No psychedelics, but a lot of alcohol, and self-sorrying

[Pyramedic]

To begin this, yeah, I am sorry. I am writing this drunk. And that's exactly the reason why. Please, please, don't answer this whit "fuck you, get straight, you know there is better" or other bullshit.

I don't know if I am supposed to even write at all, or if this is the right forum. Maybe not writing would been best. Or writing to another forum. Fuck if I know, all I know, is that I am getting so lost it's getting too bad.

Thing is, I could write a book of these experiences, but in nut shell: 2-3 years ago I had my first awesome experience with psychedelics. And I had a lot more after that. But in last 1 year, I haven't enjoyed any psychedelics, nor weed, because I'd just fall into such a huge panic attack. Instead, I've started to drink. I've been telling myself that "it isn't a lot because I only drink 2-3 times a month", but those 2-3 times a month, I drink myself so wasted I'm about to OD. And that's far from all, instead of 2-3 times, I drink 2-3 times of 3-4 days sprees every now and then (that is, once a month or two).

Thing is, alcohol makes me really free. Really free from thinking all these consequences, all these realities (some of them quite fucked up).

I just SO love alcohol. It's such a liberation. And like I said, I am drunk even now: Because only time I can be honest of myself and others, is when I am drunk. And I so wonder why, because I really saw this truth when in psy's, and afterwards.

I'm waiting a suspended sentence in a few weeks, due to growing weed, and I am not stressed at all. Only thing I am stressed of is that I can't live like this anymore.

Right, that's that of self-embarrassment and self-pity. My real question is:
Have psychedelics - even long sprees - often left people stuck in this hole of alcohol, nicotine and caffeine, even tho they REALLY (and I mean as really as you can touch those clischés, form them into colors and cosmos and truth) understand what this world is about? Why is it so that alcohol still catches us, why can't I resist it - and most importantly, what should I try to do so I could resist it? My own personality - being a full-blown anarchist to a point where I get myself beaten up by most pacifist cops you've ever met - just prompts me to throw it all on society. Is it really society's fault? That we love to forget all this, that we are not a socialist state of understanding, socialist world order of compassion, but a capitalist place where we copm. errgh. This is again streering away from my problem. Why? I don't know. Because I love to forget I guess. But what got so bad?

I don't know if this made any sense. I'll click "Submit" now. If someone thinks this was all wrong, fuck, just send me an instant message and I'll remove this while I have the chance. Thanks. I don't know.

EDIT: A little later, I finally remembered the questions I was supposed to ask:
1) Once you get a taste of alcohol, is it possible to stop if in such a way where you don't -fully- give up of it, but just heavily limit it?
2) If it has to be fully stopped, do you ever feel that primal energy, of touching the snow, howling at the sky, -loving- what is?
1.b 2.b: Are these real life experiences or just theorized "how it should be"-scenarios?

 

[cdin]

sounds about right

having lived around lots of serious hippies in northern california, i can say i've definitely seen a trend amongst long-term psych heads to "move on" to other substances. This seems to occur most frequently after HEAVY periods of lsd use. Because of this, (and because it happened to me) I now try to seriously limit my use of the more out their stuff. It seems like you start to feel your "soul get thin", anxieties begin to sneak in and what started as an amazing technicolor playground now just grates your nerves. In my case, i went to opiates, which really seemed to relieve these symptoms, but i can fully understand alcohol doing the same thing. And personally, i can say(as a die-hard alcohol lover) that you can certainly use it with moderation, i do now - drinking 2 - 3 nights a week, usually 3 - 4 beers/drinks. Just trying to stay away from that swaying poppy myself(which, btw, given your current circumstances i'd recommend you stay away from....) Hope this all helps a bit

 

[szuko000]

I use to be an alcoholic. I was depressed thought that downing vodka every night was the only way i could sleep. It never effected my schooling, at least not in the sense of doing poorly. I was so upset and i hated myself. The only thing that made me happy with me was vodka.

I dont drink anymore. I met a girl somewhere along the fucked up path i was on. In the blink of an eye my life did a complete 180. I went from being a heavy drinker 350-500ml of vodka between the hours of 6pm and 12am to absolutely nothing. I sit here sober at 11:30pm, something the old me never thought possible. I can still have a beer with dinner or catching up with friends but the one thing i cant touch again is hard liquor. I associated that burning with killing the pain i felt with in. I still dream about it when the times get hard i get haunted by the way the bottle felt in my hands after it came out of the freezer. Part of me desperately wants to try it just one more time, but i wont. I'm happily tacking on days months hopefully years of abstinence from the way i was before.

I still do everything under the sun but alcohol reminds me of a time when i was on the verge of death. I would walk to the liquor store off campus and drink alone until i passed out. I cant explain what quitting is like for me. I do get cravings alot more then i tell people. I almost feel like smegal from lord of the rings oh how i miss it but i dare not touch it again.

My point is in the blink of an eye things change. I drank every night for 2 years and now i simply dont. I hope things get better for you. Best of luck