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NO-vember '14 -- SL Gettin & Stayin Sober Thread

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Day 6 for me Heroin-free. I've spent the last 3,5 years working on my sobriety, detox, rehab, outpatient treatment, psychotherapy, support groups, and a few months ago I thought I had most of my issues solved. Analysing the situatikns that led me to relapse makes me feel like I need at least another three years to be somewhere near stable... Long way to go still!
 
Congrats VanWeyden! I'm one day behind you :p

Erikmen - thanks :) I'm still on subs, so I will have to deal with the withdrawal from that, but I'm hoping it will be doable.

As for H cravings-theyre getting less and less. I'm being more realistic when i do think about it-i think about the fact that the initial high will be decent. Not amazing, just decent... And that a few hours later ill come down, do more, and just feel sedated, not euphoric. Then ill get sad & think about quitting and everything ive messed up because of drugs or what really gets me, opportunities ive missed cos i was on dope, or sick. When I look at it like that, it doesn't seem worth it.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
32 days

Still suicidal

Still severe insomnia

I don't think I will make it many more months
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I'm so sorry to hear you are in this place CH. Looking back, do you have some moments that are better now than where you were recently (like a week ago or so) ?
I know words don't mean a lot, but please stick around no matter what. It has to get better, please hang in there the … change will happen… Slow or not, it does come.
~ Smoky :) <3
 
CH, I'm worried about you... but I don't know what else I can do. Just know I'm here if you want to talk.

So, I used last night and today. But I was kind of planning on it. I'm in this sort of limbo until I hear something back from the pain clinic and can get in for an appointment.

However, things have skyrocketed. My new psych meds are a godsend. I feel a million times better - emotionally, and even physically. The fatigue is far less debilitating. I have energy. I feel manic, but I think this is just what it feels like to not be suicidal or existentially blackened inside and will take some getting used to. Even my pain level is way down lately. Yesterday I drove four and a half hours with barely any morphine (20mg on a wash maybe) and that normally would have me crying and screaming by the end, but I barely hurt at all. I don't know what all this means yet, or if it's permanent or just a temporary respite from what has become my life and my norm, but I'm going to try to just enjoy it and not analyze it because that's what I'm working on in therapy: being present and allowing myself to feel things instead of just analyzing them and responding intellectually instead of emotionally.
My husband is leaving for six months to take care of legal stuff in California. I'm up here with him right now to stay the weekend so I can see him before he leaves in a week. Honestly.... being with him and feeling good to boot.... I haven't felt this good in as long as I can remember.
Really.
The Abilify has given me the shakes and tremors and the Cogentin helps a little but comes far short of taking care of all of it. But if I have to shake for the rest of my life to feel good, so be it. It's a sacrifice I am very willing to make.
 
Im glad things are going better for you wezface :) i cant imagine what it would be like trying to kick opiates while dealing with chronic pain.

Its three hours early, but since i know im not copping tonight I'm going to go ahead and say i have one week clean of heroin :)
 
Withdraw is basically ending. 1-2 more days, but the worst is gone imo.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Blue!!! I am so happy for you!!!

Stay strong girl !!!
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thank you C.H. <3 I'm doing my best :)

Erikmen - if that's to me... I want to be happy about that, but I just keep thinking "but now I need to withdraw from subs". I haven't felt any heroin withdrawal except for the first couple days when I was adjusting to the subs. I'm pretty evened out now. I took 6mg sub today, an extra 2 cos I wanted the mood lift, but that was a mistake and I'm not going to do it again. Going down to 4 tomorrow and then 3. I know it's fast but I'll deal.

Everything feels really REAL. It's the only way I can describe it. For years I've either been high on heroin, well on heroin (which still isn't anywhere near a normal state, even tho we addicts refer to it as being "normal" - you're still under the influence and perceptions are altered, you just don't realize it), sick from heroin withdrawal, nodding on methadone, well on methadone, sick from 'done withdrawal (and depressed as FUCK). I honestly do not remember the last time I was stone cold sober and feeling good, not in any kind of withdawal, just normal.

