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No hope for the future

Doomed2pain

Doomed2pain

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 15, 2011
Messages
1,448
I'm a chronic pain patient and also been diagnosed with PTSD with severe adjustment disorder with anxiety and depression.

I got a psychiatric report with a worrying prognosis, even if I begin treatment, my mental health will always be severe if not worsening if I don't improve with my pain. It never will improve drastically, been on various meds etc but there is no cure.

I've been suicidal since may, I self harm too. Was in an accident over 2 years ago, and since then have suffered from complex regional pain syndrome, snapped back ligaments and mental health problems. My personal life has suffered immensely. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I am starting cbt at the minute, will be starting emdr, I've had physio, nerve blocks etc. It just seems never ending and pointless.

My personal life has suffered so much because of my conitions. I am just at the end of my rope and want to die 24/7. Sorry for the rant. I've not gone into huge detail here as it just wears me out.

Anyone else in a similar situation? I would love to hear from people in the same boat.

Love to you all

J
 
Hi Doomed2Pain,

I said hi in the welcome thread but thought I would here too <3

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you at the moment.. it sounds like you have been through an extremely tough time, and I am not surprised you are feeling how you do! Depression makes everything feel hopeless - I am also not surprised you feel that way, and you must be exhausted. There is hope though - I'm really glad to hear about the CBT, it can be a very powerful tool and personally I feel it has transformed my life. It can take a while for it to start to take effect, so please don't be disheartened - when it does kick in the effects tend to last for life (if you keep it up) :)

I'm so sorry to hear about the pain too. I think you will start to find that a lot easier to deal with however as your psychological state improves. There is a thread on chronic pain management in the Other Drugs forum here if you have any technical questions or need pracical advice - although do feel free to ask here too as there are people in here who can relate I am sure..

As for feeling suicidal - do you have someone to talk to about this? I think it is really important to recognise that it is not weak - it is simply when the pain you are in is greater than your mechanisms for handling it - and you are obviously having a very tough time. It won't be this way forever - CBT will strengthen your coping mechanisms and once things start to lift everything gets a lot easier. If you are concerned that you are in danger, please tell someone - even if that means going to the ER.. keep yourself safe. We also have a suicide and self-harm thread here, stickied at the top by the intro thread - which can provide a lot of help and support <3

Massive congratulations on seeking help and thank you for sharing with us <3
 
^ What she said. :)

I can't really add much to that, only to say that EMDR worked very well for me, and has an incredible success rate with PTSD. Combine that with some CBT, and you could well be on your way to improved wellness soon. Chronic pain is incredibly hard to manage, and as I'm sure you'll find in time has as much to do with psychology as physiology. As hard as it can be at times: do not lose hope. If something doesn't work after giving it a proper try, try something else. You'll find what works for you in time, and medical science is doing amazing things with injury recovery.
 
Wow, I am in the same situation.
There honestly is no hope for a better future because nothing will get better from the medical side.
I have seen so many doctors, so many treatments, a ton of medications and still end up with the "With your prognosis..." bla bla bla
I don't want to live the life of a cripple addicted to narcotics for whatever may be the rest of my life, I'm just in my early 20's.

I totally understand what you mean about personal life suffering... and it only seems to get worse.
 
I have shitty chronic pain in my wrist, also bipolar, anxiety and suicidality due to unbearable pain at times.
I havent had much help from doctors either. It freaks me out that the pain may never go away and I could
have it for the rest of my life - Im only 24.

I saw a pain psychologist for the first time last week. Im hopeful that working with him will help. I would totally
recomend seeing one if you havent already :-) He had some interesting theories and was really understanding.

What meds are you on ? It may not be the case for you but my depression feeds off my pain, and when my pain
is a stupid 10/10 I get really anxious and upset.....have you some things that are relaxing that you like to do ?
Sometimes I find just having a rant to a friend or the mental health line helps a lot. Or writing it down.

Totes PM me anytime :-)
 
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Never is a very long time. Do keep that in mind.Thinking in absolutes, while often natural, is rarely helpful.
 
No apologies for the rant, that's what we're here for :) It sounds like you're having quite a rough time right now, but as soon as I saw the name of the thread I knew what I was going to say. There is ALWAYS hope for the future, because the future is so unpredictable. No matter what holds you down, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Dave speaks the complete truth, absolutes have always made my depression much worse, because that's the feeling that gives you the sense of the tunnel being an endless hell. Life was not meant to be that, so just keep your head up <3
 
I did see a psychologist a while ago that dealt specifically with chronic pain patients. We did some emdr for the pain, but I found no relief from it.

