Splatt
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2001
- Messages
- 9,112
Drugs:
I have too much experience with all the drugs above. You could say I live in a bit of a scattered world sometimes.
Introduction:
Most of you have probably seen a report by me in the past. My mind has a tendency to go deep, and deep I went into the game of confusion and paranoia the other night, here's the story.
On the 30th July, 2004 I went out to a local nightclub which just upgraded their main dance floor/bar room a bit, and had a few $2 drinks and ingested one pill that was straight from a new batch. They had not been personally tested by me with a kit, but since all the pills from this source are pretty solid 8 and 9's on pillreports.com, I decided I'd test one, and be a guinea pig. Not that I recommend anyone else do this sort of thing. Testing kits save lives. (http://www.bluelight.ru/eztest)
The night wasn't too bad, I got a friend who hadn't been out for a while to come out and he kind of forced himself to have fun, I think it was good for him to get out. But yeah, night wasn't too spectacular. Just for your info, the pill started to come on around 7-10 minutes after ingestion, the pill was mostly swallowed, but was under my tongue for a minute or two. I sensed a bit of MDA charge, and the trippy comedown factor, but all in all, not an amazing pill, but it was enough to make me sit down on a podium and have my eyes roll back into my head being woken up by a security guard laughing. Pretty clean bikkies though.
So I probably went home and smoked a shit load of weed, and stayed up being scattered. Nothing out of the ordinary. Let's skip ahead to the next night, the 31st. We went to Surfers Paradise for a birthday clubbing night out. I hadn't really slept that day, maybe got a bit of that weird MDMA comedown sleep where you don't remember sleeping but an hour or two has gone.
I ingested another one of the same pills that night, got back there a bit but didn't fully peak, which is weird because normally if I have a pill, stay up and have one the next night, it hits me a lot harder, probably because of the sleep deprivation. Anyway, I danced a bit as usual, but it wasn't my kind of music or scene in most clubs we went to. I was kind of having a shitty night. Just boring and felt worn out and tired, I felt I could sleep on the peak. So I did for a second until a bouncer came over to me and made me stand up. Apparently during that time a friend had asked if I was okay as my head was shaking side from side and my eyes were nothing but white and my eye lids were flickering fast. Funny how they only kick drunks out of clubs these days, drugs are okay in clubs apparently, as long as they have those little Rave Safe pamphlets in the toilet no one reads.
Anyway, so the pills were okay, but the second night was a bit of a waste, especially since I had to hock my scales to go out (I promised three different birthday people I'd come out). But by about 2AM I just wanted to have a bong in one hand, and bulbs ready to pass out in a blissful state so I don't have to worry about the body aches and pains. So I walked around every shop still open around the clubs, and finally found a place that sold bulbs, getting the usual smart ass comment, I bought 5 boxes and walked out with a grin on my face. After waiting for the bus for ages, I finally got on it, and some drunk guy sat on me when I was gazing out the window, then apologised. I said "What the fuck?" or something along those lines and a friend of his said, "What are you complaining about pain for, you've got five boxes of whipped cream bulbs in your bag there, you're gonna go home get stoned and suck those fuckers down aren't you?" He then bought two cans of warm, cheap, pre-mixed rum and colas for $12 and 5 cigarettes off some kid in the back seat, bloody alcoholics.
For the people that got bored and want the real deal, here's me going insane.
I finally get back and my flat mate D is still up. He hears my bulbs clank when I enter the door and gets up and says "Bulbs!" as his eyes lit up. It was nearing 5AM and I sucked down a few cones of some very nice hydroponic, but clean nice tasting weed, and then loaded a few bulbs into my bulberator. Ahh, that familiar feeling slowly fading in... Whoahh!! Normally the first bulb doesn't effect me that much, not that I can remember what happened or where I went, but it was pretty intense and I said, "fuuucckk," in a slow, deep nitrous voice.
