Posted this in DS this morning...
I suppose I'll use this as a withdrawal diary of sorts...
I'm at school right now, and I feel pretty gross. However, I think it's manageable. It's not as bad as it could have been. I'm glad I'm punching out now from this whole mess instead of a half year from now, like last time.
I go through alternating periods of feeling better and feeling worse, feeling optimistic and feeling pessimistic. I keep reminding myself that the hardest part was actually stopping, the rest is just a bad flu. I've had the flu before.
Well, here I am again. Day one of tramadol withdrawal.
This time I'm completely through with this stuff. I guess that's what everyone says around this time--it's certainly what I said last time. Maybe this time I can relate my first addiction experience to this second, hopefully last one, and finally realize how inadequate of an antidepressant it really is.
I met up with some of my old Bluelight friends in LA recently, and told them I was taking it again. They're all non-judgemental types (I think one person's reply was actually "Heh. Cool!"), but still, the mere act of actually revealing it to someone other than myself really hit home for some reason. Suddenly, again, it wasn't a medication. It wasn't an antidepressant. It wasn't therapy. It was just a dirty addiction.
But what really made me stop was the fact that the company I order for (a company that many Bluelighters have used in the past and probably still use) possibly sold or used my credit card information without my consent. They are the only people I have ever ordered from online (I don't ever shop online for anything else), and it is the only way my information could have been given away. That said, I checked my bank account recently and to my surprise, over $200 worth of purchases have been made.
I've only been on the tramadol this time for three months, so I said to hell with it, this is not worth getting my credit card information stolen again. With only a small quantity of pills left, I did the best taper I could in a week and now I'm done. I went from 400mg a day to nothing in the space of week, and yeah, I feel like garbage.
Anyway, again, day one, and I have classes today I can't miss.
Such is life! I'm going to beat this one way or another. I'll feel better in a week.
But a week from now isn't now. I wish my brain could time travel...
I suppose I'll use this as a withdrawal diary of sorts...
I'm at school right now, and I feel pretty gross. However, I think it's manageable. It's not as bad as it could have been. I'm glad I'm punching out now from this whole mess instead of a half year from now, like last time.
I go through alternating periods of feeling better and feeling worse, feeling optimistic and feeling pessimistic. I keep reminding myself that the hardest part was actually stopping, the rest is just a bad flu. I've had the flu before.