately, despite the fact that I gave him a new, $40 record for absolutely no reason other than because I thought he'd like it. He just had an argument with me because I told him that he doesn't care about one of the most monumental things in my life (Roger Water's concert I attended last night - I have good reason why it means alot, because I can relate with Pink and the concert at least made me appreciative of the fact that there may be others like me). Anyway, he said I need to be beaten. It's as though everybody wants to fucking beat me to a pulp. I try and be nice but I'm so tired of these drama-queens and downright fuckwits all around me that are never genuine - they're all conforming and never having their own opinion even if it is passive.

And I want to quit drugs but I can't do it. This whole fucking day I've had back pain and general sickness from one days fucking withdrawal. I don't know if it's placebo or not, but it's fucking painful and the only way to fix it is with the drugs I'm addicted to - or worse. I've already planned to get some tonight because my fucking brother threatening me and having all of my workmates talk about me behind my very, very sore back. And I'm starting to think I'm pretty much a fucking goner.

Also, I'm not Catholic - but I don't mind Catholicism. I regard myself as a Thelemite, or at least one that studies it out of interest.

 

[MyFinalRest]

What drugs are you addicted to. Don't let it get any further. You are young and WD's will be quick and easier now.

So you're not Catholic. Llamas post struck me as all the kids I knew growing up Catholic, even if we weren't very religious had a bond of some sort. When I meet new people and find out they are catholic, we usually become friends for some odd reason, and I ain't religious. I think I would have enjoyed catholic school much more than pubic school.

 

[MD Specialist]

Get counseling.. It helped me through hard times. Remember the only thing you can control is yourself. Work on you! Don't try for something, work for it. Stop focusing on all the other bull. Don't blame yourself or others. Stop making excuses! Excuses are monuments of nothingness. Work on yourself and your happiness.

 

[fivelinefury]

Hey man, first off i'll just say try and quit using drugs while you're so young! I'll just let you know that you certainly are not alone when it comes to "fitting in" with society. From my experience, I suffered bullying basically all the way through school, which in turn just made me hate myself and no one liked me. It is very hard for shit loads of young people today. I also had only a couple of real friends through school, one of which stopped hanging around me also. I'm now turning 27 in a couple of weeks and still to this day have a lot of trouble accepting who I am and "liking myself". But as stupid or as "gay" as it may sound to you, try and learn to like yourself for who you are and good people will come in to your life. I wish I had thought differently when I was your age, but unfortunately it didn't happen. All the best champ!

 

[alasdairm]

I told them to grow the fuck up...

which, by the way, compels them to post about how fucking sad they are on facebook so everybody can play the world's smallest violin for him.

My brother is being so self-centered lately...

I'm so tired of these drama-queens and downright fuckwits all around me that are never genuine

I try and be nice

do the phrases i've quoted here sound like somebody trying to be nice? they don't sound like very nice to say to me. i know life's tough sometimes but if you want a little compassion and kindness from others, try being a little more compassionate and kind.

he doesn't care about one of the most monumental things in my life (Roger Water's concert I attended last night

they're all conforming and never having their own opinion even if it is passive.

well, your brother gave you his opinion and you got annoyed at him. sounds like you're trying to have your cake and eat it... you can't demand that people are honest with you then get butthurt when they are.

perhaps you're taking your brother's comments a little too personally. so you love roger waters? that's great. why do you car eat all what your brother thinks of him? your brother's opinion of roger waters says absolutely nothing about you... you should read the four agreements.

dealing with a drug habit is hard but there are a lot of useful resources here as well as many people who understand what you're going through. consider visiting the dark side or one of the focus forums associated with your doc?

good luck and welcome to bluelight.

alasdair

 

[Belisarius]

I can only address two things that will help:

1.) Ditch the drugs and alcohol.
2.) Especially avoid them at parties, where it's too easy to use them as a crutch for insecurity. I say that as someone who used to be that guy who would do crazy shit everyone would talk about the next day; however fun it is at the time, it garners no respect and tends to follow you around like a bad smell.

If it's any consolation, being out of HS itself will help; that suffocating and puerile environment is no litmus test for society at large.

 

[Nozphexezora]

do the phrases i've quoted here sound like somebody trying to be nice? they don't sound like very nice to say to me. i know life's tough sometimes but if you want a little compassion and kindness from others, try being a little more compassionate and kind.


well, your brother gave you his opinion and you got annoyed at him. sounds like you're trying to have your cake and eat it... you can't demand that people are honest with you then get butthurt when they are.

perhaps you're taking your brother's comments a little too personally. so you love roger waters? that's great. why do you car eat all what your brother thinks of him? your brother's opinion of roger waters says absolutely nothing about you... you should read the four agreements.

dealing with a drug habit is hard but there are a lot of useful resources here as well as many people who understand what you're going through. consider visiting the dark side or one of the focus forums associated with your doc?

good luck and welcome to bluelight.

alasdair

The kid kept posting sad faces on Facebook because his girlfriend was upset with him. Whenever I see the guy all he does is call his girlfriend a bitch and talk dirty shit about what he'd do to other women. All I said was 'boo-fucking-hoo' via Facebook and now he wants to 'kill me'. He was one of the many examples of people who I do not like in this area of Australia. FYI: He's usually crying on Facebook for sympathy because his girlfriend won't 'make him a sandwhich' or some remotely sexist and irrational bullshit.

