No motivation to do anything with my Life..am I depressed ?

[^Xayo]

So lately I've been fucking up big time in school, I've fucked up earlier but this time I just don't give a shit. I somehow can't imagine myself living in this society someday and therefore i have no motivation to lay the "ground stone" for my career, wich in fact is the school. The teachers always tell me I'm soo fucking intelligent but they can't help when I just throw the papers they hand out away within a week without looking at them.
A little background
I only do drugs during the weekends! thats kind of my last moral standard I still maintain.
Drugs I did:
Weed - every other weekend
DXM - 3 - 4 times within the last 12 months
MDMA/Methylone - 2 times with 4 months in between
Shrooms - 2 times with 2 months in between
Speed - 1 time

I don't think its a drug problem, I have a very good life, I'm young, good looking(kind of), I have a girlfriend wich would do anything for me, I'm intelligent and I have a decent family background who would finance my studies at university etc. But somehow I just can't be fucked to just sit down every afternoon for like 1 hour and just look through the stuff I did in school, already that would be enough to lift my grades in the normal-good range again, but I just don't care. It's really bothering me because when my teachers or parents ask me why I don't care I can't even come up with a decent answer other than "I'm not interested in xxxxx". I'm starting to get really pissed at myself for not getting my lazy ass up.

So...any suggestions ?

greetings Xayo

 

[Captain.Heroin]

How did you feel before you started using drugs?

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi Xayo, I had a lot of difficulty concentrating and completely lacked motivation in school as well. If you think it's serious enough to warrant seeing a doctor about it to investigate further then please do so.

You could be depressed, but there could be something else going on as well. There are ways to get help for pretty much any problem these days but you will need to speak to your doctor about it.

Have you specifically told your parents that you want to do well in school but you are really having trouble focussing?

Also, even though you're only taking drugs fairly infrequently, they could still be having a huge detrimental effect on your concentration. I would strongly recommend that you stop ALL drug use and see if that helps.

Let us know how you're going okay?

 

[paranoid android]

Wow this brought back a few memories of being told off by my mom and a few teachers that had a clue. Anyone who paid any attension to me thought i was pretty intelligent but they also couldnt get why i was just so lazy and wouldnt even show up to half my classes. I did alot more drugs then you describe doing but i think i would have ended up the same in regards to high school if i hadent even have smoked a joint in my life.

The whole set up of school is not to teach you to learn it's essentially to teach you to memorize and repeat back to the teacher what the teacher said. The enviornment does not foster learning at all in my opinion and they do not encourage you to actually think for yourself and to analize whatever subject you are at. Essentially you are taught to be a fucking boot licker, brown noser or whatever that sucks up to your so called betters 8) and if anything free thinking is discouraged. High school and everything before that (or atleast the shitass school i went to) is basically indoctrination to teach you to only do good in high school or perhaps to be a teacher

I would highely recomend that despite how spirit crushing high school can be that you do good enough to get into university to do whatever you want to do. University is a whole other thing altogether then high school because you are not treated like a baby and you have to fend and learn for yourself. This set up is much better for anyone who has a free thought in their head. Whatever you do don't drop out because as one who is in this spot i can tell you that things are shit without some kind of schooling backing you up. Don't go through school with the intension of picking a career in which you only want to please other people either be it parents, other relatives, teachers, etc. Go through school with the intension of doing something when you get out that you want to do.

Just my take on the matter here

 

[ferrita]

I completely agree 100 percent with paranoid android.

I completely felt the way you feel. And as I got much older I realized what it was.......for me anyway.....it was complete and totsl BOREDOM............. it wasn't laziness like teachers thought. It wasn't rebellion like. Thought. It wasn't too much drugs like counselors and parents thought and god knows I did enough drugs to od an army. It was boredom. I graduated out of spite cause nobody thought I could or would. They all thought I was very intelligent but didn't care. And they were right I didn't care. I wasn't interested.......and again I completely agree with paranoid abdroid.

I wen back to college at 30.........had a perfect 4.0 gpa. Got my masters in social work and landed a few dream jobs working with the single moms on drugs the hardcore youth in bootcamps and working with the pokorest of the poor. Helping em get GEDs and college degrees and free housing while they went to school and free daycare. Getting em off drugs and into life and getting enokoyers to hire them on contracts where we paid first 6 months with a highly sucessful chance they would hire them with great wages and benefits when the 6 months were up.