Medication wise I am currently on 60 mg morphine a day, 50 mg sertraline and some medication for my stomach. Got to go and have an ECG and blood test next week as my bp has been really low and I fainted last week. The morphine is being upped at each visit but I must admit I felt better on fentanyl and oxycodone, had to stop the fent as it really aggravated my skin and stopped the oxycodone for bt pain as my pain management dr started harping on about it being more addictive. He stuck me on 100 mcg ph fent, tramadol for bt pain and discharged me saying there was nothing he could do or me.

I am also only 25 and hate being a cripple so I know how you feel with that one.

All this trouble from helping a break down, I must have been a baby killer in a past life :S
 
I'm really sorry your pain isn't well-managed.. would you be able to get another opinion? I don't believe anyone should be denied access to pain medication that they legitimately need because it is "more addictive".. the low blood pressure could be related to the morphine too, oxycodone has a slightly different side effects profile and is sometimes better tolerated.. good luck with the ECG and blood tests! <3

I know how horribly unfair life can seem sometimes. The absolute worst things can happen to the nicest people. My way of dealing with that is to recognise that there isn's inherent fairness in the world (look at wars and famines..) and sometimes people do get dealt a really shitty hand - but it is during the tough times that we can really grow as a person and develop the skills we need to get us through life.. at least you are still here with us, that is something, and I believe that while you are alive there is always hope and opportunity for things to improve :)

Silenced and brighton, sorry to hear you are both in a similar situation, and thank you for sharing and helping <3
 
I am going to be seeing a private pain management doctor soon so hopefully I will get better treatment and possibly different medication. I'm finding the morphine rubbish, 30 mg twice a day just doesn't touch my pain, I could use something for bt pain too but I'll need to wait and see what my gp says. If they didn't fentanyl extended release in a tablet form like morphine I'd have that, as it really did work the best, 75mcg brought my pain down to a 7 most days unless I was having a really bad day, and that was in the summer, the winter months are worse as I am not only sensitive to touch but temperature too, and the crps has spread from just my foot to all the way up myleg and my rit arm too, which is why I have had to suspend my degree for now. It is a fine art degree and I found I could no longer do my artwork due to the arm pain and ligament damage to my back. I can't work, can't do house work, look after my son properly, I have severe panic attacks when in public or near roads. I never see friends anymore and my depression/manic episodes and anger/irritability caused me and my fiance to break up. We are hoping that if my counselling helps and I get a little better we mint start couples counselling to try and get our relationship back on track.

Everything is just so up in the air at the minuteit is hard to see things positively.

Feeling really down tonight, I'm stuck in alone and don't know how to make my mood better, can't concentrate on tv or reading, or even music.
 
That's harsh man I'm sorry to hear all that! You gotta keep the hope; that's all we have sometimes! When the mind starting tellin' you otherswise you just stop and say SHUTUP. If the panic hits you...you say SHUTUP, I'm not listening to this! You or nobody else deserves to be put down by yourself or others. Keep on going man.
 
I do try my best to tell the awful moods and panic to shut up and leave me alone but the majority of thetimeit just keeps on coming back and tormenting me
 
Stuck in a bad place tonight, alone on a Friday night as per usual with nothing for company except my warped brain. Bah
 
Enjoy your Friday man. Maybe it's possible to switch your evaluation of solitude to something peaceful rather than something that requires fixing. If you're able to both alone and in groups then you'll never have to act simply to avoid the discomfort of your current social situation. I tend to think that the best thoughts/ideas tend to come when alone; that's been my experience. See if there is anything you can do that you wouldn't be able to do if you were surrounded by people and maybe you can find some enjoyment out of being on your own.
 
My attention and concentration isthat bad that t the minute I can control a thing, tv, music, reading etc. I just feel as I I need contact from people so bad. I kowpeople commenting obvious also feel bad but reading h responses make me feel a lot better. I'm just a piece of hit really...
 
Hardly. You've been dealt a shit hand, but that has nothing to do with the sort of person you are.

You are not your pain. You are not your anxiety. You are not your depression. You are not your loneliness. You experience these things-- to deny that would be silly-- but there is no reason why you must identify with them.
 
I know Dave, thanks for the reminder.i just can't help feeling that way at the minute,its like I have o control over anything in my life
 
I totally feel you doomed :(
Ive spent the last probably 6 hours crying and so upset... The hopeless is overwhelming and with the people around me not understanding.... It is hard. Everyone says for us stay strong and not to feel this way, I surely wish you to feel better... And soon!
 
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