But no one ever said it would be this hard. I knew I was going to be in for a rough ride. I mean 5 years of maintenance 7 years of nothing but opiates in my brain I figured it would be ugly. But I wasn't quite prepared for this. 30 days after the end of acute withdrawals and I'm fucking miserable. The depression and anxiety is indescribable. I can hardly leave my dorm room. I have started drinking to treat the anxiety. I hated alcohol before now I'm polishing a half liter of Jim bean a day. Fuck! What sucks is its so unsatisfying. Heroin is still what I think about first thing every morning. Hell at this point I would settle for suboxone as a classy alternative to the Imodium and drink. I keep wondering if this will ever end?
It will end. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Especially at such a young age (I'm inferring because of the dorm room comment). It's going to take a long time, 6 months to a year even, before the depression starts to fade. Anti-depressants help immensely. I can't stress enough how significant they have been when I've been in recovery. They were the only reason I was even able to do it (well, weed and antidepressant, lol. Weed probably played and even bigger role ;-) I know so many ex-junkies who turned to the bottle after quitting, even though they never really drank much before, including myself. If you're committed to recovery, do whatever it takes, enjoy the alcohol. Don't believe the NA hype if it doesn't work for you. One program could never work for everyone, and having a beer does not necessarily mean that 1 hour later I'd be jabbing a spike in my veins. That being said, in my darkest moments when I probably would have caved, getting my ass to a meeting was sometimes the only thing that kept me clean. The meetings can been helpful, if only because you're distracting yourself and not wallowing in your own self-pity for a couple of hours (wallowing in my own-self pity is my #1 past time when I'm clean, lol ;-) Good luck, quitting heroin - and all the bells and whistles that come with it - is a time honored tradition that junkies for over 100 years (centuries if you include Opium) have been suffering through. By getting through it, you are part of a very elite club that has one of the most grueling, vexatious, tormenting initiation rituals there is. It separates the men from the boys, and coming out the other side will make life taste that much sweeter. No one who hasn't lived through it can understand how bad it is. Good look. Remember, although I'm sure it feels like it almost every second of the day, you are not alone. 
Thanks. I'm probably not that committed to being clean. Thats a large part of the problem. I'm just in a situation where I can't do it. Rationally I know heroin isn't going away and that if nothing else my tolerance is going down. But my life just feels so cold and empty without opiates. There is no joy in anything. I'm 25 so a little old for college. But I have taken years off due to addiction and depression. I didn't want to lease an apartment down here and I don't have a car so I didn't have much choice but the dorm.