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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

(Nitrous Oxide) - Experienced - Life Changing Problems

Excited does not do No2. The feeling was cool when he was younger now even when rolling exciteds mind is faster than the No2 which makes it a let down every time.
 
I've had similar experiences with nitrous oxide, though mine are less physical problems and more of an issue of us all being in "The Matrix", which I firmly believe we are. Hell, I'd almost go so far as to say I KNOW we are. I'll post more later if anyone is interested, or perhaps start a new thread for those seeking advice on dealing with the potential catastrophes of nitrous use. As many others have posted, I firmly believe in N2Os ability to connect us with something deeper, though not necessarily something beautiful. If anybody knows what I'm talking about or has questions in the meantime, please feel free to PM me.
 
Hey guys - I'm *Back!!!*

And *man* am I back!! I have so much news, so many stories, and so much information to share it boggles the mind - and all of it is good - positive - wonderfully inspiring stuff. The hard bit has been finding the time to write, but I recently got Dragon Naturally Speaking (voice recognition) working pretty well, and this should make it possible to somehow fit Bluelight back into my ever-so-busy life. It's been a psychedelically explosive couple of years, and I have rebuilt my Gascid realm - upgraded the technology to the n'th degree and discovered a few other chemical synergies that brought me to the same destination via some very different routes - which conformed pretty much everything I have ever believed, and then some. And I seem to have developed a much better understanding of the psychedelic 'whole' - and it seems not as monstrously complex to put into words as it used to - or at least to put into words the directions on how to more easily find the book in which to find the page on which we might all be able to say is the one which we all consider to be the 'same', so to speak.

So i hope that my extended absence from Bluelight hasn;t permanently alienated me from all of those wonderful friends that I made in here a while back when I first opened my mouth. I'll be back soon, and this time I really will stay...

TMP
 
man! i read nearly this entire thread.....

how is the realm doing?

i just want to say...

Believe....!!!!!!!!!
Build it and they will come!!!
 
id also like to say that if you believe 100% full heartedly in something it becomes a physical reality, whether you want it to or not.
i've seen agents that were only agents because i believed they were, and they stopped being agents as soon as i stopped believing they were...
which reminds me.."you're saying that i can dodge bullets" "no, i'm saying that when the time is right, you wont have to"
 
straight up i saw other things like this happen infront of me.......when you unconsciously control a situation, dont forget to hold onto the reigns......
i was fishing at an after party once and i watched an entire group of people fear / act on something that they normally would never think twice about......
and there was even an agent there. who asked where and my friend were going before we left back from this place..didnt even know the guy he just kept asking very detailed questions and if he could buy ketamine...i even had a moment of deja vu while talking to him..
NOBODY TOLD ME THE MATRIX WAS REAL.......im ready for trinity or someone to come to my door and recruit me for some shit because im not a huge fan of the system if you know what i mean
 
its tragic that there isnt enough help and support for brilliant minds that have seen a truth and refuse to believe anything other than what they cant deny. there should be some giant company that can help guide people / learn from people that have seen truths that many others cant reach, and a lot of times won't recognize /support because its too far out of their world. the book too far is a great one if you get a chance to read. dont forget to believe!!!!!
http://www.toofar.com/
 
I really enjoyed reading this trip report and congratulations for writing it. What I've taken from your experiences and that of my own is that nothing in this world is easily obtainable. If nirvana or "salvation" was obtainable for the price of a nitrous cartridge, a blotter, a pill or a line it would be obtainable by all. Although there are some unique insights to be gained you always have to realize you are playing with fire and what goes up must come down...
 
I, like you, have had a similer experience at the age of 11 maybe ? Wisdom teeth removal.
My first time was in the dentist chair but I on the other hand had made a comment that had shakin the dentist and nurse. While leaving the dentist office the nurse asked my father if alcoholism ran in the family because I was so excited and in a frenzied state after I came out of the gas experience being young they must have seen how my reaction was life changing It was like I had a near death experience I thought I had glimpsed (GOD). AND I WAS SPREADING THE WORD TO THEM

FAST FORWARD
I tried many drugs getting into the psychedelic scene in the late 90s Dead Phish liberal politics I jumped in HEAD first :)

FAST FORWARD
Then I am watching a computer graphics generator thing called G-Force while headphones on and this thing puts up mathematical imagery that coincides with the music. I think Oh My God I have FOUND IT. The Wah Wah breaks into fractals and boom I am in another universe. It all seemed planned like I was daring God to prove me wrong no future no now no past just life happening and I see the future almost every time. This seems like a journey that once beings become sentient they question existence and the answer is just chemical. I feel sad like life is just gets smart enough to hear the sound of the universe then it realizes and its a big circle that on nitrous I run into over and over only breaking out with a compassionate creator would have put a mark on the universe so we could tell it was real I think the Wah Wah was the mark.
 