I gave my friend a few bulbs, he did three in a row and looked like he went pretty far. He was silent while I was walking around the room trying to find something, but his facial expression was pretty nitrous like for a long time. He then said finally after a few minutes, "That was the most intense and paranoid bulb trip I've ever had, I thought there was someone on the other couch looking at me, and I swear L (our other flat mate) was lying down and staring at me too. And I heard you talking to people and they were talking back, like heaps and heaps of people."
We laughed it off and I got stuck into the bulbs again. Now I cannot remember most of the trips, because as soon as I suck one bulb down, I'm normally packing in another one in a race to keep myself in this world. But I do remember quite a few experiences on them during the morning, here are the most memorable.
Trapped in the 2D Geometrical World
I probably had two or three bulbs in a row and I remember not really feeling the effects of the nitrous anymore. Don't doubt the nitrous! A nitrous trip is most intense when it is a surprise, when you kind of just forget you're inhaling it, you're just existing, or totally the opposite. I remember being pretty paranoid of my facial expression, as I knew my flat mate was still in the room, but then I slowly faded into a dark and deep world, where I felt everything as one layer through time and space, two dimensional only, made up of flat, geometrical patterns and fractals. It can't be explained as two dimensional really, that's just what it looked like, the atmosphere was completely different, and I knew a revelation or something big was coming.
Insight to a Friends Workings
I have known my flat mate D ever since we were kids, before kindergarten. We were born six or so hours apart and in the same hospital. He had a couple more bulbs, then went into complete paralysis just staring at a wall, I knew we was somewhere deep but I wanted him to finish his trip before interrupting him (I often get paranoid of people around me losing it on drugs, it's a fear of mine, I start to blame myself and shit). After a minute he snapped out of it and just said, "That's fucked." in a weird, but mellow voice. I asked what he was talking about and he told me basically what seemed like ego loss or something pretty close, he had been taking pills all weekend.
He explained to me that basically he was at a place where he didn't know who he was anymore, or what he was doing, and he thought he was a non-existent being. He said it was fucked that it went away so quickly as he loved being there. A place where he didn't exist, or have to deal with anything or life. Be buried but not be aware of it. I was in a bulb trip while he explained it and I listened and felt what he said as pretty deep, just in the way he said it, the tone of voice and facial expressions. I told him I have felt the same before, but he quickly snapped out of his mood and asked for one more. I've never really had a D & M with D except for a couple of times. He's someone who likes to be seen as outgoing and a party animal, but it's more of an act. I feel he is masking his true self most of the time. He finished his bulb and then lit a cigarette. As he was smoking, I was in a pretty intense bulb trip, and I remember coming to out of this world, breathing heavily and loudly, I wondered if I had been doing that uncontrollably in the past couple of minutes, from the comments and facial expressions from my flat mate after I realised I existed, it would seem so.
The Matrix Had Me
Yeah I know I should stay away from Matrix related material whilst in such a state, but I thought it'd be good for some background noise if anything. I had only seen Matrix Reloaded once before, so I chucked it on. I accidentally put on the last SVCD though, so it wasn't on for long, but enough to completely shatter me. Now The SVCD was broken somehow, probably stepped on, so I'll have to check this out when I can get a copy again. But I still don't know whether the sound was supposed to be so fucked up! I remember everything coming from the TV as a blurred, pitch-changing, fast paced screeching, terrible noise that altered my trips severely. I quickly entered a place I had been before, but not this intense. This was one of those "intense" bulb trips you get every now and then. I remember all these weird sounds, and some weird soundtrack style music playing, coming from the Matrix, were in perfect synchronicity with my clumsy hand trying to screw a bulb in while there's still one in my lungs.
Every miss, drop, clink and clank of that little cylinder blended in perfectly with the sound. I kept doubting I was in complete control of this all, but it kept getting weirder. Even when I thought I had the bulb finally screwed in, there was this victory/triumph music but as soon as I realized I had tried screwing it into the part you inhale from, the music faded back to "danger music." When I finally got the bulb in I heard that familiar, ever-so-pleasant sound of nitrous oxide filling the bulb machine. I sucked down the bulb and my God-like existence continued from the last trip. I remember having complete understanding of all, and knowing, without any doubt at all, I was God of all, and the only powerful existence in this universe. I remember testing my Godly skills by using my energies to stop a mugging in Sydney and a conflict in Iraq, since no other so called "Gods" do that sort of thing.
