Nice to be back

[Jnk]

Long time no talk. Life has been one challenge after the other. Lost the Baby, lost my brother in law and sister - cancer- brother, then sis thought she was having a panic attack and it was actually a heart attack, massive heart attack. Just lost mom 30 days ago. Was so depressed I could not move without feeling like I was in cold molasses. My Arthritis is KICKING MY ASS so I saw my Doc, im back on everything, hydrocodone / carisprodol and alprazolam. It has been controlled to a point. No smoking, no drinking, just hard work and doing as one should. Im finding myself getting ahead of schedule again and looking online to fill gaps. Just afraid to get ripped off. I really appreciate this site. I just sat and read the rules as to not make any foolish statements or break any rules.

Folks I cant sleep.... me and my mom were SO close, I cant even describe it in words. I have had 6 hours of light sleep since sunday, it is 3:45 am here, looking at taking another pile of carisprodol and alprazolam hoping for some rest. I dont come here to dump a bunch of heavy crap on you guys. its just nice to have some folks to reach out and talk to. As far as not getting clean, I quit drinking in 2012 and have one drink on thanksgiving 2 years ago and it made me feel like crap so I am sticking to my prescribed medications, strictly. I will not be smoking or drinking, kicked that and am SOOO glad I did. At this point, we have been told for this reason or that... they really dont know... that we cant have kids, so I volunteer and adopt homeless animals and they are my kids. And have helped me through the tremendous amount of loss I have sustained in a major way. I think a lot of times the animals are more appreciative and sincere than humans are. Im becoming the crazy cat dude.... LOL but hey, i love them and they are a constant source of great company, love and even much comic relief. I hope all you folks are doing well and done mind if I come back and hang out a bit.
JNK

 

[Jnk]

When it says No Pill Identifications

Does that mean its against the rules to state the chemical names of my legally prescribed RX? Like Alprazolam for instance? Im not trying to argue, I dont want to break any rules. Thank you!

 

[herbavore]

Hey Jnk--welcome back. No problem with talking about what medications you are on--legal or not. "No pill identification" refers to posting pictures or written descriptions of pills and then asking what they are.

I am so very sorry about your mom, not to mention all the other loss you have suffered. I, too, am extremely close to my mother and cannot even begin to imagine life without her presence on the planet. Huge losses such as these unfold over time and my best advice is to simply lose yourself to whatever depths your emotions pull you to--even if it feels like you are drowning. The truth is that love contains loss. I have learned to take comfort from the very depth of my grief over my dead son because it speaks to the love we shared. I know that this raw pain (30 days is still in the shock arena) feels unbearable but if you simply let it come in waves and let it go the same way, it is easier to bear than if you try to escape it or deny it in any way.

I take a lot of happiness from my cats. Poetry also helped as did getting out in nature where our short lifespans are put into perspective in a healing way. Do things for yourself and don't feel selfish about it. If you ask me, making abandoned animals lives better--and your own through doing so--is a very honorable and meaningful way to live. It's one of my favorite things about the Bluelight community--there are quite a few of us dedicated to our non-human family and friends!

PM me any time you need some extra support for your grief. I feel like I have learned a lot from my own and am happy to share.

 

[Jnk]

Thanks Herbavore!
Just railed a couple Alprazolam tabs to get that relief in my head. Sitting here jamming some HULU with my cat, hoping to crash out soon. I am sorry for your loss as well, it is tough and you are dead on about the waves, some of them are extremely intense!!!

Yea, my cat cracks me up man, he is only about 3 years old and does all kinds of entertaining things and i swear he knows when I am down because he will find me and he does this thing where he rubs up against me and purrs real hard and like, winks at me, no, im not that high, this is for real, then he sits in my lap and looks up at me. I got him from a shelter and I think he just appreciates me for getting him out of there. he was in there for 7 months... no way to love for such a fantastic cat with such a loving personality.

Im going to nodd out and Ill PM you sometime soon.
Thanks for reaching out to me. I appreciate it.
JNK

 

[Stargazer]

Hey Jnk...after reading your post, my first feeling is to send you a huge hug. You have been through a lot....I cannot think of anything profound to say. But, please keep coming back. Many here relate well with your feelings.