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No one cares

madog11

madog11

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 16, 2011
Messages
1,415
Location
Middle England
I recently figured out that no one really contacts me, i contact them. I decided to test this theory to see if i was just paranoid. It's been a good 3 weeks and no one has been in touch. Not one person (unless you count my dealer). No one wants to know or gives a shit about me. I can't help but wonder why? I know some awful people who have people who care... so why don't i?
 
I totally understand where you're coming from madog. When I was in my middle school years (only a few years ago actually) I used to feel the same way because nobody would ever call me. I would always have to call them if I wanted to talk or make plans and usually they would avoid me (at least so I thought a lot of the time). I remember I would always see them at the park playing football and when we'd drive by my mom would ask why I don't ever hang out with them. I think what you're trying to look for is what you might already have. True friends might not surface for long periods of time, and they might just be your acquaintance right now. I know that's what happened with my best friend. When we first met, she was in my 8th grade english class and I was always too scared to talk to her but we'd have some conversations every now and then. Because I was so shy she thought that I hated her and we stopped talking for a very long period of time. One day I just decided to randomly say hi and we started talking everyday. In about 6 months, we have about 18,000 facebook messages between each other (and that's not counting all the times we've texted or just talked over the phone!). Don't assume that you're stuck the way you are. Try to branch out a little yourself within your own group of friends, and even just try to branch out and meet new people.
 
That's what it's like for me now, use this time to focus on work and pave your way forward, get some money behind you, and then call your friends, they'll be glad to see you after all that time, or you may just be painfully boring, I don't know.
 
badfish, i'm 23 and see no one except when i am at work. I had a few people who i thought were genuinely my friend, but not heard from them either so who knows. I've always felt like an outsider, i don't think it's all in my head i think i just am... why is beyond me.

Dunno tonner, maybe i am painfully boring.
 
madog11 said:
I recently figured out that no one really contacts me, i contact them. I decided to test this theory to see if i was just paranoid. It's been a good 3 weeks and no one has been in touch. Not one person (unless you count my dealer). No one wants to know or gives a shit about me. I can't help but wonder why? I know some awful people who have people who care... so why don't i?
Click to expand...

Are there people in your life aside from those you might buy drugs from or use drugs with? I discovered the hard way that, almost without exception, I never felt "cared for" by those I used with (and in reality, I probably wasn't!).
Might it be possible you've found yourself looking for love from the wrong people?

Lastly, I've had very long stretches of time where my situation was very similar to yours. I discovered that my withdrawing from others (in the hopes that they would be proactive and contact me) had the opposite effect; it effectively placed this tangible distance between myself and those I wanted to be with and those people told me later that it was very discouraging for them, making it more difficult for them to contact me.

Let's also not forget that we live in a world now connected by a ridiculously numerous array of social networking outlets, and the sheer pressure to constantly be "in-touch" can feel overwhelming. Doing whatever you need to in order to avoid being swept up by it is so, so important - and, in my life, precludes making contact with others in the first place! (Strange, how that works...)

~ vaya
 
There are other ways to meet people other than work. Are you religiously involved at all? Churches, temples, etc all hold a lot of great activities and classes that are great for meeting new people. I don't even like religion and I still involve myself in many youth group activities mainly because I'm able to branch out of my normal life and do something else other than video games and drugs. If you try looking around your town as well I'm sure there are many social events which are great ways to meet new people. Even if you don't meet your best friend right away, I promise you'll find people who care, because there are so many places to look :)
 
I tried that when i moved here, i know lots of people, some of which i thought were my friends. Don't have the energy to try again when there is clearly something making me unlikable (and i'm not this self deprecating publicly, i hide it very well).

Not trying to shoot down all your ideas, i just feel it must be me.
 
Just give yourself a break then. Do what tonner said, give yourself some time to pave a good path for your life. Unfortunately this will take energy, but if you give yourself some time I'm sure that you'll find it in you :)
 
I usually like my own company, people bother me sometimes because i'm not close to anyone but i'm mostly ok, i like being alone. Think the feelings are amplified today because i'm sick and alone.
 
I felt bad when I read this, because I'm one of those people that doesn't call anyone to hang out, and always waits to be invited. I had one friend that wouldn't even bother calling me, because he knew I would probably say I was busy, so instead he would just show up at my house. It kind of bothered me, but I really did enjoy the time I spent with him. It sucks, because he randomly disappeared about a month ago leaving behind notes that sounded like he intended to commit suicide. Luckily, we (his other friend, his family and I)were able to find out that he had gotten a greyhound ticket, so it seems that he is probably okay. But I really regret the fact that I never initiated meeting up, and ignored his phone calls, and since then I've been trying hard to be more social.

It's possible that you're friends aren't really your friends, but it could also be that they are solitary people, that do care about you a lot, but just don't know how to properly express it.
We've talked some too, so I know your an interesting and intelligent person, so there are bound to be people in the future that will be happy to hang out with you, if your current circle doesn't get there shit together.
 
Ha thanks znegative, just on a bit of a downer today, but good to know i'm not painfully boring. Wish someone showed up at my house, just once would be nice!
 
madog11 said:
Funny enough Vaya i have no druggy friends, i always do them alone.
Click to expand...

Do you think that this fact in any way contributes to your perceptions of personal isolation? When I used alone, it was a necessity that I shut others out of my life- at least for the duration of the high. Most of the time, however, that was enough to prevent me from forming real and lasting relationships.

~ vaya
 
I don't think so as the drugs came second. The opiate use only started a few months ago. But i may be wrong, i know that my perception is of course going to be biased.
 
madog11 said:
i know that my perception is of course going to be biased.
Click to expand...

Well if your perceptions weren't biased, I'd question whether or not they were really your perceptions!! ;)

Often enough the key to accepting suggestions from others lies within bidding farewell to our biases, however temporarily, in order that some "fresh air" be allowed to flow through our mind and freshen our perceptions.
 
Dear madog :) You don't always get to meet your true friends until much later in life :) I have found that one acquaintance will lead me to another, then another to another. Along the way, a kazillion aquaintenaces later, I find an amazing friend who I love like a sister. Now that one took me 40 something years to find. Yeah, a long time to wait I know. I've had friends along the way but they can turn out not to be quite the friend I was expecting. It hurts and it's a lesson. Maybe your friends like to give you your space and know you'll contact them when you're ready. Hey, don't give up ringing them, the more you do it they may just get the urge to ring you back one day :) I'm sure you're not painfully boring :)
 
If I may offer an insight: I, for one, am virtually incapable of initiating conversation. Even texting. I may want to talk with someone, but they have to contact me first.

Perhaps you are friends with a bunch of introverts? Just wanted to throw an alternate hypothesis out there. It may not be you at all. Do you enjoy the company of these people? Then call them! The more you isolate yourself, the bigger your problems will seem.
 
^ I do that same thing. Sometimes when someone isolates themself for so long, they are uncomfortable with being any other way. Don't be to hard on yourself, Maddog, like you said, your not feeling well today. You seem really interesting imo or I wouldn't have read your thread. ;) <3 I think you sound a lot like most of us on here. I have a hard time annunciating contact with some of my friends. Its a two way telephone. Life is to short.
 
There's a lot of great advice in here :D Just don't let your life pass like it's nothing, there's always something you can achieve even when life seems to be weighing you down.
 
Can I toss something in? Your situation sounds not all that bad. Let me explain. I was at work for ~10 hours. I received a dozen phone calls to my cell while at work. I return to my office, and I have 36 voice mails. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Being left alone; is not really such a bad thing. Enjoy it and take the time to indulge your own thoughts without the constant barrage of STUPID from external sources getting in the way.
 
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