I had a dream last night, that I was one of my patients. That I was dying, that it was happening quickly, that I had to tell all of the people that I loved that my last goodbye was coming now and I had to apologize that I was powerless to stop it.
And I woke up, and your arms were around me, and I was warm. And I was sated. A dream of death became a waking moment of rebirth.
For this I thank you.
We've understood each other, time and again. There is a friendship where there was a void not so long ago. You tell me of your calm that comes from my understanding, I tell you of my fears. The ones that no one else knows exist.
I laugh when no other realizes that you're using humor, you smile when everyone else has grown tired of my manic phase. There are so many in my life that I am lucky enough to love, and I am grateful that you are among them.
It only takes one, some days. A moment sneaks up on you, at your most vulnerable, and gives you another chance. Allows you to breathe again. Tomorrow? What of it? I haven't had time to think about it yet, and it seems so unimportant now. When only a flash of time ago it was everything.
So I will sit for a while, now that my mind is calm again. Now that I have time to finish a thought before the next one is on me, screaming for attention. These afternoons are so rare, when I can be like this. When I can smile like this, feel like this, know that I'm okay like this.
And tomorrow I'll see you, and we'll laugh. Conversations to be had or avoided, understanding to move in the air around us. Friendship to drive us forward without so much fear as there might have been before. At least for this part of the journey we need not walk alone.
I have not written for everyone who has touched me in my life. There would be books by now, and I hope that they understand. Saying I love you should always be enough, but for this morning, I offer you more. A nod, some words, that smile, this peace. I was saved today, from a bad dream that I didn't think I could come back from. A real dream this time, not a waking one, and perhaps it has been the worst yet.
For being there,
For loving,
For not having to explain,
For knowing you,
For this I am grateful.
Disclaimer: Can it ever be said enough when someone saves you just by being there? I know I say it over and over, but without the people in my life, I would have no hope of being the person that I am, that I've wanted to be. Funny how when it comes to writing something down, no matter what is going on with my life, the ones who stand by me always come to mind when something begs to be verbalized and immortalized. I think I'll keep that priority.
And I woke up, and your arms were around me, and I was warm. And I was sated. A dream of death became a waking moment of rebirth.
For this I thank you.
We've understood each other, time and again. There is a friendship where there was a void not so long ago. You tell me of your calm that comes from my understanding, I tell you of my fears. The ones that no one else knows exist.
I laugh when no other realizes that you're using humor, you smile when everyone else has grown tired of my manic phase. There are so many in my life that I am lucky enough to love, and I am grateful that you are among them.
It only takes one, some days. A moment sneaks up on you, at your most vulnerable, and gives you another chance. Allows you to breathe again. Tomorrow? What of it? I haven't had time to think about it yet, and it seems so unimportant now. When only a flash of time ago it was everything.
So I will sit for a while, now that my mind is calm again. Now that I have time to finish a thought before the next one is on me, screaming for attention. These afternoons are so rare, when I can be like this. When I can smile like this, feel like this, know that I'm okay like this.
And tomorrow I'll see you, and we'll laugh. Conversations to be had or avoided, understanding to move in the air around us. Friendship to drive us forward without so much fear as there might have been before. At least for this part of the journey we need not walk alone.
I have not written for everyone who has touched me in my life. There would be books by now, and I hope that they understand. Saying I love you should always be enough, but for this morning, I offer you more. A nod, some words, that smile, this peace. I was saved today, from a bad dream that I didn't think I could come back from. A real dream this time, not a waking one, and perhaps it has been the worst yet.
For being there,
For loving,
For not having to explain,
For knowing you,
For this I am grateful.
Disclaimer: Can it ever be said enough when someone saves you just by being there? I know I say it over and over, but without the people in my life, I would have no hope of being the person that I am, that I've wanted to be. Funny how when it comes to writing something down, no matter what is going on with my life, the ones who stand by me always come to mind when something begs to be verbalized and immortalized. I think I'll keep that priority.
