I really need to work on my negativity, it's spreads like a disease. It's hard to find the positives however, i'm hooked on benzo's at ridiculous doses. Typically, i can take up to 20mg a day. I don't think it helps with my anxiety anymore, it just numbs everything. I'd rather be numb than in pain and without them i feel hopeless and struggle with suicidal thoughts. Weekly.
I've been abusing drugs for well over a decade so how am i expect to function like everyone else my age when i haven't given my chance to grow up. I feel like a teenager in a man's body. I'm 33, living at home and unemployed. Everything feels like a struggle to change and i don't know where to start. I don't know if i have the strength to go through WD, what would be the point anyway? The world is a horrible place, people look out for themselves, offer help with hidden agendas, i just don't know who to trust.
I was offered treatment in Thailand but i don't have two grand lying about. Nothing in life is free eh. I can't think straight.
Oh, i do have nieces and since they're so young they don't understand the world and their innocence makes me smile. I'd dearly miss them. I feel like a burden on my parents so perhaps if i left this world they may find some peace. Who wants to witness someone they love suffer and they don't know what to do anymore.
On a positive note, i'm exercising because sleeping is difficult. i'm looking/researching herbs as natural alternatives to the poison the pharma companies dish out to keep themselves in their ivory towers.
I see the world through cold, dead eyes and i look through people when i walk past them. I don't want to acknowledge that they are there or see negative judgement on their faces. Hah, that's my narcissism talking. People don't see me, they're too busy with their own lives. I want what others have but it feels out of reach.
Warning - teenage angst ahead - I hate this world and what it's become, a hate a society that only gives little thought to those with mental health issues. You might not see it but it's there. I think i'm just been consumed by hate.
I've been abusing drugs for well over a decade so how am i expect to function like everyone else my age when i haven't given my chance to grow up. I feel like a teenager in a man's body. I'm 33, living at home and unemployed. Everything feels like a struggle to change and i don't know where to start. I don't know if i have the strength to go through WD, what would be the point anyway? The world is a horrible place, people look out for themselves, offer help with hidden agendas, i just don't know who to trust.
I was offered treatment in Thailand but i don't have two grand lying about. Nothing in life is free eh. I can't think straight.
Oh, i do have nieces and since they're so young they don't understand the world and their innocence makes me smile. I'd dearly miss them. I feel like a burden on my parents so perhaps if i left this world they may find some peace. Who wants to witness someone they love suffer and they don't know what to do anymore.
On a positive note, i'm exercising because sleeping is difficult. i'm looking/researching herbs as natural alternatives to the poison the pharma companies dish out to keep themselves in their ivory towers.
I see the world through cold, dead eyes and i look through people when i walk past them. I don't want to acknowledge that they are there or see negative judgement on their faces. Hah, that's my narcissism talking. People don't see me, they're too busy with their own lives. I want what others have but it feels out of reach.
Warning - teenage angst ahead - I hate this world and what it's become, a hate a society that only gives little thought to those with mental health issues. You might not see it but it's there. I think i'm just been consumed by hate.