The sounds from the TV once again were starting to be recognized as sounds by me, not just everything being one big sense and existence. I asked my flat mate is the sound supposed to be so fucked-up sounding, because it was really driving me crazy. He shrugged and said, "Yes," then followed it with a, "No" two seconds later, I didn't know what to believe and I started getting really worried. Then the intensity came back into the equation, even a minute after inhaling my bulb. I started to feel really insane and I jumped up and panicked. I walked to the kitchen and stared at my lifeless face in the reflection on the window, it was not me. It started getting more and more intense and I was worrying. After a few minutes I talked myself out of it and continued having bulbs of course and got even more insane.
THE Bulb ?
Okay so my flat mates gone to bed, and I'm lying on the couch finishing off my bulbs. I had some very intense, and confusing moments, and moments of pure understanding. None of them are easy to explain, and with nitrous you tend to forget a lot of details, till you have the next bulb, then there's another thing to learn if you remember it afterwards. What I don't understand on bulbs is, even if you have a really fucked up experience, chances are you're going to pick it back up in a few minutes to try and solve the mystery or try to get back there even if it is dark and deep.
Anyway, so I remember some details of this one trip, and it is pretty fucking intense, I won't even start to comprehend most of it or even remember 90% of it. Some times when I have a bulb, I get these waves come over me on the come up, when I exhale and I always think my head is moving to the famous nitrous" wah-wah-wah-WAH-WAH-WAH-wah-wah" sound. Anyway I remember everything, no matter what came into my head, was slowed down to a point where I thought living my life for one minute would be an eternity. These waves came over me detailed and were very complex. I could see them in green and red pixels while my eyes were closed and they quickly turned into all sorts of patterns and shapes and maps my mind tried to make sense of and relate to things. I had the feeling of understanding all once again, and for a short time knew I was God once again. Just the first few seconds of this trip had lasted what seemed like hours already. It was intense and scary. The noise was getting louder and louder and I remember getting very paranoid about stupid things. I had another bulb (survival instinct) and was propelled into another dimension unprepared once again. I love these surprise bulb trips, once every while where it just hits you really hard and you cease to exist basically.
Bubble Bobble Insanity
This world was complete insanity, for some reason a song came on the stereo, I must have been lying on a remote, and a techno remix of the game Bubble Bobble came on, mostly original techy, beepy sound from those days, backed with a beat and some weird effects. I had no idea it was supposed to be there and I thought I had completely lost the plot. I then gained an extra sense of feeling that I can only describe as insanity. It was total confusion and paranoia, of everything. Simple thoughts took a life time to think and were spawned off into every possible train of thought. I began to worry again then got up to smoke a cone. Yes, that will calm me. The smoke did on the addiction level, but that’s about it.
The Last Bulb is Always a Killer
After cleaning up a bit and coming down a bit from the insanity, I found five un-punched bulbs, I took them upstairs to my room with the bulberator and thought I could use these to pass out. I had two in a row then entered a world I really cannot remember and if I did it would be impossible to remember, but as I came to I noticed my body was uncontrollably shaking. This was not good and scared me and made the remaining nitrous high more intense, even though I had it a few minutes ago. Bulbs were starting to last longer. I sucked down another two and had the most intense fucking bulb of my life.
I remember slowly going back to the place, then I fear something, and everyone knows paranoia makes drugs more intense. I instantly get hit with it all. Every single bulb trip, location, theme, thought I had ever had whilst on nitrous flashed before me simultaneously. I was unable to process it all but I could recall any experience and had instant memory access to that particular event. Time wasn't just slow, it didn't exist or matter. I had some amazing personal revelations and had some very crazy thought patterns and visuals of mostly mind maps and patterns and fractals. But here's the weird part. I came to and my head was spazzing out on a pillow and I could hardly breathe. I had just forgot to, and I felt the emergency frequency my body sent out about the breathing difficulties circulate my world. It was like a flickering, staticy television reception over my vision, like I was about to short out, everything running in delayed frames. After I realised I was starting to come down I stopped breathing so heavily but looked down and saw a body that was not mine. And it was moving uncontrollable, and not in a pleasant way. I couldn't feel my body but it was looking like it was having some sort of seizure and I could not move at all. It was a pretty fucked up experience and scared me a lot.