I believe the "spirit", or "conciousness" that is not yet ready to accept these possibilities will get there in the end. Because this isn't a race. We're all on the same journey, ultimately seeking the same goal

THIS WAS WRITTEN BY (UNDISCLOSED) but I was experiencing something similar on nitrous
 
Incredible read, and very touching. Like you said, you are patient Z. I hope somehow you find some relief from the constant pain.

Wow, what an incredible read though. Honestly, it read like a story. Your mind is truly more open than mine
 
I remember reading this report a couple years ago. It's very interesting; I didn't read it all again this time and I will tday when I have more tiem but I wanted to say, I've had this theory/idea

that the ones of us who happened to have surgery, or surgeries, at a young age, were introduced to dissociatives/anesthetics at a very young and vulnerable age are more likely to be seeking them out later in life.

Kind of makes sense, once you see the grass on the other side you know it's there.
 
Hi. I'm very sorry it's taken so long to respond to your message, but I have been offline for quite a while and dealing with some personal stuff. I'm still struggling with a computer issue in at the moment I'm uploading to my phone. I will get back to this and write a proper reply soon. But in the meantime if you go to youtube and check out a user called FrActAlG0d you may find something that you can really relate to. I strongly suggest you do this.
 
Hi TheMerryPrankster,

This is my first post on BlueLight. Your TR was one of the best I've read and inspired me to join. It isn't everyday I have a chance to talk to someone who has taken it as far as you have and lived to speak about it. I'm glad you shared and I feel for the suffering that came along the way. I wish you a complete recovery.

I'm interested in understanding a little more about some of your experimentation with breathwork and nitrous. You mentioned pranayama earlier. Can you describe this to me in more detail? The reason I'm interested requires a story of my own. Nitrous hasn't gotten me very far until recently. It was compulsive, elusive and not particularly rewarding. Could be because of the nitrous quality issue you brought up, my inexperience using it, because I never valued it particularly it as a tool for exploration or the fear of hypoxia. Tried lots of combos too when I happened to have it laying around (though never acid). Wasn't until recently that I tried combining it with breathwork and nitrous finally opened up new dimensions for me. Specifically, I tried this with rebirthing style breathwork. In case you are unfamiliar, it's similar to holotropic breathwork created by Stan Grof. I do it for a minimum of 30 minutes (I often go an hour or more) of focused intense breathing. It's deceptively simple sounding; the rules are no pauses in the breathing (consciously-connected breathing) and deep, balanced breaths. The balance in the depth and duration of the in- and out- breath is key, otherwise it's more like hyperventilation which is different. I usually lie down when I do this. It's an intense experience in it's own right. Breathing alone can get you crazy high; this kind of breathing induces psychedelic experiences that are more physical than mental. It also brings up all kinds of emotional stuff and should be tried with a facilitator the first few times, in part to get through it, in part to do it properly and in part to help work through some of the stuff that comes up. Now all this is fine and dandy, but I decided to try adding nitrous at the end. So when I'm ready, I sit up, fill a balloon while keeping the breathing going. At this point my entire body is already buzzing, my hands are hard to move, my eyelids feel surreal and I take a balloon and hold it. Crack another while holding it and take another balloon. Normally I can only take one ballon and pennies. Now I can comfortably take two balloons because the deep breathing added to my overall lung capacity. My body is highly oxygenated at this point, I can hold it in for a long time comfortably. Then just when it breaks through a level I begin to feel a slight craving for air like clockwork, and rather than blissing out I ruthlessly start with the breathing again. Trust me, I want to stop and enjoy, and perhaps chase the feeling with another balloon, but after all that work, I want to go deeper. So I go right into another 20 minutes of this. The cool part is that for those twenty minutes the state stays with me to some extent and the breathing takes on a new quality. The nitrous is also clearer and I feel like I can remember it better. I take solace with the work of breathing and dedicate myself to the task with anticipation for the next balloon. I know that the next time I take a balloon hit it'll take me even further and reveal itself with greater clarity. I've gone a maximum of three additional rounds (8 chargers total) before I have to stop and just bliss out. I've had wonderful experiences of great clarity. Not the kind with elves, aliens or supreme beings, but graceful, loving almost-totally-enveloping light and serenity. It stays with me for a while afterwards. I feel like it's safer too (could be wrong) but I don't experience any aftereffects and don't have an urge to take it further than that. Can I go further, absolutely, but there is a trade off between the amount of work involved and the intensity of the experience that keeps my muscle flexed and growing, and nitrous without all the breathwork is but a sad reminder of how good it can get for me. I haven't been doing this very long so I can't say where it will lead, if it's safe or whether I can nurture the discipline to keep at it, but I wanted to get your insights into this fascinating topic through your own experiences. Thanks again and best wishes!