I realize I'm still under the influence of subs, but they're different from 'done and dope. I feel the most normal I have in a long time. I actually sort of regret taking that last 2mg because I feel like things are TOO evened out. I liked it better a few hours ago before I took it, when things felt clearer and more real.

It's like... remember the first time you snorted coke? All of a sudden things get so CLEAR, and focused. It's kind of like that, except also music hits me really hard, everything looks cinematic, like I've gone from regular tv to HD. It's a trip, it's almost like I'm on some kind of new drug, a mix of coke and a really clean, light dose of LSD, with a bit of something else added to make me a bit emotional at times. I get sad easy, but when I feel happy or good, that's magnified too. It's a trip.

Reality - Not Even Once, or you may become ADDICTED.
 
I had a little relapse last friday...

anyway, i bought two bottles of wine, but i didn't enjoy IT AT ALL. It gave me nothing i was looking for, only made me sick.
Woke up saturday and flushed the second bottle without a doubt.

It really felt like a confirmation of my descision, i don't want it anymore. A small part of me kept thinking i would fine some peace in it, while the real peace came out of yesterday and today, wich were just like the previous months, happy to be sober.
I would like to look at it as a final goodbye, it does feel like it.

The craving was connected to immense stress and pressure, hte knowledge of something being out there that would help, now i know again it really doesn't.

Im glad it happened actually.

However, im not only an alcoholic, im also addicted to marijuhana and amphetamines, and i think this would not be to overcome so easy if i would for example get MDMA, because of course, that would feel great again and that is something i would want to avoid.

Im in a dangerous situation, only not like it ever was before.

I have an appointment next wensday, going to get a check-up on my meds im taking and psychiatric evaluate my well being. This depressed/anxious state suddenly came out of the blue, i lost all grip while actually my life was going pretty good.
It could be ADD related (depression after succes expierences are common with AD(h)D), the weather (season related depression) or my ptsd i dont really know, it could also be my effexor is allready pooping me out?

Had terrible nightmares AGAIN, i hate to wake up shivering, im tired of them, its a plague for me b:(
 
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Look at the bright side. You´ve drank some wine and didn´t use heroin or anything of the kind.
From what you are telling, this seems to be quite normal - part of the process, and thanks God it was with wine and nothing else.
I imagine it would have been terrible if you had done this with dope, coke or any of that.
Alcohol makes us sick for 24 hours, but during this time we think about it. Reason why you got this.
I´m happy you´ve recovered.
Life continues! Don´t let this be the inconvenient that stops you from going further.
All the best and good luck!:)
 
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Thanks bro!
I edited what you told me about harddrugs in my post while you were typing, we have the same view of things.

The thoughts of MDMA/3MMC are racing through my mind and i really want to avoid that...
 
Yes, try to rest and do something else.
Think of what you would have told any of us in this situation.
Get out for some air, eat well and let it be..
 
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@Blue, I get what you are going through. But this is happening with Subs.
I´m off opiates/H as you are but still use methadone which is supposed to be temporarily.
Suggest you keep distance from heroin as it would be more difficult to cope.
Good luck to you too!!
 
Day 8 for me now. I need to remind myself that it was exceptionally easy to kick for me this time now as I didn't experience any wd symptoms beyond day three.

The last two days I'm feeling quite down and out of place, also had some carvings now and then. I don't feel like talking to people at all, I'm easily angered and just want to lay in bed and wstch tv or surf the internet. I guess that's pretty normal though.

It doesn't help that my gf is is studying all day and needs a lot of support as she'll have her final exam in a week so she isn't a big help for me, neither am I for her.
 
VanWeyden said:
Day 8 for me now. I need to remind myself that it was exceptionally easy to kick for me this time now as I didn't experience any wd symptoms beyond day three.

The last two days I'm feeling quite down and out of place, also had some carvings now and then. I don't feel like talking to people at all, I'm easily angered and just want to lay in bed and wstch tv or surf the internet. I guess that's pretty normal though.

It doesn't help that my gf is is studying all day and needs a lot of support as she'll have her final exam in a week so she isn't a big help for me, neither am I for her.
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Hang in there, and I hope after her exams she'll be there for you.
 
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