I lay in bed for another ten minutes as the bulb fully wore off. When I felt a strange tingling and it came back at full force. The walls started moving and forming dimensions that are unfamiliar, the whole room started shaking and I felt my vision go all jittery, but not like eye wobbles, like layers of my vision were swaying left to right, but not smoothly. I felt nothing but a rubbery weird sensation as my jaw shook uncontrollably. After a few minutes I came down a bit and wondered what the fuck is going on. Each time I worried the bulb came back and this happened for about an hour. It was getting really scattered and I thought I had crossed the barrier and was now schizophrenic. No more games this is the real deal, everything is total confusion and I feel like I'm on a different angle than I should be, the world around me looks changed and looks like something I could not adjust to. I can't really explain the feelings I got but I was really, really insane. Not just tripping. After a while I must have managed to fall asleep.
The Aftermath
I woke up around nine hours later still pretty scattered and having forced thoughts. Smoking weed only made it worse. I'm still feeling slightly scattered today (2nd Aug, 2004) but nothing I am not used to. Time to really take a break from MDMA, and nitrous. Bulbs have much potential but fuck they piss me off. You get so far and then come back. Ketamine must be a total tease like this too, making it addictive that way.
Anyway, sorry it's not as detailed and exciting as usual, but I just wanted to write this out, so I have it as a memory even though it was complete confusion. It will serve as a warning that repeated use of a substance can cause some pretty warped effects. I just wish I could put it all into words properly, I doubt I will ever be able to.
- 2 x MDMA + Possible MDA/MDXX Pills (sold as White "Kamikazis" or "Happiness", a Chinese charatcer) over two nights
- Probably lots of cannabis
- Around 40 bulbs of nitrous oxide
I have too much experience with all the drugs above. You could say I live in a bit of a scattered world sometimes.
Introduction:
Most of you have probably seen a report by me in the past. My mind has a tendency to go deep, and deep I went into the game of confusion and paranoia the other night, here's the story.
On the 30th July, 2004 I went out to a local nightclub which just upgraded their main dance floor/bar room a bit, and had a few $2 drinks and ingested one pill that was straight from a new batch. They had not been personally tested by me with a kit, but since all the pills from this source are pretty solid 8 and 9's on pillreports.com, I decided I'd test one, and be a guinea pig. Not that I recommend anyone else do this sort of thing. Testing kits save lives. (http://www.bluelight.ru/eztest)
The night wasn't too bad, I got a friend who hadn't been out for a while to come out and he kind of forced himself to have fun, I think it was good for him to get out. But yeah, night wasn't too spectacular. Just for your info, the pill started to come on around 7-10 minutes after ingestion, the pill was mostly swallowed, but was under my tongue for a minute or two. I sensed a bit of MDA charge, and the trippy comedown factor, but all in all, not an amazing pill, but it was enough to make me sit down on a podium and have my eyes roll back into my head being woken up by a security guard laughing. Pretty clean bikkies though.
So I probably went home and smoked a shit load of weed, and stayed up being scattered. Nothing out of the ordinary. Let's skip ahead to the next night, the 31st. We went to Surfers Paradise for a birthday clubbing night out. I hadn't really slept that day, maybe got a bit of that weird MDMA comedown sleep where you don't remember sleeping but an hour or two has gone.
