its.euphoric...
I too rarely feel emotions apart from frustration and despair about my own psychological stateand the consequences that it's having n my life and on 'the one's i'm supposed to love'.
Trust me i feel you since whats tormenting you has been tormenting me for a long time and has ruined many opportunities of maing my life better and i keep blaming myself for it without finding a way to make up for my 'involountary mistakes'.
Your probably experiencing a lot of difficulties in your own perception and in your cognitive abilities like lack of creativity, thinking and speech disorder, lack of desire and motivation, inabilit to feel pleaure even when experiencing a situation that you knowit should give you a lot of pleasure.
I don't know about your past and what tragic events u have been through, but sometimes the brain goes through an overload and your unconscious reacts in silly ways to prevent further suffering, and you end up drowning in your own head which in some ways refuses normality for what it is, and as a consequence you start to question everthing about yourself toa point where you loose your own identity somehow because you don't really know how to react to something.....or at least your reactions are not spntaneous anymore because of your depersonalization or identity crysis.
Maybe your not feeling this yet but you could be experiencing a lot of stress on the front part of your brain like if you are constantly doing a very difficult math test even though u don't seem to be thinking of nothing so stressing. i've been having this feeling for a few years now and its giving me so much cognitive confusion that even the simpest task seems stressful.
Now don't look at yourself like you are sick or absolutely insane but i think that you are experiencing early stages of psychosis, wich unlike what any ignorant people thinks, is a sort of inprisonment in your head that leads you to think but not percieve many stimuli that come from outwards and your worries about the way you feel get so big that you unconsciously ignore whatever comes outside of that context. Now there are many..and i mean many different kinds of psychoses and many degrees of psychosis so please don't freak out when you read this page, just try to look objectively at the various symptoms and see wich ones you are experiencing. its an article from wikipedia about psychoses with many liks to related conditions or symptoms.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosis
You need to understand though that we in some ways build our own consciousness as well as our own identity, the mind has a great plasticity and in life you get to a point where you realize that dealing with your mind is like educating a child that lives within you. Our unconsciousness is something we cant really feel but it's there and without even knowing about it it can get stuck in many difficult thoughts that 'distracts' us from other iportant things.
As many here said i really do believe that you should get some professional advice/treatment and try to avoid those retard doctors that see every young person with psychological problems like common anyday sad person who just need a bit of prozac and valium to solve everything.
Also never forget about the power of the mind itself, thinking that the brain gets sick and it's all because of chemical disequilibriums is wrong because the mind has an impressive abilty to modify itself....Keep this in mind man and don't become like one of those hypochondriac people who justify everything on brain chemestry and think there is nothing they can do about it.
My post is etting long and i'm starting to feel those stresses on my forehead again so i'm gonna end it here and wish you the best.
We have a saying in my country: "Hope will always die last", keep this sentence close to your heart if you want to get better.