Also, I'm only using PST and codeine, but it's frustrating to try and quit even for a few days. I try not let my drug use interact with my social life - if I ever have one, but I will stop using drugs and alcohol at parties. In fact, I hate alcohol so I won't be using it at all from now on.



I'm hoping, however, that in my University course I'll meet genuine people that are maybe appreciative of the fact that they have a Girlfriend, or maybe somebody that's interested in the same things as I am. I'd like to have a fellow artist as a friend, seeing as how much I love all sorts of art.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

^ if you think he's an idiot, why get involved?!?! Delete him off your facebook. Instead you've pushed it to where he is thinking about beating you up...

RIGHT - to address your language - re: social life "IF I ever have one..." <--- negative and pessimistic - correct yourself(even outloud at first as I previously said), with positive affirmations, "pshh that was silly to say, of COURSE I'll have one, when I'm ready!" or something like that. CHANGE THE WAY YOU TALK TO YOURSELF.


Unless something you have to offer is from the heart - leave it by the wayside. Don't take the fact you're sad and bitter about not having any real friends to put a downer on other people, brother!!

I have no idea what PST is...codeine I can imagine is a bit of a bitch but like someone said, you're young - withdrawals are a lot easier on your body and spirit now, than if you continue your habit for a few years. kick it...it can only help you.

Yes, I'm extremely shy. I just give up, honestly. People hate me at work now because I told them to grow the fuck up when their girlfriend doesn't like them playing XBox all the time - which, by the way, compels them to post about how fucking sad they are on facebook so everybody can play the world's smallest violin for him. My brother is being so self-centered lately, despite the fact that I gave him a new, $40 record for absolutely no reason other than because I thought he'd like it. He just had an argument with me because I told him that he doesn't care about one of the most monumental things in my life (Roger Water's concert I attended last night - I have good reason why it means alot, because I can relate with Pink and the concert at least made me appreciative of the fact that there may be others like me). Anyway, he said I need to be beaten.

And I want to quit drugs but I can't do it. This whole fucking day I've had back pain and general sickness from one days fucking withdrawal.

Negative language again, forcing your brain to see how "it is". That's just illusion. you can do it.

So, you were originally taking the Codeine for backpain? Stick it out for a few days cold turkey - the nausea is a normal part of withdrawal as far as I'm aware, and the continued back pain could be psychosomatic, or you could actually have a problem with your back (go to a chiropractor/osteopath/at least a doctor who doesn't just wanna give you a script!)

What record did you give him? Was it something YOU'D like, and therefore think he must like? Not that this matters but it doesn't sound like you understand that it's OK for him not to love the Floyd (he'll most likely find them later in life).

You say HE started an argument with you - just because the Floyd is so amazing to you, doesn't mean he's ready for them yet. Why does it matter if he doesn't care?!?! He's a seperate set of ideas from you!

There's plenty of time in life for brotherly love - maybe he thinks you're self centred right now -work on yourself for now, and then I'm sure you can be friends in the future - maybe he's dealing with a lot of shit and doesn't want his brother he's had to live with for god-knows-how-many-years bugging him. The record was a nice gesture though, but don't don't push yourself on him.

our friends are a reflection of ourselves. if you want to meet the right people, you need to become the right person.

i echo the others who say to stop doing drugs. it doesn't sound like that's helping at all. based on your post, you don't seem to like yourself very much. perhaps you need to spend a little time working out what makes you happy and work on that?

Big real talk - seriously no one is gonna wanna be friends with you if your energy is really bad, unless their energy is bad too - "misery loves company" - the only other people who are gonna interact with you if you're sending out bad vibrations are people who are gonna wanna take advantage of you like using you to make themselves feel better by putting you down - SMALL MINDS. Be a great one, by not sending out negativity and recognize that seperateness exists, and it's not something you wanna be involved in, any longer (so don't perpetuate it!).

If you want artist friends - go out and meet some artists OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL! Push your boundaries.


If you've never had any kind of counselling/therapy - I would suggest CBT - change your behaviours in order to be a positive confident person.

do the phrases i've quoted here sound like somebody trying to be nice? they don't sound like very nice to say to me. i know life's tough sometimes but if you want a little compassion and kindness from others, try being a little more compassionate and kind.

pretty much!! Compassion & non-attachment. If you have ANY interest in being a better person, who attracts many people from all types of backgrounds, study Buddhist/Taoist/Hindu texts on compassion & non-attachment (I highly recommend starting with Ram Dass's book "Be Here Now" for you - if you're ready to read it and take it in, it will teach you quicker than you could ever imagine.

If you really try & see it as such, the world is your oyster!!!