I ingested another one of the same pills that night, got back there a bit but didn't fully peak, which is weird because normally if I have a pill, stay up and have one the next night, it hits me a lot harder, probably because of the sleep deprivation. Anyway, I danced a bit as usual, but it wasn't my kind of music or scene in most clubs we went to. I was kind of having a shitty night. Just boring and felt worn out and tired, I felt I could sleep on the peak. So I did for a second until a bouncer came over to me and made me stand up. Apparently during that time a friend had asked if I was okay as my head was shaking side from side and my eyes were nothing but white and my eye lids were flickering fast. Funny how they only kick drunks out of clubs these days, drugs are okay in clubs apparently, as long as they have those little Rave Safe pamphlets in the toilet no one reads.
Anyway, so the pills were okay, but the second night was a bit of a waste, especially since I had to hock my scales to go out (I promised three different birthday people I'd come out). But by about 2AM I just wanted to have a bong in one hand, and bulbs ready to pass out in a blissful state so I don't have to worry about the body aches and pains. So I walked around every shop still open around the clubs, and finally found a place that sold bulbs, getting the usual smart ass comment, I bought 5 boxes and walked out with a grin on my face. After waiting for the bus for ages, I finally got on it, and some drunk guy sat on me when I was gazing out the window, then apologised. I said "What the fuck?" or something along those lines and a friend of his said, "What are you complaining about pain for, you've got five boxes of whipped cream bulbs in your bag there, you're gonna go home get stoned and suck those fuckers down aren't you?" He then bought two cans of warm, cheap, pre-mixed rum and colas for $12 and 5 cigarettes off some kid in the back seat, bloody alcoholics.
For the people that got bored and want the real deal, here's me going insane.
I finally get back and my flat mate D is still up. He hears my bulbs clank when I enter the door and gets up and says "Bulbs!" as his eyes lit up. It was nearing 5AM and I sucked down a few cones of some very nice hydroponic, but clean nice tasting weed, and then loaded a few bulbs into my bulberator. Ahh, that familiar feeling slowly fading in... Whoahh!! Normally the first bulb doesn't effect me that much, not that I can remember what happened or where I went, but it was pretty intense and I said, "fuuucckk," in a slow, deep nitrous voice.
I gave my friend a few bulbs, he did three in a row and looked like he went pretty far. He was silent while I was walking around the room trying to find something, but his facial expression was pretty nitrous like for a long time. He then said finally after a few minutes, "That was the most intense and paranoid bulb trip I've ever had, I thought there was someone on the other couch looking at me, and I swear L (our other flat mate) was lying down and staring at me too. And I heard you talking to people and they were talking back, like heaps and heaps of people."
We laughed it off and I got stuck into the bulbs again. Now I cannot remember most of the trips, because as soon as I suck one bulb down, I'm normally packing in another one in a race to keep myself in this world. But I do remember quite a few experiences on them during the morning, here are the most memorable.
Trapped in the 2D Geometrical World
I probably had two or three bulbs in a row and I remember not really feeling the effects of the nitrous anymore. Don't doubt the nitrous! A nitrous trip is most intense when it is a surprise, when you kind of just forget you're inhaling it, you're just existing, or totally the opposite. I remember being pretty paranoid of my facial expression, as I knew my flat mate was still in the room, but then I slowly faded into a dark and deep world, where I felt everything as one layer through time and space, two dimensional only, made up of flat, geometrical patterns and fractals. It can't be explained as two dimensional really, that's just what it looked like, the atmosphere was completely different, and I knew a revelation or something big was coming.
Insight to a Friends Workings
I have known my flat mate D ever since we were kids, before kindergarten. We were born six or so hours apart and in the same hospital. He had a couple more bulbs, then went into complete paralysis just staring at a wall, I knew we was somewhere deep but I wanted him to finish his trip before interrupting him (I often get paranoid of people around me losing it on drugs, it's a fear of mine, I start to blame myself and shit). After a minute he snapped out of it and just said, "That's fucked." in a weird, but mellow voice. I asked what he was talking about and he told me basically what seemed like ego loss or something pretty close, he had been taking pills all weekend.
