awkwardapple
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2010
- Messages
- 100
Oh sorrowful crossroads, have I sat here for a long time now? pondering where each road might take me, though I know each disappears into the horizon, far beyond any sight. My heart fails me constantly, lets me down, doesn’t listen to what I tell it. It will drag me through hell and back to find a girl who might live up to those dreams, and it’s not even what I want. I seem to be systematically destroying any intentions or goals, (attempts at happiness?) that my heart puts in front of me due to this. It’s a scary thing the heart with it’s own pulley rope.
God I feel so alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone and a void has erupted inside my stomach rendering me now a pitiful fool. I watch myself from third, soul whining incessantly for some sort of attention. Always with the attention...the truth is my brain will not stop thinking, and who would I be if I were to sit here spewing happiness out of my fingers, if not for the point of just being happy, which is a little pointless. I write to feel better I guess you could say, or rather I write to further my own knowledge of myself, as tangents run cold after spraying too long in my head. If you are not all inside of you then where are you? Where the fuck are you?
I can hide depression from myself, I mean it’s not really hard if there’s nothing really wrong, just god damn when you’ve seen the capacity for living, no, when you’ve lived the capacity of living, yet here you are behind grey veils of...no, wait... I’m a child sitting amongst the most wonderful play area ever created and I’m stuck in one of those perspex bubbles which all I can do is roll around inside, bumping against things, the odd child might take interest and approach me but then they see I am stuck forever behind my perspex bubble and lose interest. Well damn them, I used to be so happy.
The truth is also that life could easily just be one failure after another if you let it, truth is in life all kinds of shit happens to you, in a whole load of different ways. Focus and remember what you want from life and it will blossom itself from the pits of conscience, avoid the quick sand of doubt at all costs. Doubt, gained through lack of hope, or faith (if you go that way), will cost you. Should the latter point render a trap with which free will is submitted, then know that the concept itself of ‘free will’ is there to confuse. A stepping stone, the first, to releasing the tension in the tightened knot that is humanity is to know that there is no such thing as free will, just don’t even think about it. Submit yourself to the now of time...I don’t know why that’s so hard, I mean I certainly can’t do it.
God I feel so alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone and a void has erupted inside my stomach rendering me now a pitiful fool. I watch myself from third, soul whining incessantly for some sort of attention. Always with the attention...the truth is my brain will not stop thinking, and who would I be if I were to sit here spewing happiness out of my fingers, if not for the point of just being happy, which is a little pointless. I write to feel better I guess you could say, or rather I write to further my own knowledge of myself, as tangents run cold after spraying too long in my head. If you are not all inside of you then where are you? Where the fuck are you?
I can hide depression from myself, I mean it’s not really hard if there’s nothing really wrong, just god damn when you’ve seen the capacity for living, no, when you’ve lived the capacity of living, yet here you are behind grey veils of...no, wait... I’m a child sitting amongst the most wonderful play area ever created and I’m stuck in one of those perspex bubbles which all I can do is roll around inside, bumping against things, the odd child might take interest and approach me but then they see I am stuck forever behind my perspex bubble and lose interest. Well damn them, I used to be so happy.
The truth is also that life could easily just be one failure after another if you let it, truth is in life all kinds of shit happens to you, in a whole load of different ways. Focus and remember what you want from life and it will blossom itself from the pits of conscience, avoid the quick sand of doubt at all costs. Doubt, gained through lack of hope, or faith (if you go that way), will cost you. Should the latter point render a trap with which free will is submitted, then know that the concept itself of ‘free will’ is there to confuse. A stepping stone, the first, to releasing the tension in the tightened knot that is humanity is to know that there is no such thing as free will, just don’t even think about it. Submit yourself to the now of time...I don’t know why that’s so hard, I mean I certainly can’t do it.