I loved loved loved what I did for a living. It was hard but it was rewarding. It paid decent. Not rich by any means. But the difference from high school to college was that I wasn't bored and I got to study what I wanted and what interested me.

Don't drop out. You'll be glad you followed through. Id still be working my ass off fighting for all the local druggies. Criminals. Single moms and bored teens if a bad diseases with no known cause or cure took me out. I'm still proud of finding my niche and going for what made me feel good.

Even though I can't work. I started a 501 c 3 bon profit for my disease. I was the first one to talk about it publically. The first to go on tv with it. One of the first to go public with my real name on it and I answer the hekoline 24 7. Year round for the last 11 years.

Why was I able to do all this but just didn't give a fuck in school? This ibterested me. I wasn't bored.......I wasn't forced to learn things that didn't pretain to me. I'm still that way if it doesn't ibterest me or bores me.............its pointless......and I'm almost 50.
Read androids post again and follow it. I bet you find some truths you can relate too.
Much luck . March to the beat of your own drummer..................always.

 

[idonteven]

i didn't like school much, i couldn't see a point to it, i had ideas I started my own business but it failed. Still thought I didn't like school or see a point.

But now at 23 I want to go back more than anything, and I'm going back this semester.

Stop mooching off your folks if you're not putting in 100%

 

[^Xayo]

Thanks for all the answers, the one part by paranoid android really made me laugh, the part with the ass-lickers, it's exactly what I think. We're only thought to obey and do everything for our own benefit. I'm just not the type of guy who can sit down for 6 hours and just learn everything by heart. If I'm not interested in something theres no way it will make its way into my brain. I once tried learning french vocab really hard, with little cards, 4 hours everyday and well i went from "E" to "D", well not exactly in german terms it would be from 5 to 4. Well whatever I'm just sick of stupid fuckers not understanding a shit but just learning it by heart getting better grades then me who always tries to really understand what has been said...

@n3ophy7e
I was like that even before using drugs but one of my shroom trips really got me wondering "What am I doing this for? - To reach a goal. But why reach a goal ? - To succeed in society. "
and so on and in the end I found out we're just huge blobs of molecules wandering around the world being so up our asses that we think we actually have a destination.
That's kind of a sad truth but it's just my view of the world. Ofcourse I don't think "oh that girl is good looking but that is just my brain chemistry fucking around" but most of the time I see things like that.

 

[n3ophy7e]

and in the end I found out we're just huge blobs of molecules wandering around the world being so up our asses that we think we actually have a destination.
That's kind of a sad truth but it's just my view of the world. Ofcourse I don't think "oh that girl is good looking but that is just my brain chemistry fucking around" but most of the time I see things like that.

Hey man, you know what?? I have pretty much the exact same view of the world and the universe and our placement in it as such. Except that you can actually put a positive spin on it.

Instead of thinking:
"We're just meaningless entities wandering on a planet which is floating in a huge expanse of nothingness, what's the point"
I think:
"For some unknown reason we're here, and it's an absolute freak of nature that we exist in the first place, so we may as well make the most of the time we have and use our intelligence to the best of our ability while we've got the chance"

We can waste so many hours trying to resist the thoughts and emotions and activities that the chemicals in our brain are trying to create, that we lose track of actually enjoying what's going on.

I could ramble on more about this but hopefully you see what I'm saying. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to discuss further okay?

 

[Ohenrik]

Try MADRS test, and watch www.ted.com

I have in many years struggled with depression (bipolar 2) pluss dyslexia, so I know how school might seem pointless. And frankly it's the old factory model school that sticks from the industrial age that fucks things up for most... Watch some TED talk videos about education (try "how schools kill creativity") but first take a MADRS test to see if you are currently inn a depressed state of mind. If you are, nothing seems to have any value. Depression may fade inn and out, so take the test again if you feel down.

If school seems pointless now, trust me, complete it! Even though my depression still fucks me over from time to time, I'm so happy to be sitting in an office making marketing agendas, rather than cleaning the floor in the same building.

Plus the university is a much better place than high-school, less rules and red tape. (at least in Norway)

Regarding drugs, can't tell you what to do since I would feel like a hypocrite, but read at erowid.org (the best unbiased drug site I know of) the layout is a bit confusing (old) at first but there is a ton of information there (you have probably been there already if you have searched google for drug info).

I'm 23 years old so it's much I haven't experienced yet, but I hope I said something useful.