Edit:

P.S: feel the need to add a few more disclaimers since this post is visible to the entire world. I googled rebirthing + nitrous many times and found nothing but it is inconceivable that nobody has tried this. Considering some of the crazy things people are doing it seems safe to me, but I can't underestimate that this is very intense. There is a "vibronic-barrier" you cross through when inhaling nitrous after a rebirthing session, first time I experienced it I exhaled immediately. Then I worked my way up from there. I've had 4 facilitated sessions and about 50 hours of rebirthing breath work without nitrous before attempting this. I found the rebirthing breathwork very powerful on it's own. I've also logged about 1000 hours in the psychedelic headspace, so basically what I'm saying is altered states are not new to me. Rebirthing is an established group of which I have no affiliation. Google is your friend. If others have experience with this I really want to know. Please PM me.
 
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I am going to read this again and post a reply. Really interesting read! It's nice to not feel totally alone. Still, after all these years, I find myself one of the very few sane, mad people on the planet. the rampant ignorance surrounding psychedelics and the difference between psychedelics and hard street drugs is unbelievable in this day and age. I have been ostracized in my community, lost access to my children, and been branded with all forms of insult and degradation, labeled a bad role model, with the interference being that simply the fact that I take drugs makes me a bad parent and bad person. naturally, these kinds of witchhunts go on behind closed doors, and I have never had an opportunity to defend my position or my beliefs on my motivation. I have simply been tried convicted and sentenced, metaphorically burned at the stake by an angry and incensed mob brandishing hypothetical pitchforks.

I see myself as a scientist, a pioneer, a person willing to take the risks that others are too afraid to take, in many cases simply to ascertain the safety [or not] of a specific substance so that others can enjoy the experience without fear of dangerous physiological repercussions. I do not take these substances as a form of escapism or an easy way out of my problems. on the contrary, these experiences tend to force me to have to face the difficulties that I would normally attempt to avoid dealing with.

we are biochemical android. brain chemistry is a reality. I believe that this is our duty to expand our consciousness And to utilize the tools that have been provided for us
to do so. it is ludicrous to assume that altering or expanding our consciousness to chemical manipulation somehow in validatesthat exploration.

If exploring all consciousness to psychedelics is a crime then simply thinking is one of equal magnitudmagnitude, As sold, consciousness, and life itself Is nothing more than a complex ongoing chemical reaction.


It's deeply saddens me that sharing joy Comes with such a socially obscene price tag.
 
Dunno how i missed this thread in the past, amazing story and fantastic writing, raw and powerful in it's depth and honesty, love it.

How are you these days TMP ? how did the search for solutions to the constant neuro pain go ? Has medical science/research made any inroads into your problem in recent years ?

Very glad to see you are still with us.
 
Hi,I was most of the way through a reply when my message self destructed ~ still getting used to my tablet, but a quick recap.thank you for the kind words of support and encouragement.I do have some answers to your w question, but I will compose an offline reply do I don't lose it all again, and will get back to you and the others that I owe a long overdue response to.

Probably the reason you didn't find this until recently is that it's main gusto happened a couple of years ago and my disappearance owing to some personal problem s caused it to fizzle out, but every so often someone gets the ball t rolling again and it starts showing up again.I really want to get it going again the way it was in the beginning and I have a world if new stuff to share, doi will be back soon..

Thanks again to all of you who have helped to keep this thread alive as I feel it's about to get more interesting than it has ever been.

Peace,

Tmp
 
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