He explained to me that basically he was at a place where he didn't know who he was anymore, or what he was doing, and he thought he was a non-existent being. He said it was fucked that it went away so quickly as he loved being there. A place where he didn't exist, or have to deal with anything or life. Be buried but not be aware of it. I was in a bulb trip while he explained it and I listened and felt what he said as pretty deep, just in the way he said it, the tone of voice and facial expressions. I told him I have felt the same before, but he quickly snapped out of his mood and asked for one more. I've never really had a D & M with D except for a couple of times. He's someone who likes to be seen as outgoing and a party animal, but it's more of an act. I feel he is masking his true self most of the time. He finished his bulb and then lit a cigarette. As he was smoking, I was in a pretty intense bulb trip, and I remember coming to out of this world, breathing heavily and loudly, I wondered if I had been doing that uncontrollably in the past couple of minutes, from the comments and facial expressions from my flat mate after I realised I existed, it would seem so.
The Matrix Had Me
Yeah I know I should stay away from Matrix related material whilst in such a state, but I thought it'd be good for some background noise if anything. I had only seen Matrix Reloaded once before, so I chucked it on. I accidentally put on the last SVCD though, so it wasn't on for long, but enough to completely shatter me. Now The SVCD was broken somehow, probably stepped on, so I'll have to check this out when I can get a copy again. But I still don't know whether the sound was supposed to be so fucked up! I remember everything coming from the TV as a blurred, pitch-changing, fast paced screeching, terrible noise that altered my trips severely. I quickly entered a place I had been before, but not this intense. This was one of those "intense" bulb trips you get every now and then. I remember all these weird sounds, and some weird soundtrack style music playing, coming from the Matrix, were in perfect synchronicity with my clumsy hand trying to screw a bulb in while there's still one in my lungs.
Every miss, drop, clink and clank of that little cylinder blended in perfectly with the sound. I kept doubting I was in complete control of this all, but it kept getting weirder. Even when I thought I had the bulb finally screwed in, there was this victory/triumph music but as soon as I realized I had tried screwing it into the part you inhale from, the music faded back to "danger music." When I finally got the bulb in I heard that familiar, ever-so-pleasant sound of nitrous oxide filling the bulb machine. I sucked down the bulb and my God-like existence continued from the last trip. I remember having complete understanding of all, and knowing, without any doubt at all, I was God of all, and the only powerful existence in this universe. I remember testing my Godly skills by using my energies to stop a mugging in Sydney and a conflict in Iraq, since no other so called "Gods" do that sort of thing.
The sounds from the TV once again were starting to be recognized as sounds by me, not just everything being one big sense and existence. I asked my flat mate is the sound supposed to be so fucked-up sounding, because it was really driving me crazy. He shrugged and said, "Yes," then followed it with a, "No" two seconds later, I didn't know what to believe and I started getting really worried. Then the intensity came back into the equation, even a minute after inhaling my bulb. I started to feel really insane and I jumped up and panicked. I walked to the kitchen and stared at my lifeless face in the reflection on the window, it was not me. It started getting more and more intense and I was worrying. After a few minutes I talked myself out of it and continued having bulbs of course and got even more insane.
THE Bulb ?
Okay so my flat mates gone to bed, and I'm lying on the couch finishing off my bulbs. I had some very intense, and confusing moments, and moments of pure understanding. None of them are easy to explain, and with nitrous you tend to forget a lot of details, till you have the next bulb, then there's another thing to learn if you remember it afterwards. What I don't understand on bulbs is, even if you have a really fucked up experience, chances are you're going to pick it back up in a few minutes to try and solve the mystery or try to get back there even if it is dark and deep.
Anyway, so I remember some details of this one trip, and it is pretty fucking intense, I won't even start to comprehend most of it or even remember 90% of it. Some times when I have a bulb, I get these waves come over me on the come up, when I exhale and I always think my head is moving to the famous nitrous" wah-wah-wah-WAH-WAH-WAH-wah-wah" sound. Anyway I remember everything, no matter what came into my head, was slowed down to a point where I thought living my life for one minute would be an eternity. These waves came over me detailed and were very complex. I could see them in green and red pixels while my eyes were closed and they quickly turned into all sorts of patterns and shapes and maps my mind tried to make sense of and relate to things. I had the feeling of understanding all once again, and for a short time knew I was God once again. Just the first few seconds of this trip had lasted what seemed like hours already. It was intense and scary. The noise was getting louder and louder and I remember getting very paranoid about stupid things. I had another bulb (survival instinct) and was propelled into another dimension unprepared once again. I love these surprise bulb trips, once every while where it just hits you really hard and you cease to exist basically.
Bubble Bobble Insanity
This world was complete insanity, for some reason a song came on the stereo, I must have been lying on a remote, and a techno remix of the game Bubble Bobble came on, mostly original techy, beepy sound from those days, backed with a beat and some weird effects. I had no idea it was supposed to be there and I thought I had completely lost the plot. I then gained an extra sense of feeling that I can only describe as insanity. It was total confusion and paranoia, of everything. Simple thoughts took a life time to think and were spawned off into every possible train of thought. I began to worry again then got up to smoke a cone. Yes, that will calm me. The smoke did on the addiction level, but that’s about it.
The Last Bulb is Always a Killer
After cleaning up a bit and coming down a bit from the insanity, I found five un-punched bulbs, I took them upstairs to my room with the bulberator and thought I could use these to pass out. I had two in a row then entered a world I really cannot remember and if I did it would be impossible to remember, but as I came to I noticed my body was uncontrollably shaking. This was not good and scared me and made the remaining nitrous high more intense, even though I had it a few minutes ago. Bulbs were starting to last longer. I sucked down another two and had the most intense fucking bulb of my life.
I remember slowly going back to the place, then I fear something, and everyone knows paranoia makes drugs more intense. I instantly get hit with it all. Every single bulb trip, location, theme, thought I had ever had whilst on nitrous flashed before me simultaneously. I was unable to process it all but I could recall any experience and had instant memory access to that particular event. Time wasn't just slow, it didn't exist or matter. I had some amazing personal revelations and had some very crazy thought patterns and visuals of mostly mind maps and patterns and fractals. But here's the weird part. I came to and my head was spazzing out on a pillow and I could hardly breathe. I had just forgot to, and I felt the emergency frequency my body sent out about the breathing difficulties circulate my world. It was like a flickering, staticy television reception over my vision, like I was about to short out, everything running in delayed frames. After I realised I was starting to come down I stopped breathing so heavily but looked down and saw a body that was not mine. And it was moving uncontrollable, and not in a pleasant way. I couldn't feel my body but it was looking like it was having some sort of seizure and I could not move at all. It was a pretty fucked up experience and scared me a lot.
I lay in bed for another ten minutes as the bulb fully wore off. When I felt a strange tingling and it came back at full force. The walls started moving and forming dimensions that are unfamiliar, the whole room started shaking and I felt my vision go all jittery, but not like eye wobbles, like layers of my vision were swaying left to right, but not smoothly. I felt nothing but a rubbery weird sensation as my jaw shook uncontrollably. After a few minutes I came down a bit and wondered what the fuck is going on. Each time I worried the bulb came back and this happened for about an hour. It was getting really scattered and I thought I had crossed the barrier and was now schizophrenic. No more games this is the real deal, everything is total confusion and I feel like I'm on a different angle than I should be, the world around me looks changed and looks like something I could not adjust to. I can't really explain the feelings I got but I was really, really insane. Not just tripping. After a while I must have managed to fall asleep.
The Aftermath
I woke up around nine hours later still pretty scattered and having forced thoughts. Smoking weed only made it worse. I'm still feeling slightly scattered today (2nd Aug, 2004) but nothing I am not used to. Time to really take a break from MDMA, and nitrous. Bulbs have much potential but fuck they piss me off. You get so far and then come back. Ketamine must be a total tease like this too, making it addictive that way.
Anyway, sorry it's not as detailed and exciting as usual, but I just wanted to write this out, so I have it as a memory even though it was complete confusion. It will serve as a warning that repeated use of a substance can cause some pretty warped effects. I just wish I could put it all into words properly, I doubt I will ever be able to.
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But yeah, I'll go for a simple check up and blood test.. Just I am running if I hear surgery. 
